I broke my brain

I remembered and then I forgot. TBI and brain tumor survivor, eternally tired. Disabled, chronically ill, HoH and a whole lot of other things I can't remember. Minors DNI. She/her.

[catmat]

"The only true voyage of discovery, the only fountain of Eternal Youth, would be not to visit strange lands but to possess other eyes, to behold the universe through the eyes of another, of a hundred others, to behold the hundred universes that each of them beholds, that each of them is." Marcel Proust

[stvrgirl3636]

[catmat]

Tw: sexual harrassment/assault ?

A week ago, I went to physio for help better my balance from brain tumor surgery last year. I've been going there for a few months but this time, something happened.

As I was waiting for my appointment in the large open waiting room, an older man in a wheelchair came up to me and we started talking. He said I look too young and healthy to need physio but I told him I actually have a brain tumor and need help with my balance. He apologized for assuming I was fine, and that was ok with me. We started talking about being disabled and I thought to myself, "this is great. I finally get to speak with someone irl who understands what it's like living with a disability". He gave me a friendly pat on the arm once but it was fine, nothing nefarious and it didn't bother me.

All was good and the conversation was polite but then, because I was wearing a mask, he said leaning in close to me, "why don't you take that mask off so I can see that pretty little face of yours" and he began stroking my shoulder and my upper arm slowly. Now, I'm terrible in situations like this because I'm polite and don't want to provoke things further or cause things to escalate so I said, "I'm recovering from an illness and wouldn't want to pass it onto you". He then kept touching me and said, "I'll take my chances, it's worth it to see your beautiful face". His groping didn't stop. I told him that I was going to keep it on and eventually he backed away and luckily I was called in for my appointment.

I know i should have handled this situation differently but I froze. I was also really disappointed as there was another man a few feet away from me who witnessed it all and didn't say anything, plus a female receptionist. I'm also sad because I don't get out much and when I finally got to speak with someone who I could relate to, this happened.

It's just disappointing on a lot of levels and men seem to be being really gross around me within the past few months (I don't know why) and it just really sucks.

[windows-in-art]

Portrait Of An Enemy.

Lucia Heffernan

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

Okay, can we talk about Lucia Heffernan though?

[tzikeh]

Okay but they’re referencing Triple-Self Portrait by Norman Rockwell

[dailycatsblog]

[depsidase]

[catmat]

I had an appointment with a male doctor and he was talking about exercise and how he likes to use the stairmaster at the gym.

He said it's particularly motivating when there's a young woman in front of him using one so he can watch her ass go up and down.

This is why women choose the bear.

[hewoweens]

u can be boiling alive in your mind for months and then on a random tuesday ur head gets so clear and life is worth living again and you're like damn what was all that about then

[catmat]

/) /)

( . . ) have a flower♡

( づ🌷

Thank you 🥹 and here is something for you:

[catmat]

Update on my brain tumor/stroke for anyone interested:

I had a 10 minute appointment with a neurosurgeon (fellow) who said my tumor may or may not be growing but we'll just wait and see ???

As an added bonus, he wrote in my chart that I have a RESPIRATORY schwannoma tumor (in my lungs) and not what I actually have, a vestibular schwannoma in my brain.

When I told him about my stroke and the fact that I have constant double vision and am 50% weaker on my right side, he said I should just exercise more ???

Then he tested my knee reflexes and my right leg hardly moved, which is further evidence of damage from the stroke but he says I'm fine because there's still a little bit of reflex ???

Read that again: the NEUROSURGEON wrote that I have a LUNG tumor instead of a BRAIN tumor, which should be his area of expertise.

So now I have to submit a health records change request to the hospital to try to have them fix that mistake. I'm also fighting the doctors to include my stroke in my file as it must be noted for future surgeries.

I will have another MRI in 6 to 8 months to see if the remaining tumor has grown more in that time.

I've taken it upon myself to get physio to help with my stroke and vestibular symptoms. It's helping with my balance but unfortunately my double vision and weakness from the stroke are not improving.

It will be a year next week since my surgery. I don't regret the surgery itself and I'm coping with the lifelong symptoms from the surgery and stroke as best as I can. It's the medical neglect that has affected me the most and caused a lot of trauma. And every appointment is just shrugging off my symptoms and telling me I'm fine.

This is really hard, friends. The lack of care, incompetence, and neglect are really getting to me.

[probablyasocialecologist]

Source:  PacingPixie

[catmat]

Sometimes I think that "chronic" is a word doctors use when they've run out of answers and hope you’ll simply stop asking questions.

[wanderinglanes-deactivated20260]

I think we need more meme images like this

[itspollybby]

got on tumblr to see Lord Apollo reminding me to take my meds😭😭

[catmat]

"It could be worse". I hate that phrase. But we disabled and chronically ill people hear it so often.

Our illness/disability isn't measured by just our diagnosis - it's measured by how long we've had it, how alone we feel, our ability to function in society, our ability to feel accepted, the neglect we've had, the loss we've dealt with, etc.

So when people say, "it could be worse", that couldn't be farther from our truth. Our experiences are so much more than being sick.

Stop telling us it could be worse; start asking what it’s really like.

[thevoidpeeringback]

One thing I would never allow my pain to take from me is, my compassion.

[catmat]

Who made this? And can it breathe fire?

[catmat]

Does it ever feel like the longer you've had chronic pain, the harder it is to deal with it?

Like today, I had such a bad headache stemming from occupital neuralgia that I felt I needed to go to the hospital but couldn't bear the the thought of sitting in the ER for 6 hours only for them to possibly do nothing.

Ten years ago, I coped with the pain lot better but now it seems that this pain just wears me out so much that I barely have the strength to cope.

You'd think that with chronic pain you get used to it and that's somewhat true for the constant pain, but when the really bad pain comes, it doesn't get easier. We never get used to it. Instead it chips away at your soul.