Writing Promps

One day imma get out of my depressed loser funk and write stories. This is where I’ll have some help

[wordsbyt]

Don’t judge things by what they were. The devil was an angel and saints were sinners. The meanest dog was a puppy once, and we all know how the ugly ducking turned out. Everything changes……

[dolores-hazy]

At times in our lives, we come across those buried in their mess. If we haven’t the time nor energy nor inclination to lend a helping hand and try to get things spick and span, the least we can do is refrain from adding to the crushing pile of refuse.

Clean Up or Clear Out

[hanzeedent-deactivated20160326]

group AU prompts

it’s our first roadtrip as a crew, everyone is fighting over music and where to stop for gas and what snacks to eat

there’s a body in the trunk and we have to bury it, shit

we were the only kids not invited to the big end of school party

someone has never had a real birthday party before…

group secret santa, but everyone keeps switching and telling who they have

breakfast club style group detention

the only member’s of the school’s chess club, none of us can play chess

trying to set ground rules about no dating within the group only to find everyone secret dating

a huge paintball match against a rival group

friends-style apartment sharing

we’re the waitstaff at a notoriously shitty chain restaurant and have to stick together for sanity’s sake 

a group of space mercenaries 

[writing-prompt-s]

Rules for the road when traveling in northern Europe

Memorize your route. Your map can and will lie.

Take the safest roads.

Mountain passes shift between our world and another - do not leave your car when you are crossing a mountain pass.

If you see something you believe to be a bear, do not photograph it.

The snow does strange things to our eyes.

Borders shift.

Do not speak to anyone you meet further than a kilometer from the nearest building.

Not everything that appears to be human is.

You may eat at rest stops but leave as soon as possible. If there are no other guests there, leave immediately.

Don’t listen to birdsongs for too long - they will start to tell you things you’d rather not hear.

There are no shortcuts.

Something is looking at you, but it is indifferent to your existence.

The things beneath the soil would rather stay undisturbed. Don’t dig.

Bring a mirror and a clear head.

Leave all religious items at home. They will make a scent trail.

There is a reason we fear wolves, but it isn’t the one you think.

Do not touch scissors on the ground. Ever.

The wind will bite you. Cover up.

The longer you spend in the woods, the stranger the air gets.

Stay calm.

Never approach old houses.

If there is mist on the ground, do not be afraid.

Windmills are further away than they seem.

Don’t look into lakes.

Some farms don’t always exist. Don’t worry if you can’t find it on your return trip.

Don’t drink slow-running river water. If you do, there will invariably be a dead animal upstream.

Bridges are sacred places. Do not disrespect them.

Avoid wetlands.

There are no children out here, only false ones.

If you suddenly get lost, stay very still.

[rotono]

At first I didnt realize whom posted this and just thought this was all real advice

[writing-prompt-s]

[just-shower-thoughts]

In the dog world, humans are elves that routinely live to be 500+ years old.

[copperbadge]

“They live so long…but the good ones still bond with us for our entire lives.” 

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

“These immortals are so kind we must be good friends to them”

[digital-gecko-deactivated201802]

My heart wtf

[aenramsden]

Not gonna lie, this fucked me up a bit.

[kaijufluffs]

POV Fantasy slice of life book when?

[katzedecimal]

“Now I am old. The fur around my muzzle is grey and my joints ache when we walk together. Yet she remains unchanged, her hair still glossy, her skin still fresh, her step still sprightly. Time doesn’t touch her and yet I love her still.”

[popetato]

“For generations, he has guarded over my family. Since the days of my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather he has kept us safe. For so long we thought him immortal. But now I see differently, for just as my fur grows gray and my joints grow stiff, so too do his. He did not take in my children, but gave them away to his. I will be the last that he cares for. My only hope is that I am able to last until his final moments. The death of one of his kind is so rare. The ending of a life so long is such a tragedy. He has seen so much, he knows so much. I know he takes comfort in my presence. I only wish that I will be able to give him this comfort until the end.”

[jovano-jovanke]

SHOOK

[thewritershandbook]

20 Basic Plots

1. QUEST - the plot involves the Protagonist’s search for a person, place or thing, tangible or intangible (but must be quantifiable, so think of this as a noun; i.e., immortality).

2. ADVENTURE - this plot involves the Protagonist going in search of their fortune, and since fortune is never found at home, the Protagonist goes to search for it somewhere over the rainbow.

3. PURSUIT - this plot literally involves hide-and-seek, one person chasing another.

4. RESCUE - this plot involves the Protagonist searching for someone or something, usually consisting of three main characters - the Protagonist, the Victim & the Antagonist.

5. ESCAPE - plot involves a Protagonist confined against their will who wants to escape (does not include some one trying to escape their personal demons).

6. REVENGE - retaliation by Protagonist or Antagonist against the other for real or imagined injury.

7. THE RIDDLE - plot involves the Protagonist’s search for clues to find the hidden meaning of something in question that is deliberately enigmatic or ambiguous.

8. RIVALRY - plot involves Protagonist competing for same object or goal as another person (their rival).

9. UNDERDOG - plot involves a Protagonist competing for an object or goal that is at a great disadvantage and is faced with overwhelming odds.

10. TEMPTATION - plot involves a Protagonist that for one reason or another is induced or persuaded to do something that is unwise, wrong or immoral.

11. METAMORPHOSIS - this plot involves the physical characteristics of the Protagonist actually changing from one form to another (reflecting their inner psychological identity).

12. TRANSFORMATION - plot involves the process of change in the Protagonist as they journey through a stage of life that moves them from one significant character state to another.

13. MATURATION - plot involves the Protagonist facing a problem that is part of growing up, and from dealing with it, emerging into a state of adulthood (going from innocence to experience).

14. LOVE - plot involves the Protagonist overcoming the obstacles to love that keeps them from consummating (engaging in) true love.

15. FORBIDDEN LOVE - plot involves Protagonist(s) overcoming obstacles created by social mores and taboos to consummate their relationship (and sometimes finding it at too high a price to live with).

16. SACRIFICE - plot involves the Protagonist taking action(s) that is motivated by a higher purpose (concept) such as love, honor, charity or for the sake of humanity.

17. DISCOVERY - plot that is the most character-centered of all, involves the Protagonist having to overcome an upheavel(s) in their life, and thereby discovering something important (and buried) within them a better understanding of life (i.e., better appreciation of their life, a clearer purpose in their life, etc.)

18. WRETCHED EXCESS - plot involves a Protagonist who, either by choice or by accident, pushes the limits of acceptable behavior to the extreme and is forced to deal with the consequences (generally deals with the psychological decline of the character).

19. ASCENSION - rags-to-riches plot deals with the rise (success) of Protagonist due to a dominating character trait that helps them to succeed.

20. DECISION - riches-to-rags plot deals with the fall (destruction) of Protagonist due to dominating character trait that eventually destroys their success.

by Pavel Simakov

[magicalinspo]

take a breath, spit out the blood in your mouth, and get back up on your feet. you still got a couple of motherfuckers to prove wrong.

[ginger-ale-official]

Me getting up from the chair at the dentist after a quadruple root canal

[thescriptorium]

WITCH AU’S

“i cant believe you got us kicked out of another coven, dude, you gotta quit stepping on peoples familiars”

“you know, when i signed up for this expedition to finish this spell you didnt say we’d be trecking through the bitter wilderness with candles and creatures chasing us, what the fuck, dude”

“im a newbie witch and this is my first ritual and i was all excited to see herbs and salts and boiling cauldrons not tHIS JESUS CHRIST—THATS ALOT OF BLOOD”

“for the last time, you cant have a tiger as your familiar” 

“look theres a reason why we do our rituals in private, things can get out of hand and sometimes we spit up blood, its not like we mean to do it. knock next time.”

“and, when that happens dont go around scaring the living shit out of people, jesus stacy, this is why people think we’re satanic”

“okay look, im as commitied to this lifestyle as anyone else but do you not see how expensive this shit is? and where the hell am i going to find a sabertooth fang? what, do i have to rob a museum??”

“we’re gonna rob a museum. c’mon it’ll be easy, we have our spellbook. we won’t get caught”

“so you’re saying you broke into the museum to steal a sabertooth fang and a thigh bone from an extinct bird…for a luck spell?/ yes, officer.”

“you hexed me because i made fun of the way you eat so now my tastebuds hate everything i put in my mouth and so I’m either gonna starve or eat this shit you call chocolate, i hate you so much”

“youre this sweet looking cutie that i always see walking through the outdoor department looking for flowers, and you always ask if you can check everything out here, which happens to be a lot of bloody meat and candles and knives and….you know my mother always told me the devil would look like an angel”

“you convinced me that our last apartment was haunted by throwing drawers open and breaking glasses whenever i came home, but it turns out you just didnt like the neighbors and wanted an excuse to move”

“you stumbled across my alter and before i could scare the everliving shit out of you to keep your mouth shut, you turned around, scoffed, and bragged that yours looked so much better”

“cmon babe you know i hate it when you tell the future, you stop breathing and you freeze up and your eyes literally roll to the back—STOP IT EW I HATE U SO MUCH––UGH QUIT LAUGHING YOU SHIT”

“my dreams…when i see people, it says who they truly are

and what does it say about me

it says youre a lying bitch for stealing my sandalwood incense from Nepal, stacy, my tarantula saw you come in my room—give it back”

[wordfather]

spicy™ dialogue™ prompts™

“At least you’ll die doing what you love; Walking into danger.”

“Here’s some cookies and some very bad news!”

“I have forgotten everything I’ve ever learned.”

“Let me keep that promise.”

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.”

“Why am I always the funniest when no one is around to hear it?”

“Can you stay still for the next 20 minutes? No, I’m not drawing you.”

“Oh no, I feel bad- SYKE, no I don’t.”

“Next problem… we might die.”

“Wow, that was a great comeback.”

“Who is running this thing?!”

“You are aware that walls aren’t people, right?”

“Hey, go fill up your human needs.”

“Yeah, keep making jokes. That’ll win the war.”

“Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy.”

“I think… everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves.”

“I can’t help that I’m curious.”

“I know you. You’re a terrible person. But as the judge here, I will look at you in the unbiased way you don’t deserve.”

“The mountains are calling and I must skedaddle.

“Who says ‘nincompoop’?!”

“Things fascinate me. Why wouldn’t they, when you stop to give them thought?”

“Are you always so easily convinced?”

“Look, it’s difficult for me to isolate what I hate about you the most because there is so much to hate.”

“That’s an order. Obey.”

“Look, I don’t want to swear but; What. The frick!”

“As the most amazing person in the room, I’ll gladly accept that.”

“Now power down, sass robot.”

“The art of not being an idiot is extremely challenging for me.”

“That’s troubling.”

“Tell your story. Become words, become ideas… you never know what or who it’ll affect.” 

[you-make-me-wander]

AUs and Prompts List

So I just gathered some prompts and AUs that I really like. Take your pick!

  Imagine your OTP exchanging gifts for the first time during the holidays, maybe both a little nervous that the other won’t like their gift. It turns out that neither has any reason to be anxious; both love the other’s gift and kisses are exchanged along with each present.

Imagine person A of your OTP relentlessly flirting with B in public, just to see B blush.

Imagine your OTP studying together, and for every question answered right, somebody has to take off a piece of clothing.

Imagine Person A keeps having nightmares about Person B. They don’t know what disturbs them more— how scary the dreams are, or how arousing they are.

Person A has given up on love. Nope. Love is not for them. Forget that…. And then they meet person B and think; “Annnd this is the asshole who will ruin everything.”

Imagine your OTP is wrestling over the remote.

Imagine Person A of your OTP seeing Person B with bed hair for the first time, and being totally blown away by how cute/hot/etc. they look with their hair being a huge mess. Bonus: if Person A gets flustered when Person B pokes fun at them for liking it.

Imagine your OTP intertwining their fingers together while they’re in bed.

Imagine your OTP have a morning class together and person A always walks in late and has obviously just woken up and person B thinks that the grumpy person who sits in front of him is the cutest thing ever.

Person A leaving thigh hickeys on person B.

Imagine your OTP stuck in an elevator after they’ve had a fight. 

Imagine your OTP getting in a fight and one of them yelling that they love the other one and then it gets really quiet.

Imagine person A of your OTP scaring person B (during Halloween) on accident so badly that they cry.

Imagine your OTP cuddling under a blanket on a cold winter night. Person A gently wrapping their arms around Person B and lightly kissing down their neck making Person B shiver from something other than the cold outside.

Imagine your OTP running into each other under the mistletoe. Person A blushes and goes to suggest that they don’t have to kiss but Person B cuts them off with a kiss.

Imagine person A of your OTP wearing person B’s clothes.

Imagine person A walking out of the bathroom after a shower, half-naked and wreathed in steam, and B immediately dropping whatever they were holding. Bonus if it’s an animal which gives them the stink eye before slinking away.

Imagine your OTP as teachers at the same school who are always flirting and have their students shipping them without realizing it.

Imagine person A of your OTP coming home from the gym all sweaty. Person B sees this and gets instantly turned on.

Imagine your OTP moving in together. They’re unpacking each other’s boxes when they find, ah, interesting things they didn’t know the other person owned.

Imagine your OTP finding fanfic of each other, either separately or together. Alternately, imagine Person A writing fanfic of them and Person B finding it/finding out about it, or they both write it and find each other’s.

Imagine your OTP waking up at the same time for a midnight snack and Person B scares Person A on accident.

Imagine your OTP living together. The air conditioner breaks during the hottest week of summer and your OTP has to figure out how to stay cool. Alternately, the heating breaks during the coldest week of winter and your OTP has to figure out how to stay warm.

Imagine your OTP not having enough blankets for both of them and sharing. It takes some doing, but they settle comfortably into each other’s arms and fall asleep listening to each other’s heartbeat, smelling their hair, feeling the rise and fall of their breath. The next morning, they’re still in the same position.

Imagine your OTP living in a dorm. Person A thinks that person B is kinda cute, but otherwise doesn’t feel much for them. Person A goes to borrow a textbook from person B and walks in on person B in their pajamas with their hair all messed up and person A thinks it’s the cutest thing ever.

Imagine person B of your otp uses person A as a pillow.

Imagine person A of your otp goes to a bookstore and spends hours just looking at books and person B sees them and falls in love with how passionate they are and how geeky they are.

Imagine person A of your otp is reading a book late at night and person B can’t sleep so they ask person A to read to them so person A starts reading out loud and a few minutes later person B is completely knocked out and person A gives them a kiss on their forehead.

Imagine Persons A and B of your OTP both go to a private school. Person A is really studious and innocent, like never been kissed type thing. In contrast, Person B got kicked out of their old school for sleeping with a teacher. One day Person B sees Person A in the hall and decides that ‘corrupting’ Person A will be their personal mission this school year. Up to you whether or not they succeed.

Imagine person A of your otp is waiting at a restaurant for their date and is obviously being stood up and person B notices this, just before person A gets sick of waiting and gets up to leave person B sits with them, and even though they aren’t who person A was waiting for they end up having a lot of fun and hooking up.

“Bonding solely via eye contact over that annoying person on our plane that we’re both slowly becoming more and more exasperated about” au.

“Constantly fighting for the best seat in the library/coffee shop/whatever” au.

“We are both stuck in the dorm common room because their respective roommates needed ‘alone time’” au.

“I was walking by the roller coasters and someone’s shoe flew off and hitme in the head” au.

“You just caught me reading hardcore smut fan fiction during class and you’re wondering how I can read this with a blank face” au.

“I sent a selfie of myself in the tub to the wrong number and you responded back with another selfie. Holy shit you’re really attractive.” au.

“Now or Never kiss” au.

Being on the brink of admitting their feelings for each other but then getting interrupted.

Both of them being the best friends that everyone just assumes is a couple and no one is even surprised when they announce they’re official because 'wtf do you mean you weren’t before?’

“I thought you were my friend so I slapped your ass in greeting" au.

[mewlink]

MORE AU IDEAS

• “My stupid friends roped me into a mall scavenger hunt and you’re on the list” AU • “We both wanted to rent a bike for an hour but the only one they have is a tandem bike” AU • “You’re adopting the cat that I’ve been trying to adopt for a week now” AU • “You just moved into the house next to my mom’s and she has you doing her yardwork” AU • “I’m on a terrible date and you’re my waitor please help me” AU • “My brother/sister asked me to break up with you for them i’m so sorry” AU • “I’ve been receiving all your freaking mail since you moved out and you keep getting weird gifts from your brother make it stop” AU • “Our dick landlord just evicted us both” AU • “We both just moved in with our siblings and they’re neighbors” AU • “I’m your neighbor and I can hear you fucking someone who shares my name” AU • “Your cat got my cat pregnant and now I have all these kittens please take them” AU • “I’m your ex, you are a cop, and I just got arrested for being drunk and disorderly” AU • “Remember that one time in college when we were at that party and you asked a random stranger to pretend to be your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah well that was me and we’re adults now” AU • “You’re sort of famous and we vaguely know each other through bumping into each other all the time but the media thinks we’re dating” AU • “You’re a cop, I’m a firefighter, we always work the same shifts” AU • “You always ask me for help but I have weird health conditions that prevent me from doing so” AU • “Your roommate cheated on me and I just threw your laptop out the window thinking it was his” AU • “My kid just shot a bottle rocket into your window” AU • “We’re both in the vegetable isle and I just burst into tears while staring at the cabbages” AU • “That’s my fucking fish that you just caught give it back” AU • “I’ve had a crush on you since the 11th grade but you’ve hated me ever since that one time” AU • “The advertisement did not do you justice” AU • “You jipped me of those concert tickets so I came to your house asshole” AU • “You think I’m nervous because you’re interviewing me for this high end job but actually it’s because you’re stupidly hot” AU • “Oh shit this isn’t my car” AU • “You fell off the map 6 years ago and you think you can just waltz back into my life. Literally. You’re the dance instructor for my best friend’s wedding and we have history” AU • “It’s 2am on the night of my 21st birthday and we gotta fix this fucking mess by morning or else we’re fucked ” AU • “My dad’s a cancer patient and you’re his nurse” AU • “Did I mention that I had a dream about you last night? Oh right we’ve never talked about before” AU • “Lol this was a terrible idea” AU • “juSt a game? jUST A GaMe????? FUCK YOU I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO WIN” or the “so competitive it’s almost sexual” AU • “Aren’t you the person from marti gras last year?” AU • “We’re both on the same multiple stop flight schedules to go to the same destination so we might as well stick together. Also your shoulder is a very comfortable pillow.” AU • “Fuck you and your bee farm I’ve had enough” AU • “We’re in an exam study group and I just send you my nudes by accident oops” AU • “Somehow my gallery sculpture piece looks exactly like you how weird” AU • “That tattoo on your chest is the exact same as mine” AU • “I was actually awake when you did that thing” AU • “Why do we keep running into each other when we live on opposite sides of the country?” AU • “We need to be really quiet but you have the hiccups” AU • “Why do you always walk your dog at exactly 12am every night? Do you not enjoy sleep?” AU • “For the love of God, what is making that noise?” AU • “Somehow you manage to scare me everytime we run into each other and i already get frightened very easily let me live” AU

[cup-of-hot-coffee-blog]

Job AUs

Part 1 | Part 2

General

‘Hey bastard this store is already closed oh wait you’re hot never mind please do come in’ AU

'I’m on the verge of tears because of a rude customer and you step in and stand up for me’ AU

‘I can feel you silently judging me as you ring up my purchases I swear I’m not using these for their intended purpose’ au

‘Why does this cost TEN DOLLARS THIS IS AN OUTRAGE’ AU

Hairdresser AU

‘You’re my regular customer and I’m in love with the feel of your hair’ AU

“Rumor has it that you’re a hairdresser with magic fingers and you can fix any bad hair day so that’s why I’m here’ AU

Gift store AU

'Why the fuck are you choosing that for a gift to your crush’ AU

‘You walk in and offer to pay me to wrap your gifts’ AU

Florist AU

‘I work as a florist and every day you walk in, buy one flower and give it to me’ AU

‘I work part-time in a flower shop and you keep asking me about what this flower means in flower language and I honestly don’t know so you end up giving me a lesson’ AU

Jewellery shop AU

'You walk in and ask for the most expensive piece are you loaded to the gills what the fuck man’ AU

‘I’m the employee and this is the first time ever I’ve met you but you buy me a necklace saying the gem compliments my eyes’ AU

Coffee Shop AU

I write a bad pick up line on your cup every time I’m your barista’ AU

'You’re the customer and you get back at me for all the times I’ve spelt your name wrong by mispronouncing my name in increasingly horrible ways’ AU

'You’re really short and cute and you buy a cup of black coffee every morning but you make weird faces as you sip it and you never finish your drink are you trying to look mature or something’ AU

'Should I be concerned about how much caffeine you’re taking in’ AU

Bakery AU

'Your love of strawberry shortcake really doesn’t match your appearance but i still think that’s really cute’ AU

'Every morning you walk in and inhale deeply then walk back out seriously just buy something already’ AU 

Drug Store/Chemist AU

'You embarrassedly place your items into the counter so I call a price check just to make you feel more awkward, but it turns out one of your items were actually overpriced’ AU

Bartender AU

'You’re the bartender and you catch someone slipping something into my drink’ AU

‘I ask you to concoct something from all the ingredients on the list i gave you and it ends up tasting so horrible and wrong that i can’t stop laughing’ AU

Teacher AU

We’re both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts we’ve received from students and you’ve won for the past three years’ AU

'Romeo and Juliet of the math and english dept. in school’ AU

Writer AU

I’m a writer and when it gets close to my deadlines I neglect taking care of myself so you’ll pop in my house every so often to make sure I’m doing okay’ AU

Fast food Chain AU

‘You just ordered a smile and I look at you like you’re batshit insane before bursting out into laughter’ AU

‘You’re an employee and I have a crush on you so when you hand me the soft serve I accidentally grab it by the ice cream instead of the cone’ AU

‘We have a free refill policy for soft drink and you’ve prepared several empty bottles what the fuck’ AU

Corner Shop AU

‘I see you come in here every day to buy the same drink and one day I leave a message on the bottle’ AU

‘You run in looking really panicked and you ask for 6 gallons of milk why’ AU

 Restaurant AU

‘You’re a famous critique and I’m a server and I get so nervous that I trip and spill the dish all over you’ AU

‘You’ve always been a good cook so I encouraged your start your own restaurant and seven years down the track you own one of the most successful businesses’ AU

Idol/Manger AU

‘I’m your manager and holy shit you have crazy fans’ AU

‘You’re an idol and you got the lead role in a romance drama and you practice at my expense’ AU

‘Can you please act appropriately do you know just how many of your fuck ups I’ve had to cover up last week’ AU 

Firefighter AU

‘You’ve just been saved from a burning building and you’re begging to go back in to save your pet cat’ AU

“No that’s impossible how the fuck did you manage to get it to catch fire?!” AU

Sex Line Operator AU

‘I called you because I was curious and wow you have a very soothing voice can you please sing me to sleep’ AU

‘I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and err your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour’s’ AU

And Finally:

You’re a drug lord and I think I’ve just walked into your drug den’ AU

sorry not sorry

[thescriptorium]

WEREWOLF AU'S

“dude i know youre a werewolf and all but seriously that freaking howl laughter you do is so fucking extra and i cant take it anymore”

“you being part dog has its perks, mostly for me because whenever i toss something away your eyes follow it and you perk up like you want to chase it but restrict yourself and its honestly the cutest fucking thing ive ever seen”

“honestly though i hate my pack so much, like theyre a bunch of assholes but i ran into you on a full moon run in the forest and idk u seem pretty cool. wanna go hunting or scare some people or some shit? i know this sick ass lake thats always really warm, i can show you”

“yes i understand im a big bad werewolf now but really i dont want to hurt those cute little rabbits and deer, cant we just wait until we transform back to eat? thats not how it works? well cant i just eat before i transform so i wont be hungry–im sorry im just new at this and im sorta trying to go vegetarian here–”

“babe you know i love you and i would give up my life for yours but i sWEAR TO GOD IF YOU GIVE ME ONE MORE DOG TOY FOR MY BIRTHDAY IM GONNA PUNCH YOU SQUARE IN THE FACE”

“look im not a supernatural fanatic or anything but i swear man every time this kid next to me gets frustrated they actually growl and it sounds just like some rabid steroid induced dog, and im not saying their a werewolf man but theyre totally a werewolf”

a werewolf getting personally offended when someone says they’re not a dog person

“as a werewolf i can personally talk to dogs and boyohboy does ur little pug have some tea to spill…"

“alternatively, i find you to be really superduper adorable and whenever i come over your little dog goes off on rants to me about the cute embarrassing stuff that you do when your home alone and honestly I wake up every day for these chats”

“when I saw you climbing out of the stream I was fishing in dirty, wet, and naked, I assumed you had just survived some kind of intense mob hit or something but really you had just detransformed from a werewolf after you were playing in the water trying to catch a fish, and ultimately failing. nice ass, by the way.”

[wordfather]

Some neighbor aus for ya guys

“Listen, I really don’t like you, but you have kittens, so I’m going to be over a lot.” au 

 "Would you STOP coming in through the WINDOWS, it scares the hell out of me every TIME!“ au 

 "Listen, we have very thin walls and I heard you crying in the shower, are you okay?” au 

 "I was very good friends with the guy that lived here before you and basically I was over here a lot and… well old habits die hard, can I stay?“ au 

 "If you set the alarm off in the middle of the night ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR I WI- wait why were you even cooking at 3 am?” au 

 "You burst through the door because you thought you smelled smoke but it was just incense, listen you’re paying for that buddy.“ au 

 "You locked yourself out too?” au 

 "Hey, I locked myself out, can I use your phone?“ au 

 "You bake when you’re stressed and sometimes you give me cookies, but recently you’re giving me whole baskets each day, now I’m not complaining but are you okay?” au 

 "I don’t mean to sound paranoid but I’m pretty sure you’re a serial killer.“ au

[sheathnknife]

one cannot have enough of cute and random aus so here have some more

“You’re the cute and quiet customer that frequents the coffee shop where I’m a barista and also where my rival barista works and we’re both fighting for your attention in increasingly creative and inconspicuous ways (making foam art, writing cheesy pick-up lines on your napkin etc. etc.)” AU.

“You’re my roommate who’s super cute and it’s the middle of the night and you’re cramming for your exams in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and it’s becoming increasingly hard for me not to kiss you” AU.

“You’re an Art student and I’m an English major and you keep stealing the papers for my assignment to doodle and I would kill you but you’re really cute and hey that’s actually a really nice sketch” AU.

“You’re the perpetual frowner in class and one day as I’m answering the teacher I intentionally make a very cheesy pun and I can hear crickets but you’re laughing out loud and that makes me feel very much accomplished” AU.

“The manager says the only reason the restaurant where we work at is popular is because people enjoy eating while watching our relentless flirting with each other but I swear to God we’re not flirting???” AU.

“I ditch prom to attend a local poetry slam and you’re also there and I never really noticed what a cute smile you have and hey do you maybe want to bond over our mutual love for ‘Howl’???” AU.

“You’re new in town and you seem very intimidating but as it turns out you have an awful sense of direction even with a map and you’re actually adorkable so here let me help you” AU.

“It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m single and you want to cheer me up but you can’t cook nor bake to save your life so you make me hot chocolate instead and it is delicious and I think I love you???” AU.

“It’s gym class and we’re playing volleyball and you spike really well and you manage to hit the ball square in my face and I think I’m bleeding and you’re apologizing profusely and it’s okay but you’re really cute so I guess I’ll take you up on that offer for coffee” AU.

“You’re the jerk-face customer that keeps on thumbing through their phone while ordering their drink so I exact revenge by spelling your name wrong on your cup and drawing phallic pictures on your coffee” AU.

“Our mutual friend invites us to go shopping with them and it’s kind of awkward and now you’re pushing them around the mall in a shopping cart and you’re both screaming like excited children and I’m paying the cashier and pretending I don’t know either of you” AU.

“Our mutual friend invites us for Thanksgiving dinner with their other friends and now there’s a full-fledged food fight going on with potatoes and turkey flying everywhere and we’re both seeking refuge under the table whilst sharing a bag of chips that you brought (just in case)” AU.

“You and I are both baristas at a coffee shop and one day I step out of the café to take a break and walk in on you gleefully drawing phallic pictures on the chalkboard outside that no one pays attention to so what are you doing?” AU.

“You and I go out to a sushi bar and the sushi chef yells at you for being allergic to a particular kind of fish and now you’re crying and I’m trying to comfort you” AU.

“You and I are at a sushi restaurant and you’re continuously snagging sushi off the belt that I have to pay for and you don’t seem to be going to stop anytime soon but you look so cute when you’re eating with that smile on your face what the hell man” AU.

“The mailman constantly mixes up your home address and mine together and keeps on sending me your letters and packages and I’m sorry I look through them but your life seems very interesting as well as those books on black magic in one of your packages so wanna talk about it over a cup of coffee?” AU.

“We’re both strangers sitting in the same booth at an eatery because all the other booths are full and you’re drawing smiley faces on your plate with ketchup and wow your concentrated frown is cute” AU.

“It’s our mutual friend’s wedding and they keep shoving us into each other because we’re the only ones at the ceremony who are single” AU.

“You’re my roommate and it’s way past midnight and you’re talking about how Charles Dickens inspired prison reform and how the moon must feel insignificant because it borrows light from the sun and this is all very interesting but will you please shut up and go to sleep” AU.

“You’re actually a really friendly and chill vampire and at night you float around outside of my bedroom window to talk with me about the universe and stuff” AU.

“You’re going through my sketchbook and giving questioning looks and I swear to God I’m just a deranged artist and not a serial killer” AU.

“We live next door to each other and I can see you through the window while you’re dancing to your iPod in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and God you’re a dork” AU.

“I’ve been standing in line at the coffee shop for hours and you casually cut through for your drink but also buy me my favorite blend and now I’m not so sure what to make of you” AU.

“I’m sick so you make me chicken soup and I’m really grateful but I’ve also seen you read books on magical spells and potion-making so I’m not sure if I should drink your soup in case it turns me into a toad” AU.

“There’s a scrawny black cat in our neighborhood that hates everyone and everything but follows you around for some reason and I see you pet it and feed it fish fries are you a witch” AU

“I’m a perpetual frowner and most certainly not a morning person and I work part-time at a breakfast bar and your disheveled hair and content smile as you eat my waffles and scrambled eggs is the only thing that can get me to smile” AU.

“You’re the one in class who has tattoos all over their arms and piercings and everybody’s scared of you and one day I catch you watching cat videos and doodling in the middle of a lecture and wow you’re a dork” AU.

“I work part-time as a cashier at the local corner store and you come here regularly to shop and bond with me over the microwavable chicken bites so how about I take you out on a proper date instead?” AU.

“I’m the owner of a magic shop and you discover my magics one day when you walk in on my cat flying around inside the shop on a broom and now I have to take you in as my apprentice or turn you into a toad” AU.

“You’re the health-conscious med student and I’m the chain-smoking art student who’s also your barista and you leave me notes on smoking and lung health on your napkins and also a 20-page essay on lung cancer tucked under your saucer” AU.

“You’re a tea-lover yet you come to the coffee shop where I work at just to see my foam art and you give me hefty tips regularly so I’ve taken it upon myself to master the art of tea-making just for you” AU.

“I’m a fashion major and I’m working on my illustrations and maybe I’ve had too much coffee but I swear I just saw one of the mannequins move so here I am calling you in the middle of the night please help I’m scared” AU.

“You work at a fast food restaurant and as you hand me my food you lecture me for ruining my health what is this hypocrisy” AU.

“I’m egging a random person’s house to relieve stress and you join me and as it turns out the house belongs to your ex and now they are chasing us as well as the police and now we’re both in jail waiting to be bailed so um you wanna talk about it?” AU.

[kboyles14]

Character A: I need you to kill someone.

Character B: No, I don't care how much you offer me, I won't.

Character A: I need you to kill C.

Character B: That'll be 10$ and burgers on you.

[kboyles14]

Character A: When I need help burying a body, you're the first person I call.

Character B: I am both honored and scared by this statement.