probably petting a dog

I'm Abby and i love dogs and making new friends

[byjove]

I could never go to Australia because dingos look like normal dogs and I couldn’t trust myself not to try to pet them.

[byjove]

what do you mean these good boys can kill me

[renardtrickster]

Dingo

Also Dingo

[byjove]

danger shiba inu

[spectrealenko]

me: accidentally hits my lock screen button while watching youtube

youtube: you wanna get youtube red?? you fucking dumbass?? you really think you can play videos in the background without youtube red?? you fucking useless bastard.

[etherqueen-deactivated20160417]

when your mental illness starts acting up again

[desinteresse]

Its nice that we get to die someday. Imagine being immortal and suddenly you remember all the emberassing things you did in the last 2000 years. Horrible

[desinteresse]

Me, as a vampire: oh geez

Friend: What’s wrong

Me: Just remembered that time in 1654 when the tavern maid said “Enjoyeth thy meal!” I replied with “Thee as well”

[wannabeconfident]

[dojacat]

[rip-roaring-ruffian]

[trickstertime]

*imagines dinosaurs looking like, and doing, this nonsense*

[toasthag]

me .01 seconds after emphatically saying yes to plans

[loafed-beans-deactivated2020082]

[soft awoo]

[strix-avis]

context:

[andrewbelami]

I wanna be hot enough to make people question their sexual orientation

[myfirstname]

i’m ugly enough to make people question their sexual orientation

[one-time-i-dreamt]

A girl I liked convinced me to stab a man, so I did. Felt guilty for a bit, then promptly forgot about it and walked around with the murder weapon for a couple of hours, going about my business, walking my dog. Eventually I was cornered by a plainclothes police officer who asked me why I had a bloody knife; I told him I was looking after it for my bogan cousin. He said, “You’re under arrest,” and I was like,, “No, I’m not, watch this,” and then I woke up.

[renrumm]

that’s a goddamned power move

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

idk if I’ve posted about this before but by far the strangest things that’s happened to me in retail was the time someone’s total came out to my birth-year and I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and then the next customer’s total came out to like $12.57 and just bc I’m a weirdo I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and without missing a fucking beat this like, 70+ year old man said

“Ah! Another like me! We’re few and far between these days, aren’t we?”

And I was like oh man this guy’s sense of humor really aligns with mine! And I laughed and made some other joke about being immortal and thought that was the end of it,

but this man.

He stood by the register for five more minutes. Maybe more. Which let me tell you is an EXCRUTIATING amount of time for something like this to happen.

And he just kept upping the ante!! He starting talking about some REALLY specific details regarding day-to-day life in the 1300s to the point I started getting worried that I’d misled a genuinely immortal being to believe I am also immortal.

He eventually politely left when I got too busy with other customers to awkwardly respond.

Who the fuck was that guy.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I think it’s also important to mention this happened at Cracker Barrel.

[imsoofuckingsad-deactivated2018]

in a threesome with anxiety and depression

[lockzinhas]

[thejogging]

[ahhthelegend]

I almost scrolled passed this shit

[hypnotic-flow]

this is the ultimate shoot ya shot pic. you can’t miss with pic. you know damn well Obama didn’t.

[ozten-deactivated20171022]

[artifuls]

Things I have learned since becoming an Adult™

-don’t tell ur coworkers jack shit. You might think they’re your friends but they will sell you out for a paperclip -everything men tell you is a lie -store brand vanilla ice cream is better than name brand -pregnancy tests from the dollar store work just as well as $20 ones -don’t lie to your doctor -seriously don’t -at some point your card will get declined for $6 and nobody but you will care. It happens to everyone at some point in their life -you will become bffs with your mom (unless she’s a mean person, then skip this one) -you’ll wish you took the advice adults gave you when you were younger, even though it annoyed you at the time -people you went to high school with will become teachers, doctors, etc but they will still do drugs and it will be weird. That’s life, my dude -never underestimate the power of new underwear

[girl-rambling]

The second last one though