PTSD Support, guidance and healing

*WARNING* TRIGGERS I am a 23 year old woman who has been living with CPTSD, anxiety and depression. I have had a hard time finding support for myself, or just finding a place to vent about my daily struggles. This is a support blog. I am not a doctor, I am not a therapist. I am a friend, I am a shoulder to cry on. I am a very understanding person so please do not hesitate to come to me for support or guidance. Feel free to share your story if you are okay with that, I only ask that you please put a warning first so that others know it is a trigger. much love, B.

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

This is my new PTSD/personal blog. I'm sorry again for having to make a new account. Sucks to suck 😕 lol.

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

I have a new account!!! *link at the bottom*

I am so bummbed guys 😕😦 I finally upgraded my phone this past week and I do not know my password for this account…I have been logged into this on an app in my phone for almost 3 years and before that I used to get on my lap top, haha I have had this account for a while. So I cannot recover my password for an email account I stopped using 5 years ago…so I am so sorry but I had to make a new account. This was actually my second blog under this account but my new one is my personal account but it’s still all about PTSD and my experience with that. Hopefully this will actually be more helpful for me in terms of maintaining the blog and keeping up with everyone’s questions and positive words. I may or may not check in on this account just because I still have my old phone connected through WiFi. I hope you all are doing your best right now and I hope I can continue to help as many of you as I can! 💜💜💜💜 here is the link for my new account @tones-of-home

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

Hi! I stumbled across your blog about an hour ago, and I have a question. Two years ago I was hospitalized for anxiety, depression and panic disorder, because of how severely I was bullied at school. I stayed in the hospital October-February and was officially diagnosed with Social Anxiety. When I left they began to question whether I have social anxiety or had horrible panic attacks on my way to school, and avoid social situations. I was wondering what you thought it might be? I just don't know

I'm sorry you've had to go through all of that. I would say it's definitely a possibility that you could be suffering from PTSD from being bullied. I would definitely talk with your doctor or a therapist about what has happened and about your anxieties 😊💜💙💚

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

@ptsdsuggestions Here, thanks for making a screenshot and reposting my post but can you please just reblog it next time or @me with the credit? I feel very stressed out about the fact I can't have anything and my posts being stolen just make the stress worse, sorry if I seem aggressive or anything I don't mean it, I just hate my posts getting stolen even if it's with good intention.

@ptsdsuggestions well I'm not quite sure what you're even talking about. I went through my blog trying to figure out what it is you're mentioning, could you explain please?

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

9 years

*Trigger warning* So tomorrow December 1st is the 9 year anniversary of my grandfather somehow not shooting my grandmother, mother, and myself but turning the gun on himself. Suicide is hard, dealing with the rippling effects of going through that and just how much more my dysfunctional family has changed. I honestly don’t think it could have been avoided, not with my family. Had people actually cared about his well being, or even their own he very well could have seeked psychiatric help. At least that’s what I would like to think. 9 year’s seems like a lot of time. My therapist asked me why he thinks I cannot let go of that day and what happened. I have so many other traumas but this one is kind of at the top of the shit pyramid for me. I told my therapist that people are not meant to witness that. We cannot handle it. He said that he was a first responder and he still remembers his first call and how bad it was. The level of how different those two events are, is kind of staggering. I’m not saying it wasn’t traumatic for him, but I personally think it is easier to recover or let go of trauma you weren’t involved in. He was just doing his job, he knew what all the pretains being a first responder. I was 14. I was going over my Christmas list before my grandfather walked into the kitchen and stood behind me with a gun up to his head and asked us all if he was a joke. On top of that, him being bi polar and unmedicated, and having dementia that he didn’t tell us about, he traumatized me more than just on December 1st, 2007. I try to make sense of what happened that day, and I don’t think I ever will. My family is better but also so much worse now. The dysfunction is at an all time high…but if my grandfather hadn’t done what he did my mom wouldn’t have gone and seeked help for her bi polar disorder, and other disorders. I’ve learned there is no such thing as “normal”. This year has been a very changing year for me and a year of growth and more trauma from my family. They just still treat me like shit and if I don’t so what they say or think is right they are against me. I speak up or out against racism, women’s rights, equality for the LGBT community, native American rights I am labled and torn down by my “family”. This time last year I just left my abusive husband and was living in fear. This year I’m about to graduate from cosmetology school, and I have a very successful career linned up for me when I graduate in a few months. I have been sick for a month and I have to have surgery in January to see if I have endrometriosis. My family makes up lies about me and since I left my husband they couldn’t give a damn about the accomplishments I have made this year and it hurts more than they will ever know. I was flat out ignored at thanks giving. My brother made sure his kid hugged and kissed everyone goodbye except for me. I can’t change who I am, and what they have all done over there years has shapped me for who I am today. I’m proud of myself and of how far I have come. I’m glad I grew up realizing my family wasn’t “normal” and I didn’t want to be like them. I can’t change the past and I certainly cannot change the trauma, but I still have control over my life whether they like it or not.

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

The deprivation float tank was pretty awesome! I really enjoyed it and was happy I chose to do 90mins because I felt like that gave me enough time to relax fully and just float. The time honestly went by really quickly. At first a was a tad nervous about closing the lid once I got in, but when I closed it I was fine. I felt really safe, like I was in my bed in a big warm blanket haha. The water was maybe 3-4 inches deep but with the 900lbs of salt in the water it makes you naturally buoyant. They give you a "neck noodle" to help hold your head and neck. I used it. But then decided to take it off, I found it more relaxing when I took it off. I literally let my head go and it was fine, stayed perfectly afloat. I definitely want to keep trying this. It made my anxieties go away, I felt so relaxed and it made my back and joints feel better. I would recommend it to anyone really, its cool and has so many health benefits.

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

Here is a link to learn about float tanks and the effects on the body and how they can help with PTSD. I'm actually leaving my house now to go try this for the first time, and I'm doing a 90 min session. I'll update ya'll when I get done and share my experience with it! I've been wanting to try this for a while 😊😊😊

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

[2/2]i can't talk about it with my friends because they think if he didn't hit me. it couldn't be that bad. i feel like i'm being smothered & i can't breathe. I don't know what to do. I'm just so angry & bitter because he gets to live his life out normally everyday & I'm stuck here, obsessing over it and wondering if I'm going this for attention or if it's the years of repressing my feelings thats affecting me.i feel like this will ruin any relationship i attempt to pursue in the future. Advice?

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this.have you tried to talk to your therapist about any of this? Just because he didn't put his hands on you doesnt mean what he said and did wasnt any less traumatic for you. And it is quite possible that you are dealing with a mixture of both traumas tho. All the new stuff that is happening could be reopening old wounds, that kind of stuff tends to happen with multiple traumas. I left my ex husband a little over a year ago, and our divorce was finalized in July but I am still effected by what he did to me for 7 years. My therapist says I'm still healing from what he did. Im still grieving. A loss is a loss, regardless of if he was a piece of shit and I eventually walked away. Even though it was my choice to leave, we still grieve the loss. I'm still grieving my parents divorce when I was 6. Grieve changes, and it changes us. It is our choice what we do with that change. If we think it will change us negatively then it will. I like to be realistic but also optimistic. It helps a lot to think in that way with grief and PTSD/CPTSD, I think. It will only effect you if you allow it to. That's not to say that it won't tho. You need to find a partner who will understand you, and your past and acknowledge what you have been through and will probably continue to go through. If they don't understand all of that and how they need to be your rock, then it isn't meant to be in my opinion. Treat yourself like the queen that you are and expect nothing but the best. It will also help the healing process 💜

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

My dad is physically, verbally, and mentally abusive, and I have PTSD from that. I have to spend five days with him this Thanksgiving break. Any tips?

I'm sorry, I know how hard the holidays are. Especially with toxic family members or past/current abusers. I am dealing with the same thing, but I only have to deal with them for a few hours. Any time I had to be around toxic family members I would have my iPod to listen to all the time almost, I'd bring my nook or sketch books. Just a lot of distraction tools to help me escape. Just going outside and sitting would help me too, or just escaping into the bathroom to try and collect myself. Sometimes I would hold it all in during the day and then cry into my pillow at night. As long as you know you will be okay, and you will make it through this difficult moment I think you'll do just fine. Sending you all the positive vibes, and happy turkey day!

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

The most wonderful time of the year

*trigger warning!* *gun violence* *suicide**dysfunctional family* We are fastly approaching the holiday season. For a lot of people this year is a time of joy, happiness. A time to remember the past, enjoy the time with your loved ones. For me, the happiness of this season died for me 9 years ago. 9 years is a long time. It's a long time to think, to reflect, and to grow as a person. I can openly talk about Dec 1,2007 today, but it still feels like it happened yesterday. The only thing that has changed is my emptiness I feel. Granted I have been through a lot of traumas since then too, but that doesn't make this time of year any better. I would rather burry my head, hide until January... Anything. This is the first year I am flat out not going to Christmas. Every year we have Christmas at my grandmas house, where my grandfather shot himself. I think it's disgusting to say the least. My mom tells me that my grandma has to live in there so I can basically get over it. My mom chose to clean up grandpas blood, and brain matter...when her uncle offered to pay to have a professional cleaning crew come in and clean that for us...she threw that in my face and went on to tell me how much that messed her up.I told her I had zero sympathy for her in that acpect since her uncle was going to have it cleaned but she insisted on doing it herself. I was 14 when my grandfather walked into the kitchen and stood behind me with a fully loaded .38 special pressed firmly against his right temple and asked us if we thought he was a joke. I managed to get out of the house, the whole time I kept checking myself thinking he shot me. As I ran down the street for help I was scared he was going to kill my family, I was scared he was going to come after me. I kept listening for the gun shots. By the time the police came, the disbatcher was calling over their radios saying people were calling in reporting hearing a gun shot. I stood over him, watched him breath, the whole back side of his head was just gone. It felt so surreal. I just stood there in shock thinking "this looks just like it does in the movies". I ran outside screaming "oh my god" over and over again. A police officer came up to me and asked me if I was "okay"...no...no I wasn't. He kept pushing me to the door, insisting I go back inside. There I was, face to face with him again. I sat on the floor opposite of him as EMTs worked to try and save him. There was no saving him. Now every day I live with one moment. One moment in time. The day before my grandfather almost wiped out 3 generations of my family, he was diagnosed again with dementia and bi polar disorder... Both of which he kept from us. He never left us with a reason why, just confusion and emptiness. I know I'll never know why, but every year it doesn't get any easier to deal with this time of year. My family just pretends and carries on like it didn't happen. My grandfather suffered through mental illness for his whole life, and we suffered right along with him not knowing why. Why forget a person? Why move on like it didn't happen? It makes me sick. My grandmother had him cremated and kept his ashes in the house for several year before she went on a trip to the Smokey Mountains and got rid of his ashes there without telling anyone. I try to make reason of the things my family does, but there's no reasoning with dysfunctional people, especially a family like mine. I'm constantly asking "why?!" With only them answering me in their selfish actions. It's going to be a long winter ahead for me.

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

I think you're great and hope you had a good weekend :) your blog is a great platform. Much love from germany

Ah, danke! Ich liebe Deutschland 💜💜💜

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

Gun tw Recently I've been mugged at gunpoint. Officers are on the case and such but I keep getting scared easy, I can't leave my home I'm too scared and I keep getting flashbacks.. Do you think that I could develop ptsd from a mugging... ? Thank you

Most definitely you can. Usually from situations like that, if its just one trauma it is easier to heal from...or so they say. Just stay positive. Take every day for what it is. Find what helps you best, be it therapy, medicine, pills or marijuana, drawing, meditation, yoga...find what helps you. Don't push yourself, if you need time. Then give yourself time. 💜

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

Is it okay to follow you (and/or reblog from you) if I do not have ptsd?

Sure! Haha, I don't see any harm in it. If you like something I post, or identify with it, who am I to question that? 💜

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

I don't know if I can do it anymore. I have PTSD from bodily impact of a car. I can hardly leave my house still. I don't think my few friends actually care. I have no family. My trigger is traffic and I hear it CONSTANTLY at my apartment. Counselling for over a year. I don't think I can keep doing this. It's been years and I am not getting better. I'm so. damn. tired.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it gives you a lot of anxiety. Unfortunately we live in the modern world and cars are everywhere. I've been in a few car accidents myself. All of them were terrifying. When I get in a car and drive I have those flashes of the accidents. Or I will picture the cars around me hitting me or crashing. I just push it out of my head. But unfortunately I have a panic attack just about any time someone else is driving the car. I've been in 3 car wrecks, and I've been the passenger far too many times with a mentally unstable person behind the wheel doing all kinds of crazy shit. I can't really block out any of it. But in the moment I just let go. Whatever will happen will happen. I've survived worse, I'll survive this. And if not, well I do love a new adventure. 💜

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

Trigger warning? Hello! I have very recent been diagnosed with PTSD due to just escaped a very mentally and physically abusive household and having multiple experiences with sexual assault. I also have anxiety and mild dissociation. If you have any I am looking for some advice on ways to tell people, ways to cope, different activities/ exercises to take my mind off of things. Anything that you think would help would be absolutely great! :)

For me knowledge helped. I have done my own research and studies on PTSD, and anxiety just so I could have a better understanding of what I am dealing with. I've started meditation, yoga and opening up spiritually. I found a religion that made sense for me and that's helping a little too. Drawing, writing... Reading, or learning. Keeping my mind active and focused on something other than my trauams. Its hard. I still think about stuff every day, throughout the day. But I understand that my traumas are a part of me. Just like all of the good things in my life. I got rid of what was negative, so now I can embrace the traumas and love myself and grow. But everyone is different! You just have to find what works best for you for your coping skills! 💜

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]

Hello. I'm really alone and I need some help. Recently, things have gone downhill for me. My PTSD is getting worse to the point where I don't know what I'm feeling or who i am anymore. My mother asked me what was wrong and I replied, but afterwards I thought about it and what I told her I felt wasn't even how I felt. I have no idea how I feel. I'm scared & I just want to know if this is a common thing that happens to people with PTSD? Thank you, have a goodnight 💟

It sounds like a pretty common symptom of PTSD. Trauma causes layers. Much like an onion. You have the trauma or trauma's and then you have your triggers from the trauma, and any symptoms that come from that. Anxiety, you might be more irritated, can't sit still, you have a million different thoughts, you're scared to do things but you don't even realize your scared. You just realize that you're irritated. I would definitely see a therapist or at least start keeping a journal. Maybe that will help you get a better idea on your actions and feelings, which in turn could help with anything you have going on in your life and just help in general. 💜

[posttraumaticstresssurvivors]