Pracchad

Just a ghost of my former self

[pracchad]

That one time I cosplayed the anemo archon Venti

[pracchad]

Death and Awakening

My day dies My night rises My sun burns Turns to ashes My moon blooms Like the roses I leave my grave Wolves howl I try to save My soul My day dies My night rises I see a light Turns out to be a fire-fly Then again the darkness That makes me wanna die I leave my mind Hallucination I try to protect Wonderland My day dies My night rises My angel flies And I follow The dragon arrives And I slay I walk and walk Search for innocence I find nothing But guilty consciousness My day dies My night rises My wrist slits The blood leaves I die Again and again

[pracchad]

who lives in a pineapple under the water?

[pracchad]

The first thing about getting out of a hole

Its 23:57. Something came into your mind, you started to think about it. Before year you knew it was 1:23. You checked the time and then you wondered again. What were you wondering about? You got stuck, everyone else were moving, you were left behind, you dug a hole and you refused to get out of there. Cause it was safer for you. But it was killing you gradually. So you kept digging deeper and deeper. Before you knew it, you were too deep and couldn’t get out. Now no one couldn’t reach you nor hear your cries. So you kept digging and got dipper. It was almost 3 in the night and suddenly you remembered, you remembered the first rule of getting out of a hole…. Stop digging. Then you stopped. An hour passed, nothing happened. Then heard the voice of your brother through a tin can telephone that just fell down. He just threw down a rope too so that you could get out. You thought for awhile and told your brother to leave the rope there.

Days passed. Even if the hole gradually kills you, you prefer it this way, your brother sometimes come by to talk to you and the rope is still there. You don’t know what you are still doing in the hole, but you know that you are gaining self control, you are getting more aware of yourself day by day. You don’t know when you will come out, but when you do, you won’t be as fragile as you used to be.

[pracchad]

[pracchad]

some mutt

[pracchad]

shit part one

i was born in the 90s. i wasn’t born alone, i had a twin brother with me. as i grew up everyone treated me as the youngest child though. i did have an elder brother other than the twin brother and i was the weaker twin. i didn’t remember much but when i was a child, i had an attack of epilepsy and it was bad, like really bad. then i had more over time, so i have epileptic disorder. but it doesn’t bother me much now cause i know how to keep it in check. anyway, as i grew up i wanted affection from my parents, they did give affection but it wasn’t enough. as we are twins the affection was divided and i felt like i got the smaller end of it. also i knew it from childhood that i was the one who wasn’t planned, i was the extra/surprised one. i kinda took pride in it from time to time but i also kinda felt bad about it. anyway i grew up and learned to spread joy, i was taught that do good and good things will come to you. so i did my best to do good/right by others. and boy i was so wrong. i have been suffering from depression since i was 15. at the age of 16 i started self-harm. then i think i stopped somewhere between 22-23. now i am 25 and boy am i depressed or what. i had manic depression and i think it has come back again.

[pracchad]

Don't Forget 3.Oct.11

[pracchad]

Love and death and peace and war

Love and death and peace and war in the planet Earth.... Remember that Steven Universe song? These are the four things we get in this earth. Each individual usually witness these throughout their lives. Sadly some only get half if it.

War, ever since we were born we are at war, either a war with the world or a war with ourselves and sometimes even both.

Peace, after war we usually get peace but sadly there's another war, so we can hardly feel the peace.

Death, a piece of us dies everyday, we learn new things everyday, each lesson costs us a piece of us untill we finally learn the simple truth about ourselves and die.

Love, they say it's out there and you are entitled to it, sooner or later you will find it, but they are wrong, you have been fighting your wars and other's wars too, you don't have time for this. Sadly no one fights your war, you are just a soldier and that's all you ever know and that's all you ever will be.

[pracchad]

drowning in self-loathing... dang it i am short.... can i go back to 1984....

[pracchad]

how did it end up like this

[pracchad]

Life is just a dream you know, its never ending

Its 10:36pm, I’m listening to Blue by Yamane. Random thoughts in my mind. Suddenly I feel lonely, I look around, I see no one; I search my mind, I find no one. I freeze, a few moments have passed. I start writing my thoughts. I stand up and turn off the light, raise the volume and keep on writing. I feel cold, I put a shirt over my lap. I feel so empty, maybe I am hungry or maybe I am depressed, I never considered myself as someone who is stuck in the past, but now I am thinking too much about the past, comparing it with the present. I feel old, like I am past my expiration date. I  put the music on repeat. I pause for a moment, the song ended and started again and then again. I don’t feel like writing anymore, I am gonna go lie down and keep on listening to this song.

[pracchad]

i don't feel like bothering anyone, you might say i am not bothering you cause i am your friend and you weren't busy and stuff... but when i text you or call you (whoever you are), i feel like i am bothering you, talking about my miseries or asking about your miseries and stuff, we all are just talking and talking and not doing anything; oh wait, we do stuff and then again we go back to talking, communicating, consulting; but it seems like i am speaking in a different language, the one that you think you understand, but you don't... heck, i don't even understand that language. i am constantly screaming, but without a voice. and i am so angry all the time, i don't even know why and that makes me more angry... 

[pracchad]

summertime sadness

[pracchad]

your mom is a tree

[pracchad]

So I kinda like how the color is fading and creating shades. #dyedhair https://www.instagram.com/p/BqdhdTPDHg8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=am1q5pyh1793

[pracchad]

i dressedup and made a pentagram with hotwheels in halloween and i was kinda hoping that a demon would come and keep me accompanied but i guess, they did't have time for me either.