trying on a metaphor
Sade Olutola
AnasAbdin
Discoholic 🪩
occasionally subtle
@theartofmadeline
Misplaced Lens Cap
oozey mess
if i look back, i am lost
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
KIROKAZE
No title available
ojovivo
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Janaina Medeiros
Love Begins
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
izzy's playlists!
JBB: An Artblog!
Kaledo Art
seen from Romania
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Malaysia
seen from Uruguay
seen from Finland
seen from Sweden
seen from Japan
seen from France
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Greece
seen from Brazil
seen from Germany
seen from Türkiye
seen from Malaysia
seen from Vietnam
@projectparenthood
359...
Got the results of our second blood test and it's 359. The doctor is pleased with the increase but, because it didn't actually double, I feel a bit worried. I'm probably overthinking things but I've had too many years of things not going well to feel completely confident and excited. 5 days until the next test so basically another 5 days of stress and concern. Thankful to have come this far and praying that our journey continues. Praying for baby!
Our prayers have been answered! We're finally pregnant!!!!!!!! Results of the first beta are 193 and I go back on Saturday for the next test. After 2 rounds of IUI, 3 rounds of IVF and 1 round of IVF with an egg donor, we finally have a BFP! Took almost 4 years but it happened. I believe in miracles and I pray that our journey continues and we get to hold a healthy baby in our arms. God is good. So thankful. Praying for baby!
Today Is The Day
Sitting here in my car about to go in for my blood test and I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous. Right now the unknown is stressful but also means there’s still hope and the possibility of a pregnancy. Once you know, you know.
For those blessed with a pregnancy, the gift is great and brings endless joy. For those that aren’t, it’s another heartbreaking and devastating disappointment where the world comes crashing down. I don’t know how many more times I can hear bad news about my fertility journey. I’m so desperate to hear positive news and to be blessed with the gift of becoming a mother and carrying a baby.
Today is a big day. We’ve never gotten this far on this difficult journey. I’m thankful for today and I pray that God answers our prayers with a positive call this afternoon.
Deep breath! I’ve got to go in…
Praying for baby!
Tomorrow is the day, the day we find out if we're pregnant. I'm so scared that I don't even know how I'll survive. I haven't had any pregnancy symptoms whatsoever until this morning when I felt super nauseous and then had a terrible headache all day. I've been bloated and exhausted but I assume that's the progesterone. I don't really believe my symptoms are real. My mother had a psychological pregnancy when she was struggling to conceive and I'm wondering if I'm on the verge of going through the same experience just because I want to have a baby so desperately. This morning was the first time I really and truly gave myself the opportunity to wonder what if...what if we are pregnant. What if we have a healthy baby? What if we become parents to a precious child? What if I start crying tears of joy??? What if? Please God, please answer our prayers. Praying for baby!
Crying again...
Driving to the pharmacy this morning to pick up more endometrin (highly unpleasant medication) and, with 30 miles to reflect, I cried my eyes out all the way here...again. I cry on this drive pretty frequently and it's my fear of heartbreak and bad news that bring the tears. When you have never been pregnant and it feels like it's within reach but also a million miles away, it's hard to visualize and believe in a positive outcome. Is there a chance? Sigh...still don't feel different. Can you be pregnant with no symptoms?!?!? Please, please, please give us positive news this week and grant us the privilege and honor of making us parents to this beautiful embryo and hopefully our soon-to-be sweet and healthy child. Praying for baby!
4dp5dt
This feels like the longest 10 days of my life. Each twinge or feeling brings with it endless wondering about whether or not it could be an early pregnancy symptom...so far, I'm positive that none of them are. In all honesty, I don't really feel different physically except for my sore backside due to the progesterone shots and the fact that I've never been more bloated in my life. Only an infertile woman would be longing for morning sickness and body aches...any sign that she could be pregnant. That's how I feel. We'll see what tomorrow may bring. Praying for baby!
It's only the second day past our transfer and I'm going out of my mind with what ifs and fear. I'm trying to remain hopeful and faithful but when you've never had positive news, it's hard to believe and scary to dream. Too early for any symptoms even though I can't stop Googling and we still have 8 days until our blood test. How do all of us survive these waits over and over? With prayers and faith... Praying for baby!
1st day after transfer and I'm focusing all my energy on implantation, faith, hope, and patience. Come on little embryo! I believe in you and I so desperately want to hold you in my arms as my beautiful and healthy baby. I love you already. Praying for baby!
Today was the day - our first ever embryo transfer. Here's our beautiful embryo. In bed resting, thinking positive thoughts, wishing and hoping for a BFP and praying for a healthy pregnancy and baby. Do I dare dream? The doctor says my uterus looks beautiful, my counts are good, and our embryo is great quality. Still, I'm so scared but also hopeful. Please implant little embryo. Now for the longest 10 days of my life. Thankful that we finally got here and praying we get to continue on the journey to parenthood. So thankful for my sister and the beautiful gift she's given us. So much love in our lives. Praying for baby!
It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged about our journey. In that time, we experienced another failed IVF treatment and came to the realization that we’d never have children with my eggs. I don’t think I’ve ever been so devastated and sad. My heart broke into a million pieces and a seemingly endless river of tears flowed from my blood shot eyes. After we found out that we had no embryos, I stayed home from work and laid on our couch sobbing for three days. I didn’t even tell anyone how sad and depressed I was...I cried alone.
After taking the time to grieve, maybe not enough time but time, we decided to ask my beautiful sister if she really would be up for being our egg donor. She had offered before but we never thought we’d really have to ask her. After months of discussions, psychological evaluations, legal contracts, and trips across the country, my sister underwent IVF for us. I still cannot believe that she and her understanding husband blessed us with such a priceless and beautiful gifts.Â
Since my sister is 36, we only got two genetically viable embryos. At first I was so sad and disappointed but then I tried to focus on the fact that we were finally blessed with 2 embryos. After almost 4 years of trying, we finally have 2!
Now here I am on two days away from my very first embryo transfer, hoping and praying for a miracle to happen. I’m scared and I’m trying to let my faith be stronger than my fear.Â
Besides my family, no one knows what we’re going through and only my sister knows that transfer day is on Monday. Focusing on remaining calm, faithful, hopeful, and positive...
Praying for baby!
POSITIVE OUTLOOKS FTW
Just realized that my blog imagery was all from UP because it’s one of my most favorite movies of all times. It also happens to be about a beautiful couple and their strong and unending love. Unfortunately, they also suffer from infertility and I was saddened and inspired by that moment in the film.
For this cycle, I’m only going to be positive so I changed up the imagery to inspire strength, courage, and optimism in my heart and mind. It’s going to be hard to embrace positivity since all of my treatments have been unsuccessful but, surely some part of me is still seriously hopeful or we wouldn’t be investing so much financially and emotionally to try again. I’m going to cling to that shred of hope with all of my being this go round.
Here’s to a positive outlook and having faith!
Recovering from a Broken Heart
It’s been several months since our last attempt at IVF and I’m finally able to think about our journey without bursting into tears. Unfortunately, our last attempt was not successful. Just like the IVF cycle before that, we didn’t get a lot of good eggs and none of our embryos made it to Day 5. It’s heartbreaking. I was devastated but not ready to give up hope.
Between my crazy job, lack of work/life balance, and my devastation and sorrow over our failed cycle, I needed a few months before we could try again. Also, in that time, my best friend has a baby so now we have a beautiful goddaughter and one of my other dear friends also had a baby girl. Somehow, I survived those arrivals and even supported my friends with a good and loving attitude and generosity. I am really trying. There’s nothing more trying when you are SUFFERING from infertility than attending baby showers and meeting other people’s newborns. I say SUFFERING because that it was it truly feels like. It’s a terrible feeling to be sad for yourself when you should be so happy about the blessings of others.Â
So here I am, ready to start again. Calling on all of the strength, courage, faith, hope, and optimism that I can muster to will this cycle to be successful.Â
Miracles can happen, right? They happen every single day. Please let it be our turn.
Actually, I'm Not Fine...
Yesterday was our retrieval and we somehow got 8 eggs and the doctor was able to remove the polyp at the same time. So that seemed pretty hopeful.
Just got off the phone with the doctor and none of the eggs fertilized. None, none, none. How does that happen?!?!?
He said they would watch until tomorrow and see if anything changes. Like maybe some of the immature eggs would mature over night and we might get lucky. But that seems like something polite people say when they don't want to break your heart into a million pieces. So we'll wait until tomorrow to get the final word. More waiting!
I feel like I'm in a constant state of heartache and waiting for my heart to break. And I always say that I'm okay and that I'm fine and, you know what, I'M NOT FINE! I can't believe this is my story and that this is the story of so many other people.Â
I'll be fine someday but I'm absolutely NOT FINE today. I'm a tear-stained, runny nosed, mess with a broken heart and sad outlook.Â
We need an IVF miracle here. Please, please, please! I'm begging for one of these eggs to grow into a perfect embryo so we can have a healthy baby. I've now resorted to begging in my prayers which I'm pretty sure is not the acceptable way to ask God for help. I'm just so broken, desperate, and devastated that begging is what is really in my heart.Â
Still Praying for Baby!
It's Retrieval Day!
Today is the big day! So nervous and scared but trying to believe in IVF miracles. Desperately keeping the faith that one of these follicles will result in a good egg, a viable embryo AND a healthy baby.
The procedure isn't until this afternoon at 2pm so I'm sitting here working from home and trying not to obsess about it. The truth is that we'll know at 3pm approximately how many eggs we have and then the next waiting journey will hopefully begin.Â
I haven't told anyone except my amazing acupuncturist that today is the day. At work, everyone thinks I'm sick and that my doctor told me to take a few days off. I suppose, on some level, it's not completely untrue.
None of our friends know either. It's been quite difficult leading this double life and hiding our journey. It's just that too many of our friends are pregnant or can't relate and, while they mean well, their "advice" and "insight" has hurt my feelings so many times that it seems better for the friendships to keep everything to myself. I really do love all of the people in our life AND I'm happy for their happiness. Just like every other infertile woman, I long for my own happiness too.
So, on this big day, I pray for hope, joyful news, and just a few good eggs. After all, it only takes one, right? Whatever happens, I have to remember that I'll be okay, my marriage will be good, and life will move forward.Â
Praying for Baby!