Memories

19 They/them I will show you pieces of my long days, good and bad days

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

Im sitting on the bedroom floor, not mine but my moms friends, I call auntie, one of her teenage daughter asks me to help look for her tobacco and she’ll show me a magic trick after with the tobacco. So I go hunting for it and I find it in the freezer I pull it out to show her she grabs it and me and runs to aunties bedroom and begins showing me how to roll a smoke

[rocktheholygrail]

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

Im going to fight this fucking computer why does shit keep disappearing

I think as I take a deep breath and take a rub for the washroom during my job assistance program. The people running the program decided we had to use word pad the worst program known to man Im frustrated in the bathroom saying profanities to my self in the mirror I took a few more deep breaths to calm and walked back out into the bored room ready to try again

Nov 2024

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

Smoke, coffee, and country air, we are hitting thrift stores around my province with a whole bunch of kick ass women in van. I didnt get much I could keep but in was fucking great

November 2024

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

Im sleeping under a tree way past Christmas. Im in an arm chair the tree sparkles before I turn it off around midnight. Quietly I take out my head phone play the quiet sounds of Enigmas album MCMXC a.D. The voice of Enigma starts as I drift slowly to sleep.

December 2023

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

I sit down on the floor its carpeted and mildly hard and I still dont care to focused picking at my fingers bored out of my mind thinking about interactions from early Im in my sash at girl guides. More old people are wheeled onto the stage in military uniforms, Im to young to realize that these people fought in WWII. Poppies litter all the decorations in a solid green room with a large projector with animations passing on in it. All I could think was Im bored

Nov 11 2012

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

I stand in the corner between a chain link fence and a cargo container in a silicone mask, Im very still, I hear people approaching “are they they real? Its to dark I cant-“ just as the one talking passes me and I lunge forward screaming the mask with a long tongue jiggles and I scare them, they dont scream but laugh and keep walking suddenly as I still one of the first ones double back, he reaches over and hits me on my chest. Im disgusted by the act I look over to my security and hes on the cold hard ground doing pushups.

October 2024

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

Well sort of

This month I celebrate my 18th birthday and with that comes I celebrate I survived my deep depression that I battled and fond friends and if course lost them Ill never name names here tho, I gained more family my independence and my ability to celebrate with substances where I come from I can drink legally now. And all of these things and I never took the time to celebrate with my self, 18 is a big mile stone Im an adult I was gifted with my favorite leaf in cookie form and more alcohol then I now what to do with, I smoked for the first time and Im enjoying how Im able to travel. How does one celebrate something like this? Like I wanted to have a fire with some family and definitely some friends and dogs and drinks and such but it keeps falling through which disappoints me deeply. So what do people to say your old now I think on this two days before I post this. This is no memory as I write it willy be but not now not as I write this

Oct 29 9:30pm maybe a little high

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

I sit on my bed crying. A person whom I thought might stick with me for a long long time left without a single word as to why, ghosting me I was so upset after my first break up

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

I slide onto the cherry red convertibles roof as the snow melts around me in march, Im listening to dementia by owlcity on my ipod touch using plug in headphones I dance and sing circling the small garage with two dogs hot on my trail before Im called back from the gorgeous country land scape with snow and trees far as the eyes can see.

2020

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

“Im- im gonna go home….” “Okay” my math teacher says as she begins to walk away. My voice broke and my heart hurts, breaking under the pressure of my missing assignments and work undone. So much is missing and I'm crashing and failing almost all of my classes. And yet I'm still struggling through, my tears finally break through the dam I made specially to stop the running of salty water down my cheeks. It hurts as the fall and I run away again from all my missing assignments and broken dreams of graduating from high school this year. And thats what hurts most Im trying and struggling and yet all I can do is fall on my face and cry. They say theres no use crying over spilled milk but all I can do is cry of over my two Liter jug of milk. And I'm drowning in milk and tears.

June 19 2024

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

I climb atop this awful bunk bed the mattress is uncomfortable and the latter shakes under my weight, when I move to readjust the person under me kicks the bed. Hard. No this isnt a prison its a summer camp with the worlds most awful beds. Its winter not summer and my school brought me on this horror trip for $200 bucks. Its cold and to warm and I hate skiing. Why did I agree to come out here again??

December 2018

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

Lying on the wood bench, I sit up and sigh. Everyone is asleep or on a hike I decided to avoid. In my current situation I regret not going, even if my legs hate walking. It would have been more fun than sitting here on this bench alone by a beautiful view of a lake and a forest in the mossy greenery of this campsite. One of my favorite places I’ve been to.

Summer 2022

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

I sit on one of those giant leather couchs, you know the ones, its brown and so deep Im almost falling into the cushions. Theres a cat in my lap, she sweet and lovely and the softest thing her name was Roxy. Im sat next to my best friend, Teddy, He put on Sherlock, the bbc show. I fond it mildly interesting but Teddy, Teddy loved it. Truly truly loved that show. Hes trying to convince me to watch it, all of it. We are watching threw the first episode or second I dont remember, Its the one where that ginger that taunts Sherlock at that motel pool and he squeels and points at the screen happily I nod and smile as I watch the scene unfold. Cat in my lap in a dark room.

2018 October

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

Tw: restraints used on kids, difficult tops

I was at school something happened and mad rage blinded me, as a child I felt I had no choice but to fight it. That day I made the worst mistake I had made. I did it infront of the “ ponventional child councilor” or what ever he was called. I was freaking out in the office, throwing things yelling screaming hiding behind furniture, not my finest moment but then he came into the office. I had just started to calm myself when he tried to convince me to come out from behind the couch I squeezed behind. He suddenly got pulled me out grabbed my arm kicked in my knee holding me by the neck while I kicked and screamed and cried and he wouldn’t let me. I dont know how long I was held down but when he let me up he looked me in the eye and said “that wasnt to bad right, I couldve use more weight but I didnt arent you thankful?” I nodded quietly completely scared. I dont remember anything else. From that day other then his smile. People cant touch me on the neck as my school tried this technique once. They didnt again because the used to much force when pulling me to the ground. I completely freeze and go silent for a while after.

I dont remember when this was

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

Just me and him, a soft moment with my dad as we jam out to music. He gets excited as he runs to the computer and on you tube shoots up daft punk and some others doing “Get lucky” he sings and I dance on a dino puzzle I just made. I miss that puzzle

2012?

[pumpkinbumblebea]

Memories

Sitting in a row of five fold up chairs, in the back row I eagerly watched the play unfolding in this tiny basement during the fringe. The walls are white and you cant dim anything. I clap as this truly dismal play unfolds in front of, soon enough the reason Im watching this poor show, my sisters close friend slips from behind the wall crutches and all. She plays her role best she can with all these actors who even I could tell at the ripe age of 9 could not act to save their life. But still I watched and laughed and enjoyed myself watching this hot mess

2016 July