nothing like a little platonic frottage between bros
so just a normal hug
froternity of brotherhood

Janaina Medeiros
Not today Justin

#extradirty
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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@theartofmadeline
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@puncromancer
nothing like a little platonic frottage between bros
so just a normal hug
froternity of brotherhood
I'm imagining a world where RPGMaker somehow made it as the de facto codebase for software and you have to navigate your banking app by walking around in a huge room full of NPCs named "make deposit" and "make withdrawal" etc and there's loud as fuck stock music playing
Hello my beautiful human body! I’ve invited you here today to discuss adopting non-mucus-based solutions to common challenges—
My wife and I call each other Pookie Bear and I have this bit I do when she calls me sometimes where I answer the phone as a random Pookie ____ service and yesterday my wife called and I did the bit and answered the phone as Pookie Medical Services and asked if she had an appointment and with whom and the utter defeat in her voice as she said she was next to a coworker and didn't want to get made fun of and I was laughing so hard at the fact that she didn't want to ask for dr pookie on the phone
i wish there was an animal that could see radio waves so I could transmit that i love them and every one on earth would know it
i would randomly broadcast the growling of their natural predator so theyre freaked the fuck out all the time
who the fuck are you
if tumblr was an online game i’d run my character up to your character and spam the jump button and do backflips and frontflips over your character’s head to show you i’m excited to see you on the dash
challenge: some company do something that doesn't have something to do with AI. difficulty level inconceivable
the sixth borough of new york city is the rest of the world
there have been a lot of rumors floating around and im here to defend myself against the false allegations. despite what the people around me have said, i can fit an entire banana in my jacket pocket. it fits in there perfectly fine and i do not struggle to take it out. i did not smush my banana when taking it in or out of my jacket pocket. the only squashing i did was of these rumors.
thank you for your time, no further questions.
follow up: some people are now calling me “banana butterfingers” and claiming i could not open my banana because my fingers were too slippery, this is also not true. while i did struggle slightly with opening my banana, because i had recently put on lotion, i did eventually open the banana.
thank you for your time, no further questions.
Every time i think about this tweet i start crying
complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich
I would have said clit if I was her
you keep your clitoris in a plastic bag?
so i put my hands up theyre playing my song the evil skull flies away
this phrase has given an almost incalculable buff to my casual hating
my beautiful wife, severe thunderstorm warning, is texting me 😌😚😍😍
It's actually super unethical to keep a peeve as a pet