THE ULTIMATE GINGE

Pond, Amy Pond. Er - Amy Pond. 22. Kissogram. Engaged to the hottest centurian this side of... wherever we are. I WENT TO THE END OF THE UNIVERSE AND ALL I GOT WAS STUCK IN THIS BLOODY PLACE.

[mickeywho]

Yeah, same here.

Honestly, you’re not gonna get any good answers from anyone but the Doctor, the other Doctor or Jack. Everyone else will just say this place is hell. And they’d be right, but it’s not helpful.

[pulledtimeapart]

So let me get this straight, you’ve resigned yourself to being useless and the Doctor is too busy straightening his bowtie to offer anything useful. Well that’s just .... great.

[melodyinthesong]

Is it now? 

You and everyone else that’s been stuck here. I wish I could tell you it’s not so bad but, well, then I’d be lying. 

[pulledtimeapart]

Yeah. Sort of. I guess. I mean, were there and now we’re here... that’s comforting?

Great. Something to look forward to then. 

[mycroftholmesworld]

Yes, two of them, they are the same person but from two different generations? Mh, at least I think. It’s still very sci-fi for me. I guess that no body knows how that works. 

- Yes, as in Sherlock…you have read the novels, haven’t you?

[pulledtimeapart]

Regenerations. Huh. I didn’t know that was possible. I’ll have to look this other Doctor up. For science... 

Maybe... just a little. Skimmed, really.

[alostcenturion]

Yeah, of course I would. Things’ll work out. They always do. 

[pulledtimeapart]

Right. Of course they do. 

Suppose I’ll just get comfortable then...

[mickeywho]

Ohhhh. That explains it.

[pulledtimeapart]

Glad somebody’s managed to get some answers.

[alostcenturion]

Right now isn’t a good time. Trust me on this. It’ll be okay though. Find the Doctor, or River.  

[pulledtimeapart]

I trust you. 

I just -- the Doctor’s being weird, and you’re in hiding.

... Rory, you’d tell me if something was wrong, yeah?

[thedoctster]

Sometimes I’m from the past. Or sometimes River is from the future. Sometimes it’s impossible to tell where I’m from.

Ah, the Star Whale! Love the Star Whale, should go back and visit once I’m out of here.

I’m always weird! That’s what you always say, right?

It worked. We’re fine. The universe is back as it should be. This is a separate matter altogether. We’re in what’s known as a pocket universe. What that means is it’s a tiny bubble, a remnant of a dead universe.

[pulledtimeapart]

Yeah, but this a new weird. Weirder than usual. You’re wearing your I’m-hiding-something-from-Amy face, and I want to know why. 

A dead universe? So what we’re stuck in the old one? The cracked universe, or something?

Okay, so that’s simple then, yeah? Get everyone in the TARDIS and pop them back to wherever -- whenever -- they came from.

[mickeywho]

I’ve seen it, alright. Actually, he had an extra and we both wore one. I’d had a few beers.

[pulledtimeapart]

O-kay, so maybe that was a bad example, but you get the point, yeah? Being ignorant doesn’t make you blissful -- I mean, sure maybe for a bit it’s nice not to realise how stupid you look, but in the end it just leaves you vulnerable. Besides. I’m Scottish. We’re rarely blissful. 

[alostcenturion]

No, it’s not that. I actually had the same theory for a bit though. Whatever this is, it’s a lot bigger than that. Worse than that too. 

[pulledtimeapart]

Worse how? Rory, where are you? I want to see you. Whatever’s going on, we’ll figure it out together. 

[alostcenturion]

If I could uncomplicate it, I would have done it by now. Trust me. But I’m working on it the best I can. In the meantime, I’m sorry, Amy. I’m so sorry. I’ve been here for a long time. 

[pulledtimeapart]

No. No that’s not possible. You were there. I remembered you.

None of this makes any sense.

It’s not -- I mean -- we’re not being... dream lorded again, are we?

[alostcenturion]

The Doctor, I’m guessing? Really should have caught up with him first then. I know, I remember that too. It’s just – this place. It’s complicated. 

[pulledtimeapart]

Why? What aren’t you telling me? So uncomplicate it then.

[alostcenturion]

What? Yeah.. that’s what I meant. Of course. 

What’s the last thing you remember?

[pulledtimeapart]

Rory...

Big Bang 2. You waited two thousand years... Why does everybody keep asking me that? 

[alostcenturion]

What happened to you? I thought you’d gone and disappeared on us.  

Are you alright? 

[pulledtimeapart]

Yeah, fine. Disappeared? What do you mean, disappeared?

Rory, I just got here -- I thought you had too...

[mycroftholmesworld]

Well, Welcome Amy. This is called the Pocket World. What is it? I think that’s a question that can be answered more precisely by one of the doctors or Captain Harkness.

One thing is for  certain: we are all stuck in here.

By the way, I’m Mycroft Holmes.

[pulledtimeapart]

One of? There’s more than one of him here? Yeah, that’s an accident waiting to happen.

-- Wait, Holmes? As in Sherlock?

How’s that work then?

[thedoctster]

Oh. Oh, that is – interesting.

It’s okay that you didn’t answer with an age, I’m rubbish with human ages and wouldn’t have known no matter what you said.

But… this does change things, a bit. I’m the Doctor from your future. Or you’re from my past. Perspective. 

I might also need some help keeping straight what we’ve done before this point - have we done Van Gogh yet?

[pulledtimeapart]

Doctor, you’re always from the future. Your memory can’t be that bad. 

Yeah, we’ve done Van Gogh. And the Daleks. And the Weeping angels. And the Star Whale...

You’re being weird. Why are you being weird?

Did it not work, Doctor? Is that why we’re here?

[mickeywho]

Ignorance is bliss, innit?

[pulledtimeapart]

Somebody’s never seen the Doctor wearing a fez. Ignorance isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 

[sherllockedholmes]

I can’t count the amount of Scots who’ve hit me on both hands.

[pulledtimeapart]

Well I’m sure if I slap you hard enough it’ll knock that memory back into place.