Alan Ritchson as Anders Lassen THE MINISTRY OF UNGENTLEMANLY WARFARE (2024) Dir: Guy Ritchie

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oozey mess

ellievsbear
One Nice Bug Per Day

Andulka
trying on a metaphor
Today's Document

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RMH
noise dept.
cherry valley forever
will byers stan first human second
d e v o n
DEAR READER
we're not kids anymore.
occasionally subtle
taylor price
art blog(derogatory)
styofa doing anything

JBB: An Artblog!

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@potsniffer
Alan Ritchson as Anders Lassen THE MINISTRY OF UNGENTLEMANLY WARFARE (2024) Dir: Guy Ritchie
Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .
You can not just say this without dropping the whole story
Ok so,
My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.
The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn't read the things written by Hand, because he wasn't wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he's like:
"Oh, sorry sir you can't do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)"
The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen't take the document with him.
The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:
This is a robbery
Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead
I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).
So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.
A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:
Her: how can I help you today?
Him: I’m here to get money
Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*
Him: all the information is on the paper
Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper
SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.
Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.
ONE HOUR LATER
Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.
To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”
Her: I am so embarrassed
FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-
Her: I feel so dumb!
FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)
I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.
He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you're shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.
So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.
"Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it'll go through and not hit anything vital and I'll be able to quit this fucking job. I'll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register."
This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming "SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY".
@rmilkies
One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he'd been shot at once.
One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.
My uncle pointed at the "No Smoking" sign and told him in no uncertain terms, "Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first."
This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.
My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.
This is what I like to call the Bugs Bunny Deescalation Strategy
“No more Graveyard Babies!”
Nope. It’s not Richard Moll. Nor is it Graveyard Greg.
Mortuary (2005) Directed by Tobe Hooper, starring Dan Byrd, Alexandra Adi, and Denise Crosby.
Gandalf, Lord Elrond, Aragorn. Thy name is dignity...
Pfft!🤣😜🥰
I love this cast so much. 🥺
demon: YOU HAVE SUMMONED ME, MORTAL. WHAT DEAL DO YOU WISH TO STRIKE WITH THE POWERS OF HELL?
roomba: [is a roomba]
demon:
roomba:
demon:
roomba:
demon: man c’mon you gotta work with me here a little bit
roomba: *slowly spells on floor* K N I F E
demon: ahhhhh I see. You have heard the legend of Stabby.
roomba: *vibrates excitedly*
demon: *lovingly tapes a knife onto the roomba* no charge
Roomba: >:3
I love it when tumblr posts become so legendary they just get referenced in other tumblr posts
CHRIS EVANS GIFTED (2017)
Ooooop…. my Frank.
Can we talk about how he's literally screwing nothing? Like he's pressing the screw driver into a flat surface and twisting...
Back by popular demand, background Legolas part 2.
(Part 1)
Background Legolas Part 1. (Part 2)
Background Legolas is everything.
Looking for a fic.
I believe it is a plus size reader with Curtis. Pretty sure A/B/O. Reader moves from another state to be with Curtis after they matched on a site. It's soft and sweet. Thought it was Amber's, but couldn't find it on her page.
The last bit I remember was Curtis setting up a room for newly arrived reader who left her sister(?) back home for the match.
Anyone?
I remember this but not who wrote it. Anyone??
It was river-soul who's deactivated!! :(
Jesus, after coming back from the dead: hey guys it’s me Jesus, just look at the scars on my hands
Thomas, a known freak: show us the feet as well please
Happy Easter everybody
Every single Easter you monsters give me a million notes on this post
tame impala’s right, the less i know the better.
Blind people must save a lot on electricity.
They do actually!
I had a blind professor, last semester, and I swung through his office to make up an exam. It was a while before I knew he was in there because he was sitting with the lights off. I finally went in, apologized, and took the exam by the light of a nearby window (which was fine). Forty-five minutes into dead silence he panicked and yelled in this booming voiced, “WAIT, YOU CAN SEE!!!” before diving across his desk to turn on the lights. I’m sure he was embarrassed but I thought it was endearing and it highlighted a large aspect of disabled life that I hadn’t previously considered.
Sort of relatedly I once had professor who was deaf, but she had learned to read lips and speak so she could communicate easily with hearing people who didn’t know sign language. One day she had gotten off topic and was talking a little about her personal life, so that one of the students said “Oh, I know, I grew up in Brooklyn too.”
She stared at him for a long time and then said “How do you know I’m from Brooklyn?”
And he said “You have a Brooklyn accent.”
She said “I do?” and the whole class nodded, and then she burst out laughing and said “I had no idea! The school where I learned to speak was in Brooklyn. I learned by moving my mouth and tongue the way my teachers did. So I guess it makes sense that I have their accent, I just never thought about it.”
My moms a sign language interpreter, and she’s signed with people from all over the US. According to her, when she signs with people from the south they sign with a “drawl.” They have slower hand movements and exaggerate certain parts of the sign. People from the Midwest sign very fast and people from the south sign very slow.
So we were at a restaurant once and my mom started interpreting for someone who was trying to order and she was like “oh you’re from the south!”
And they were like “how did you know that?”
And she said “you sign with a drawl.” And they were really surprised that it came through that much.
It’s really interesting that even when not speaking verbally accents and heritage come through.
This is the human equivalent of a cat who hates everyone loving you.
Rian Johnson (2019)
“Eat shit, Brutus.”