Thoughts For Which I Have No Use

Sometimes I have paragraphs of thoughts that I need to put somewhere and I'm tired of keeping hundreds of notes full of them on my phone

[presentthoughts]

Living With An Eating Disorder Is Hard

I wish I knew how to get better on my own, but I don't. I try my hardest, but I don't really get better, I just feel better for a few days.

[presentthoughts]

Pancakes

That is all

[presentthoughts]

I like strangers more than friends

Strangers will always take you more seriously than friends, because they don't get to know you, so they go by what you show them

[presentthoughts]

Mood Swings

My moods actually switch so fast that I can barely keep up. I'll be happy and on top of the world, then suddenly before I know it, I'll realize that I don't feel well, and then I'll feel the aching hole in my chest that I only feel when my depression has returned, and then I wonder for hours what could have caused the switch

[presentthoughts]

I completely trust only myself...

And at times my mistrust of others spirals out of control along with my paranoia. They feed off of one another.

[presentthoughts]

Something I've noticed about me:

I run and hide from my feelings because they're so intense that I almost feel like I can't control them. Heartbreak, no matter how small threatens to crush my ribcage with my beating heart inside, and joy will almost surely cause my heart to explode. Why can't there just be a normal level of anything for me?

[presentthoughts]

Being positive is hard

But you know you can do it

[presentthoughts]

Dear Self:

Don't let anything or anyone make you feel bad about the rate at which your personal growth takes place. You're doing the best you can.

[presentthoughts]

Strength isn't always loud

Strength can be quiet, and subtle. Strength can look like not visibly reacting to a spider, even though you're screaming inside, or strength can look like staring into space while you relive your worst memory as vividly as you can, just to let yourself know you survived it once, so you can survive it again. Strength is personal.

[presentthoughts]

Half the time I'm a god damn goddess

The other half I'm uglier than the ugliest thing you can imagine