Anxiety is living under a flinch, mouth full of holes, a tremble point
it is what if it all goes wrong and it is yes but it didn’t and it is no it did and here are the ways that you failed and didn’t even notice. it’s “you got an A” and feeling nothing, it is “you got a B+” and feeling your insides try and rip themselves out of your body. it is breath in short pants, human turned wild animal, get me out of here. it is brain a blank buzzing, it is sobbing on the train station, it is can you order for me. it is you need sleep because tomorrow’s a big day, it is you can’t sleep because tomorrow is a big day. it is don’t open your mouth. it is you’re an absolute waste of space why don’t you just try and make friends for once. it is you don’t deserve her. it is he’s right, you know. it is having three hours to do something important and instead staring blankly at a wall for two hours and fifty minutes. it is don’t go to the party, it is why didn’t you just go to the party. it is walk faster, it is sweaty palms and checking under the bed and keeping the lights on. it is you deserve this. it is a held breath, a morning hangover, it is go do this and it is too scared of failure to start anything. it is turn the page, it is don’t look, it is you’ll have nightmares about this later. it is answer the question, it is don’t raise your hand, it is teacher’s pet, it is breakdown lane in the middle of any building. it is here’s how to make it look like you haven’t just been hit by a truck. it is just drink, just curl your hands into fists until the fingernails bite in, it is forgetting the art of having lungs. it is can you not do that here. it is forgetting to walk back into your own body. it is removing yourself from anything, everything, it is watching other people who involve themselves and feeling lonely. it is you’re not hungry, it is smile prettier, it is that joke fell flat, it is everyone experiences this stop being a drama queen, it is suck in your stomach, it is control, it is hold on, it is so tight it will strangle the life out of you slowly so you can have the time to worry about all the things you should have done. it is should have. it is could have. it is why didn’t i why didn’t i, it is why did i do that, it is i am excited about this i think but i feel like vomiting, it is future too heavy, it’s what if, what if you don’t care, what if i’m not good enough, what if the building burns down, what if i lose her tomorrow, what if he doesn’t make it back safe, what if i’m the reason nobody loves me, what if i’m going to die alone one day, what if i’m useless, what if nobody cares, what if nobody reads this
it is that all went wrong, didn’t it?
ellievsbear
dededos
izzy806
kianamaiart
