Protest of One

fearlessly fighting for what i believe in.

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Your beauty is not determined by those who see you - it is treasured by those who know you.

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starting off the morning right with @msmithmal at @littleskips (at Little Skips)

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the city that glitters #nofilter #nyc #windowview

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Contrast and opposites are important to engage in. This past week i visited a best friend who lives in a completely different place then i do- a small town versus a big city. It was a breath of fresh air, literally. And it was exactly what I needed. Instead of focusing on time, being busy, and external distractions, I was able to slow down and focus on the people around me, the beauty of the outdoors, and latent thoughts and ideas that started to become all too comfortable with hiding.

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Waiting in the airport, I'm thinking back on the past week- amazing quality time spent with a best friend in a location the exact opposite of my new home. Opposites can be a good thing here, it can bring out latent thoughts and perspectives. It felt awesome to breath in fresh air and take a break from the city grind and just focus more on the relationships around me and less on time and being "busy."

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i am wary of my own self getting too loud. when i hear myself speak, i am conscious of overly pushing out my identity. just being is the best way to be seen and heard.

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on words and healing

sometimes it's all i can do not to see myself in other people- take their words and movement and be reminded of the weight i bear. i am so grateful to those that share, that speak words that slash them so that they may heal and so that others may heal. 

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free palestine

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hello, snow.

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the prophet, by khalil gibran on joy and sorrow. truth.

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happiness is...

this weekend is entirely different then the last. today i woke up pain free. today i woke up on a real bed. no morning or afternoon plans other then sleeping in, lounging, paying bills, eating, and reading. that leaves me with a huge smile on my face. so much easier to appreciate this in stark contrast of feeling physically badly for a long week. and even then, it wasn't the worst. today I caught up with an old friend, face timed with sister and adorable nephew (who blew me kisses through the phone), met some kids on the street after tossing around a football, bought books online as gifts, and made some money from filing my taxes. simple. all things so simple. i had been wanting to introduce myself to one of the kids down the street who especially looked like my little brother. i miss him so much when i see him. saw my chance when the football landed by my feet and I let them know (only half jokingly) that that's not the proper way to throw a football. it sounds silly- but just chatting with them for a few minutes was great. first- they are the sweetest. second, it felt like a tiny step towards feeling at home and knowing my surroundings. and maybe when they see me with 50 bags of groceries, they'll help me out! :) this post is a reminder that with every negative feeling, there are at least two good ones to take its place.

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perhaps strength doesn't reside in having never been broken... but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places. #truth #quote #beauty

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the most patient.

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what kind of idea are you? are you the kind that compromises, does deals, accommodates itself to society, aims to find a niche, to survive, or are your the cursed, bloody-minded, ramrod-backed type of damnfool nation that would eater break than sway with a breeze? — the kind that will almost certainly, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, be smashed to bits; but, the hundredth time, will change the world.

salman rushdie, satanic verses

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some days like today, i feel pangs of homesickness. i want to be able to pop on this train and wake up in my other home. better yet, wake up inside that self that was. it's not that i want to leave, it's that i miss the familiar. it's maybe that, i want both worlds when in reality i just live in one, the now, this minute. it's easy to think what you had before was better. but that's not always true.

either way, i don't think i adequately express how much i love, appreciate, and miss my people back home. i think people have a false impression that i've moved on, that everything is always great, or I don't need them as much, but it's far from true. I think that's why I tend to be open with others about  my struggles, because I want them to know I'm human and that it's okay for them to be too. and so- sometimes it's hard. sometimes it's lonely. sometimes all i need is sisters on a couch. but there's good too. there's laughter, and newness that's starting to become familiar, there's the adventure and the courage it takes to try again each day. 

with that, i take a few deep breaths and will just be.

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bowery