Stranger Things
Keni
Andulka
Three Goblin Art
Peter Solarz
🪼
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Mike Driver
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Jules of Nature
tumblr dot com
noise dept.
Today's Document
Origami Around
#extradirty
h
sheepfilms
Claire Keane
wallacepolsom
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@procrastinatingcarla
it's so funny to me to watch people play hollow knight and be like "I'm just in it for the next boss fight, I LOVE the boss fights". could not be me. I'm in it for the beauty of exploration and the glory of platforming, I see a big room and go ah fuck why must I suffer
there’s no way to start other than… starting, right? I've been constantly thinking about how I feel so distant from the things I love the most and how my hobbies have been getting more and more abandoned. but frankly, it’s just not that simple. I play video games now, which is a hobby. but then again, I feel like this is a hobby that doesn’t allow me to grow. there’s a big problem there: do I actually have to grow constantly through my interests?
I know this is a simple and simplistic thought, but it has been on my mind for a long time, years actually. there’s some frequent questions that bother me and I guess this is a good place as any to restart my writing journey.
first is: do my hobbies need to have a deeper meaning or end in my personality? what I mean by this is, do I have to do, for pleasure and leisure, things that help me become a better person, a better professional, a better view? for running to be a hobby for me, does it need to have a visual effect on my appearance? this is just an example, but it is one that goes through my thoughts constantly. the same goes for dancing or muscle training.
on the other hand, I do have hobbies that don’t have any “profit” value. like, I’ve been playing videogames - specifically hollow knight - hours and hours on end. it’s been very fun, don’t misunderstand me. but when I stop, I can’t help but look back on the time that I spent on this and think that I should have been reading or singing or even watching a good movie and learning something. I know damn well that this is not the goal of a hobby, so WHY do I keep putting this weight on my little hollow buddy?
I think that this feeling comes on the account of my own insecurity. I’ve been playing for hours because I can, because I am on my days off. But, just before I started my vacation days, I talked to my partner about how insecure I was to rest. over the years I’ve been growing as a journalist, but I have a big problem with insufficient feedback. I’m aware that I’m insecure, but giving your absolute best effort and have no feedback in response makes you think very bad things about yourself. so, as I was coming close to my vacation days - which are guaranteed by law here in Brazil - I was crying alone at the office thinking this was not a good time to rest, even though I was exhausted.
all of these to say that, if I was reading and studying instead of playing and listening to music, I would still feel guilty. it’s not about what I do with my free time, the guilt is about what I don’t get to do. this brings me to another question: how can I be happy and fulfilled without demanding everything from myself all the time?
the answer is hurtful, but what I desperately need to accept is: I will not get to do everything. I will not get to enjoy everything I wish I could. I get sad when I think about this, but it’s normal not to do all the things. I wish I could play different instruments, play a lot of games, read loads of books, watch every movie and series, listen to all the good podcasts and watch all the youtube videos I could. but, there’s no time. this is normal, but it still makes me sad.
today I get to say I started writing again. is it any good? I don’t think so, it’s more just a diary entry. but it exists. this vent is just a place to restart. that's enough for now.
Watch carlaluizaas with me on Twitch! https://www.twitch.tv/carlaluizaas?sr=a
i don't know how to play videogames, but it's fun so https://www.twitch.tv/carlaluizaas
eu sou horrível em videogames, mas mesmo assim é divertido então: https://www.twitch.tv/carlaluizaas
my new flat is literally in front of my school so every time i look out of the window i'm reminded of how soon (less than two weeks!) it starts again.
how do you seriously ask someone if they still love you without looking like an insecure idiot?
Everyday schedule
Feeling that white/grey/brown combo
my brain when I’m trying to do anything productive
Medusa and Perseus by Doc Zenith
STOP ASIAN HATE
Like and reblog
a friendly reminder that microaggressions against asians can also look like this:
pretending to gag at asian food
pretending to be weirded out by asian customs and cultures
excusing cultural appropriation (often through ignoring the stories of asians who have been mocked for wearing their ethnic dress while praising a white person for doing so)
not trying to learn how to pronounce an asian person's ethnic name correctly, or asking, "can i call you by something else?"
adopting an asian name for the ~aesthetic~
using the words "oriental" and "exotic" to describe asian people, particular asian women
ignoring the experiences and stories of south, southeast, *edit* west asians, and central asians
making sweeping assumptions about asian countries (including their political, historical and cultural landscape)
treating the entire asian community as a monolith and ignoring the fact that the experiences of asian nationals are remarkably different from the asian diaspora/migrant community
co-opting asian aesthetics into creative media without acknowledging their history
*Switches languages in mid-sentence while talking to myself*
me in five years when i still don’t have my life together:
