P.S You're Ugly.

[getleangetmeanfitspo4life]

[psyoureugly]

😢💛

[psyoureugly]

P.S Health Insurance and the American Economy

Me: *Cancelling my Critical Illness Insurance* I wish I didn’t have to weigh my likelihood of getting cancer against how much I’ll need that $3 a week. 

[psyoureugly]

P.S I Stole Your Car Magnet

A few years back I worked at this grocery store and this one girl would work every summer when she came home from college. 

She absolutely HATED me and my best work friend and was so incredibly rude and mean and nasty to us all the time - for literally no reason. We were actually friends the previous summer, and for reasons I still don’t fully comprehend she couldn’t stand us when she came back.

It’s important to know that she was very full of herself about going to Penn State(Sandusky trial years) and never missed an opportunity to gloat, and smugly lord her mediocre college education over anyone willing to submit to her to her condescension and over inflated sense of superiority.

Anyway, we all used to carpool to work, so anyone who wasn’t driving for the day left their cars in the same parking lot and one day while picking up my car I noticed her car in the parking lot. And I noticed her Penn State magnet. And with no one around, in a moment of spontaneous glory I stole that magnet off of the back of her car and despite how trivial, it was such a momentous victory for me.

It’s been like 6 years, and every now and then I think about it and I still think it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever done.

[psyoureugly]

I realized that I define “how many times a heterosexual couple have had sex in one night” by how many times the male counterpart cums... and that’s messed up. Thanks society.

[psyoureugly]

P.S Useless Skills...

So I have this secret theory that Chelsea Peretti is pregnant and hasn’t announced it yet.

This is not based off of horrible paparazzi photos and gossip, but on a strange skill I have developed over YEARS of watching way to much TV. That skill? Spotting tricks TV shows use to hide pregnancies… not spotting baby bellies, spotting the Hollywood magic used to hide it. 

In the first four episodes of the newest season of Brooklyn Nine Nine Chelsea Peretti is seen wearing a snuggie, almost never shown with her full body in view, and wearing heavy, dark clothes, as well as the storylines being crafted in such a way that limits her time on camera without making it obvious.

I’ve googled it a few times and as far as I can tell there’s no evidence out there yet that a pregnancy has been even rumored, let alone confirmed, so I’m calling it now that sometime in the next year she will announce her pregnancy or a surprise birth. 

Also, she and Jordan Peele eloped in a private ceremony, which establishes a precedent that they like to keep their personal lives from becoming tabloid fodder.

Let’s see how this plays out.

[psyoureugly]

I was right. 

[psyoureugly]

P.S Useless Skills...

So I have this secret theory that Chelsea Peretti is pregnant and hasn’t announced it yet.

This is not based off of horrible paparazzi photos and gossip, but on a strange skill I have developed over YEARS of watching way to much TV. That skill? Spotting tricks TV shows use to hide pregnancies... not spotting baby bellies, spotting the Hollywood magic used to hide it. 

In the first four episodes of the newest season of Brooklyn Nine Nine Chelsea Peretti is seen wearing a snuggie, almost never shown with her full body in view, and wearing heavy, dark clothes, as well as the storylines being crafted in such a way that limits her time on camera without making it obvious.

I’ve googled it a few times and as far as I can tell there’s no evidence out there yet that a pregnancy has been even rumored, let alone confirmed, so I’m calling it now that sometime in the next year she will announce her pregnancy or a surprise birth. 

Also, she and Jordan Peele eloped in a private ceremony, which establishes a precedent that they like to keep their personal lives from becoming tabloid fodder.

Let’s see how this plays out.

[psyoureugly]

P.S Do You Even Millennial Bro?

At the oldest end of the spectrum - “millennials” are almost 40.

So you can stop calling me a Millennial - or you can stop attributing the behavior of high school kids to me and my peer group, because not only do we have ten+ years of cultural and social evolution separating us - they’re fucking children. 

THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE GOOFING OFF AND HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS AND MAKING MISTAKES - SO IF YOUR PROBLEM IS THE FACT THAT THEY’RE DOING IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA, THEN YOU WERE BORN IN THE WRONG GENERATION BECAUSE YOU HATE THE INTERNET AND NOT BECAUSE TEENAGERS HAVE CHANGED AT ALL.

[psyoureugly]

There’s a tumblr out there “Today Was A Day Just Like Any Other” by TehNastyNasties. 

Well TehNastyNasties is my best friend and she left a long time ago. 

She hanged herself on march 12, 2013 - she died March 15. All the things I’d say about her are probably the same thing anyone else says about the person they lost to suicide. But goddamn it I’m right. She truly was the most beautiful effervescent soul that’s ever graced this planet. 

She had this inner light that powered everyone around her. But she was very tortured. We both were. We loved each other so much. I love her so much. 

One of her heroes was Kid Cudi. When she was felt herself teetering on the edge of self destruction she often looked towards him. 

“What Would Kid Cudi Do?” 

This was around the time of his vitamin water commercials. 

I am SO happy to hear Kid Cudi’s announcement about his mental health. I can’t imagine it’s ever been a secret to anyone, because it certainly wasn’t a secret to us, it was part of our fondness. 

I love him dearly. But, selfishly, I resent him too. 

I resent him for not doing this sooner, for waiting until after Gabby was gone to speak out, to show the world it can be okay, to show all the other Gabbys What Kid Cudi Would ACTUALLY Do... or atleast, what he’s done.

I know that’s absurd. I don’t *really* resent him. I would never want him to feel the burden of her (or anyone’s) death on his shoulders; I’ve carried that weight myself. 

More than anything, more than all the subtle complexities of my emotions, I’m happy he finally did it. I’m happy for every other Gabby out there who’s been asking “What Would Kid Cudi Do?” because now maybe that question will keep them alive. 

[psyoureugly]

I feel incredibly worthless and I don’t know what to do with myself. I think I might kill myself if I didn’t know how painful it is to survive that. I’m just afraid that no one cares about me anymore. I feel so alone. It hurts. So much. I hate myself for even typing these words, but I have so many feelings and no where to put them. I’m sorry internet. I’m sorry potential readers. I’m sorry.

[psyoureugly]

P.S. Let’s Talk It Out

What’s the secret code to find people to talk to on tumblr? 

I just need some anonymous, unbiased interaction.

I’m drowning on a barren plane.

[psyoureugly]

P.S Women Are Not Objects

NOTE: I’m not about tumblr popularity, making friends is cool, but my goal has never been followers or fans. But please everyone should share this story because these stories NEED to be told. Copy and paste the text for all I care, but these voices need to be heard.

I just had a bit of a FUCKED experience that I need to share with tumblr.

I’d like to start this out by saying I’m a 25 year old woman living in the U.S in New York State. And The incident I’m about to describe took place at 9 in the FUCKING MORNING.

I attempted to walk to a local convenience store that is 4 blocks away from my house, 4 simple short city blocks away from my house. And I didn’t make it and I couldn’t because doing so would be directly putting myself in danger because some creep in a white Toyota Venza decided he wanted to ruin my fucking day.

I was walking down the road, completely fine, when I noticed a car pull over and park just ahead of me on the road. He never turned off his car, he never disengaged his blinker, he never opened his door or got out and because I’m a little extra cautious of a person I felt uncomfortable with this and crossed to the other side of the road before I reached where he was parked.

Once I crossed, I looked over and saw him sitting in his driver’s seat, shamelessly staring at me for a long time. Any time I looked back, he was still watching me. 

I just feel the need to take a moment here and explain this to someone who’s never experienced it. I know TONS of men who see catcalling as completely innocuous, men who know better than to do it themselves, but don’t see it as a big deal when I tell them it’s happened to me. I get it - it can be hard to wrap your head around something that you can never actually experience. Women are raised to always be afraid of their environment, men are raised to own their environment. Try spending 18 years completely under someone else’s authority (your parents) being told that EVERYONE in the world wants to hurt you. That’s a hard mentality to shake. Now imagine that when you enter the world as your own person men are constantly yelling at you from passing by cars or as you pass them on the street, then they verbally assault you calling you a “stupid bitch” or a “cunt” because you didn’t smile and thank them for calling you “a delicious breakfast” (that’s a direct quote from a man I walked by a few weeks ago). Or even worse men FOLLOWING you on foot and by car, men pulling over to try and get near you. These actions serve to VERY SERIOUSLY reinforce the “everyone’s out to get you” lesson you’ve been taught your whole life. We teach our women to be scared and our men to be scary. So while not all catcalling is as bad as the incident I’m about to describe, even the most harmless of “hey baby”s being yelled from a car window is still interpreted by a woman as a threatening interaction BECAUSE THAT’S THE WAY YOU TAUGHT US TO FEEL. YOU CAN NOT RAISE A DAUGHTER TO BELIEVE EVERYONE IS TRYING TO HURT HER AND THEN GET MAD AT HER WHEN SHE’S A WOMAN WHO FEELS AFRAID. 

So back to the story, after watching me continue down the road for several minutes he finally pulled back into the street and slowed down to a near stop as he passed me by, watching me, and making suggestive faces. Finally, he turned a corner and drove away, only to turn around and come back up the road behind me a few moments later and do it all over again. 

The third time I saw him coming up the road, I turned around and ran in the other direction, knowing now my only focus should be getting home safely. He pulled over  briefly when I did this and u-turned back into the road so he could continue on in the same direction as me without going around the block as he had been. 

This time he pulled over at his first opportunity directly in front of me. I panicked. I looked around- there was a delivery man unloading a truck and a store, I weighed my options and ran into the store. The deliveryman seemed to notice something was wrong, he looked concerned as I stood there helplessly decided what to do before I ran inside. (In retrospect I realize had that delivery truck not been there he would’ve pulled over right next to me.)

This last time he didn’t wait as long, only a minute or so. He took off, I suppose realizing that I was very aware of his presence and that I wasn’t coming back out of that store until he was gone. Once he drove away I sneaked back out of the store and genuinely debated asking the delivery man to accompany me the remaining two blocks to my house. (Because no, we’re not afraid of all men, just the threatening ones, the gentlemen who appeared to be worried about me right before I ran into the store however, has given me no reason not to trust him. Which I think is a nice point because far too often people say women blame all men but it’s not a gender we’re afraid of, it’s a behavior and it’s a behavior society refuses to fault men for doing). But ultimately I just ran home. I mean literally ran as fast as I could, slowing down and sneaking around each corner just in case he had parked and was waiting for me. 

I deal with inappropriate shit from men ALL the time. I the past two days alone he’s only one of 4 men who have pulled over to - I don’t know - talk to me?. I barely even register this shit usually, but THIS was no ordinary situation. This was legitimately terrifying.

The people who try and downplay this issue would like to argue that complainants are being too sensitive or making a big deal out of nothing, but how are we to interpret these situations? What am I to assume a complete stranger who is visibly twice my size and strength plans to accomplish by pulling out of traffic to try and get me to come talk to him? How else can you look at that? Especially with the situation I was faced with today. There’s no possible way you could try and spin this situation into anything not scary. Please, I’d LOVE to hear the argument that some Trump spouting loser would try and come up with to make me the bad guy in this situation.

This is an OUTRAGE. The fact that this is real. The fact that as a 25 year old woman I couldn’t make it 4 blocks without being reduced to tears by a man who was following me like he was hired to do it, at 9 o’clock in the FUCKING MORNING!

This wasn’t late at night, at a bar, no one was drunk or on drugs or hanging out in seedy alleyways and I certainly wasn’t dressed provocatively because THOSE THINGS DO NOT CAUSE OR CREATE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN, SEXUAL ASSAULT OR MISOGYNY. The fact that I even have to say that is indicative of the very problem.

There are horrible people in this world and we live in a time where they’re feeling extra validated in their actions. I feel like this is the part where I should have grand conclusion, a profound thought to leave you off with, but honestly I’ve got nothing. I’m terrified of the world around us and I simply plead with everyone who reads this to make your own personal contribution to the change. Be a better person, teach your kids to be better people, talk to your friends or family members who don’t see this as a problem. Because I really believe we have the power to change the world and every baby born is a new chance for hope. So please, let’s all try and make this a world no one has to fear. 

[psyoureugly]

P.S I Called That Shit

A few weeks ago I posted about a celebrity I follow who, despite constantly posting about how perfect her relationship is, I felt like he was a really crappy guy.

And now they’ve (seemingly) broken up and she’s moved literally across the country.

That guy was a narcissistic loser. Better off without him.

[johnnypanessa]

The Forge River. Mastic, Long Island.

[psyoureugly]

This is my home. 

[psyoureugly]

What I think is interesting about the “Nina” casting controversy is that we’ve become so obsessed with respecting cultures as a whole, we’re sacrificing respect for it’s individual members. 

Now there’s a few issues going on with the film Nina and what I’m going to discuss here is the casting of Zoe Saldana. 

Linked below is an article written by a close from of Nina Simone, who tells a story about Nina envisioning who might play her in a film about her life. her choice? Grace Kelly. 

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-36116954

And in his version of this story, even he laughed at the obvious difference in races between the two women. But she explained it was not about race, but rather a matter of spirit. She felt Grace Kelly encapsulated the women she saw herself as and for that reason thought Kelly would be a perfect choice.

Now, back to my point about forgetting to respect the individuals. 

People seem to be a range of uncomfortable to outraged by this casting saying it is unfair to cast a “light-skinned” women to play a dark-skinned person of color. People called it white washing, saying even in a movie based on the life of a proud dark-skinned woman of color, we are not, as an audience, comfortable with a dark-skinned actress.

This seems a little unfair to Zoe Saldana, a woman, who is infact African-American. And in the all-inclusive, love yourself world we live in today and attempt to foster, it seems simply cruel and ironic to tell Ms. Saldana that she is not “black enough” to play this role. Who are we to tell her about her identity or tell her what roles she may or may not have the right to identify with.

I’ve been seeing a recurring issue popping up recently about the simplification of the identities of Afro-Latinxs. This concept that they may be African American or they may be Latinx, but in the eyes of society, they may never be both and this seems to be exactly what we’re putting on Saldana.

Now - just to wrap this up I have to say, while I support the casting of Saldana, it could be was in poor taste to darken her skin and add prostethics to make her look more like Simone and, in turn, more characteristically African. If they were concerned about authenticity of appearance, perhaps they should have kept looking. However had they chosen simply to let Saldana embody Simone’s spirit while staying true to her own authentic ethnic appearance, because it is one to be proud of and it is not one that would Simone would be disappointed with. 

[psyoureugly]

P.S Fight Transphobia with Prince

Dtraight up: Stolen concept I saw someone post on fb (don’t recall source)

But everyone should spend a little money get some stickers of the symbol used to represent ‘the artist formerly known as Prince” and place them over gendered symbols and words on bathroom doors.

[psyoureugly]

P.S Go Home Rachel

The thing about race that makes it different than being born transgender, the reason I refuse to accept any of the CRAP Rachel Dolezal has to say about her identity is that the “black identity” she claims to have always felt since childhood, the plights she claims as her own and the struggles she dares to associate herself with are based on NURTURE not nature.

I am fully willing to accept the idea of people not identifying with their genetic ethnicity, or for that matter identifying with one that they are not genetically attached to. An example of this odd scenario is a girl I used to work with a few years ago. She was African American, but would tell you unabashedly that she was Italian. Why?

She was adopted in infancy by an Italian family. She was raised and NURTURED by the Italian culture. By all accounts these people were her real mother and real father, the only ones she’d ever known. Why shouldn’t she identify with the their culture, culture she was raised in her entire life? Even if it doesn’t match her genetic ethnic identity. And this is not to say there is NO “nature” element involved. There are millions of people through out the world just like her, raised in other people’s cultures who love, respect and identify with those cultures, but who still feel connected to their genetic ethnic or racial identity and that’s okay too.

But Rachel Dolezal has neither of these things.

And the one scenario which would somehow begin to justify the outlandishness of her actions: that she was “nurtured” by black culture, that she was raised in or around it, experiencing the genuine struggles and cultural hurdles that are tied with being an African American in the United States - that scenario is not true.

She did not grow up in a culturally black environment, which is not to say she had no exposure to it, but never in her life did she bear the burden of centuries old racism in the U.S; so for her to say that she “identifies” as a black American is unfair to those who have spent their whole lives with that weight on their shoulders.

And she knows this. Because if she didn’t know this, she wouldn’t have lied. She could have done all the same work she did as the white American she truly is. One could argue, as some have, that it may have been harder for her to garner momentum or success as a white woman in her field, but even if that is true, that does not give her the right to do what she did. That does not justify her actions and even more so, it contrasts pretty ironically with the person she claims to be. At the beginning and end of the day, what she is currently, is a white woman who *at best* manipulated her appearance and racial identity to ease the development of her career in civil rights. Claiming to not only be part of the struggle against cultural inequality for black Americans, but also a victim of it; while concurrently exploiting social injustices she claimed to be fighting to end for her own gain.

Or at worst, she’s an thoughtless, insensitive, narcissistic, racist whose perspective on the world is so narrow she lacks the ability to see past the end of her own disavowed European nose and who is so high on her own white privilege she believes studying (albeit extensively) African history and the black experience in the U.S at a historically black college equates to actually EXPERIENCING the black experience in the United States.

This racial misrepresentation is, by the way, only the tip of the iceberg that is Rachel Dolezal’s deception. As an art history major and (from what I can tell) a fairly talented artist herself, she has a website dedicated to selling her own paintings - many of which are blatant copycats of other artists work. She has claimed for years that her brother(s) were her sons and instructed them to help perpetuate  this lie. She has, since before she was renowned for her racial insensitivity, been in a legal battle against her parents over claims that one of her younger siblings was sexually abused by one of her older siblings. The majority of her family claims this is a lie planted and sown by Rachel herself. (I chose not to take a stance on this issue as it is particularly personal and unreasonable to try and make judgments of from the outside). One of her brothers (who she temporarily presented as her son) said in interviews that she told him she “was black now” and that he was to act as if she was and not admit anything to the contrary. 

She claims to identify as a black woman, she claims she always has. Whether or not one likes her, her contribution to civil rights are undeniable, but does that mean that she has sensitivity towards the causes she’s representing?

The arguably “best” explanation anyone has tried to pose is the career move - that she did it for the greater good, because she could not make as much headway as a white woman. But that just makes her a woman who claims to be fighting tirelessly for equality, but was not willing to put in due diligence to gain her own. 

She has no business discussing race anymore, she has been exposed and it is time she go home. 

http://www.latimes.com/books/jacketcopy/la-et-jc-rachel-dolezal-race-book-20160413-story.html 

[psyoureugly]

P.S Fuck Cancer

I used to work with a woman who was on maternity leave when I started.

She found out she was pregnant as 38 weeks.

She had a healthy, adorable little chubber of a baby boy. 

This morning at 1:18 am baby Joey passed away.

Joey fought a long and unfairly difficult battle with cancer starting at an early age. His struggle began just before the holidays in 2014. 

Social media is a strange thing because I remember watching, through a computer screen, his mother’s life begin to shatter.

Jaymie and I were never exceptionally close. We worked together for a few months after she came back from maternity leave and before I got laid off. We came from the same town, but it wasn’t that small of a place. (Small enough that 6 degrees of separation could often be played between yourself and a newly met stranger, but big enough that you’d never seen that person before in your life and will probably never see them again.) She went to school with my older brothers, we worked together, we became friends on facebook and shortly there after her journey began.

Joey was sick. Joey was lethargic. Joey lost mobility. His parents took him to the hospital. 

In a short amount of time the results came back that Joey had cancer. (Leukemia I believe, but the further specifics I don’t recall and trying to look into it is too heart heavy with the notifications of death overwhelming social media right now). Watching tragedy unfold from afar is a strange thing. 

You want to do something, but nothing anyone can do changes cancer, unless that someone is an oncologist. And for me, it almost feels rude to extend your hand too closely to a person experiencing tragedy. 

When I lost my best friend so many people came forward to lend a hand or some condolences, and alot of it was more appreciated than I previously would’ve expected from myself, but there was some too that felt inauthentic, inappropriate or disingenuous. 

Because, there’s some dark thing in people that makes them glom onto tragedy and wear it as if it’s their own. Some people wear tragedy like a badge of honor and I never want to be that person, but even more so, I never want to wear someone else’s tragedy as my own. (To this day there are people who mourn the death of my best friend that in her life rejected her coldly and were unkind to her). 

So I watched through a computer screen as Joey got sick. 

The updates were constant, if not from his mother directly, than through his grandmother or other family members. 

His health declined. The chubby little newborn I met at work when his mom visited while on maternity leave turned into a thin toddler. He regained mobility for a while atleast. For a long time he couldn’t keep any solid food down, I assume from the chemo. 

I remember his mother celebrating on facebook when Joey asked for a snack for the first time in forever. (I’m trying hard to remember what it was, maybe cheetos? And I think there was a dipping sauce or condiment of some kind that he was introduced to in the hospital that he fell in love with. I don’t remember what it was, but it was wonderful watching all the pictures his family would post of him excitedly consuming his new found obsession. - OH! It may have been yogurt? - Anyway...) The point is, the smallest things became victories and through it all Joey managed to smile, laugh, love and hopefully for atleast a few moments got to feel like a normal child, playing with his big sister and spending time with his family.

Then came two posts that, through out the entire journey, stuck with me more than any others. 

The first was dark: Joey had a very small chance of survival, 10% or less I think. That was hard.

To watch a child dying is not easy; I can’t even imagine what his family went through.

The second came towards the end of Joey’s treatment. One of Joey’s doctors stated that WHEN Joey makes it to the other side of this disease it will be one of their most rewarding patients ever. 

That was good. That felt like he would make it. His doctors were confident. He was a miracle fighter, an inspirational case. 

And then he did. 

He went into remission.

He went home from the hospital.

One time he even got sick and when his mother took him to the hospital, they treated him briefly and then sent him home, telling his mother “Joey is now to be treated as any other normal healthy child”

That was amazing.

And then he got sick again. The cancer came back. The doctors said that Joey could not be given any more radiation or chemotherapy treatments. 

The cancer was back and nothing could be done.

And his parents had to make the hardest decision any parent could ever make. They chose to stop fighting the disease. The cancer was too aggressive. Joey’s tiny body could not handle anymore treatments and even worse - they weren’t likely to help. 

The options were both incredibly unfair and nearly impossible, as well as being obvious in a separate way: 

Keep putting him through treatments that will make him aggressively ill and most likely won’t improve his cancer or stop the treatments and let Joey live as comfortably as possible for however long he has left.

It doesn’t get much more unfair than that.

Baby Joey fought so hard. He barely lived before he had to battle one of the most notorious killers modern society knows. And he battled with the strength of a warrior.

It is painful and unfair that Joey has passed away. I have been avoiding facebook because all the death notifications hurt my heart. 

I can’t even begin to imagine what his family is going through.

I am eternally heartbroken for Joey and his family. I wish there was more I could do. I wish there was anything at all anyone could do to ease tragedy. 

But there isn’t. 

So donate to cancer research, volunteer for sick children, do whatever you’re physically or financially capable of to help fight the war on cancer because not being an oncologist is not an excuse to do nothing and I vow to not ever use it as one going forward. 

Rest In Peace Baby Joey 04/16/16

EDIT: I haven’t even completed this post yet. I (vainly) googled cancer hashtags to include at the bottom the first result was a top 10 list of beat cancer hashtags on twitter and “#TeamJoey” was number four. His battle was long and hard. He went through more in his life than anyone should have to. I can’t express my condolences enough. Today is a very very tragic day.