hemlock.

Noah Hemlock. 32 years old. University Professor. Retired Regional Professor. Specializes in Pokémon Biology, evolution theory, and sneaky glasses of whiskey.

[trasga-blog]

[profhemlock-blog]

Of all the young pokémon Noah had taken under his wing as of late, Flower was certainly the most mischievous of the bunch. A young Stunky apparently bred with the ability to spit fire from the moment it had hatched, it wasn’t unusual to find the tiny poison-type launching minuscule fireballs at unfortunate passers-by, much to the professor’s dismay.

While too small to do any real harm, the flame bursts still left behind unsightly scorch marks that were far from ideal. So when Noah noticed the Stunky readying himself to spit out a tiny ball of fire onto the shoes of a stranger walking past the two during the professor’s cigarette break, he quickly scooped the tiny pokémon up into one hand, holding him away from the other as the flames (thankfully) missed their target with his interference.

“Sorry about that,” Noah offered, voice tired as he offered his apologies to the stranger. “He still hasn’t got the hang of behaving in public yet.”

[lunarchld]

Send my muse one of the following texts to see how they react:

[text] I can’t take you seriously when you’re using that many emojis.  [text] Im not drunk eveyone is just blurry [text] Could you be anymore dramatic?  [text] You need more friends… or a therapist…  [text] All you do all day is sit around and google pictures of baby animals!  [text] I just miss you. That’s all.  [text] New rule.. every time you say his name I get to punch you. [text] You’re going to hell for sure now.  [text] Why is there a life size cardboard cut out of Harry Styles in my bedroom? [text] I really don’t care…  [text] Oh no, I’m not doing that again. [text] I’ve seen every episode of Grey’s Anatomy like 3 times. I practically have a PhD. [text] Do whatever you want. I don’t even care anymore.  [text] Can’t talk now.. too busy eating ice cream and watching House Hunters International.  [text] We’re not watching Frozen again.  [text] I have no idea what you’re talking about…  [text] You’ve got waaaay too much time on your hands.  [text] Are you trying to bribe me with sex?  [text] I just don’t think moving in together is a very good idea… [text] Because you’re pissing me off!  [text] You left your sweatshirt here. It’s mine now.  [text] I need to tell you something but you have to promise not to get mad.  [text] What did I say about sending me pictures like that while I’m at work?  [text] Wait… are you serious? [text] I accidentally just called my mom a bitch to her face and now I have to run away. [text] I’m just saying that you look a lot better without clothes on! [text] I know that we don’t always get along but I really do miss you.  [text] Pictures or it didn’t happen!  [text] I’ll accept apologizes in the form of food or sex.  [text] I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry please just pick up the phone. [text] That’s really inappropriate…  [text] I don’t know if I should be embarrassed or proud…  [text] You’ll never guess who just texted me.  [text] I hate my life right now about as much as Robert Pattinson hates Twilight.

[lanturn-left-this-blog-deactiva]

[profhemlock-blog]

starter call!

seems like i really have to get things moving on here. if you’re interested, please like this post! cap is at 3 for now, but i might extend it in the future if i’m feeling that bit more creative.

[profhemlock-blog]

notice!

all replies and ask answers below this post were made before this muses revamp. it’s still part of his canon, but in the past!

[greenbloodedwarrior-blog]

p o k e m o n  1 0 1

@profhemlock

An Aerodactyl passed over the skies of Striaton City five times before Nora was certain it was the correct town they were looking for. Zip landed gratefully and trudged behind the exploring Nora, glancing around at the eyes who thought it peculiar for a giant pterodactyl to follow her trainer around like a faithful Lillipup.      “ Where is this guy, anyway? ” Nora sighed, digging in her pocket for an crumpled packet of Lucky Strikes. There was one sorry looking slightly bent cigarette left and she placed it on her lip, scrounging around for her lighter. Zip grumbled back with her scratchy voice, half distracted to pick up a flowering weed from someone’s front yard and stuck it behind her horn. For aesthetics, one could guess.     “ “Try the laboratory”. Thank you Zip, I’m glad you’re filling in as Watson in the mysterious case of finding Professor Hemlock, ” Nora echoed sarcastically. Zip rolled her eyed and snorted, dust expelling from her nostrils. They passed a large sterile building with an older man out the front who frankly looked a bit lost. 

Nora sidestepped a little closer to the pale-haired stranger, spotting a cigarette also balanced on their lip. With a crackle, she opened the cap of her zippo. “ Need a light? Also do you know where I can find a one Noah Hemlock? ” 

[profhemlock-blog]

When was the last time he’d bothered to take a cigarette break outside of the lab willingly? He honestly couldn’t remember. Usually the Professor had no qualms with lighting one up as he sat behind his desk, but since he now seemed to have no less than four pokémon following him around like a mother Swanna at all times these days, he figured a change in habit was about due. As much as Noah liked to seek relief in the form of nicotine, it was a little unfair to surround the newly-hatched creatures with a cloud of smog indoors.

Labcoat left behind, Noah had started with a brief stroll around Striaton. If he was making an effort to go outside, might as well find somewhere better to take a break than lingering around the laboratory doors, right? Though his little walk had soon come to a grinding halt, as the Professor realized something fairly important.

The labcoat that was back in his office still had his lighter stashed away in it’s pockets. Shit. Groaning quietly to himself, Noah pat down the pockets of his outfit in a vain attempt to find a spare, but as expected, there was nothing. Belle, his Eevee -- who was being used as a perch by his young Chatot -- stared up with a look of concern at her trainer’s sudden shift in mood.

Great. Time to waste more of his breaktime and go back inside to fetch it. Or at least he would, if a young woman hadn’t approached with the offering of her own lighter’s flame, causing the Professor to sigh quietly with relief.

“What are you, some kind of guardian angel or something?” He jested, while managing to keep a look of total seriousness as he stepped forwards, placing the cigarette between his lips before leaning forwards to the flame in order to light it.

Inhaling deeply, Noah plucked the cigarette from his lips once more, letting the cloud of smoke fall from his mouth before he introduced himself.

“You found him. Professor Hemlock, pleased to meet you.”

[championofspirits-blog]

“Simply a joke Professor. Though I will say if you ever did make a Daycare, I would surely go. So you got one customer. Anyway, I do assume you got an egg. Do you know what Pokemon will hatch from it?”

[profhemlock-blog]

     “I can’t say for certain, but I think it’s a Cottonee. The exterior of the shells don’t give much of an impression, but this one in particular has a tell-tale pattern linking it to the grass-type.” There’s a small pause, and the professor merely shrugs his shoulders, placing his hands in the pockets of his labcoat.  “How about you? I assumed you gathered one for yourself, as well?”

[profhemlock-blog]

championofspirits:

“You know, if the Professor doesn’t cut it in the end, you could always run a Pokemon Daycare. You might as well be already.”

     “I worked my ass off to get this position, so you’d have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands to make me leave. That sounds like a decent enough retirement plan, though.”

[profhemlock-blog]

championofspirits:

“Seems like everyone’s present for Christmas this year is parenthood… and for those who are already parents, another one to the family.”

“Tell me about it. The lab and the garden surrounding is starting to resemble the local safari zone than anything else.”

[profhemlock-blog]

You found a Pokémon Egg! It doesn’t seem close to hatching… When it does, it will be a Cottonee!

     [ weary dad noises ]

[professormadrone-archive-blog-d]

External image

You found a Pokémon Egg! It doesn’t seem close to hatching… When it does, it will be a Slowpoke!

   “Oh..”

    Odile acquires the PokeNav, holds the egg, and sends a text message to the likes of professors <HEMLOCK> and <SOSNA> in the offical professor group chat.

  [text]: Looks like I found Noah’s relative! It’s a Slowpoke! 

[profhemlock-blog]

[text]: mmmmm [text]: funny joke

[profhemlock-blog]

     caught the little bastard red handed

[rpmememaker]

Yet Another TFLN Meme

[Text]: it glows. i had to have it. [Text]: i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren’t you proud of me? [Text]: you told me your favorite colors were “pink” “no pants” and “Mexican food” [Text]: I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack [Text]: YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET [Text]: This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I’m too hungover to ask questions [Text]: I think my nap took me to another dimension [Text]: i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs [Text]: I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I’m conflicted. [Text]: I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA [Text]: i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang. [Text]: He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were “stay away from my princess parts. they’re renovating.” [Text]: It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes. [Text]: If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you. [Text]: The real estate’s complaint had the words “loud squealing at 2am” in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night. [Text]: Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less. [Text]: was it mean of me to chase him screaming “DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!” [Text]: I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents. [Text]: If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh. [Text]: Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today? [Text]: I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job [Text]: And he probably thinks I’m in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything [Text]: I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk. [Text]: i said good morning to each one of his abs personally [Text]: A true measure of a good friend is how long they respond to their friends drunken illogical texts. You’re a champ. [Text]: Apparently I’m a “fire hazard” [Text]: Just did shrooms. Don’t feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing’s happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money. [Text]: I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car. [Text]: do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it’s really, really cool when u think about it [Text]: Well I’m about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I’m disappointed in how little alcohol is in me [Text]: im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper “I’m not wearing underwear” but idk if thats a heartfelt apology [Text]: Ducking stuck downtown…all the fuxkig roads are blixkded [Text]: we’re making bets on your personal life [Text]: Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being…

[riotess-blog]

profhemlock

It had been a while since she had bumped into the Professor of her region, so naturally, it was only logical she pay another visit out of the kindness of her heart and the charity of her soul! Honestly, it was no wonder such a caring individual such as herself was entrusted the responsibility of the title of ‘Champion’ she was Unova’s savior! The one and only true protector–

    She was also at a gig the night before where she happened to break…All of her Pokeballs..Meaning her Pokemon were now roaming free and constantly following behind her, causing quite a few people to turn their heads.

It didn’t take long for her to reach Striaton City, not whilst she was sitting on top of her Beartic as the rest of her team surrounded her like..some sort of weird cult. Spotting the Professor’s place straight away and letting herself in…Banging her head against the top of door frame in the process.

“..Ouch– Bolin I said to duck!– Hey, oh great and mighty Professor are you home? A humble trainer requires your immediate attention!”

        “Just kidding, it’s me. Your favourite champ. I’ve got at least…two favours to ask of you! If you would be so kind! Number 1: I require some new Pokeballs..Mine have..vanished. You know how crazy shows get! And Number 2…Well we can get to that after Number 1 is accomplished!”

[profhemlock-blog]

     The parade of pokémon and the trainer they surrounded were unfortunately met with an empty room upon entering the professor’s laboratory. Busy elsewhere in the building, the Champion’s voice as she called out was barely heard, though it seemed to have drawn the attention of the youngest of Noah’s team.

     The gentle sound of claws tapping against tile could be heard, and from the open door leading to a small hallway came a rather tiny Stunky, coming to investigate the origin of the voice she had never heard before. Unfortunately for the young poision-type, she wasn’t quite expecting the sight that waited for her; her eyes widening in fear as she peered up at the Beartic and the rest of the team that towered over her as she trembled in fright.

     “Kee-!”

     A startled screech escaped the young Stunky, and with a hiccup she spat out a tiny fireball before scrambling back to the hallway she had appeared from.

     Drawn by the chaos of the champion’s sudden arrival, Noah soon appeared from the same doorway, sporting a tired expression as he held the shaking skunk-like creature in his arms, while a Chatot remained peacefully perched on his shoulder, gently tugging at curls of silver hair without a care in the world.

     “Favours?”

     “... Did you get this place mixed up with the PokéMart? I figure a champion of all people would be able to afford a new set.” Grumpy, grumpy. Someone didn’t sleep very well last night. Though, considering his professions, he barely had the time to sleep at all. “Does the second favour involve somehow scaring the life out of the rest of my pokémon, by any chance? ”

[preoprix]

Transparent drawing of probably my all time favorite Pokémon ever, horse centipede! You’re blending in real well there…

[nymphcgoddess]

❝Aw sweet!❞ If there was one thing she likes, it’s doing things with her brother.

She walks over to Noah ❝So what’s up? What are the starters? I’m sure they’re pretty awesome and cool!❞ She grinned.

❝Man, getting starters are like the best thing trainers could get!❞

[profhemlock-blog]

     “They’re right here,” he clarified, nodding towards the boxes he held in his arms. Being stored away like objects wasn’t exactly ideal -- something akin to a makeshift PC box -- but it was only temporary until they found their new trainer, and certain assistants had the job of handling the young pokémon every day until they were ready to leave on their own adventure.

     Now they had grown, it was the Professor’s job to make the final assessment.

     Setting the boxes down on his desk, Noah fumbled while opening one of them before reaching a hand inside.

     “This box holds the Water-type starters; Oshawott.” Carefully, he tossed the brand new red and white pokéball towards his sister for her to catch. “Seems like your kind of thing. Don’t get too attached though, they go out to their new trainers tomorrow.”