#punkmagik / anΒ indie & canon divergent hisirdoux casperan.
taken from & rebelling against tales of arcadia. crossover, OC,
multi-verse, multi-muse, & duplicate friendly.
written by marci, 27, she/her πͺ
"Sounds like a good way to get yourself killed. Normally, I wouldn't care, but wizards are a dying breed and I'd prefer you not to accidentally blow out your kidney while trying to banish a spirit."
there was so much information at once for him to wrap his head around. dimensional portal? fine. wizard? sure β but ... protector of earth? he had to blink a few times to process that right away. he'd heard that title mentioned before β except it was in the context of him rising up to claim that responsibility. all those speeches, all the quests that his biological father had put on him, supposedly to make him worthy of earth's protector ... all of that, and for what? to discover that the job position had already been filled? he didn't realize he had competition. was it a competition, if clark wasn't stepping up to claim it himself? maybe it wasn't. but he had a lot of questions that he doubted the wizard would have any answers to...
what are you supposed to be? good question. " clark kent ... " he said at last, his voice trailing off, as part of him had already drifted elsewhere. a subtly visible confusion shadowed his features ; his mind caught between disbelief and dawning realization.
curiosity stirred in him, sharpened by that title the other bore⦠a moment later, " i'm confused, " he finally admitted, the words slipping out almost involuntarily. " are you ... from ... earth? "
"Clark Kent! Lovely to meet you." It was a name he would be sure to file away for later. There was, no doubt, this man was going to be causing problems in both their futures.
"And I think so?" He actually knew so and there was little reason to believe otherwise. Yet, it was also incredibly entertaining to see how bothersome the little idea was and Douxie found himself curious to see to what extent it could go. "Certainly from one of its realms at the very most. I spent a few decades wandering the Magiclands, but I find the surface world to be much more straightforward. Things make sense here; water is wet, food is for eating, and no one is trying to steal your thumbs for nefarious purposes.
"I consider it my home, as did my mentor before me. It's a very unique place and it attracts all sorts of unique creatures. I mean, you're not from here, yes?"
"No! 'Twas utterly fucking not! What the fuck are you made of, mate? Steel? Concrete? I swear, I almost broke my staff on your abs." He could still feel the metal vibrating in his palms. And an unfortunate bruise blotting on his face where the crystal end of his staff bounced back and struck him. "Remind me to hit you on the head next time."
clark shot him a flat look at the insult and rolled his eyes before disregarding it. in the end, he truly had no choice. " there isn't, " uttered with a firm tone. " i'll help you find what you're looking for, but i need some answers ... how about we start with a nameβ and how'd you end up here? " a small town in rural kansas of all places ...
"A regular ol' dimensional portal?" He can't possibly be expected to drive. All these back roads, he's just as likely to get murdered as he is to fall asleep at the wheel.
"Just to California, no where you and your floofy little bangs need to stress about." Completely unnecessarily, his arm extends with a flourish and reopens the whispy blue doorway he'd come through. It's a small thing, just wide enough for his forearm, which he sticks through and proceeds to rummage around. Unfortunately, the portal is currently only open to his keep at the bookshop and he doesn't have anything particularly coastal to pull out. Instead what Douxie returns with is just a half eaten doughnut from breakfast.
"Hisirdoux Casperan at your service." He'd curtsy, but he currently has to eat a doughnut. "Wizard, curator of oddities, and protector of this little world we call earth.
"What are you supposed to be?" His eyes briefly narrow into electric slits of cerulean blue, a far cry from their natural deep brown. Not a mage, not a fairy, and certainly not Akiridion. "Sorry, love, I mean who."
"We all do. But, well, you don't get one. I need a guide and you're the only person around here who reeks like an absolute freak of nature." For emphasis, he wrinkles his nose. The smell isn't magical, but it is unearthly. "Though, if you reaaalllyyy object to it, I suppose I can go wander off into town. I'm sure there's someone else around who knows about inter dimensional portals and tears in reality."
ASSORTED SENTENCE STARTERS FROM AROUND THE INTERNET, including quotes from Tumblr, Pinterest, TikTok, and X (formerly known as Twitter), for when a muse wants to lighten up the situation at hand.
CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.
SPECIFY muse for multimuses.
βΒ Β Itβs sea shanty time once again my fellow bastards of the ocean! β
βΒ Β Partner, I reckon that I ainβt been feeling very yeehaw lately. β
βΒ Β I donβt study; I consult the lore. β
βΒ Β Yeah, I understand women β they all want daggers and swords. Itβs all quite simple, really. β
βΒ Β Lord forgive me but I may have to make a nonessential purchase. β
βΒ Β Those are bold words for someone in stabbing range. β
βΒ Β Yes Iβm a gatekeeper and a hater. Iβm also Godβs most favorite princess and the most interesting girl in the world. β
βΒ Β My primary motivations are fear, spite, and aesthetic longing. β
βΒ Β Man β if I had a sword, I wouldnβt be worried about shit. β
βΒ Β Itβs not blood that runs through these veins but glitter gel pen ink. β
βΒ Β If I was in a Jane Austen novel, I would be the one sent to the seaside for my health. β
βΒ Β Half of me is a hopeless romantic, and the other half of me is β¦ well β¦ an asshole. β
βΒ Β I am the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person I know. β
βΒ Β I hope I give off the vibe to all animals that I am their ally and their friend. β
βΒ Β I see youβre paying attention to someone who is not me. Why is that? β
βΒ Β Normalize letting me talk without making any sense. β
βΒ Β Donβt care, didnβt ask, plus my psychic visions have predicted the outcome of this encounter. β
βΒ Β I could be so much worse. For example, I could start acting like my father. β
βΒ Β Sorry for acting so strange and irregular; It will happen again. β
βΒ Β i love sitting in my room.....alone....a girl in her cave....scheming and plotting and drinking tea. β
βΒ Β These man made horrors are beyond YOUR comprehension. I get it though. β
βΒ Β Iβm a goth girl on the inside. On the outside? A father figure. β
βΒ Β I donβt need to face reality; Iβm not just that type of girl. β
βΒ Β DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A frickle-frackle? β
βΒ Β Iβm about to cha cha real smooth off a fucking cliff. β
βΒ Β Sorry I told you about my trauma. Do you still think Iβm hot? β
βΒ Β My priorities arenβt straight and neither am I. β
βΒ Β I have felt permanently guilty for no reason since I was like eight years old. β
βΒ Β Of course I have a lot of pent up rage, you fool! Iβve been the same height since I was twelve years old! β
βΒ Β I was born for shock value. β
βΒ Β Good morning! God has let me live another day and Iβm about to make it everyoneβs problem. β
βΒ Β Oh, I slept miserably because I was tormented by terrible visions all night. I hope none of them were prophetic! β
βΒ Β Be the surreal nonsense that you want to see in the world. β
βΒ Β Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot. β
βΒ Β My hobbies include knowing things and being right. β
βΒ Β This is good advice, but donβt tell me what to do. β
βΒ Β I hate the idea of authority. What the fuck is someone being superior to me? Bitch Iβm gonna take your kneecaps. β
βΒ Β Stop forgiving my crimes! I worked so hard on those! β
βΒ Β My hobbies? Uhhhh, symbolism mostly. Metaphors and implications and the like. β
βΒ Β I may not have any braincells, but I make up for it by having many heart cells. β
βΒ Β I canβt mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one guys! β
βΒ Β Not all your life decisions have to be smart. Some can be purely for cinematic value. β
βΒ Β Sometimes I wish I looked more fragile and feminine like a dainty flower, but I do enjoy looking like I hate everyone. β
βΒ Β Any dream can be a prophetic dream if youβre willing to do some really weird shit. β
βΒ Β girl help there is not enough enrichment in my enclosure. β
βΒ Β BRO, you NEED to stop SUMMONING DEMONS in the FRAT HOUSE. β
βΒ Β I just gave your address to some spiders! β
βΒ Β I disappoint my father as a hobby now. β
βΒ Β I think that the dark circles under my eyes add to my aesthetic actually. β
βΒ Β Good news! Iβve successfully replaced all of my emotions with jokes! β
βΒ Β I have half a braincell left and Iβm very scared to use it! β
βΒ Β Listen, son β in this world, itβs either yeet or be yeeted. β
βΒ Β I appreciate the advice, but I think that Iβm old enough to make my own bad decisions. β
βΒ Β Iβm disappointed in me too. Yβall arenβt special. β
βΒ Β Running from your demons is the best exercise! β
βΒ Β Sorry; I canβt commit any crimes with you. My mom says that I have to study. β
βΒ Β Time flies when you donβt know what the fuck is going on. β
βΒ Β If I run out of tacos, I can no longer maintain my human form. β
βΒ Β Bestie, I donβt think that I can girlboss under these conditions. β
βΒ Β Yeah Iβve had combat training; I can do anxiety attacks! β
βΒ Β Swag is earned, not learned. β
βΒ Β Contrary to popular belief, violence solves a lot. β
βΒ Β I CANNOT STAND YOU ALL so I will SIT DOWN. β
βΒ Β Please God no β¦ I donβt need any more character development right now! β
βΒ Β If you canβt beat βem, yeet βem. β
βΒ Β Do not put me in a situation. Iβm at my limit and I am very tired. β
βΒ Β I may be depressed, but at least Iβm not basic. β
βΒ Β Itβs MY LIFE and Iβll sabotage it myself, thank you. β
βΒ Β Think twice? Bold of you to assume that I think once. β
βΒ Β At the next inconvenience, I will start biting people. β
βΒ Β Oops I think that I just experienced an emotion. β
βΒ Β Did you know that rats spelled backwards is star? β
βΒ Β One day, Iβll be reincarnated as a pigeon, and Iβll shit on your head. β
βΒ Β On the outside, Iβm a baddie β but on the inside, Iβm a saddie. β
βΒ Β My grandma bullies me through the Ouija board. β
βΒ Β Iβm a cool person if you can just look past my personality. β
βΒ Β Beetles donβt have to do taxes, and I think that is a beautiful way to live. β
βΒ Β I hope that you get your character development arc soon. β
βΒ Β Those are some nice kneecaps β¦ Itβd be a shame if someone stole them β¦ β
βΒ Β Iβve wanted to be a trophy wife ever since I was a little boy. β
βΒ Β Iβm done being baby; I want POWER β
βΒ Β Wait, βJust Standing There Ominouslyβ doesnβt count as socializing? β
βΒ Β Yes I am smart, and yes, I am stupid. Itβs called being flexible. β
βΒ Β I am NOT delusional!!!!! I am OPTIMISTIC! β
βΒ Β I deserve compensation for not being the menace to society that i could be, like i'm skipping out on a lot of fun here. β
βΒ Β Do not ask me if you should or shouldn't do something !!! Before I am a friend I am an enabler !!! β
βΒ Β i am the WORLDS PRETTYIST PINK PRINCESS and im gonna KILL YOU WITH MY HUGE FUCKING HAMMER β