🖤🦅 the audacity of this bird mouth sonuva bitch

Your home for Pulitzer Prize nominated Jake Puncromancer content. Before you follow: blease highly consider following Duckling @Aggressionbread (we're a package deal) and all around Aesthetic Queen Liz @Chiqitadave (url subject to change violently and erratically). Puncromancer Enterprises LLC is a division of Chiqitadave Enterprises

[puncromancer]

nothing like a little platonic frottage between bros

[puncromancer]

so just a normal hug

[puncromancer]

froternity of brotherhood

[aflo]

I'm imagining a world where RPGMaker somehow made it as the de facto codebase for software and you have to navigate your banking app by walking around in a huge room full of NPCs named "make deposit" and "make withdrawal" etc and there's loud as fuck stock music playing

[aflo]

[highladyluck]

Hello my beautiful human body! I’ve invited you here today to discuss adopting non-mucus-based solutions to common challenges—

[xn3city]

[puncromancer]

My wife and I call each other Pookie Bear and I have this bit I do when she calls me sometimes where I answer the phone as a random Pookie ____ service and yesterday my wife called and I did the bit and answered the phone as Pookie Medical Services and asked if she had an appointment and with whom and the utter defeat in her voice as she said she was next to a coworker and didn't want to get made fun of and I was laughing so hard at the fact that she didn't want to ask for dr pookie on the phone

[dankxsinatra]

[pokkin]

i wish there was an animal that could see radio waves so I could transmit that i love them and every one on earth would know it

[antipokkin]

i would randomly broadcast the growling of their natural predator so theyre freaked the fuck out all the time

[pokkin]

who the fuck are you

[maxbytes]

if tumblr was an online game i’d run my character up to your character and spam the jump button and do backflips and frontflips over your character’s head to show you i’m excited to see you on the dash

[amazoogle]

challenge: some company do something that doesn't have something to do with AI. difficulty level inconceivable

[bewbin]

the sixth borough of new york city is the rest of the world

[mancydrew]

there have been a lot of rumors floating around and im here to defend myself against the false allegations. despite what the people around me have said, i can fit an entire banana in my jacket pocket. it fits in there perfectly fine and i do not struggle to take it out. i did not smush my banana when taking it in or out of my jacket pocket. the only squashing i did was of these rumors. 

thank you for your time, no further questions. 

[mancydrew]

follow up: some people are now calling me “banana butterfingers” and claiming i could not open my banana because my fingers were too slippery, this is also not true. while i did struggle slightly with opening my banana, because i had recently put on lotion, i did eventually open the banana. 

thank you for your time, no further questions. 

[suredisaster-deactivated2024022]

Every time i think about this tweet i start crying

[lakevida]

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

[iheartcilia]

I would have said clit if I was her

[lakevida]

you keep your clitoris in a plastic bag?

[skittypilled]

so i put my hands up theyre playing my song the evil skull flies away

[savagenightattheopera]

this phrase has given an almost incalculable buff to my casual hating

[no-more-dead-dogs]

my beautiful wife, severe thunderstorm warning, is texting me 😌😚😍😍

[despazito]

It's actually super unethical to keep a peeve as a pet

[segamascott]