what to do when a delusional friend asks you to “reality check” them
if you’re unfamiliar with “reality checking,” it’s a practice popularized on the internet in recent years where a non-delusional person will tell a delusional person that their delusions aren’t Real or aren’t happening in an attempt to help the person cope with their delusions.
it’s actually a horrible practice which has never been used in psychiatrics because it’s either ineffective or very harmful. and… that’s also just not how delusions work. delusions are defined by being unshakable beliefs, and if the beliefs are shakable, they just aren’t delusions. generally, the best thing to do when talking to a delusional person about their delusions is to remain completely neutral until you know to behave otherwise about the individual. telling a delusional person that our realities aren’t Real, like i mentioned, will either be ineffective (we just won’t believe you,) or push the person farther into their delusion - chances are if a person is asking you to reality check them, the delusion is already harmful to them, so pushing them farther into it is terrible!
so what do you do?
tell them No. they are literally asking you to participate in their self-harm behaviors, and that should be a huge boundary violation for anyone. it’s a major safety issue.
it’s possible that they’ll tell you it works for them and will relieve their symptoms, but again, that’s literally impossible. the only two possible outcomes for treating delusions this way are ineffective or deeply harmful. they’re also asking you to give them some form of treatment, which chances are, you’re not at all qualified to offer anyways. your friend asking you to “reality check” their delusions goes far beyond being emotionally supportive as a friend. you’re also just playing with someone’s reality - a nonpsychotic might not understand that our delusions are as real to us as the sky is blue to you; if someone tried their hardest to convince you they sky isn’t blue, imagine how badly that could destroy your perception of reality, or what kind of intense distress it could throw you through - that is what this does to us.
if they’re struggling with delusions, a significantly better option (long-term) is to seek professional help if possible (and if it’s a good option for them,) or alternatively just practice some good ol’ self care. getting a proper amount of sleep and eating well, as cliche as it sounds, has significant and noticeable effects on living in psychosis.
how do you help your friend instead?
recognize the feelings associated with the delusion rather than the delusion itself.
if your friend has a delusion in which a person is stalking them for example, “that must feel scary, what can we do to make you feel safer?” is a far better option than “nobody is stalking you.” the latter is also extremely dismissive on top of everything else! you’re ending the conversation and telling the person that they can’t trust you when they thought they could, it’s a huge betrayal. the former offers recognition, validation and support, and tells the person they are safe with you and you will do the best you can to be with them until they’re feeling better.
