there&#x27;s a villain in me

Prisonersinner

"Silence make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying, but the never needing to say that counts." - Margaret Lee Runbeck

Threads:

Changed feelings - Invasion on Jotunheim - My guardian Angel

#captain america #captain america 2 #stucky #nick fury #fury #shield #marvel #ooc #ooc shit #i'm shocked #i loved the movie #it's amazing #fucking amazing #TALK TO ME I'M NOT OK

Prisonersinner

"Silence make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying, but the never needing to say that counts." - Margaret Lee Runbeck

Threads:

Changed feelings - Invasion on Jotunheim - My guardian Angel

OH MY GOD TODAY I WATCHED CAPTAIN AMERICA 2 AND ALL MY STUCKY FEELS AND FURY AND PAKS[W,E´MEÉL´[EÇE´[L i died

sithslord

“We were raised together. We played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?”

Changed feelings

Tom’s blue eyes widened with Chris rough words and unexpected action. He felt his eyes filling with water and put his hands over his mouth; it was all his fault and Tom knew it and he hated himself more than anything right now. “Shit.” He said under his breath and ran to the living roomjust to find it empty. Closed his eyes trying to listen the shower, or even Chris on the phone or in his computer: nothing. The brit sighed tired and went to the guest room finding the door open and Chris arranging his things.

"Oh my God!" Tears were now fighting to fall from his eyes but Tom was doing his best to not cry. Not at all because he knew his nose and cheeks were all red, and also that his bottom lip was shaking. "Oh Chris, no, no, no! I-I can’t believe you’re leaving and I… I can’t believe this is my fault." Once again he put his hands over his mouth; his pounding heart hurting, bleeding: Chris was leaving him. "Don’t do this, please." He begged feeling that every moment now the tears would fall. And he would probably too: he’d kneel before Chris if it was necessary, he’d do anything just for him don’t go.

"I’m a fucking idiot, I know! And that’s why I’m sorry!" Tom’s hands were moving now like if he was praying. And he was. "Just don’t go, just… God, please forgive me, Chris." He stepped inside the room, eyes never leaving Chris divine face. "I-I didn’t wanted to tell you this because I know you have a broken heart, and I…" The man with blond curls took a deep breath. "I wanted to respect it, but you wanna know and I won’t lie anymore:" another deep breath. "I’m in love, Chris." He spoke it like it was forbidden, and ideed it was. Like it was a dark secret Tom didn’t wanted anyone to know, like… The person he loved couldn’t never know.

But Chris hasn’t moved, he said nothing and Tom started to worry: did he realized it was him? He would leave Tom right now because of this? Was him angry with Tom because the brit was in love when the aussie just broke up with Elsa? Tom was afraid and that was all he could think.

Startled, because he had not expected to hear Toms voice so suddenly, Chris turned around and faced his friend.He was even more worried as he saw his tears and let fall his bag back on the bed. “Tom! What in Gods name happened, that upset you so much?!” Instead of answering him, the other one continued to saying, that it was his fault and apologized and all that. He stepped inside the room and confused, Chris continued to looking at him. Why was his friend crying, did somebody hurt him? Had he heard bad news? Did something happened in his family?

Actually Chris wanted to ask him that, but he had not the possibility to say something, because Tom continued and he swallowed slightly, as Tom said, he had a broken heart - and yes, he still felt… sad about all that - one thing more, why he wanted to came to Tom. The brit was always been able to distract him, but this time it seemed, like something went wrong. Tom confessed what it was and for one moment, Chris didn´t even moved, that was it? That was the fact, why Tom was so upset? Thor didn´t get it, was not love actually something, where the other one would be happy and glad and maybe even a bit overwhelming of everything? But Tom looked for him as if he would suffer. As if it would not be a happy love. Well, maybe she had someone else and therefor no feelings for Tom?

Chris sighed loudly and laid his jacket next to his bag, back on the bed, before he stepped to Tom. “I thought, it would be something else.. You literally scared me, you maybe would not want my presence anymore, Tom.. Of course, I stay…”, he said before he just pulled the other one in his arms.

"I am sorry, for being so rude, Tom.. That are great news.." Chris leaned himself a bit bck, so he could look into Toms beautiful eyes and he smiled. "Does she know, you love her?" Gentle, he wiped the tears away, while their gazes were still connected. "I am truly sorry, Tom. That whole thing with Elsa..", he whispered and sighed shortly. "I think it made me a bit… well.. I just had the feeling to be… not needed, you know.. and right now in the kitchen, I just… ahm.. had a sort of the same feeling, that was why I went back in here.. Had I known, what happened, I had not reacted like that, My apologies.."

A small smile appeared on his lips, Tom still a bit in his arms, but in a position, were both could look on the other. “Does she know it? Oh, or, is it a guy? You know, I have nothing against that..” Because Chris was a bit ashamed, that he had reacted like that in the kitchen, he blushed a bit. “Of course, you must not say anything, if you don´t want… Come..”, he added after a few seconds and nodded in the direction of the living room, where they sat earlier on the comfortable couch. Chris wanted to hear something about that, maybe it would distract him a bit more and they also had the beer there… Somehow he just needed that now.

Tom snorted and wiped his tears away. “I’m ridiculous, aren’t I? I’m a joke… I’m so sorry I scared you Chris, it wasn’t what I wanted, I was just so worried about you leaving that I literally freaked out. Still, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have acted like that.” The brit gave back the hug but quickly he pulled back from Chris or he would cry once again.

He shook his head and felt the blond curls going side to side. “Oh Chris, for God’s sake you don’t need to ask for apologies, I’m the one who need to ask it.” He sighed and put his hands over Chris right shoulder. “Actually no, the person doesn’t know. Please Chris, you are overwhelmed with the whole divorce thing. You have a daughter to deal too and your face around the tabloids saying you were cheated on. My subject is bullshit, don’t worry. It was my bad.” Tom pu his hands up like in redemption.

Tom wided his blue-green eyes with the thought of Chris knowing it was a guy, or maybe that it was him. “No, no, the person doesn’t know and I don’t plan to tell like ever. There’s so much to deal with, so much in game that I’ll keep it to myself and just, I don’t know, move on? Probably.” He gave a humorless chuckle and patted Chris on his side.

Tom followed his best mate until the living room. Somehow he was feeling relieved: Chris indirectly knew Tom was in love for him. Really indirectly, because the brit wished the aussie didn’t knew the truth. If he could hide it from him forever, then Tom would do it. He didn’t wanted to cause harm on Chris, neither lose Chris.

He took a sip of Chris beer and passed it for him. “Actually, I can’t believe I’m in love with someone I never even kissed. It’s ridiculous, really.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s not love… Well, I don’t know, I’ve never felt it before, Chris.” Tom didn’t looked to his friend, he was too afraid Chris could see the truth.

Another headshake followed. “Whatever you usually use, to consider yourself, but I will not allow you, to use the term ridiculous, when I am around, because you are not!”, he retorted serious, before he frowned at Toms words and sighed quietly. “Yeah, I expected, the press would be quick, but this time it seems, they even faster than usual.. But.. please Tom, let us not speak of that topic, I really don´t want to hear anything about it, right now..”

Chris noticed, that it seemed, that Tom jut wanted to distract him from the topic of that one, he was in love with and he noticed also, that he always said “the person”, as if he did not wanted to reveal anything - what it made it even more interesting for Chris. But he knew, Tom would say nothing, when he would ask now and he did not wanted to make him mad. “It is not bullshit, Tom.”, Chris emphasized one more time, before they went into the living room.

Tom reached him the beer and Chris took it and after he had drank a sip, he placed it back on the table. “It is not.”, Chris said and looked back to him, bracing his arm on the backrest, scrutinizing his best friend. “Love does not define itself through touches and you know that too, Tom. You said it one time in an interview. I don´t know, if you even remember it, but you said, that you do not believe on love on first sight, because love is something, which grow. I agree with you in that fact. I mean, do not all of us wish to find love in those people, who know all of them, even maybe the bad habits.”

Chris stayed silent for one moment and then he had to smile. “You should show “that person”, that you are in love. You are charming, Tom. I am sure, he or she would at least go out with you, if you would invite them.” Taking another sip, Chris sighed quietly. “I know, I would do.” For a moment, he stopped, before he turned his head back to him. “I mean.. ahm, you know, because I know you already and I know, that I like you. You are a amazing human and we have a lot of fun, together right?”

Tom laughed a little and patted Chris' hand. "Ok, so for you I'm not ridiculous, but for me I'm. Sh! Don't be mad at me! It's just what I think." The british sighed and squezed his best friend's shoulder. "Chris, I know you don't like to talk about it, I'm sorry. But now or then you will have to, not only because of the divorce itself Chris, but because of India. Do you still want her custody, right?"

He lowered his head and shook it. "No Chris, it's bullshit." And then, with a courage Tom didn't knew where came from, he looked into Chris bright blue eyes (and Tom sweared he could swim inside that deep blue ocean eyes) and said the words he knew he would regret later. "It's a him, Chris." And he took a deep breath before continue. "I'll understando you with you want to stay away from me, my friend, but I want you to know I'm not gay; he's the first man I've ever felt something."

And that hit Tom like a punch in the stomach or something like this, because he remembered that interview pretty well, because that interview he said things to Chris he hadn't the courage to say in private. Because his heart chose Chris and there's nothing he could do about it. "Believe me Chris, even the fucking bad habits makes him a lot better than just the good ones. I wish I wasn't in love Chris, this sucks and I can't do a single thing about it, because I know he won't ever love me the way I want him to do."

He couldn't help himself nor hold himself back, but Tom blushed violently. Chris said he would go on a date with him, oh my God, he was freaking out inside. Oh my, Chris Hemsworth, the person he was currently in love with was saying Tom was charming and that he would go on a date, he actully would!! And to complete everything, he said he liked Tom. It was just too much and Tom was smiling like a kid in Christmas morning. "Would you like to go out with me?" Before he could realize it, Tom said it. He put his hands over his mouth. "O-Oh my G-God... I'm so sorry, I mean... Like friends, yeah? Or we can call a pizza, I-I don't..." He needed to breath deep to keep going. "I'm sorry Chris, I hope you don't get me wrong."

Tom got up from the couch, he was too ashamed to stay with Chris because of the look on Chris' face Tom knew he had realized it was him who Tom was in love with. And oh my God, he couldn't handle it; not evenn the thought about lose his best friend and current crush at once. Tom made his scape to the kitchen once again. He tried to breath, tried to calm down but couldn't. He was waiting for the moment that the front door would be open and closed and Chris would be leaving without saying goodbye. He was afraid and about to cry, because he was supid after all, not only stupid but ridiculous and a man... Chris would never love him because of so many obvious reasons; because he was guy and guys aren't able to get pregnant, and Tom wouldn't be able to give Chris children, because he hadn't gad a divine body like model girls, or a women's beauty.

Chris would never love him and, somehow, Tom knew it and tried to accept it.

My guardian Angel. | Closed rp {iam-the-god-of-thunder}

Tom was still working on the heart while to other doctor was taking the artery from the thigh, cleaning and preparing to replace it on the patient’s heart. An intuition crossed the doctor’s chest and it almost made him shrug, but he didn’t: he was too focused on what he was doing. But something was starting to get wrong and Tom noticed that. The heart was normal, because it was out of the patient’s body but something was getting wrong and Tom knew it the second he look to his patient, because look to machines wasn’t really his thing.

His patient’s body was becoming red, like if he was blushing entirely and Tom knew what was happening; his patient’s hypertension was attacking in that right moment and he needed to do something. “We have a high blood ressure happening right now.” The anesthetist put some medicine in the man’s IV to try to low his blood pressure. But it wasn’t helping and the other doctor noticed the patient’s kidney started to fail. “Dr. Thomas, there’s not urine coming down on the probe. Kidneys are failing.” Tom said to put another medicine to try to save the kidneys, but he knew he had a exact time to do this.

And the kidneys weren’t replying their efforts and Tom had another problem to deal with: lungs. “Patient’s lungs failing, Breathing lowering to 80%… 75%… 60%… 50%. It’s time to intubate him.” Tom said with his patient’s heart in his hands. He knew every effort would be in vein: he was dying from inside to outside. First the kidneys, now the lungs, next thing Tom knew would be the livers, and then digestive system and finally the heart. He would not save that man who probably had a family, friends, a job… A life to live.

A hour later, unfortunately, the patient was dead. “Nurse Jaimie, please, write down the hour he died.” The nurse nodded and did exactly what Tom asked her to do. “We did everything we could, but this buddy here needed to rest. If the family is outside, I’m gonna tell them. Rest in peace.” If it, he left the surgery room and walked to the waiting corridor where he knew the family were. What Tom saw just broke him: it just had to be Anthony’s, his patient, wife, kids and probably granddaughter. He took a deep breath and walked to them.

"Excuse me, lady, are you related to Anthony…?" The woman nodded and Tom saw fear in her eyes. "May I talk to you alone?" She shook her head, saying no. Tom needed to respect the patient’s family decision. "I’m so deeply sorry. Anthony didn’t made it. He’s resting in truly peace now. I’m so, so immensely sorry. We did everything we could, but his organs began to fail and there were nothing in our hands. I’m sorry." The woman broke down in cry, as well as the rest of the family. Tom needed to go to do the report. Silently he made his way away from the family.

The doctor was devastated, he hated when someone died in his hands and that’s why he began to cry. “Why?”

His head a bit tilted, Chris stood in the surgery room, without that he was been noticed by anyone. Everyone in here tried right now, to safe the mans life, even while they knew, the chances to get him better were bad. And he knew that even better than them.

For a moment, Chris looked away from the human, he would fetch and looked up to the doctor. For a human, he was really a goodlooking one and Chris had already safed him a few times. Tom.. that was his name. Chris knew, the other one was a good doctor. Unlike others he really did care for his patients and their families and all the time, he tried his best. But now it was time, to fetch the human, who lay beneath him. The one, Tom tried to safe.

The whole team, including Tom tried his best, but of course, they couldn´t safe him. While his eyes lay still on the doctor, Chris asked the human, what he liked the best and the answer was - coffee, with much milk and a bit sugar. Like he did it always, Chris wrote that down, after he had accompanied the man into the light and returned straight back to the hospital, where he looked curious for the doctor.

It didn´t took him long to find him, of course not and standing infront of him, he perched down, looking into the other ones beautiful eyes, which were right now, full of tears. What was it for a feeling, to be in tears? When they rolled down the cheeks, like they did it now. Being in tears seemed not always to be bad. Chris had see many people crying because of different reasons. But right now, he had seen enough to know, that Tom does it because he failed to safe the patient. That he couldn´t let him live. But it wasn´t his fault and Chris was sure, one day, Tom would know and accept it.

As he heard Toms desperate question, Chris righted himself up and lifted one hand. For one moment, he let slide his hand over the top of Toms hair, as if he wanted to soothe him. He knew, some people felt that kind of deed, he had done right now. Always again, there were people who said, they would have felt the presence of an angel, even when others laughed at them. Chris was curious, if Tom would feel it too. But before he could react, Chris was been called and he disappeared out of the hospital, to help one of his brothers.

Tom had stoped crying because, really, what the fuck just happened here? He felt something... Someone, and he could tell it wasn't the man that just died. It was a good presence, but yet he felt it and somehow Tom knew it was for good. Because he just felt.

"Who's here?" He asked, trying to get some reply but it never came. Tom shook his head and looked to his feet; he was a doctor and doctors don't believe in supernatural thing, it was for other people.

After some hours, Tom was finally at home. "Hey, buddy." He greeted happily his dog, Balder, a golden retriever. "How was your day? Did you ate my shoes or not?" Balder barked and licked his hand. "Oh, I love you too Balder. But now dad will take a bath." Tom went to his bedroom (with Balder following him) and then went to his bathroom, where he took a good and long bath.

In the next day Tom wouldn't work, it was his day off. Tonight he could get some time to relax and watch some TV with Balder, eating chinese food and drinkind whine. And he was going to do this, because he needed to.

hiddleston-daily

I think we all see ourselves as the heroes in our own lives.

#you ruined my life

hiddlestatic

Flower-crown Tom [x]

#you ruined my life

cartoonlogic

#you ruined my life

Changed feelings

Tom’s blue eyes widened with Chris rough words and unexpected action. He felt his eyes filling with water and put his hands over his mouth; it was all his fault and Tom knew it and he hated himself more than anything right now. “Shit.” He said under his breath and ran to the living roomjust to find it empty. Closed his eyes trying to listen the shower, or even Chris on the phone or in his computer: nothing. The brit sighed tired and went to the guest room finding the door open and Chris arranging his things.

"Oh my God!" Tears were now fighting to fall from his eyes but Tom was doing his best to not cry. Not at all because he knew his nose and cheeks were all red, and also that his bottom lip was shaking. "Oh Chris, no, no, no! I-I can’t believe you’re leaving and I… I can’t believe this is my fault." Once again he put his hands over his mouth; his pounding heart hurting, bleeding: Chris was leaving him. "Don’t do this, please." He begged feeling that every moment now the tears would fall. And he would probably too: he’d kneel before Chris if it was necessary, he’d do anything just for him don’t go.

"I’m a fucking idiot, I know! And that’s why I’m sorry!" Tom’s hands were moving now like if he was praying. And he was. "Just don’t go, just… God, please forgive me, Chris." He stepped inside the room, eyes never leaving Chris divine face. "I-I didn’t wanted to tell you this because I know you have a broken heart, and I…" The man with blond curls took a deep breath. "I wanted to respect it, but you wanna know and I won’t lie anymore:" another deep breath. "I’m in love, Chris." He spoke it like it was forbidden, and ideed it was. Like it was a dark secret Tom didn’t wanted anyone to know, like… The person he loved couldn’t never know.

But Chris hasn’t moved, he said nothing and Tom started to worry: did he realized it was him? He would leave Tom right now because of this? Was him angry with Tom because the brit was in love when the aussie just broke up with Elsa? Tom was afraid and that was all he could think.

Startled, because he had not expected to hear Toms voice so suddenly, Chris turned around and faced his friend.He was even more worried as he saw his tears and let fall his bag back on the bed. “Tom! What in Gods name happened, that upset you so much?!” Instead of answering him, the other one continued to saying, that it was his fault and apologized and all that. He stepped inside the room and confused, Chris continued to looking at him. Why was his friend crying, did somebody hurt him? Had he heard bad news? Did something happened in his family?

Actually Chris wanted to ask him that, but he had not the possibility to say something, because Tom continued and he swallowed slightly, as Tom said, he had a broken heart - and yes, he still felt… sad about all that - one thing more, why he wanted to came to Tom. The brit was always been able to distract him, but this time it seemed, like something went wrong. Tom confessed what it was and for one moment, Chris didn´t even moved, that was it? That was the fact, why Tom was so upset? Thor didn´t get it, was not love actually something, where the other one would be happy and glad and maybe even a bit overwhelming of everything? But Tom looked for him as if he would suffer. As if it would not be a happy love. Well, maybe she had someone else and therefor no feelings for Tom?

Chris sighed loudly and laid his jacket next to his bag, back on the bed, before he stepped to Tom. “I thought, it would be something else.. You literally scared me, you maybe would not want my presence anymore, Tom.. Of course, I stay…”, he said before he just pulled the other one in his arms.

"I am sorry, for being so rude, Tom.. That are great news.." Chris leaned himself a bit bck, so he could look into Toms beautiful eyes and he smiled. "Does she know, you love her?" Gentle, he wiped the tears away, while their gazes were still connected. "I am truly sorry, Tom. That whole thing with Elsa..", he whispered and sighed shortly. "I think it made me a bit… well.. I just had the feeling to be… not needed, you know.. and right now in the kitchen, I just… ahm.. had a sort of the same feeling, that was why I went back in here.. Had I known, what happened, I had not reacted like that, My apologies.."

A small smile appeared on his lips, Tom still a bit in his arms, but in a position, were both could look on the other. “Does she know it? Oh, or, is it a guy? You know, I have nothing against that..” Because Chris was a bit ashamed, that he had reacted like that in the kitchen, he blushed a bit. “Of course, you must not say anything, if you don´t want… Come..”, he added after a few seconds and nodded in the direction of the living room, where they sat earlier on the comfortable couch. Chris wanted to hear something about that, maybe it would distract him a bit more and they also had the beer there… Somehow he just needed that now.

Tom snorted and wiped his tears away. "I'm ridiculous, aren't I? I'm a joke... I'm so sorry I scared you Chris, it wasn't what I wanted, I was just so worried about you leaving that I literally freaked out. Still, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have acted like that." The brit gave back the hug but quickly he pulled back from Chris or he would cry once again.

He shook his head and felt the blond curls going side to side. "Oh Chris, for God's sake you don't need to ask for apologies, I'm the one who need to ask it." He sighed and put his hands over Chris right shoulder. "Actually no, the person doesn't know. Please Chris, you are overwhelmed with the whole divorce thing. You have a daughter to deal too and your face around the tabloids saying you were cheated on. My subject is bullshit, don't worry. It was my bad." Tom pu his hands up like in redemption.

Tom wided his blue-green eyes with the thought of Chris knowing it was a guy, or maybe that it was him. "No, no, the person doesn't know and I don't plan to tell like ever. There's so much to deal with, so much in game that I'll keep it to myself and just, I don't know, move on? Probably." He gave a humorless chuckle and patted Chris on his side.

Tom followed his best mate until the living room. Somehow he was feeling relieved: Chris indirectly knew Tom was in love for him. Really indirectly, because the brit wished the aussie didn't knew the truth. If he could hide it from him forever, then Tom would do it. He didn't wanted to cause harm on Chris, neither lose Chris.

He took a sip of Chris beer and passed it for him. "Actually, I can't believe I'm in love with someone I never even kissed. It's ridiculous, really." He rolled his eyes. "It's not love... Well, I don't know, I've never felt it before, Chris." Tom didn't looked to his friend, he was too afraid Chris could see the truth.

#i love you!#iamthegodofthunder #iam-the-god-of-thunder

dominus-meliosin

Reblog if you believe Roleplaying forms Friendships

anon-loki

My guardian Angel. | Closed rp {iam-the-god-of-thunder}

Was a tough day for Tom as always, but today it seemed just a little bit worse. His part of the hospital was crowded of sick people and some children screaming because of their belly pain, but the worst part of the ward was where people were hospitalized. There were too many people waiting for medicines and attention of others doctors towards Tom, because that kind of care wasn’t his specialty: he was a surgeon doctor, not a ward doctor, but he was always helping anyone who needed it. Above all he was human and he couldn’t, and didn’t liked to watch another humans suffering knowing he could help them in the majority of the cases.

Tom was checking some old people when he heard a nurse calling him in the speakers of the hospital. “Tom Hiddleston emergency on Surgery Room 9. Calling doctor Tom Hiddleston, it is a Red emergency on Surgery Room number 9.” Tom excused himself with the elderly people and ran to his team of surgery.

He washed his hands with the help of a nurse, put surgical gloves on and the rest of the nurses help him with the surgical clothes. He entered in the Room 9 just to find a man with mid age lying anesthetized on the stainless cold gurney. Tom put his surgical mask on and stepped inside, hearing the nurse closing the door behind him. “Patient report.” Doctor Hiddleston asked coming close to his team. Everyone had everything already prepared.

"Heart attack victim, high stage need Heart Bypass surgery. The blood pressure was high but now is stabilized." The anesthetist, Benedict, said and Tom nodded. "We presume it will take six or even eight hours, Tom." Once again Tom nodded and started to grope the patient’s chest to feel the exact place where he would cut it. Soon he found. "Scalpel." He asked to the instrumentalist since the patient’s chest was clean and sterilized. The scalpel came to his hands he cut in the right place. The blood started to appear. "Cautery." Once again it was quickly in his hands.

An hour later, the heart was finally exposed while the patient’s thigh was being cut by another doctor to take a piece of artery to replace the dead one on his heart. It would be a delicate surgery, Tom was sure about it, but he was secure about the patient: he was stable and the doctor knew he would made it until the end of the surgery. A beating heart was resting in the palm of his hand while a fake one was keeping the patient alive.

Like he always did, Tom prayed in his on way. “I don’t know if you’re God, Jesus or if you have another name, but please help me, guide my hands to save this life. Thank you.” He started to work on the beating heart.

Actually, his day was not different to any other ones, he had always experienced in his whole existence. He had fetched a young woman, which had not looked on the traffic light, two brothers on the highway and a young girl, which had fever. And like he did it since his entire being, he asked them, what they liked the most and wrote it in his little green book, which he had always in his long, balck coat, he wore.

Sitting on the roof of the tower of the lifesaver on the beach, Chris read his last entries from that day, the woman loved sunsets and had almost every day of her life watched at them, when the sun sank behind the horizon of the sea. With a smile, Chris thought, that she did the same, like he and his many brothers and sisters did always. The younger brother had loved motorcycles, prefering a label named Harley davidson, the older brother had loved food, especially mashed potatoes like their mother had made it as they were children and finally the young girl with her fever. As he fetched her, she told him she loved pyjamas, with feets on them. For one moment, Chris thought about, how it would feel like, to have such a pyjama on his body. Or even how it would felt to sleep, or to awake.

Some time passed, even if time was not something, which was relative for Chris and he heard his friend Liam. “Hey Chris, do you already know, where you are going today?” Chris looked up to his friend, who was on his side, like God had made them two and he nodded slightly. “Yes, I will go to another hospital and what is about you?” “Well good luck with that - I will go to the airport again, I think they will need my help today.”

Chris nodded slightly and in the next moment he was in the hospital, looking at all the people, who were there, old and young, ill and healthy, big or small, thin or thick and Chris made his way to the building, from ward to ward. He helped one doctor to use a better remedy, one sick woman to take attentive on the stairs and so on until his inner feeling leds him into the surgery - he had the feeling, the currently man, who laid there, must be fetched and after all, that was his doing. The reason of his existence.

But the moment was not yet. So Chris stood there and watched how the team of nurses and doctors operated and he tilted his head a bit. The one, who conducted the surgery seemed calm and concentrated and although he never had that feeling before, he asked himself, how he would react, when the man under his hands woul suddenly die… because the minute, where he would fetch him, came closer and closer.

Tom was still working on the heart while to other doctor was taking the artery from the thigh, cleaning and preparing to replace it on the patient's heart. An intuition crossed the doctor's chest and it almost made him shrug, but he didn't: he was too focused on what he was doing. But something was starting to get wrong and Tom noticed that. The heart was normal, because it was out of the patient's body but something was getting wrong and Tom knew it the second he look to his patient, because look to machines wasn't really his thing.

His patient's body was becoming red, like if he was blushing entirely and Tom knew what was happening; his patient's hypertension was attacking in that right moment and he needed to do something. "We have a high blood ressure happening right now." The anesthetist put some medicine in the man's IV to try to low his blood pressure. But it wasn't helping and the other doctor noticed the patient's kidney started to fail. "Dr. Thomas, there's not urine coming down on the probe. Kidneys are failing." Tom said to put another medicine to try to save the kidneys, but he knew he had a exact time to do this.

And the kidneys weren't replying their efforts and Tom had another problem to deal with: lungs. "Patient's lungs failing, Breathing lowering to 80%... 75%... 60%... 50%. It's time to intubate him." Tom said with his patient's heart in his hands. He knew every effort would be in vein: he was dying from inside to outside. First the kidneys, now the lungs, next thing Tom knew would be the livers, and then digestive system and finally the heart. He would not save that man who probably had a family, friends, a job... A life to live.

A hour later, unfortunately, the patient was dead. "Nurse Jaimie, please, write down the hour he died." The nurse nodded and did exactly what Tom asked her to do. "We did everything we could, but this buddy here needed to rest. If the family is outside, I'm gonna tell them. Rest in peace." If it, he left the surgery room and walked to the waiting corridor where he knew the family were. What Tom saw just broke him: it just had to be Anthony's, his patient, wife, kids and probably granddaughter. He took a deep breath and walked to them.

"Excuse me, lady, are you related to Anthony...?" The woman nodded and Tom saw fear in her eyes. "May I talk to you alone?" She shook her head, saying no. Tom needed to respect the patient's family decision. "I'm so deeply sorry. Anthony didn't made it. He's resting in truly peace now. I'm so, so immensely sorry. We did everything we could, but his organs began to fail and there were nothing in our hands. I'm sorry." The woman broke down in cry, as well as the rest of the family. Tom needed to go to do the report. Silently he made his way away from the family.

The doctor was devastated, he hated when someone died in his hands and that's why he began to cry. "Why?"