Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
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@puggsyhart
Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
My favorite thing from the internet today.
this gem needs to be documented too
(Twitter)
President Velveeta plagiarized his inauguration cake.
A. Cake.
This is real life.
They took the man’s cake design like they are so low down
EVERYONE IS MISSING THE BEST GOSH DANG PART OF THIS STORY
THEY DONATED ALL THE PROFITS TO HRC!!
it’s cool that the bakery also gave a shoutout to the original cake designer
like they absolutely knew how shady this whole thing was and managed to handle it in the best way possible
Update on #cakegate.
10 years later.
Hi! Could I please have a Merhartwin soulmate prompt? From Eggsys pov? Eggsy has a phrases on each arm, that means two people that will be his soulmate. And that is quite rare, so he is compelled to hide the fact that he does. And could you make it that Harry and Merlin already found each other, and are looking for Eggsy now. [up to you of the phrases are first words or not! X] Thanks! Xx
First fic for the 400 followers giveaway! This one got a bit away with me - but there was just SO MUCH! GAH! I hope you like it @the-fandoms-fangirl and thank you for following me! I’ll be posting a cleaner version on Ao3 soonish.
Eggsy hated his soul marks, mostly because he had two, whichwasn’t completely unheard of, but enough so that people would stare if he woreshort sleeves. So he kept them covered. The other thing he hated about them ishow different they were. His right arm read “Eggsy. Would you like a lifthome?” It was generic enough that he actually heard this phrase all the time,and it made his heart rattle in his chest every time he heard it. But it wasnever the first thing anyone said to him, since people didn’t know his nameright off. On his left arm read “Eggsy. Well done for spotting that was atwo-way mirror.” It was odd that both of his soul mates knew his name beforespeaking to him the first time after puberty, right? And that second phrase,well that was weird. When would he be pointing out a two-way mirror to anyone,and being praised for it? Surely not a police officer he hoped. All the morereason to keep both arms covered.
When he’d hit puberty, and his soul marks had started comingin, itching under his skin on both arms, his mother had immediately taken himto the doctor to see what was wrong. The doctor had remained cool and detached,even though Eggsy had the feeling he was eagerly curious. But that cooldetachment stung when the doctor admitted it was hard enough finding one soulmate, and Eggsy shouldn’t count on finding both of them. It was rare for a trioto find all their parts, which is why there was so little information aboutthem. Initially, Eggsy didn’t think much of it, though he had enough sense tostart covering both of his arms, but as he grew, and his marks settled, thelonging pains that he’d heard so much of grew in him, until it was almost unbearable.His mother believed it was because he was missing two instead of one, whichexplained it, but didn’t make it any better. So Eggsy grew up, aching for two,hoping for one, and dreading he’d never find either of them.
Considering all of this, when Eggsy popped out of the Holbornpolice station, and Harry Hart was standing there all long legs and charm, whenhe said “Eggsy. Would you like a lift home?” Eggsy’s heart slid into doubletime, and he swallowed hard. Every book out there said not to put too muchthought into how you replied to hearing your soul mark. The words were alreadythere, printed in the universe, and whatever they were, they meant you belongedtogether. Still, you always hoped it was something beautiful.
“Who are you?” slipped out of Eggsy’s mouth, and Harrydidn’t even flinch. Didn’t flicker for a moment or hesitate as he continuedtheir conversation. Eggsy’s heart slowed a little, dulled by uncertainty. Harryhad definitely said the words on Eggsy’s arm, but he guessed it could be acoincidence. He supposed it was just too good to be true that a respectable,handsome man might be one of his soul mates.
Much later, his hope was completely dashed. The fight in thepub, the death threats from Dean, and then a bizarre trip in an undergroundtube brought him into some secret spy organization. What else did he have tolose? His heart had still been tripping a little when he looked at Harry, maybehe was and maybe he wasn’t. But when they got to the headquarters, Eggsy knewhe couldn’t be. They ran into a tall, bald Scottish man, they exchanged a fewwords, which Eggsy didn’t listen to, because his eyes were fastened on Harry’shand, gently touching the inside of Merlin’s forearm, an intimate stroke of hissoul mark. So they were bonded then and he wasn’t Eggsy’s. Maybe that was a bitof relief. Eggsy’s heart finally settled and he convinced himself that thelittle wash of sadness that came over him was because he was tired. It had beena long day, and everything was changing.
Merlin addressed the group, speaking at them, not to them,and then they got ready for bed. Eggsy noticed they all wore long sleevedshirts to bed to cover their marks. Probably a good habit for spies. Amelia wasthe only exception, likely because she’d found her soulmate already. Her armread “Wow, I didn’t know anyone could hold their breath that long!”
When the room flooded and they all scrambled to escape,Eggsy was too focused on dying to think about the words on his arm. But thenthe words rang out, in gentle, pleased praise, while Eggsy was sopping wet andpanting for air “Eggsy. Well done for spotting that was a two-way mirror.” Hedidn’t hear Charlie’s snotty response. He didn’t hear Merlin upbraid them forleaving Amelia behind. He barely heard as he told them to change into dryclothes and move to their new, dry room. As the rest of the recruits filed out,Eggsy lingered a bit, his heart racing even faster than when he’d met Harrythat morning. Because now he was quite sure.
“Something the matter Eggsy?” Merlin asked, looking up fromhis tablet to see the last remaining recruit in the slightly floodedobservation room.
“I never thought I’d find the both of you.”
Merlin went stiff, and his eyes widened, his jaw droppingever so slightly. It was a look Eggsy had been hoping for just that morningfrom Harry, and the lack of it had hurt, but the pleasure that bloomed throughhim at Merlin’s reaction more than made up for it. And then Merlin’s hands wereon him, trembling and eager as he went immediately for Eggsy’s left arm, likehe knew what he would find there. A rasping noise of pleasure burst out of himwhen he saw his words on Eggsy’s arm, and then he fumbled with his own sleeve,the right one, to show Eggsy his. Eggsy furrowed his brow for a moment, lookingfrom his left arm, to Merlin’s right.
“It’s the wrong arm,” he said, his elation quickly sinking,crushing into him. His soul mate’s mark was supposed to be on the same arm.That’s how you knew you were the right pair.
“No lad, we’re a trio,” Merlin said comfortingly. He grabbedEggsy’s left arm with his right, creating a shock of electricity to run up anddown Eggsy’s spine, and stuck his left hand out, like he was reaching forsomeone else. “Harry fits here, against me, and there, against you. We make acircle, not a pair.”
“Oh, thank Christ,” Eggsy said, letting out a shaking breathbefore he lurched into Merlin’s arms, hugging him tight and feeling a wash ofheat swarm over him, irrespective of his wet clothes. He was reacting naturallyto finding his soul mate, and the desire to bond with him was rushing up insidehim, filling him with a very specific sort of desire.
“We need to tell Harry,” Merlin said and reached up for hisglasses. “Harry, are you still on the estate?… Good. Meet me in your privatequarters. I’ve got a surprise for you… Well, you’ll just have to wait and see,won’t you?” Merlin chuckled and turned his attention back to Eggsy. “Comealong. Let’s show Harry how daft he is not to recognize you after we’ve beenwaiting so long.”
“I’m sorry,” Eggsy babbled, sticking close to Merlin as theystarted through the winding halls of the mansion.
“Hush, none of that now. Couldn’t be helped,” Merlin said,bumping against Eggsy as they walked, not a millimeter between them, until hepaused and looked Eggsy up and down. “May I carry you?”
“What? Uh, I dunno. I’m a bit heavy…”
“Let me worry about how heavy you are. I can’t bear nothaving you close to me. Come here.”
Merlin got in close for a hug, got his hands under Eggsy’sbutt, and hauled him up. Eggsy easily wrapped his legs around Merlin’s waist,and his arms around his shoulders. Their breath mingled together hotly, andthey both let out little sighs of relief. “Now, isn’t that better?” Merlinasked as he strolled down the halls, Eggsy’s weight not stalling him in theleast. Eggsy nodded in agreement and buried his face in Merlin’s neck, inhalinghim deeply and lipping soft kisses and licks to taste him.
Down several halls, twisting and turning, Merlin finallybrought him to a door where he entered without knocking, and Eggsy turned tosee a well fitted bedroom, cozy and comfortable with all the comforts of home,with Harry lounging in his bed in little more than a robe, looking expectant,which quickly turned to surprise and confusion when he saw his soul mate wanderin with a soaking wet recruit.
“What happened? What’s wrong?” Harry asked immediately,sitting upright, his whole demeanor shifting as he wrapped the robe tightlyaround himself, filling Eggsy with disappointment at the loss of the view.
“Nothing you daft old man. I just found our third is all,”he said, letting Eggsy slide from his grip to stand on his feet.
“You… Eggsy?” Harry gaped, unable to find the right words.But with determination he strode over and pushed back Eggsy’s right sleeve.Eggsy felt that tingle of pleasure again as Harry made contact with his words,and he let out a soft moan.
“Oh Christ, Eggsy. I’m sorry… But your words…” Harry slidthe sleeve up on his left arm, showing Eggsy’s words from earlier, ‘Who areyou?’ and looked ashamed of himself. “You’ve no idea how many times I’ve heardthese words because of my career. I can’t jump every time I hear them.”
“S’all right, Harry. Found you anyway, didn’t I?”
“You certainly did, you treasure. Come here,” Harrybeckoned, his robe slipping open a bit to reveal his bare chest and the topline of his boxer briefs. Eggsy went eagerly into his arms, slipping his handsinto Harry’s robe to touch him skin to skin, making him jolt in surprise. “Darling,you’re chilled to the bone. We ought to get you out of these soaking clothes.”
“Yes, please!” Eggsy said eagerly. He didn’t feel coldthough. His heart was hammering in his chest, his blood pumping through hisveins, singing with desire for his soul mates. And he could see they were bothhot and eager for him as they reached for his clothes, tugging them off andletting them slap wetly against the floor. “You too,” Eggsy pleaded, lookingmostly at Merlin who was still in his shirt and tie with the damp overcoat ontop of it. Merlin nodded, smiling hungrily and started shedding off his manylayers, leaving them in piles on the floor.
Eggsy looked at his two soulmates. Two people he neverthought he would find at all, let alone at the same time. He reached out forthem, first Harry’s arm, to kiss his words and make him moan, and then Merlin’s,to kiss his as well. Their mouths were greedy too and kissed his arms, tugginghim close to them, between them, so they were all skin to skin.
“Can we take you to bed, love?” Merlin asked, the pet nametripping off his lips easily, making Eggsy shudder with pleasure, as he nodded.He ended up leading them to the bed, not giving up his grip on their arms. Thebed was small, not even a queen, and they were all large men, long legs andthick muscles, but being cramped wasn’t a problem and the overlay of limbs andcrush of bodies was perfect for three men who didn’t want to be apart.
“I dreamed about this,” Eggsy said huskily, nestled betweenMerlin and Harry where they could easily reach him, caressing him with hands,tasting him, nipping ever so gently to make him gasp and squirm. “I didn’tthink I’d find you both at the same time, but I dreamed about it.”
“We did too. For ages, love,” Harry said. “Dreamed up allsorts of things we would do to you when we found you. Mostly we argued over whowould have you first,” Harry added with a lascivious smile that made Eggsy feeldizzy to be so desired when they hadn’t even known who he was. And still sodesired when they did finally know.
“We went back and forth for ages,” Merlin said. “Before wefinally decided, if you are amenable, that we’d both have you first.”
“Both?” Eggsy said, his eyes going wide, his mouth droppingopen in wonder, while at the same time, a shiver of anticipation went up anddown his spine, pooling as radiant heat in his groin. He was nodding dumbly,because he couldn’t even wrap his lips around the word ‘yes.’
“Thought you might,” Harry said. “And we think you canhandle it. Not much research about trios, so we had to experiment on our own.Discovered our bodies can be quite accommodating, very prepared to handle twolovers at once.”
“You mean, you two… with someone else?” Eggsy said, a littletwinge of betrayal pinching his heart. Of course, some people chose someone whowasn’t there soul mate, but it was supposed to be unpleasant, unsatisfying.
“No, no darling!” Harry said quickly. “With toys only, Ipromise. I tried once, before I met Merlin, and it was bad enough. I never eventhought to try it after we met.”
“All right,” Eggsy said, relieved. “Me too. Never been withanyone else. Never wanted to be. It just felt… So wrong. Like, more than the books say it will.”
“Because we’re a trio. You weren’t going against one soulmate, but two. Sad to say love, but you’re very much stuck with us,” Merlin said,though he was smiling, seemingly very pleased with the prospect. Eggsy wasfeeling just the same and smiled back.
“Then we going to do this or what?” Eggsy asked.
“Yes, love, come here,” Merlin said, beckoning Eggsy over ashe reclined against the head board. Eggsy crawled over him eagerly, knees oneither side of Merlin’s hips. Merlin pulled him in close, wrapping his armsaround him and sealing his lips with a kiss. Eggsy went in easily, hungrily, ashe pressed against Merlin’s body, their cocks lined up, so that every time hisshifted or moved, they would rub together.
“There you are darling,” Harry said from behind. “Lift yourhips up just a little? That’s good.” There was the snick of a bottle cap, andthen Harry’s hands were on his cheeks, slippery and wet as he pried him open,exposing his hole. Eggsy moaned and pushed his hips back, eager to be touched.He was rewarded quickly as Harry pressed against the tight bud, rubbing a slickfinger over it before pressing in.
Eggsy keened into Merlin’s mouth from the invasion. He’dused his fingers before, imagining his soul mates while he masturbated, but itdidn’t compare to this, to having his soul mate inside him, touching him,preparing him for more.
“Will you open for me Eggsy? Nice and soft?” Harry asked,already pressing with his second finger, teasing against the rim. Eggsy pushedback and both fingers slid in, giving Eggsy a feeling of fullness, with notwinge of pain from the stretch. “Oh, sweet darling, you were made for us,weren’t you?” Harry purred and Eggsy moaned in response, reluctant to releaseMerlin’s mouth.
While Harry prepared him from behind, and Merlin kissed andsuckled his lips from the front, between their bodies, Eggsy’s cock twitchedand pulsed, leaking wetly between them to make a sticky mess. It made it somuch easier for Merlin to reach down for him and start stroking his cock, fastand possessive with Eggsy’s pre-cum smoothing his motions.
Eggsy broke their kiss, panting and gasping, his facestrained with pleasure. “Merlin… please… not gonna last…” he muttered betweengasping breaths. Merlin grinned and kept stroking, working the sensitive headin his palm with each upward stroke.
“That’s the idea, love. Come as much as you want tonight.Want you relaxed and happy when you take our cocks.”
“But…” Eggsy started.
“And some other night, you can make me come while you andHarry stuff me full, and another night we can split Harry open, and thenanother night-”
But Merlin didn’t get a chance to seed that last fantasy asEggsy went completely off, completely overwhelmed by the possible combinationsthey could have in bed. He buried his face into Merlin’s neck as he came,groaning and panting hotly as he pulsed into Merlin’s hand, who hadn’t releasedhim, and just when he thought the crest was high enough, Harry pressed anotherfinger into his fluttering hole, pressing against his prostate to milk evenmore come out of him.
“There’s one,” Harry said, keeping his fingers insider, butthey were gratefully still while Eggsy tried to catch his breath. His skin wastingling, pulsing hot, and his muscles had completely given out. He lay slumpedon Merlin, heavy and boneless while he petted him gently.
“How’s he feel?” Merlin asked.
“Ready for one at least,” Harry said, spreading his fingersslowly inside Eggsy, watching him stretch and gape easily. Eggsy gurgled out amuddled noise of pleasure, trying to push his hips back just a little. “Oh,yes, he’s definitely ready.”
Harry and Merlin eagerly laid hands on Eggsy, shifting himslightly, lifting his hips and having him straddled Merlin’s cock. Eggsyrelaxed into their strong hands, bracing himself, ready for more. Harry guidedMerlin’s cock, and pressed the head against Eggsy’s loose hole. He then urgedEggsy to push back, to take it at his own pace. Eggsy did. He pushed back andback, taking Merlin inside, the slow draw of his cock against his inside, echoedby the slow aching moan that escaped his lips. He let out a final gasp when hesat fully, taking all of Merlin in, and he scrambled for his hand. They claspedhands together, holding tight, fingers grazing each other’s words, and both letout deep, throaty moans, eyes rolling back.
“Christ, Harry… He’s…” Merlin tried, but drifted off, toooverwhelmed by his bonding, a mixture of shocking pleasure up and down theirspines, and warmth and contentment swelling in their hearts. It was a wonderMerlin could speak at all, but he had experienced it once before. Eggsy,understandably, was speechless.
As overwhelming as the pleasure was though, it wasn’tcomplete, there was still a little piece that was missing. Once Eggsy andMerlin gathered their wits, they both turned to Harry, pleading softly for himto complete them. Harry had barely been holding back, and easily, carefully, hepressed his cock against Eggsy’s crowded hole. Even if they were designed tohandle two lovers, Harry was still slow, and cautious, only pushing in the headand following the cues of Eggsy’s body. His breath hitched, his eyes widened,and then he relaxed. Harry pushed in a little further and the same happened.Again and again, press, hitch, relax. Until finally, finally, he was all theway in. He twined his fingers with Eggsy’s, grazing his words, and the circlewas made complete for the first time in their lives. They were fully bonded.
“Christ… forgot how good that felt,” Merlin said, breathless.
“Ain’t always like that, is it?” Eggsy said, still woozy.
“Thankfully, no. That’s just the bonding locking into place.The rest I up to us, I’m afraid,” Harry said, giving Eggsy just a littlethrust. “Think that will satisfy?”
“Christ Harry, stop teasing him and just move, would you?”Merlin snapped.
“Of course, darling,” Harry said. And the rest was justthem, moving together, in a simple, heady rhythm. Harry controlled it, andEggsy and Merlin rolled into it. Eggsy squeezed around them when he could,making himself gasp as well. All the while, they kept their hands together, atangled mess of three grips on either side of Eggsy, unable to touch words, butgrasping nonetheless, like they wouldn’t let go. None of them had any intentionof doing so anyway.
Merlin was the first to succumb. He’d been holding back thelongest, touched Eggsy first, bonded with him first. The tight vice of him, therub of Harry’s cock against his, finally sent him over, pulsing inside Eggsy,making him wetter, making the slide easier. Harry kept up his movement,wringing over-sensitized moans from Merlin in the process, needy ones fromEggsy, before he finally tipped over as well, filling Eggsy up and leaving hima dripping mess.
Harry kept moving slightly, rubbing his softening cockinside of Eggsy, but he also reached for his cock, made him whimper with thepleasure of it, then again when reached for him as well. Both hands strokedhim, covered his cock, overwhelmed him with sensation until he came as well,dredging up groans from Harry and Merlin as he squeezed around them and spilledall over their hands.
Lassitude sank into them. The exertion of their sex, thefading buzz of their bond, the very long day they all had. They found somevaguely comfortable positions on the bed and fell to murmured conversation.
“What about my training?” Eggsy asked.
“You’ll continue if you like. I still think you have great potential,”Harry said.
“But you’ll have to sleep in the dorms from now on,” Merlinsaid. “This was a special occasion. We don’t want anyone thinking we’re playingfavorites.”
“Aww,” Eggsy murmured with disappointment, though he figuredhe could convince them otherwise later. “When’d you two meet anyway?” Eggsyasked, eager to learn about his soulmates. They hesitated for a moment, and henuzzled at them for encouragement.
“When I started training, at about your age,” Harry said,seeming ashamed that they’d been together so long without him.
“You know, we waited awhile for you,” Merlin added, like aconsolation. “Didn’t feel right to bond without our third, and we thought youmight show up any day. Be disappointed we hadn’t waited.”
“How long?” Eggsy asked.
“Two fucking years,” Harry said, like the memory of it stillmade him hurt.
“Two years? Are you fucking kidding me? I couldn’t wait twominutes when I realized who you both were!” Eggsy exclaimed.
“Because you found both of us at the same time, lucky thing,”Merlin said. The words could have been jealous, but they were fond, pleasedwith Eggsy’s luck. Eggsy was pretty pleased himself.
Sleep was chasing them all, but Eggsy was burning withcuriosity. He had a hundred questions, but could only distill them into onemore. “So what’s next?”
“We’ll sleep,” Merlin said. “File some paperwork in themorning. You’ll do your training as everyone else does, no favors from me orHarry though. When you have free time, you’ll be with us, getting to know us,catching up with us.”
“What if… what if I don’t make it as Lancelot?”
“Obviously we willerase your memory and leave you pining in the street,” Merlin said, deadpan,and Harry punched him in the arm when he saw the panicked look in Eggsy’s eyes.
“You’ll always be ours Eggsy, even if you don’t make it asLancelot,” Harry said, instantly calming Eggsy’s fear. “We’ll find a place foryou no matter what.”
Eggsy relaxed, settled in against Merlin and Harry. He stillhad questions. Wanted to talk and listen to them, and be their soul mate. Buthe was tired. Elated, and happy, and warm with contentment, but tired. The restwould come. He would train, and he would succeed, and he would be theirs, andeverything was finally all right.
30 day AU challenge: 14. Pirates
“Harry?”
“Yes?”
“…ARGHHH!”
“…”
Poor Eggsy got himself kidnapped oh no. Not that he minds much but still…
When we’d break, I’d nip outside for a cigarette and he’d always follow me, despite not smoking himself, and we’d just talk about stuff.
Taron Egerton on his mentor, Colin Firth
I read the quote from an old interview and immediately thought of this behind-the-scene photo for Kingsman 2, which was supposedly taken in between shoots. Colin, you’re the sweetest. Please take this wild child back under your wing.
sauce
(via spockri)
Photography by Nathan Denette
Sweet Jesus, it’s just not fair for one man to look so fucking good. NOT FAIR!
Colin Andrew, please stop.
“I’m sorry, I can’t look at you darling. I’m gonna get lost in your eyes…”
— “The Theory of Magic”, Our Bodies & Other Fine Machines by Natalie Wee
What do you think when you see these lists: “Who can be the next James Bond?” and you’re on those lists.
Eggsy Unwin and Roxy Morton + Parallels (Kingsman: the Secret Service) No matter what happens now, I’ve got you. Alright?
a gentleman needs to know how to slow dance, of course
* Hartwin Winter Aesthetic *
Taron Egerton accepting his 2015 Jameson Empire Awards as Best Male Newcomer in his movie ‘Kingsman: The Secret Service’
This is will never not be the fucking CUTEST thing. *heart eyes*