Sonder

he/him • 19 • i write sometimes

[pookie0510]

What felt like a fleeting moment to you turned into a cherished memory to me.

[pookie0510]

Strip me of my emotions,

void me of my pain,

purge me of my hate.

And as I start crumbling,

would you hold me?

As I start scattering,

would you chase after me?

As the light starts to dim in my eyes,

would you share yours?

Even in my ashen, hollowed state,

I’d wait, and wait—

cold and withered,

echoing your name.

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You are akin to a butterfly,

Beautiful and free.

I know not to hold you captive

Or weigh down your wings.

But among all the flowers in your field,

I want to be your favourite one.

Not to bind you, only to shelter you,

To be a place where you can be you

Without fear or worry.

I don’t need to outshine the rest,

Or bloom louder to be seen.

I only wish to be chosen

To be the dandelion in your field of roses.

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To me, stories live more vividly in people than in books.

Every new connection creates a canvas in my mind.

It feels comforting to read someone like a living mystery,

a slow thriller,

connecting dots as habits begin to make sense

as fragments of the past reveal how they were shaped.

But your canvas was different.

Mesmerising from the very start.

It felt ethereal.

It felt intriguing.

And as I filled it,

it didn’t complete itself.

It expanded.

So how could I not be drawn in?

How could I not chase my curiosity,

as you were, to me,

The most beautiful canvas I had ever seen.

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I wish I could tell you

you don’t have to run—

that closeness won’t hold you captive,

that my love isn’t a contract,

that staying wouldn’t hinder your growth.

I wouldn’t ask you

to promise anything,

or to choose.

I would be with you

unconditionally—

asking nothing, only offering.

But some truths cannot be given;

they have to be discovered.

And by the time you learn

that safety doesn’t cage,

that connection doesn’t cost you yourself,

I may already be gone.

Not because I didn’t care,

but because waiting

was slowly teaching me

how to disappear.

[pookie0510]

When I am with you

My mind goes blank.

Countless imagined thoughts and careful scenarios vanish.

I forget my words.

I forget how to hold your gaze.

And though my eyes may wander,

everything I see is still you.

All my layers fall away.

Every version of myself I ever wore disappears.

When I am with you,

I find the real me.

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In silence, I sit alone—

nothing but the thought of you.

How can a memory be so vivid?

A smile so beautiful,

a voice so enchanting?

And yet, why does my heart still ache

when even a whisper of you echoes through my mind?

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If I could turn back time,

Would I change my actions?

Would I try to tangle our threads again?

Maybe the lesson I needed

Was that some threads unravel

No matter how tightly you hold them.

How could a thread of sisal

Forget the embrace of silk?

I do not resent you.

Maybe it was only a borrowed dream—

But still,

Thank you

For showing me a dream so sweet

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You handed me a glass,

and I saw the ocean in it.

Since then, even a drop feels holy.

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The effort behind my actions,

The thought beneath my words,

The intent within my gaze,

The care woven into what i wear,

The drift that carries my emotions,

The meaning folded in my silence—

Do you notice them at all?

[pookie0510]

If You Were the Sun

If you were the sun, I would still fly to you,

even if it meant burning my wings.

For I needed wings molded by fire

that will now endure even the hottest of flames.

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I think I’ve learned

That to have you,

I must change who I am.

The question isn’t whether I’m willing —

It’s whether the new me

Will love you the same as I do now.

[pookie0510]

You are the first thought before the morning sky,

The final interlude before I drift to sleep.

How do I return to silence now,

When in your fleeting presence

I’ve felt more than I have in all my years?

[pookie0510]

Let Me Be Yours

How do you make a man who’s never cried

Cry a river?

How do you make a man who’s had everything

Feel an emptiness so vast?

How do you make a man who lifts others high

Drown quietly in his own heart?

I ache to hear your voice,

To hold your hands,

To weep until the water carries your name.

I want to be yours.

I need to be yours.

Please—

let me be yours.

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How can I expect the echoes of my silent screams to reach you,

when even my loudest confessions of love could not?

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Endless, relentless, restless, depthless

Such is my devotion for you.

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How do I distance myself

When you envelope every empty thought?

How do I distance myself

When I unknowingly search for you in every face?

How do I distance myself

When your memories spill across my mind?

How do I distance myself

When your scent lingers in the air I breathe?

I know you are the result of my delusion,

The fruit of projection —

A lucid dream.

But how do I turn away

From a dream so sweet?