Prompt: Snake - Jegulus Microfic - @jeggyverses-jegulus-microfic
Barty answered on the fourth ring.
"There's a living creature in my apartment," Regulus started. "And it-"
"You said you'd dog-sit!"
"This isn't a dog!" Regulus gestured - not that Barty could see him, but still - at the cage. "That's a snake!"
Barty laughed. "Dog-sit is just a phrase, Reg. It means pet-sit."
"No, pet-sit means pet-sit. Dog-sit means dog-sit," Regulus corrected. "And this is a snake, Bartemius. A snake."
"So? It's just for the weekend."
"I cannot have a snake in James's apartment," Regulus hissed. "And he comes home in an hour. Come get your snake."
"It's your apartment, too," Barty pointed out. "Tell him to deal with it."
"Absolutely not," Regulus said firmly. "Come get your snake before I leave it in the middle of the highway."
"Regulus, I'm on a plane. I can't come get him."
"Then I hope you weren't too attached," Regulus said flatly.
Then he hung up, and immediately called Sirius.
Regulus was speaking before his brother could say a word. "I need you to stall James for like two hours." He surveyed the snake. "Maybe three."
Regulus frowned, checking the screen to make sure he hadn't called the wrong person. "Siri? Can you hear me?" He sighed. "There's a snake in the living room and James is going to break up with me if he-"
"There's a what in the living room?"
Regulus's eyes widened. "James?"
"Did you just say snake? Why - please tell me you're kidding. Or something. Please. Reg, please, please tell me there is not a snake in the apartment."
"I -" Regulus winced. "There's not a snake in the apartment?"
"I'm sorry!" Regulus sucked in a breath. "I'm really sorry. I didn't know Barty was going to drop off a snake, I told him I'd dog-sit - remember we talked about that? We - he - I didn't know. I didn't, I swear, I just came home and it was here and he's on a plane so it kind of has to be dealt with now." He glared at the snake in question. "And I called Sirius. Why do you have his phone?"
"He's in the bathroom," James replied, and he sounded a little out of breath. Regulus really hoped he wasn't panicking. "Reg, we have rules. We have - you have, like, twenty, and I only have four. I have four rules and you broke two of them and I'm pretty sure you were about to break like eight of your own because when were you going to tell me -"
"I'm sorry," Regulus said again, almost pleading. "I know. I know, I do, and I - I'll fix it. I'll fix it, and you won't even have to see it."
They'd come up with rules for the apartment. James had mostly done it to make Regulus feel better about the lack of structure, but he had a few.
Contact was necessary if you disappeared for over 24 hours.
Never leave Barty alone in the apartment.
If you were sick or injured, you had to tell someone.
And no snakes in the apartment.
Four rules, compared to Regulus's twenty-one.
"It'll be gone when you get home," Regulus promised.
He could hear James take a deep breath. "Okay."
"I love you," Regulus said, apologetic.
"I love you, too," James said back. "And Reg?"
Regulus braced himself for - something. He wasn't sure. "Yeah?"
"I wouldn't break up with you over something like this. I'm not breaking up with you over this," James continued. "Okay? You don't have to worry about that."
Regulus was very close to crying. "But I broke the rules."
"You're the one who wanted them," James pointed out. "And it's okay. I'm going to come home now, and we're going to call Pandora, and once she has the snake I'm going to deep-clean the living room."
"I can help," Regulus offered.
"That would be great. I'm going to head out now, I'll see you in twenty minutes."
After the phone call, Regulus took the time to take three deep breaths before he called Pandora.
"Hey. Can you be at my apartment in twenty minutes?"
