[psychopatpatin]

Sometimes you just want to be special, to be love, to be notice. So you did it, you created the fictional version of you that you live on everyday. Because in that way, you are admired.

[psychopatpatin]

I'd be lying if I told you that I am okay with all of this. That I still love her. Because in reality, I knew that love has gone but I cannot let her go. She's the only thing that constant to me. The only constant in my life. If I lose her it means everything's really changed

[extramadness]

[psychopatpatin]

Hindi lahat ng minamahal masaya, lalo na kung ang nag mamahal sayo ay nag hihintay ng kapalit, na kahit kailan ay di mo kayang ibigay.

[psychopatpatin]

I'm no longer longing for your warmth. The remnants of your soul has finally gone. I am free of you now. But, as they go I silently wish they don't.

[psychopatpatin]

I feel so sad right now. But I can't even be properly sad, because when you find out you'll be disappointed at me. And that's even sadder and lonely..

[psychopatpatin]

We always chase those who don't love us because when they finally notice us it gives us pleasure, satisfaction and comfort. The acknowledgement of hard work.

[psychopatpatin]

I have this friend. I think semi-friend semi-almost more than friend. Depressed ako nun. Suicidal. Pero when we met, I was cheerful, okay, she met the best version of me. Pero syempre habang tumatagal na tatanggal yung glue ng mask ko. I slowly reveal na I am a fucked up person.

I am the kind of depressed na high functioning until nakarating ako sa turning point ko. I push people away kasi when I'm depressed. I liked to be alone pero I seek for help din. Until she was done with me.

We had an arguement. A big one. A messy one. I will never recover to that. I will always feel like what it was to open up and fucked up and get blamed and just left alone.

Pero toxic ako. I crave for people that once gave me joy. So I reached out. Said sorry. And said I was okay and getting a psychiatrist who fucked me up more and then later on lied about getting a new help by having therapy. She was happy for me. As if proud na kailangan niya akong iwan for me to get help. But she will never know na all I want that time is her. Because I opened up to her. I needed her help but she left and now. I try as hard as I can for her not to notice na I'm still where she left me.

Na hanggang ngayon I continue to blame myself. For not being okay.

Please do not blame me. I tried to get help as much as I can. But now, I'm going to help myself. I don't know how. Pero I will try.

I will try for not messaging her again, I will try not to blame myself anymore, not to blame my depression.

I am not okay. I don't know if I ever will be. But I wish I will.

[psychopatpatin]

I just want them to say sorry... To feel sorry for what they did. For breaking my heart.

[psychopatpatin]

It doesn't make any sense. I kept choosing you, I stayed. I did not ask anything in return yet, you choose to leave me.

[psychopatpatin]

Yung bigla ka nalang nalungkot for no goddamn reason. Parang galing ka sa break up pero wala ka namang jowa.

[psychopatpatin]

Stop breaking my heart please

[psychopatpatin]

I was once a writer before a reader, until I met people. They're... Horrible. One day I stopped writing then burned the pages and that I became unknown to myself.

I no longer find writing as breathing, it became suffocating.

Reading no longer interests me, instead it bores me.

I've stopped learning new things as I try to blend in the crowd.

But there's one thing I'm sure of, I became a people. I became horrible.

[psychopatpatin]

I want to stoo being like this. Ayoko ng maging ako. Nakakapagod. Nakakapagod din palang umintindi ng tao. Mauubos ka. Yung tipong sila na nga nanira sayo, iniwan ka nung kailangan mo ng kasama, sinabihan ng masasakit na salita tapos sa bandang huli ikaw pa ang hihingi ng tawad kasi hindi ka naging mabuting kaibigan. Na may kasalanan ka din.

[psychopatpatin]

I wanna be better for myself.

[psychopatpatin]

I know love comes with pain. But, his love suppose to hurt this much?

[psychopatpatin]

Sometimes I wonder if I still choose to live or die because who care about what I choose anyway? They are so used of me being happy then being dead. But they don't know I just breath. I wasn't happy, I wasn't living. I am just breathing. And sometimes I wonder why I don't feel anything at all. Sometimes I feel hurt, sorrow and the continuous loneliness and sadness but most of the time I just don't give a fuck.