occasionally subtle
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Peter Solarz

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JVL

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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

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@post5150
I pan handled from the end of 2017 to the middle of 2018 and here 10 of my notes
1. The Midwest has the most caring racists. The amount of sleeping bags and hot chocolate was surprising and heartwarming, the amount of racism was alarming.
2. People love to give you stuff in Las Vegas
3. Christians love to record themselves giving you a water bottle or a slice of pizza. This is a trap they are going to talk to you about god, and yes some (all) think you are homeless because you are a sinner
4. Most teenaged panhandlers look older than they are (dirty, stressed). Remember they're kids. Most aren't drug addicts. Most are abused for one thing or another. Most of the time it's for being queer.
5. Dont trust RV people ever
6. Dont sleep anywhere where you won't hear people coming and wake up. Trash, sticks, whatever makes noise when people rustle through it. Car camping is so much better.
7. Cops aren't people, they're some strange demon sent to fool you with riddles and drag you away. Treat them like the Fae
8. No one gives handouts in the Northeast
9. No one calls 911 if a homeless person is ODing in California
10. Humanity is so much more about love and connectedness than any of us can understand. Sometimes you have to take advantage of that to eat.
why homelessness exists
In the absence of systemic/institutional support, access to resources only exists through financial and/or social support.
This is why access to healthcare varies county to county and state to state in the US. This is why homelessness exists in most developed countries but is relatively low in Japan and Denmark.
I think I'm exhausted to the point of tears, but I'd take this physical exhaustion any day over what I've been through in the past year.
I think i need to take an official allergy test. My nose and mouth feel a little itchy again. Maybe it's just from digging around in my storage unit?
Drifting off
Refused to give up their prescription medications that staff would have taken to prevent "med sharing" (which is super rare).
Couldn't make it back to the shelter by lights out because they have a job that goes past 8pm
Shelter is tied to a religious institution that mandated specific prayer and weekly church services in exchange for a bunk. Not everyone can lie or violate their own religious beliefs for a cot for the night.
Got yelled at or abused by staff
Has medical/injury or accessibility needs that the shelter can't or refuses to provide or accommodate for.
With medi-cal, I switched to a new outpatient clinic. Everything cool so far. But then the clinic has a policy to not prescribe "controlled substances" and Kaiser wants me to have therapy+psychiatry in one place. And my new therapist is great. So i agreed to switch to qelbree instead of concerta. I go to pick it up with my other meds today. No email. No text updates. I get to the window and they said I need to contact my doctor because medi-cal wants me to try an "approved med" first, even though ive already used strattera in the past and it didn't help and made me sick even when i ate.
so i just got quoted $479 for qelbree and have zero adhd meds despite rushing to sort this out on wednesday and submitting the order on friday because staff didn't tell my dr or therapist about the note i left on Wednesday.
any advice?
What I want for Pride Month
so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god
okay so i just got my dream job??? a week after applying to it?? and now i’m thinking….maybe this is the good luck post
…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment
likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post
i need all the help i can get for finals
Hey so
the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like.
So you know.
This might be the real one, y’all.
I could use some luck
still homeless, but got a form filled out by my doctor that will help me get housing sooner. Fingers crossed and turning it in on Monday!
How to pirate media and software:
https://reddit.com/r/Piracy/w/megathread
How to pirate a gender:
https://www.reddit.com/r/TransDIY/
https://diyhrt.market/
Fans of The Amazing Digital Circus who are also fans of SOMA... are we all thinking the same thing after episode 7?
okay what's my prize?
Feel v confused and discombobulated by the realization that lifelong chronic loneliness and touch starvation have negatively impacted my mental health.
But i live at a shelter and can't host others for even a cuddle sesh????? I'll try to veg out for now. I'm literally dying for physical affection.
Just hoping for such a thing puts me in a tailspin. I don't think I can be functional enough for daily life without even a hug in the morning.
I don't know how long I'll be this needy, but it's incredibly severe now. There's so much I'd sacrifice if I were guaranteed to wake up next to someone I love. I'd give 20 years of my life for just 5 years of that starting immediately.
i'm feeling better! i was just having a comedown after being able to cuddle with my friend consistently for the first time in forever lol. i'm doing therapy twice a week again, and hopefully start peer support again soon.
i'm getting better at replying to messages, and that helps too: i might meet up next week with others from the partial hospitalization program (php) i was in. fingers crossed!
shelter friend
i have a new neighbor in the top bunk next to mine. i gave her a bottle of water as a welcome gift, and she has kept giving me snacks since then. she talks to herself at night and usually seems stressed about it. so i've asked her in a quiet voice "hey, what's up, [name]?" and she usually says something i can't understand but relaxes after.
when i was getting ready for bed last night, i saw her stare at me a few times. i was just braiding my hair, etc. when i caught her looking i smiled at her and only asked "what's up?" the first time. i noticed she closed her eyes quickly and pretended to sleep the first few times, so i let her be to not let her feel uncomfortable and hummed very quietly (the vibration in my chest helps me with the 24/7 baseline anxiety and tension, so i hum and sing quietly throughout the day this morning, we had our first conversation in a few days. she offered me a bagel at first, but declined after realizing she bought it with her own money (we often get donations from other places) and i'm not sure how her budget is going. so then she held up this wafer cookie snack that was individually wrapped and i gladly accepted it (long shelf-life and usually costs less per serving than a bagel). i haven't been able to offer as much for her while i figure out my budget with the gas prices and starting summer classes soon, and she has difficulty chewing most things at the moment. so i just feel grateful to her right now. she reminded me that even when i don't know what to give back, she's willing to give something to me. maybe just being happy to see someone and see them relaxed is all they need sometimes? maybe my presence actually is enough? and i don't have to overthink so much?
Feel v confused and discombobulated by the realization that lifelong chronic loneliness and touch starvation have negatively impacted my mental health.
But i live at a shelter and can't host others for even a cuddle sesh????? I'll try to veg out for now. I'm literally dying for physical affection.
Just hoping for such a thing puts me in a tailspin. I don't think I can be functional enough for daily life without even a hug in the morning.
I don't know how long I'll be this needy, but it's incredibly severe now. There's so much I'd sacrifice if I were guaranteed to wake up next to someone I love. I'd give 20 years of my life for just 5 years of that starting immediately.
Everywhere I go I'm reminded how much the desire to punish homelessness and migration and other Undesirablenesses make society markedly worse for everyone
like why is the park locked after 5pm so I can't go and sit under a tree after work? to punish rough sleepers for the terrible crime of being homeless and alive
why do I have to buy a drink, beg for a code and fuck around with an awkward keypad for 5 minutes in order to take a piss? because fuck homeless people
why do I need to provide proof of address and photo ID to do everything? because we had to create a really hostile environment for migrants
why can't you sit anywhere? well because god forbid people sleep when they're pushed out of shelter. can't risk that.
every day governments, councils and businesses make your life worse as a side effect of making vulnerable people's lives WAY worse. if you're ok with that you're a fucking idiot and if you're in favour of it you're a vindictive cunt cause again literally the ONLY payoff for your life getting worse is other people's lives getting worser.
@this-is-anti-homeless
There have been a ton of screaming matches in the women's dorm at the shelter this week. I was able to laugh about it after spending some time at a friend's home before returning here today. It felt like walking into a Hey Arnold episode with how each person is handling the vibe:
One lady suddenly has two potted plants on her bunk and is meditating A LOT more
Two aunties always run to each other for gossip. One came to my "neighborhood" in the dorm looking for the other. I said "hey I have some gossip too! I can scrape something together!" but she waved me off saying her friend has the good tea
I've been diving into a book on managing toxic anger and journaling more
My neighbor in the next bunk is borrowing one of my plushies for emotional support. It was actually my favorite, but she needs them to fall asleep and I have my nighttime meds to help me on that front
Overall, I'm so grateful to have a bed to stretch out on and access to a bathroom again. I was even able to grab my rechargeable fan from storage, so I'm sleeping way better now. Maybe it's the heat making people attack each other???
what homeless people need
Before trying to help out, I think people need to understand that there are COUNTLESS ways to be unhoused. The "my mom's kinda homeless" meme is actually pretty common (couchsurfing at friends' places, moving from motel to motel, etc). I think there are three main categories that reach out to outreach/donation resources: 1. People living on the street 2. People living in their cars 3. Homeless people living in shelters I hope you can begin to see why these three groups have VASTLY different needs. 1. Streets: Zero safe storage in most cases. You only have access to what you can carry on your bike, on a bike, or something else you buy/come up with. Most difficulty with hygiene, shopping, and healthy meals. Completely vulnerable to the weather without having a place to keep a wardrobe that can handle it all. Hard to access bathrooms if they stay in one area and places catch on ("Bathrooms for Paying Customers" only signs).
2. Cars: High risk because most only pay for gas and skip other essentials like car insurance and registration. Cars near my shelter got towed and most people can't get them back because they are years behind on registration fees. BUT, as long as you have a car you have a decently safe place to sleep. Gas is the hardest thing to come by as of writing (5/18/26) and California offers low-cost auto-insurance for people with low income. I met MANY people working at grocery stores, restaurants, and retirees who lived in their cars. In California, if you know where to look and what to look for you'll see a pattern of which spots are safe overnight parking. Rent is too darn high, so car is the next go to.
3. Shelter: May or may not have a car. but shelters often have shuttles, lockers, bathroom (and shower) access, and three meals a day (game over if you have dietary restrictions in most cases though). Have a mailing address and access to staff and on-site case managers usually.
Okay, so lets look at the biggest concerns/needs for each category (off the top of my head): ALL unhoused people: Battery packs/powerbanks (MAJOR), supermarket gift cards, free weather-appropriate and lightly used clothing, menstrual products, support with accessing dental and other medical care.
1. Streets: Hygiene, so disposable bathing wipes and access to showers is KEY. There is no consistent private place to clean up like Cars. Gift cards for fast food or supermarkets are great. Fast food is better though, simply because those are more common and more accessible (look at the parking lot in front of Carl's Jr vs in front of Walmart... now imagine having to walk across that with all your stuff). Sturdy large camping backpacks. Everything you give, try to make it as pocket sized and compact as you can (think folding toothbrushes, mini toothpastes you give every few days, etc). Bus/public transport passes. 2. Cars: Access to showers is nice, but (speaking from experience) we can clean up in our cars more easily. Compact folding toilets and accessories for them are great (small, sturdy trash bags, and absorbent camping gels to reduce odor from waste). Gas cards. All the gas cards. Cooler boxes and ice for fresh food. Blankets and pillows to sleep well in the car. Window covers/shades for the car for privacy. Oil changes, auto insurance payment help, and general car maintenance. (Someone please help me with new tires ahhhh)
3. Shelter: We have access to showers, toilets, and charging stations now! Whooo! But we still need battery packs because there's often 2 charging stations for every 50 people (this is a generous estimate). Most shelters have bunk beds too, a distance from any walls or outlets. Think about not having something to charge your phone, tablet, or laptop with all night. I just lost my job and had to spend money on a 65W powerbank because anything less wasn't recognized by my laptop. Also re: laptops: please give out NIMO laptops. I bought one with my own money when I got a job, and it's the best budget laptop I've ever had. It outperforms more expensive ones I've had too. Having a laptop for those enrolled in school, or simply having one to borrow for filling out forms is MAJOR. I had to use a tablet and bluetooth keyboard for forms and homework before my laptop and it SUCKED. Many people at shelters have cars, so the car-related things apply too.
For shelters the following are also nice: Ear plugs Eye masks (it's never completely dark at night)
Slides/sandals for the showers
Personal washcloths and towels
Lockboxes (for medication and valuables. Has to be plastic to be allowed in)
Laundry bags (for protecting items from the brutal but FREE washers and dryers)
Combination locks (even if you get a locker, not all shelters provide the lock) Pillows AND blankets: Most people here don't have pillows here. They've been unavailable for months here. All I got my first night was a flat sheet. I was freezing and had to ask to go to my car to get a big blanket a friend had given me :') That friend is one of two people I'm open with being homeless with, outside of my health team (physical and mental).
I'm tuckered out, so that's all for now. I'll just say this: most people can't tell when someone is experiencing #2 or #3. And remember: there are countless other ways to be unhoused. Above all: donate powerbanks to homeless people. Enough for at least 2 full phone charges.
I was finally able to get my colonoscopy thanks to non-emergency medical transport through Medi-Cal! Definitely contact your insurance about this resource if you don't have a ride for a procedure that requires sedation. (Lyft/Uber don't work because hospitals want a name and phone number ahead of time and ultimately you don't know when the procedure will end. Things happen.)