if i look back, i am lost
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@posttraumantis
Your F/o does that big romantic swoop-you-into-their-arms kiss thing… except they totally fuck up the spacing, slam their forehead straight into the doorframe, and just freeze there for a solid five seconds holding their face like “ow… ow fuck… I’m— I’m okay… don’t even look at me right now I’m so embarrassed” while you’re trying really hard not to laugh and failing.
Made this bc I miss AMVs and Kastoway’s old Toby art. Yes it sounds like poop on purpose, for nostalgia’s sake.
(More) Random Shit about TOBY ROGERS
Hate this thing. (Affectionate)
YOU 🫵🏾
Yeah, I'm talking to you!
I refuse to hear you talk down about yourself for loving a fictional character.
i refuse to listen to you shaming yourself for thinking that your F/O wouldn't love you.
Stop making excuses to throw yourself under a bus. Selfshipping gives you the creativity to do WHATEVER WHAT YOUR HEART DESIRES
Wanna get married to them? Go have a big wedding, put that wedding dress/suit on!
Wanna have a big celebration for their birthday? Do it! Buy that cake, decorate that room of them!
You wanna gush about how you love them? Speak loud and proud about it!
What's holding you back? NOTHING. You have the whole power to whatever YOU want.
Now, raise your head up And let your F/O know how much you love them! Be kind to yourself! That's what your F/O wants! life is way too short to care about what people think, the only thing that matters is that you do it in a healthy manner but also use it to pick yourself up.
Yeah, we have those days and stuff but you gotta realize that you control how they feel about you. Use a healthy mindset to let them love you.
Selfshipping can be a wonderful thing if you let it be. You got this and go let people know how much you love your F/O ❤️
LOSER BOY ALERT
ugh, toby. he sucks at apologizing up to the very SECOND he wants it to be over. he doesn’t even necessarily need to be wrong. it could be so so clearly your fault as to why you’re fighting right now. let’s say you crashed his car!! which he would have every right to be upset at you over because you acted like it didn’t matter.
he’s messy and passionate. throwing his hands around like it would convey how upset he was more than his words. you take a step closer, he takes a step closer. matching your every yell before you give up and stomp away and yell something back about not wanting to fight while you two are clearly unstable.
he’s pissed the whole day. angrily fixing his car in front of the mansion while you still haven’t of been seen. sure he gets a little worried when the sun starts to set. toby still loves you more than he ever thought was capable of.
he had fixed all he could hours ago. not being able to fix any more with the parts he had. would have to wait another day before slinking into town. despite the fact that he was done he waited outside for you.
apologizing the second you reach the steps. literally falling to his knees before you. big ol pleading eyes looking up to you, brimming with tears. loving you so passionately was easy for him. his hands resting on his thighs in a death grip.
“y-you were right m’sorry baby”
“i was sh-shit, shitty. i l-love you, i don’t care ab-about the car.”
“please, please jus l-let me make it up to y-you.”
“i do-don’t wanna go to bed a-alone.”
and you of course break easily. apologizing just as desperately back. his hands instantly wrap around your waist as quick as you forgive him.
loving a desperate boy comes easily when you’d both rather die then go to bed upset at each other.
My most popular post (the one about Toby's TS and speech impediment) got ~50 notes so I figured I'd make a follow up with examples instead of just saying, "Hey, can you not do this *doesn't explain how to do it*" lololl
For his Tourette's Syndrome (TS), his canon tics include.. only motor tics. Well.... okay. That puts us at a little bit of a roadblock. To diagnose TS, both motor and vocal tics must be present. If you're going for a realistic TS depiction, I'd say include some minor vocal tics. Of course, on the other hand, if you want to keep him closer to canon, it's alright to only include his motor tics.
What are some common simple tics?
Motor: Neck twisting/twitching/jerking, arm jerking, eye blinking repetitively/hard blink, mouth twitching, nose twitching, shoulder shrugging
Vocal: Humming, throat clearing, grunting, sniffling, snorting, whistling, gasping
On a slightly related note, Toby's tics are noted to cause joint cracking. This usually means the tics are pretty harsh. To people who can feel it, this would cause muscle stiffness, joint pain, and aches. However, while Toby also has Congenital Insensitivity to Pain + Anhidrosis (CIPA), he would still be able to feel the tightness in his neck even if it doesn't quite register as "painful" to him.
Now for the stutter. There's lots of ways a person can stutter, but the most common "stutter" in people with Tourette's is actually not a stutter at all. Tics can often disrupt the fluency of speech, which is where you get the "stutter". Common examples in Tourette's are-
Repetition: Repeating word(s) multiple times.
- "This is- This is- This is an example."
Speech blocking tic: A pause/silence in speech where the speaker is "blocked" from speaking from a tic. Usually coupled with another motor/vocal tic.
- "This is....... an.... example."
Revision: Changing a word in the middle of speaking.
- "This was- This is an example."
But you can also include a part-word repetition stutter, which is what I see most commonly in his dialogue.
Part-word repetition: Repeating a sound/syllable in a word.
- "This i-i-is an e-example."
- "Thi-this is an-an-another example."
If anyone has questions I'm more than willing to answer in comments or reblogs! <3
HARD AGREE THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS!! <33 I also wanted to add that when writing his stutters/vocal tics in dialogue (specifically for part-word repetition or struggling to get a word out fully), I personally take inspiration from how Stephen King wrote for Bill’s stutter in IT, for example:
“S-suh-something like, like this.”
“Ssomething l-like— like this.”
I really liked the way he wrote the stuttered parts more phonetically (?) rather than just repeated letters, it gave the dialogue a more authentic feel to it in my opinion, and I also like to implement more drawn out segments (Similar to “Ssomething” in the second example). Of course I also wanna note that I like incorporating motor/vocal tics in narration too, such as “— he said with a chirp/— he chirped/chirruped” or to break up dialogues like this example:
“Where’re Tim and Brian?” you ask, having noticed their absence. Toby clears his throat, responding casually:
“O-Out. They left on a puh-p-p-“ his lips twist in a violent cringe, frustrated as he struggles on the word, “—patrol while you were suh-sleeping.”
Any further comments/questions/responses are welcome, from OP or otherwise! :3 💕💕
A desolate reflection
do you *looks around* possiby….have a ticci toby design??? and if soooo u should like deffo draw him 👀
Put that hood back on! 😨
whos god damn skinny ass toby is that
lol this was super fun i kinda wanna draw all my dudes in this style
𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊 𝙽𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚎,
Characters: Ticci Toby/Tobias Rogers, Sally Williams, Tim Wright/Masky, Nina the Killer.
Summary: Toby has a nightmare.
TW: Mentions of blood, cursing, death, description of a corpse, implied panic attack(s).
Word Count: No clue, wrote this on my phone. Maybe around 1K? Maybe under? Idk.
Leaves crunched underneath Toby, winds howled through the trees surrounding him.
It was silent, eerily so.
Toby felt a sinking sense of dread climb into a his throat, digging a pit in his stomach so it could reside peacefully.
He kept walking, slowly making his way through the confusing trails of the forest.
Then, the metallic sense of blood filled his nostrils suddenly, and his eyes widened.
It was fine, probably just some random person that wandered in too far. Nobody he should… worry.. about.
Sally lay on the ground in front of him, her body incredibly still, yet her breathing erratic.
“Sally-?” Toby’s voice was barely hearable, sounding more like he was whispering rather than actually speaking.
He sprinted towards the girl, dropping to his knees and turning her onto her back.
His body stilled as he saw her eyes.
They were a milky white, almost blending with her irises, yet having a gray enough rim to tell she had pupils. Her cheeks were stained with tears, which still currently fell from the girl’s eyes.
Her eyes were completely blank, yet still seemed hurt? Toby didn’t know.
“Sal- Sally, hey! Hey! Look at me! Come on- Toby’s right here!” Toby cupped her face, his other hand holding her hand tightly. “Big brother’s right here! Come on, Sal- just- come on- Tobs is waiting for you to wake up! It’s time to wake up!” He seemed delirious now, a manic grin covered his face as he spoke.
“Please, Sal- I can’t lose you too- just wake up- FUCK! Wake up, Sal!” The salty taste of his tears touched the tip of his tongue. “Please- please! Stop it! Please- please- please- I’m sorry! I don’t- please-“ He couldn’t breathe. He was drowning, suffocating.
His head tilted downwards as he gasped for air, sobbing. He screamed, his shouts breaking off into cries as he looked back up at Sally.
Not her. Please- anybody but her. Take him! Get rid of him- why does she have to die? This isn’t-
“GOD! FUCK!” His teeth were gritted, groaning rising from his throat and trying to shove their way from his mouth, making them muffled as his teeth held them back.
He handled Sally’s body, her limp head now resting on his shoulder, his hands resting on her back as he squeezed her tightly.
Her arms lay limp at her sides, her chest never moving along with her breaths. She was cold. She was so cold.
He wrangled a hand into her hair, petting and running his fingers through the strands. She wasn’t dead- please- she can’t be dead-
He gasped and hiccuped into the nothingness that surrounded them.
“It hurts..” Toby froze at the sound of her voice. He pulled her back, watching her face contort with pain as she spasmed.
“Sally- SAL! You’re gonna be okay, OKAY?! You’re going to be alright! I-I’ll save you! I’ll help you!”
“It hurts so much..” She whispered, her face relaxing as it tilted back.
“Sally-? Sally- Sal-“ She stopped moving, stopped breathing. She was colder than before, and her eyes were half-lidded, her pupils still barely visible.
Toby sat there, his breaths short, quiet.
He knocked his forehead against the girl’s chest, and screamed. He screamed until his own chest hurt, he screamed until his throat was dry, he screamed until he couldn’t breathe anymore.
He screamed for the sister he lost.
Again.
Toby sat up, shifting the covers off of him as he heaved for air, gripping the front of his shirt in his fist.
Sally. He needed to check on Sally.
He shoved the covers off of him as he stumbled out of bed, rushing out of his room and towards wherever Sally’s was.
He slammed open her door, waking up her and anyone else who resided in a room near hers.
Didn’t Tim and Nina have a room around hers? Whatever.
“Toby..?” Her voice had its rasp again, unlike her voice in the dream. It was tired, confused, not hurt or in pain.
Toby staggered towards her, falling into her and bringing her into a strong embrace.
Sally understood immediately, reciprocating the hug, balling the cloth of his shirt in her hands to show she was there.
She wasn’t gone, she was present, she was still physically here.
He felt lingering eyes at her doorway, watching the two of them. There were two pairs, one confused, one concerned. He couldn’t care less.
“S-S-So-Sorry.. just… n-n-needed to c-ch-ch-check on y-yo-y-you.” Sally’s eyes held understanding. Her eyes.. they were green, not a grayish white, and they still had a glint of life in them.
“Want me to spend the night in your room?” Sally signed, raising an eyebrow to state the fact it was a question.
Toby nodded, helping the girl from her bed.
When he turned around—Sally’s hand in his—he saw Tim and Nina at the door.
“You alright?” Nina asks, her brows furrowed in something resembling worry.
Toby nodded, dragging Sally along with him as the two exited her room.
He didn’t even notice the fact Tim didn’t have his mask on, and his back was turned before he could see the way Tim’s eyes widened in concern at his tear-streaked face.
Sally squeezed his hand softly in comfort, and he squeezed back.
His little sister wasn’t gone.
His little sister wasn’t gone.
My most popular post (the one about Toby's TS and speech impediment) got ~50 notes so I figured I'd make a follow up with examples instead of just saying, "Hey, can you not do this *doesn't explain how to do it*" lololl
For his Tourette's Syndrome (TS), his canon tics include.. only motor tics. Well.... okay. That puts us at a little bit of a roadblock. To diagnose TS, both motor and vocal tics must be present. If you're going for a realistic TS depiction, I'd say include some minor vocal tics. Of course, on the other hand, if you want to keep him closer to canon, it's alright to only include his motor tics.
What are some common simple tics?
Motor: Neck twisting/twitching/jerking, arm jerking, eye blinking repetitively/hard blink, mouth twitching, nose twitching, shoulder shrugging
Vocal: Humming, throat clearing, grunting, sniffling, snorting, whistling, gasping
On a slightly related note, Toby's tics are noted to cause joint cracking. This usually means the tics are pretty harsh. To people who can feel it, this would cause muscle stiffness, joint pain, and aches. However, while Toby also has Congenital Insensitivity to Pain + Anhidrosis (CIPA), he would still be able to feel the tightness in his neck even if it doesn't quite register as "painful" to him.
Now for the stutter. There's lots of ways a person can stutter, but the most common "stutter" in people with Tourette's is actually not a stutter at all. Tics can often disrupt the fluency of speech, which is where you get the "stutter". Common examples in Tourette's are-
Repetition: Repeating word(s) multiple times.
- "This is- This is- This is an example."
Speech blocking tic: A pause/silence in speech where the speaker is "blocked" from speaking from a tic. Usually coupled with another motor/vocal tic.
- "This is....... an.... example."
Revision: Changing a word in the middle of speaking.
- "This was- This is an example."
But you can also include a part-word repetition stutter, which is what I see most commonly in his dialogue.
Part-word repetition: Repeating a sound/syllable in a word.
- "This i-i-is an e-example."
- "Thi-this is an-an-another example."
If anyone has questions I'm more than willing to answer in comments or reblogs! <3
My most popular post (the one about Toby's TS and speech impediment) got ~50 notes so I figured I'd make a follow up with examples instead of just saying, "Hey, can you not do this *doesn't explain how to do it*" lololl
For his Tourette's Syndrome (TS), his canon tics include.. only motor tics. Well.... okay. That puts us at a little bit of a roadblock. To diagnose TS, both motor and vocal tics must be present. If you're going for a realistic TS depiction, I'd say include some minor vocal tics. Of course, on the other hand, if you want to keep him closer to canon, it's alright to only include his motor tics.
What are some common simple tics?
Motor: Neck twisting/twitching/jerking, arm jerking, eye blinking repetitively/hard blink, mouth twitching, nose twitching, shoulder shrugging
Vocal: Humming, throat clearing, grunting, sniffling, snorting, whistling, gasping
On a slightly related note, Toby's tics are noted to cause joint cracking. This usually means the tics are pretty harsh. To people who can feel it, this would cause muscle stiffness, joint pain, and aches. However, while Toby also has Congenital Insensitivity to Pain + Anhidrosis (CIPA), he would still be able to feel the tightness in his neck even if it doesn't quite register as "painful" to him.
Now for the stutter. There's lots of ways a person can stutter, but the most common "stutter" in people with Tourette's is actually not a stutter at all. Tics can often disrupt the fluency of speech, which is where you get the "stutter". Common examples in Tourette's are-
Repetition: Repeating word(s) multiple times.
- "This is- This is- This is an example."
Speech blocking tic: A pause/silence in speech where the speaker is "blocked" from speaking from a tic. Usually coupled with another motor/vocal tic.
- "This is....... an.... example."
Revision: Changing a word in the middle of speaking.
- "This was- This is an example."
But you can also include a part-word repetition stutter, which is what I see most commonly in his dialogue.
Part-word repetition: Repeating a sound/syllable in a word.
- "This i-i-is an e-example."
- "Thi-this is an-an-another example."
If anyone has questions I'm more than willing to answer in comments or reblogs! <3
(edit: it seems the link doesn't work anymore. it's just me complaining about the portrayal of tourette's + stutters because i have both and i wish it would be written better.)
shitty doodle again But Let’s Make Him Big Now.
Rendering practice with the boy ever
Toby and Sublime..
Tobias "Ticci Toby" Rodgers : Childhood Headcanons
a/n : this is my first piece of writing publically posted like this so take that as you will. toby has been my day one since i was seven so i felt obligated to start with this.
CW : ticci toby appropriate bullying, mentions of emotional & physical abuse, mentions of alcoholism, isolation, mentions of poverty, grief of a sibling, death, guilt, hint of memory loss
-From early on in his adolescence, Toby lacked the ability to develop a sense of security. At home, he was constantly walking on eggshells in efforts to not irritate his father. Nonetheless, these attempts were fruitless. Whether his father was upset with him or not was decided on how his father felt, rather than how he behaved. At school, he was relentlessly bullied due to his subjectively “weird” behavior and tourettes. This is the reason he was pulled from school somewhere in his eighth year. -Homeschool was not as effective for Toby as it could have been. He was never especially smart in academic terms, but he wasn’t dense. He could learn and retain things fairly easily, just missed an abundance of school and lost focus during long lectures. Homeschool, however, could barely get through to him. There was a lack of engagement, obligation, and responsibility fostered - the assortment that led to his academic decline. Adjacent to this, it was difficult to concentrate in his house. His mom worked, his sister attended public school, which left his father and him alone for extended periods of time daily. Of course, his dad frequently left during the day (presumably to drink in a change of scenery), but it left Toby on edge most of the time. It was impossible to efficiently go through with his studies when he was subconsciously listening for any signs of rampage in the house
-Safe to say, he did NOT get a fair education. -In addition to his education, these factors stunted his emotional growth. Making friends/creating bonds with peers was out of the question due to his violent upbringing and volatile father. From early adolescence, he was isolated from normality and relentlessly consumed by brutality for being born the way he was. This resulted in his self-esteem being insanely low, being socially inept, and being very insecure about his conditions. It’s the telltale story we all know - his father was mean, but a meaner drunk. Connie, Toby’s mom, took the brunt force of his aggression, but couldn’t deter her husband from getting to Lyra and Toby. His hostility was translated into emotional and physical abuse - ranging from starting arguments for no apparent reason to beating his son within an inch of his life.
-As you can imagine, this is a man with no job. This leaves Connie Rodgers to provide for her family, working as a nurse. At this point, we should all know by now that healthcare workers are severely underpaid. This especially applies to a family of four living on a single person’s income. Tobias lived in poverty for his entire life - the kind of financial situation that riddles a person with paranoia as to whether or not they’d get to eat that day. One of my biggest headcanons for him is that he eats everything INSANELY fast. This guy eats food like it is actively escaping the plate ; that’s how it was growing up, anyway. Too little food, too many mouths to feed. Most days hunger carved into his mind slowly and endlessly. ALSO not good for a teen’s development. Even if he can’t feel the pain as most people would, it certainly wasn’t enjoyable. He’d lose track of the last time he’d eaten, followed by getting dizzy and weak without knowing why. The only person that was able to assist him in this was -Lyra, Toby’s sister, was everything he had. Yes, he loved his mom and clearly favored her over his dad any day, but she wasn’t always there. He understood, she had to support them and come home to a man she must have once loved, followed by the horrors she fruitlessly tried to protect her children from. Connie understood Toby, but not to the extent Lyra did. She saw firsthand how peers her age treated her brother, and it plagued her with guilt. In school, she carried the reputation of being the “normal” of the two - she had friends, got good grades, and put effort into things she enjoyed. People questioned her frequently : what was the difference between her and her brother? The contrast between Lyra and Toby was that Lyra wanted to get out. She had been born first, when her parent’s marriage was still new. She witnessed the malevolence of her father grow branches, and she swore (too young, too hopeful) that she would never become her father. This was escalated when her father’s violence extended to her brother - the moments that she couldn’t protect Tobias created a growing plan to get out of their small, jerkwater town. -Lyra had ambitions, but Toby felt with every ounce of his soul that he would die in that house. -The day that Lyra died, Toby’s life ended. Grief was something that he was familiar with, but not like this. Tobias grieved his potential, his love for his father, and the light in his mother’s eyes that dimmed over the years. This was new ; when you grow up with nothing, you aren’t used to losing everything. His mother basically carried him out of the hospital after Lyra’s death had been declared - he couldn’t think, couldn’t make his legs work, couldn’t believe what he’d done. Tobias had been the one driving the Honda Civic when a pickup veered off the road and crashed into the right side of the family vehicle. It wasn’t Toby’s fault that Lyra died, but he felt it was his fault that he lived. He replayed the moment over and over in his head until it ran smoothly, precisely as it happened. Found ways to blame himself, ways to pardon the other driver. He knew he was better off dying instead of her.
-The guilt ate away at him for another year before he disappeared, leaving only his butchered father and ash-riddled neighborhood in his wake. The year stretched longer than any other - a constant loop of biting his nails to the quick, visiting various doctor offices, and standing in the middle of Lyra’s bedroom for hours. He heard her voice from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to bed, only to be met with the grisly sight of her in his dreams. The funeral was closed casket ; the last time he ever saw her was with blood soaking her sandy blonde hair at the root and her jaw dislodged against the gravel of the road.
-This is how he will remember her forever - or, until he can’t remember anything anymore.
