The possibilities of Christian dating
Anonymous asked: Hi Unka Glen, I’m tired of waiting and praying for God’s best when the man I’m highly attracted to now has not made any moves. I take that to be a clear signal that he is not attracted to me. Should I just give up waiting for him in my heart, and accept the pursuit of other men (not necessarily my version of God’s best, but are fine men nevertheless) who are attracted to me, who have made the move? [edited for length]
Unka Glen answered: Well, let’s run down the options here:
— You could give up on the relationship, turn to the next guy who comes along and say, “I guess you’ll do, I mean, you’re not the guy I’m interested in, but you’re a vaguely similar man-shaped person. Do you mind if I call you Tony? And do your hair up like he does it?”
— You could wait on him, in silence, just hoping and wishing in a totally passive way that he would figure out all the moves, make them, and do all the work of bringing this thing together all on his own.
— You could just tell him. But that might lead to one of three possibilities.
1) You could be so chicken and overwhelmed that your embarrassment would begin to collapse in on itself, eventually increasing its own mass, until it bends both time and space, forming a sort of shyness quantum singularity, eventually tearing a hole in the fabric of reality, and destroying the known universe, or…
2) You might say something like, “hey, I think you’re great, I dig our friendship, but I think we could be something more, what do you think?” and then he would point at you and say, “Ooo! look it’s one of those wicked women who throw themselves at men, the kind of woman that makes wild and scandalous sexual advances by suggesting that we all pray about becoming more than friends”, or…
3) He might be interested. Maybe he’s going through a tough time right now. Maybe he’s getting over a breakup. Maybe he’s been working up the courage to make his move. Maybe, well, who knows. But good relationships are not built on trying to read signs, they’re built on honest, open, and clear communication. (This includes your relationship with God, by the way.)
Nonetheless, once you get past the open communication, based on being as vulnerable to him as you expect him to be to you (ahem), then the real bottom line is this, and you should be perfectly clear about this through the rest of your dating life: you deserve to be with someone who is CERTAIN that they want to be in a relationship with you.
Someone who isn’t absolutely sure, doesn’t make the cut, period.
