Swerve x gn! human reader sfw alphabet
with a bit of worldbuilding headcanons becauses i simply can't help myself. nsfw version coming soon!
A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
Generally bots aren't that physically affectionate. They're made of metal, and only have sensitive touch receptors in specific areas. Not that that's gonna stop Swerve. He loves physical affection! He's a little over enthusiastic at first, and a bit clumsy, but it's mostly nerves. Once he's settled into the dynamic he chills out a bit.
Physical affection aside he's talking you up like its his job. Expect a healthy dose of playful ribbing as well, but he thinks you're great and he's gonna make sure everyone knows it
B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
He's going to come on very strong and talk your ear off about all the human movies he's seen. When he doesn't scare you off, you're being dragged alone to movie nights and asked a million questions about human stuff that are all phrased as if Swerve already knows the answer. He gets sad if you correct him but quickly jumps to the next question. At this point if you don't do something to make him back off you're stuck with him, but if you're reading this I assume thats what you want lol
C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
The others mocked him for getting reformatted so his alt mode has seats for you, but jokes on them cause it was the best decision he's ever made. Cuddling isn't the easiest thing for the two of you, mainly because he's just not very comfortable. You get with pillows and cushions, but there's something about knowing you're comfortable riding with him (...in him?) that feels right.
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
Definitely likes the idea of settling down. He really likes the idea of a 'hooooney I'm hoooome!' Type ideal domestic life as presented by older TV because he doesn't really understand the faults of the reality of it. He likes to fantasize about settling down on earth with you but some part of him believes it can never happen so he only brings it up jokingly. He understands the science of cooking just fine, it's taste and delicacy he struggles with. I think he would excel at baking since it's largely chemistry and as long as you follow the recipe you don't have to worry about taste really. And it does look like chemistry too with him portioning out tiny portions of powers on a scale cause measuring cups and spoons are too fidely at his size. He keeps his bar clean enough to pass under ultra magnus' radar for the most part, so he's decent enough at it. But again the issue comes down to size when it comes to keeping shared areas clean. He doesn't fit in your room like at all.
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
Oh man. I'm honestly not sure he'd be up for it. Between his depression and general self loathing, he's willing to put up with a Lot of bad behaviour because on some level he doesn't think he'll ever get anything better. If push came to shove though and he really really had to break it off for whatever reason I could see him leaving a dear john letter and just leaving if its on worse terms, or fumbling through an awkward 'its not you its me' if he doesn't want to burn the bridge completely. It's not an eloquent ending.
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
Bots do relationships a little differently than humans, with much less emphasis on monogamous romantic relationships. I don't really think marriage is a concept that translates to cybertronians. That said, Swerve is here for it! He's down bad, and I think something about getting a relationship legally recognized like that would appeal to the part of him that's convinced you're going to get sick of him in the same way people find fated mate stuff appealing. He kinda expects a big fancy shotgun wedding after a whirlwind romance (please explain to him what shotgun wedding actually means-), but doesn't really say anything because he doesn't want to seem pushy or make a fool of himself. He wants to be the man in the relationship so he wants to propose but I also think he doesn't feel like he can?
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
By necessity, Swerve has to be very gentle with you. Any bot trying to be friendly with a human kinda has to be hyper aware of the very real danger they pose and Swerve is no different. You're liable to get a bruise or two, but that's just a fact of life around bots. Emotionally he's... a little more careless. His mouth runs faster than his processor unfortunately, and he can be a little careless with his jokes. Not to mention cultural differences. It's never his intentions and he feels awful, but he just doesn't always pick up on things.
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
Definitely a hugger. Did one time ask you "where's my hug?" Like That but you made such a face he never said it again. His hugs have all the theatrics of a big crushing bear hug without any of the crushing. He's carrying you places as often as you allow it largely as an excuse to hold you. He also loves it when you hug him and your arms barely wrap around him at all. It's nice not being the smaller one for once lol
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)
He blurts it out just way too fast, probably for something stupid like you actually doing a spit take at one of his dumb jokes. He played it off as a joke but I think you both knew it wasn't Really. He's never going to live it down but you're also never gonna live it down cause it was a bad joke that did NOT deserve a spit take and he knows it.
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
With all the insecurity, it's no wonder he gets jealous. He gets in his head about something or someone stealing your attention and suddenly he's a mopey class clown trying to impress you. Usually you smiling or laughing at his antics is enough to reassure him. If he feels ignored he will follow you around like a sad puppy and keep trying to jump into whatever conversations you're having. It will get annoying. Talk to him about it and reassure him you dont just like him cause he's funny or an interesting conversationalist. You like HIM. It'll go a long ways to helping him chill.
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
Well, being made of metal and over twice your height complicates things a little bit. You won't be getting much lip action from him and his kisses cover your entire face, so makeout sessions will be mostly you kissin on Swerve. His absolute favourite places to kiss you are your shoulders/neck area and the top of your head. If you asked he'd say he's just happy to be kissed at all, but his favourite place is definitely his lips.... Until one time you kissed his autobot badge and it made something in his processor short circuit. PLEASE do that again! He's not above begging!
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
Please do not leave him around children unsupervised he fancies himself a fun uncle type and doesn't have the best understanding of what is a reasonable activity for a human child. He's modelling his behaviour on "inept men try and fail to take care of their kids" type movies. Kids love him, he just doesn't have good judgment
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
A typical morning with Swerve looks like you eating breakfast while Swerve sips on some Energon and yaps. He cooks for you on occassion, but in a lot of ways its more hassle than its worth so he mostly leaves it to you. You don't get as many mornings together as he would like, though. You operate on different schedules and there's not always the option to spend a quiet morning with his favourite human. He always makes sure to send you a good morning text a few minutes after your alarm goes off, though.
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)
Again, the human sleep cycle is not synced up to his recharge cycle, so you guys don't get as many nights together as he would like. But when you do, it goes one of two ways. Either he's staying online and you're curled up in your makeshift bed in his room while he keeps himself occupied, or you're sleeping in his alt mode while he recharges. It's always something he looks forwards to, he really likes the idea of a human couple sleeping together at the end of a long day. He really wants to try spending a night in your bed with his avatar, but he knows that he still won't be able to really sleep so he feels a little silly about it and won't bring it up.
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
It's... kinda a mixed bag with Swerve. He's a chronic blabbermouth, so he says a lot of pretty revealing things all the time but it takes him a while to truly open up to someone. Everyone knows Swerve pretty well, but he tells you things he wouldn't tell anyone.
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
Swerve loves a good playful anger. Banter with him and act outraged when he calls you short and you're speaking his language. It takes more than it probably should to make him get actually mad, especially with you. You're his darling partner who could do no wrong! You'd better not take advantage of that because he will let you. He doesn't want to mess up his one chance with a human.
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
He's got a computer for a brain he's got every moment memorized and backed up. He's got a special knack for noticing your food and drink preferences, and keeps them stocked as much as possible. You're precious to him and your time together is short, he wants it all to be as good as possible. His problem is that he has a very specific idea in his head of what a human romantic relationship is Supposed to look like and sometimes your actual preferences fall to the wayside. This specific idea is largely from romcoms and relationship advice online. So. It's not a very good idea.
On the flip side, if you remember tiny details about him its going to seriously throw him off kilter and make him feel all mushy inside (a very concerning thing for a bot). The fact that you Actually listen to him is gonna hit him hard
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
You had been having a hard few days. Homesickness was hitting hard and heavy and he suggested a movie night to try and make you feel a bit better. He got the whole thing set up; a big pile of all the blankets and cushions and pillows he's squirrelled away for you, all your favourite snacks and drinks, and your favourite comfort movie ready to go. When you got to his habsuite, he busted out his holomatter avatar and the two of you made a blanket fort. You ended up cuddling in it all night long after the credits roll, and it is undeniably his favourite memory maybe of all time.
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
It's hard not to be a little protective when your partner is a tiny organic on a ship full of rowdy bots. He's doing his best not to be patronizing about it, he knows how much it sucks for people to treat you like you're helpless for your size, but he keeps an optic on you. Especially in his bar. Primus if he could dream he'd have nightmares of you getting stepped on or squished by rowdy patrons, getting caught in a bar fight, or getting energon spilt on you. He's kicked patrons out for getting a bit careless around you and he will do it again.
There's not much you can do to protect him like that, but there's still ways. It always takes him a bit by surprise when you call out other bots for being jerks to him, for example. You also push him to take better care of himself.
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
Swerve puts a lot of effort into the things he cares about. You can see it in his bar and you can see it with his love of human stuff and you can see it in Swearth. You're no different. He's got an optic for details and you can really see it in the effort he puts into dates and gifts and such. Plus he's intimately aware of the pitfalls of forgetting anniversaries so you'd better believe he's not pulling that shit. He really really wants this to go well and maybe he's overcompensating a little. Your worlds of everyday tasks are a little more separate, but he'd be happy to help with anything you asked! Um, as long as it's not too fiddly.
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
My guy is so incredibly self-conscious. His desperate need to be liked feeds into his 'comedic relief character' bit which makes it a little hard to have a serious conversation with him because he's desperate to lighten the mood and crack a joke. I could also see him falling into bad people pleasing habits in the relationship to make up for being himself, resentment slowly building, and then he pulls back into isolation.
I've also said before that he'd be a weird fanboy about you being a human and that's 100% true. He's really trying his best to be respectful and normal but there's going to be some unfortunate missteps.
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
Swerve doesn't think he's all that attractive really. He jokes sure, but he knows he's nothing special. He puts in the effort for you though, getting himself painted and polished for dates mainly out of nerves. He just wants everything to be perfect. He somehow found a bow tie to wear for your first date and he still hasn't lived that down.
He chills out once he settles into the dynamic, but it'll take a lot longer to fully get rid of the voice whispering that you'd much prefer a human partner. Especially considering he on some level would prefer to be human.
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
Angst warning on this one, but it wouldn't really kick in until after you die. He wants to spend as much time with you as possible while you're alive of course, but he doesn't feel incomplete when you're not around. Once you're gone though... oh man he's doing rough. You two were an iconic duo, a power couple! How's he supposed to go on without his other half?? It's gonna take him a long time to feel like something isn't missing.
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
After the first time his 'get all my relationship advice from movies' thing goes Wrong, he starts subtly trying to run the ideas by you by making you watch the movie in question and carefully trying to sus out if you think it's romantic or cringe. He's not as subtle as he thinks. If you somehow haven't already, by the second time he asks you to watch a romcom and then spends the whole movie asking very pointed questions only to surprise you with a plot point you've absolutely caught on. Tease him for it absolutely, but know that it comes from a place of love. He just wants to do right by you in his own weird way.
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
You gotta be able to take him seriously on some level. His whole schtick is being the comedic relief guy, sure, but he's a person with thoughts and feelings beyond just being the funny guy. If he feels like you don't respect that it's gonna make him feel a little gross. Everyone kinda writes him off as a silly guy who talks way too much and he needs you to see him for him.
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)
Bots recharge less frequently than we sleep and for less time, but Swerve is a bit lethargic by nature and it gets worse in your relationship. Sue him, he wants to recharge with his partner! It's not his fault you're a human who needs to recharge so often! He's being romantic! It's a human custom to recharge with your partner!
It's a little concerning considering his history of depression, but he doesn't see it like that. He just wants to spend as much time with you as possible and he likes feeling like he's giving you a more normal human relationship.
Also just for fun, I personally headcanon bots as either recharging standing up like a horse or in their alt modes depending on personal preference. Swerve tends to recharge in his alt mode but at the start of your relationship he was self conscious of that fact so he slept standing up for a good while. Then he got over himself and now you occasionally sleep in his back seats