sometimes I listen to Adele and I cry.

Don't eat out a girl who had an abortion; that pussy's haunted.

[potatoreptile]

Do you have an onlyfans?

I'm thinking about making one but I don't

[tiktokarchive]

[Child's voiceover]: Sometimes, the person you would take a bullet for... ends up being the person behind the gun.

[bradspace3000]

I love that this 10 second tiktok is more entertaning and has a better narrative structure than the two tentpole multi-million dollar major studio movies released this christmas.

[thebootydiaries]

me @ my bad eyebrow: i'm sick of carrying your lazy ass... your sister works tirelessly to support this family and u think you can just keep cruising through life....get a real job....there is no 'I' in 'eyebrows'...except phonetically

[badjokesbyjeff]

My wife cheated on me with the garbage man

I asked her how she could do such a thing and she said “He actually pays attention to me, he takes me out!” I replied, “That’s because it’s his job, honey.”

[feministism]

[peccatopotpourri]

This hoe just described parenthood thinking she came up with a spicy take.

[auntiewanda]

Except, you know, if a man impregnates a woman and bails there’s nothing legally obligating him to see the pregnancy through like there now is for women in many states. 

[bigforeheadgaaal]

Useful information ! Reblog ASAP 

[accidental-wedgie-deactivated20]

I always thought it was weird when I got a refill they gave me an entirely new one when it’s literally built so you can remove the actual medicine

[fluffmugger]

You used to actually be able to remove the cartridge and simply replace that - They were actually originally designed for that (SHUT UP I AM OLD)

Somewhere along the line this got changed and we all got fucked in favour of feeding the plastic monster. 

[whatthehellisgoingon9374-deacti]

I hate philosophy

If you think die

[thottavius-rex]

this is a philosophy tho

[whatthehellisgoingon9374-deacti]

[funnypicsdept]

[justbadpuns]

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming..

[prideprejudce]

i love watching the show my cat from hell because 9/10 times it usually features a heterosexual couple fighting over their hellion cat with one partner (usually the guy) saying “i cant stand this cat it needs to leave” while the girl is just like “no we can figure something out” and when jackson galaxy asks them if they would call it quits over the cat the guy is just like “ofc not she would always choose me over the cat” but if you zoom in on the girls face when he says that you know,,,,,you know,,,,,who will be leaving,,,,,,,,that house first

[its-the-fluffy-lupin]

I made this and showed it to a friend. She said I should post it, so here we are.

[fbi-agent-watching-you]

This is EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED

[zzpancakezz]

@staff

[peoplegettingreallymadatfood]

[hydro-homies]

Tony Hawk is at a weird level of fame.

[thebootydiaries]

me (to my cricket gf): babe.. do you still love me?

cricket gf: *cricket sounds*

me: is that yes in cricket language or awkward silence

[potatoreptile]

Hi, you're cute!

Thank you

[fivekets]

[little-miss-hell]

“A Cat’s Guide To Taking Care of Your Human” 

[buryyourhands-deactivated201701]

This is truly relatable