Laura Prashad here, your number one source for what's going on in the every day right-now occurring action of Town, the end-all be-all of hard hitting news for this charming place and all who inhabit it. That's right, you've found my side project! This little thing is what I like to call "Press In Progress" ...that is, journalism straight from the source. I know my weekly column is in high demand, as my editors have told me time and time again — Laura, you're a star, the best story-sniffer in the game, Laura. Well, you demanded ‑ now I supply. Yes, you're hearing correctly! I've gone public, I've gone accessible. Here you can reach me at all hours of the day where my team and I will not only be lending our ears but spilling our guts to our faithful readers, because dearie, let me tell you, I've collected many a secret my publishers were too afraid to let me spill. Welcome to my daily findings. Welcome to my true calling. Welcome... to Press In Progress. You've met Laura, now meet... ALEXANDER FERNANDEZ Alright check it, this is Alex, Alexander and to some and very few, Fern. While Laura seems to think this town needs “hard hitting news”, I on the other hand disagree completely. Town needs someone who will tell the truth and nothing but the truth. The honest, brutally painful cold hard truth, regardless of who can handle it or not. And that person is me. Obviously. Put away your sunglasses, break out your lawn chairs because shade will be thrown and tea will be spilled. No one is safe, not even ol’ Agy. "AGONY AUNT" AGNES My aching bones! Oh dear, you look like you could use yourself a nice glass of sweet tea and a homemade lemon bar. What's troubling you, sugar? Is it those bad cats downtown? The real ol' oily fellas? Whisper to Aunt Ags, there's nary a secret in Town I can't keep. As for these two, well... oh dear. I do apologize for their singularities, their parents were hippies of the worst ordeal, no doubt...
“I can’t even do this right now. They had hanky panky I guess and then this dumbass tried to lock her down with a love spell, but Noel walked in at the wrong moment so it redirected to him, is what I’m getting. So now Casey’s all upset and Tara’s like, whatever, my ass is in love with Noel.”
matt/kara's flashback, phoebe's kidnap, zenn, lily being broken, jena/graham, raven's bite and reagan
“Ooh, I am so on that train with you. Next stop, painville, passenger list: me, Matt, and Kara. Agree, agree, oh my GOOOOD POOR PHOEBE GIRL DO YOU NEED SOME TEA OR SOME TOAST OR SOMETHING, LET ME KNOW. What happened to Lily??? OH MY GOD SOMEONE WHAT HAPPENED TELL ME. Jena and Graham are so married, what the fuck. She thinks he’s just a social hermit with a garlic allergy, WAKE UP JENA. Last two, disagree. I have to be honest, I have no idea what it is that you are talking about.”
Favorite part of the week was the Noel/Tara/Casey drama tbh
“Hang on, I have a song here just for you guys. I’m typing this and queuing it up as we SPEAK. Just for you, hun bun. And mmm, I’m halfway on this. Casey is extra and Noel is extra but on the other side of the spectrum and Tara’s just there. I feel like it’s not over yet, so. Decline to agree OR disagree.”
“UHHH AGREEEEEED. My honey sweets. My little birds. Please be life partners. Please go to many, many Blue Man Group shows together. Please. That IS all.”
“Okay, hold up. “Going” evil? Evan has always been the darkest of the coldest, dark, black hearts, I don’t know how y’all didn’t see this coming. I love Evan, but that bitch is evil as fuck. Agreed, though. That shit was straight fire, and I’m reporting on all of it. RIP Oliver. I know you’re not dead but your soul is.”
“Alright, pressy people. It’s lady Laura here with the end of the week roundup. Listen up. While I write my column (and apparently, help out at the station because some loon down there cast a sleeping spell over everyone and there’s like, major dead air) I’m gonna need your help. Send in your personal favorite part of this week (for example, what happened that stood out to you? Anything I missed or didn’t talk about yet? How was your WEEK, fam bam) and I’ll reply back with whether I agree or disagree. Sort of like hot or not, but less MTV talk show feel. Go go go!”