how can you be proudly abdl? I mean this literally. I am not trying to start anything. I am scared of exposing stigmatized and vulnerable parts of who I am potentially making me a target for hatred. I am not talking about abdl specifically, more broadly stigmatization in general. I want to know how you found contentment being open about being something heavily stigmatized without feeling scared.
i grew up in the south. supportive left wing family (hippie dad, bisexual mom), but HYPERconservative town, scarily so.
as a kid, it seemed benign, but i learned the animosity people had, particularly for my autism.
i got my diaper fetish at a VERY early age, had to wear them to combat a bed wetting problem.
the comfort and freedom was like nothing else, but i learned to fear this about myself, scared to death what people would think.
even that young i understood that once you're out, you're out, a closet cant be un-opened.
i kept that secret with me all the way through highschool, and even into my 20s.
that kind of shame and repression is a SLOW death. a poison for the mind.
but one day, after having some time to myself in a cheap apartment, as i was making my first ever lasting connections and friends online, and coming to appreciate myself... i was hit with something.
i was struck with the terrible fear, that my dad might die before he EVER learned this about me, and if he did i would have to spend my life never truly knowing if he'd accept me.
so, i came out. came out as AB/DL, came out as Trans, came out as Bi. he accepted me for all of it.
my folks had already figured i had my own way about me, knew whatever friends or partners id end up with would be an odd bunch. it was an adjustment, not a shock.
then, i finally had an opportunity to leave the south, came up here to minnesota to live close to one of my partners.
and when the plane was set up, i made a promise to myself:
dedicate myself ENTIRELY to living without hesitation or shame, my "Character Arc" as i called it
the way i saw it, i was moving from a place of horrid repression, to a place with more freedoms than i could dream of.
and i was tired, so deeply tired, and ill, and done with being in the closet.
i decided, no more, ive had enough.
people dont care, they just shrug it off and leave you be. what are they gonna do, out you? if they know what ab/dl is, thats humiliating.
"i saw you dancing at the black sacrement!"
"well what were YOU doing at the black sacrement?"
i carry plushies with me everywhere, i rock a paci when sketching in the lobby of my building, i wear shirts with the AB/DL pride flag proudly and frequently in public.
i am simply DONE giving a fuck.
you cant live your entire life in shameful quiet, because when you die in the quiet you die with a wimper.
if you are LOUD, PROUD, and BOLD, you will find allies, friends, and fellowship.
so dont let your shame keep you hidden, fascists want you tucked away and forgotten. it makes their victory unchallenged.
only PRIDE can keep us safe, its the rallying cry of us all.
wether minority, queer, or kinky, we make progress by MAKING progress.
how can i be proud? easy.
because shame poisoned me so long, but didnt kill me. my body became immune to it.
and it'll be a cold day in hell before i EVER give up my Pride.
