for your other anon if you think it's appropriate:
first of all, STAY.
I'm a Certified Professional Life Coach who teaches people how to take back control of their lives and start over again after they discover that life didn't work out exactly the way they planned.
2 concepts I think will help you, if you are open:
1) feel your feelings. you control your emotions, they do not control you. allow yourself to feel however you feel, but recognize that you are choosing to feel this - you are choosing to grieve the loss of your friendships, your history, and your future and this is how you are going to express that grief (through writing, crying, yelling, screaming, throwing axes, etc) but NOT through hurting yourself. when you are done, thank yourself, and then move on to the next emotion. feel them all, it's part of what makes us human. love yourself for that.
2) there is no blame, only misalignment. not everyone will like you and that's ok. I wear my dislike count as a badge of honor because it means that I am aligning myself with the right people and everyone else sees themselves out. we attract and repel people by being 100% authentically true to ourselves. for people who don't like us, that is entirely their issue. it DOES NOT mean there is anything wrong with you.
i don't like the color green. that doesn't mean green is a horrible color and should be removed from the color palette, it just means it's not for me. no judgement, it just doesn't align to my taste in color. other people probably love the color green. no judgement if they do. it means it does align with their taste in color.
go find people you align with and forget the rest. let them say what they want to say - it's a reflection of the kind of people they are. all you can do is focus on the kind of person you are and you want to be. go be a good person for yourself. i promise you, other people already think you are.
i love all sorts of strangers on the internet for things they've probably never imagined anyone could love them for. life is beautiful in that way - that we can find love all around and within us.
find a way to love yourself and never let that go
For the previous Anon.
Iâd like to add from my personal experience here.
Firstly, to that Anon, please stay. You have no idea right now how much your life impacts and enriches others and thatâs because youâre feeling overwhelmed and feeling at your worst.
I totally understand how that feels. Iâm not a professional life coach, but let me share what has helped me through these times, and donât worry: some of this will take time to process.
It sounds like you are in a situation where youâre surrounded by a lot of unsupportive people and it feels like thatâs all there is. But I promise you, there are people who are on your frequency and will be there for you as you will be there for them. I promise you. You have to be a little patient sometimes in order to find them, but they are there. I found some of my closest friends because of connecting over tv shows and other common interests online and one of those people now lives with me and helps me take care of my parents who are both in their 80s and have dementia. She is a miracle to me and I found her on Twitter talking about a show we have in common. It turned out she lived really close by and now, a few years later, sheâs like a sister to me.
When Iâm feeling overwhelmed, and this might seem silly, but I remember a song from Frozen 2 when Anna is stuck in a crevasse of ice. Sheâs lost, thinks the people she loves are dead and is broken emotionally. She doesnât know where to start to fix things, some of which seem unfixable. So you know what she does? The next right thing.
What does that mean in my life, and maybe yours?
Find little things to do, and complete them. Take one small step at a time. I cannot tell you how many times Iâve had to relearn this lesson in life that itâs okay to fail and not get things perfect the first time and to forgive myself for my missteps. And most importantly not to psyche myself out of trying something because I donât have it all figured out. This helps me in my art just as much as it helps me with organizing the house for my folks and for taking care of their needs.
In your case, it might be you plan for different things, different schools, different options. And know itâs okay no matter what happens. My original plan was to go to school for my art and be a comic book artist. I ended up instead in secretarial school because I couldnât afford the tuition for what I wanted. I worked in that field for awhile, then worked for myself doing graphic and web design and now I do that while I care for my parents.
NONE of my life is anything like I had planned, but I wouldnât change a thing. Iâm meant to be here in this moment in this house, taking care of my parents and writing this out for you or anyone else to see.
Most importantly and this is another lesson Iâm learning all the time, help is out there. The fact you wrote @leighlew3â tells me you instinctively know this. And itâs okay to ask for help in fact that tells me that through this particular struggle, you have the wisdom to reach out. It took me so long to get there. I thought I was failing my parents if I needed to ask for help. In truth, the failure is believing we can be all things to all people and still live a healthy and balanced life. Iâm still working on that part but thatâs okay. Iâm a work in progress.
Gosh, I donât even know if youâll ever even see this. But if you do, please take heart, dear Anon. Take a walk and notice the beauty in the little things. Then take a breath and know itâs okay to feel all the things youâre feeling. Then challenge yourself to take the next step and know there are people like me rooting for you.
