it's been a rough week. rough month in general. i'm feeling depressed - in a slump - and not myself anymore. in high school, i felt like i was bubbly. fun. more adventurous and daring. now, i'm just scared. this is completely new to me - teaching. i miss summer institute now because of these feelings. i missed seeing other TFA members and being able to collaborate. now, i'm in a school with no TFA members. in a school that has beyond confusing administrative duties and tasks. and i feel like i have no direction. and my students see this. i'm a new teacher. missed the first few days cause they hired me late. didn't plan ahead. i'm not even great at math and science.. and 5th grade? ugh. i had my training in 1st graders. how am i going to adjust? i just miss coming home and not worrying about too much. i can go and spend my time freely. now i have to lesson plan, plan all my JHU assignments ahead of time, attend PDs from both my school and TFA... and then i think... what was i thinking when i signed up for this opportunity? but now i remember... this is an opportunity. it's always rough in the beginning. i'll have some restless nights. i'll cry a lot more than i usually do. and i'll feel alone and isolated.. feeling like it's just me who feels like that. but i'm not alone. and even tho i don't know enough people who are going through what i am right now, there are plenty more who are surviving and have survived being a teacher. i just have to ground myself into why i got into this in the first place.
