heart v. ego: a tale of unrequited love
My fear of getting hurt allows my ego to pull all sorts of moves of self-defense.
Instead of getting upset, resisting it, or giving into it... why not try accepting it?
Because it is scary as shit- and also super infuriating for a reason I can't quite figure out. Like you want to scream punch something and then cuddle a puppy. It’s weird.
But that self-defense mode that creeps up while trying something new, and/or (especially) dating... instead of letting it take the lead- THANK IT. Approach this feeling with gratitude and compassion- it’s not trying to cock block your love life just for fun- it’s looking out for you. It’s looking for patterns of past events and setting your mind to distance yourself from any threat of harm.
It’s not stupidity or nativity- it’s simply a natural reaction. At first, drawing awareness to this will absolutely suck probably. Your mind will throw a floppy fit and you’ll try not to flip your lid. You may lose it at first, and then again, but eventually you’ll find a brief moment of gratitude in there- if for at no other reason than your ability to sit there and look at your wounds for five seconds without giving in to your every desire for distraction.
That icky feeling of fearing the unknown- show it respect and give it space to drift. Thank it kindly, acknowledge it, and while it will be ever present, so will you. And it is in this space that you will be free to follow your heart. Play a little, love a little, learn a little, feel a little.
For if the universe didn’t want us to feel, we wouldn’t have hearts.