Kill me=]

Nagito is my Beloved, Wonderful, Charming, Delightful, Extraordinary, sweet, smart, handsome, graceful. He brings hope to my heart.

[puzlik]

For some reason, the thoughts just don't come to mind. They're there, but for some reason they can't be formulated =[

Ehhhh...I wish Nagito had been fully fleshed out, for example, his relationship with his family, how his worldview changed with age, how his treatment would have gone, and what would have happened if his parents had survived? Hehe there's so much I'd like to know, even if it's not very significant, but facts that have been confirmed. Someone might say that's what headcanons are for! And true.. but for some reason I can't think of anything, everything seems stupid, wrong, and completely remote...That's why, in all the time I've been dedicating to Nagito, I haven't come up with a single headcanon... although maybe there are and I just don't remember? But I really enjoy reading other people's headcanons, even if they can be a little ridiculous, I still like it and it fills me with joy =]

And then I again remember what a loser I am and I sink into despair....I'm no good =[

[puzlik]

I have all sorts of stupid dreams, although it's much better than just sleeping and staring into the black void

I've never dreamed about Nagito =[ Although...his mention and perhaps a fleeting appearance probably did happen... ugh, why do I dream about all sorts of nonsense instead of Nagito ='[

[puzlik]

I feel ashamed drawing Nagito=[...it’s like I just can’t get it right as if fate itself is saying, "You don't deserve to draw him, you stupid piece of trash; stop ruining his image because of you, he's losing all his depth as a character just jump out a window already"

I have...well I shouldn't be talking about this, shame on me...=[[[[[[

I can't even figure out where the adult content is and where the acceptable stuff is...oh well let's just make it all adult!=[[

[puzlik]

Disgust...disgust in the eyes...a look full of disgust, aimed at me and if a good joke doesn’t help, that look will haunt me without end. If everyone in the world knew me and my feelings, they would be pierced by looks full of disgust, sharper than any freshly sharpened knife or any other blade...A shard of glass...

Pfft...Thoughts like this only calm me down and free me from any worries in my already worthless life. What do I need to be happy, if not looking at the same drawings of Nagito, reading the same fanfics about Nagito, watching the same content about Nagito, thinking the same thoughts...about Nagito?

[puzlik]

Hmm...I wonder if it's better to put a warning about adult content under every post or not...

Oh Nagito...if I could go back in time, I'd write about my thoughts about him much more often and in detail...I feel ashamed of my thoughts, so I don't think about them. I don't deserve to think about him. Such a talentless piece of trash, completely desperate, certainly doesn't deserve to think about him, it's even somehow insulting to Nagito...=[

[puzlik]

Today the sky was beautiful well, a little more beautiful than usual. Sunset or sunrise? Hmm....I mostly only see sunsets because when sunrise comes I'm asleep, so I can't really say which one I like more. Do you think Nagito would prefer sunset or sunrise? And now I started thinking there’s a lot of meaning you could find in such a simple question, but that meaning just slipped out of my head (how surprising, and that was meant to be sarcasm)

Sunset marks the end of the day. The sun sets and shares its light with others. But when sunrise comes, it marks the beginning of a new, bright day, a day that could at any moment cease to be so bright and warm, turning into something terrible and gloomy, a day that must be endured until the very sunset...Hahahahha and I just remembered when I looked at the sky I saw beautiful fluffy cumulus clouds, and I immediately thought of that same fluffy, soft, white shock of silvery hair...ahhh Nagito...=]

Oh and also a drawing that has nothing to do with what I just wrote =]]]]]]

By the way, the drawing is very blurry and ugly...but the face turned out so beautiful and gentle...Even my clumsy hands can't spoil Nagito's beauty =]

[puzlik]

Hahahshahhshxsjshehhehehehehehehee Naaaaaagiiiiiiiitooooooooo I think about him and the smile never leaves my ugly face hehehehrhhdhehdhshe NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITVTVOVLDYDVYUCHLCDV

Eeehhhh there is happiness after all

[puzlik]

Oooooooo I suddenly had the idea to carve Nagito's name into my skin hehehshshsshehe. But that's too much of a chore even for me, so the idea is off the table =[

[puzlik]

Hehhehehee here's my promised scribble, well this isn't a new drawing either...I'm just too lazy to draw new ones, I can't do anything =[

Once upon a time, a long time agoooo, I came up with a storyline about...I'm a little embarrassed to tell you about it -∆-

You know, I even had an idea...Nagito has dementia (or maybe not, we could talk about this forever), well if he has dementia, then essentially, sooner or later he'll...Basically his personality will completely disintegrate (if we're talking about the final stage of dementia), he'll become completely dependent on someone else's care, or simply die without it =[

And maybe this is very rude and cruel to say, but Nagito in the final stage of dementia will become completely useless like in my drawing...even if he has legs and arms, he'll still be useless with that kind of consciousness. May my conscience forgive me for such bad words =[

[puzlik]

Please try to find a therapist, this can't be healthy

....

It's cute =]

I was so excited when you sent me this, so brief yet so clear...Aaaaahhhh do they really think I'm a freak? Because of a few stupid and innocent statements about my love for Nagito? Oooh that's even nice...=]]]]]

[puzlik]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, just one h is too weak. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhh yeah that’ll do

I feel like I’m turning into an amoeba. Like, every day my brain cells are rotting and falling out I don’t even know where they’re going eeeeeehhhh

Nagito I think about him, then I forget about him, then I think about him again. I think about him almost all the time, coming up with some complicated or maybe simple scenarios in my head, just to...uuuh I dunno... get at least some dose of pleasure from something...Pffffff whenever I try to analyze something about Nagito, I suddenly realize either I already knew that, or I didn’t? I don’t remember =| I don’t remember anything=[

I’m starting to feel like my unwavering love for him is fading…so I guess my love wasn’t so unwavering after all hehe. BUT NO. Thoughts like that shouldn’t even slip into my head for a second. It’s just that I’m constantly stressing about everything, and it’s keeping me from thinking about Nagito as freely and carelessly as I used to...

God I’ve already written so much, and I still can’t express what I’m thinking. I’m so hopeless and dumb. Anyway, I lost my train of thought, so maybe tomorrow or in the next life I’ll post a drawing. Well not a drawing, just another bunch of messy scribbles =[

[puzlik]

Uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ah my beloved Nagito, why don't you come to me in my dreams? Isn't constantly thinking about you enough for my stupid, unconscious brain to come up with at least something related to you? I keep dreaming about being humiliated or hurting myself what's the point of those dreams? I'd rather be humiliated by Nagito than by some random people I know, I'd rather Nagito hurt me than those people...

Although maybe it's because my thoughts about him always lead back to me putting myself down though that's probably not it. I just can't stop belittling myself, and why would I ? After all I deserve it. I'm just a useless, desperate, talentless piece of garbage that serves no purpose =[

I know so much about him, but when the time comes to talk about him about how wonderful and incredible he is I just end up humiliating myself in the worst way...

I’m so happy for those people who can properly articulate their theories and thoughts about Nagito, even the tiniest details. Maybe I even get a little hope from them, and it makes me feel a tiny bit better!

As for this misunderstanding on paper... Well, of course, I'm not talking about Nagito! I'm talking about the drawing itself; the more I look at it, the worse it gets. I drew it completely wrong and it's so terrible =[ I hope someone rips off my arms and gouges out my eyes so I can never draw it or admire it again...

[puzlik]

May everyone forgive me...may everyone forgive me for not posting anything for so long. Im a pretty lazy piece of shit, so... eh every time I say something like that about any of my bad qualities it feels so awful even though I should probably be used to it by now because Im not going to change. Anyway, here’s what I wanted to say. Nagito beloved and wonderful you can say his name nonstop honestly... I guess I should say that even though I spend hours thinking about him and every word he says I still can’t fully understand him...and thats good! He s so deep and complex in his behavior that thinking about him is pure bliss, although maybe Im just so stupid that I can’t understand such simple things... but either way, if my brain were just a little smarter I would analyze every word he says with every different intonation, examine his facial expressions, study his body...

It's pretty funny how I erased his face from the paper so many times because I couldn't make him look as handsome as he really is, and the paper tore...and then the hole got a little bigger

But there's something to it

[puzlik]

Man.... You and me both. I want to write fanfiction with him in it, maybe write him even caring about my shameless self insert character... But I struggle to believe he'd notice, let alone like me. And returning romantic interest? Ooh boy... It's tough, real tough. And I feel like other people see the self-detrimental talk and get scared off or don't believe it's *that bad*, but it absolutely is. The things you're saying come from a deep place. And honestly I'm inspired that you openly talk about it. I'm such a coward that I stick to anon comments like this to voice my true feelings.

Be gentle with yourself. I'm trying too. It's not easy, always easier to give support to others than to ourselves it seems. But just wanted you to know you definitely aren't alone.

Happy Birthday to Nagito, and hopefully a good day for us too. I hope you can partake in something that gives you intrinsic Hope today.

Oh, another anonymous message... You have no idea how my heart starts racing from just a few words, simply because someone decided to write something to me at all. Maybe this is hope for even more messages from people?..

Speaking of the fanfic, and about what you think... I don‘t know what kind of person you are, so it seems to me that there is at least some chance. You should always hope for the best, shouldn’t you? I don‘t understand people who are frightened by someone else’s self-flagellation. Have they never felt that way themselves? It‘s that beautiful despair of not being able to receive love or to obtain anything, yet still having the hope that maybe there is some chance...

I want to wish you all the best on this wonderful day, and maybe you might even be able to write something today? For Nagito? And even if you don’t write anything, just fantasize about Nagito...and about how beautiful he is...

Once again, happy birthday, Nagito =]

[puzlik]

Happy birthday, Nagito Komaeda... happy birthday...

I wanted to share a drawing with you for Nagito's birthday, but what happened? I fucked it up. It's not even that I don't deserve to draw him. I don't even have the right to admire him. Every beautiful feature of his face, every part of his body it's all so beautiful. He's perfect in every way. I'm not kidding. With every drawing I make, I feel like I'm desecrating his greatness, and that's exactly what's happening now. I just want to rip up the paper, chew on the pencil, and throw the whole thing in the trash. But then I look at Nagito's unfinished sketches, and I don't want to throw that drawing away anymore, because even my useless scribbles mean something...It's just this feeling of emptiness, the realization that I can't just celebrate the birthday of the person I love and admire so much, and I end up hating the entire day

I look at other people‘s drawings and admire them. How do they have the courage to draw something without wondering, What if there’s some flaw in this drawing? What if it‘s not expressive enough and it will just end up in the trash?

Still, sometimes, on good days, I get this feeling "today, I can definitely do it. I’ll make everything perfect for Nagito!" I wonder, is this hope? Or am I just stupid and don‘t understand the simplicity of these words?

But no bad thoughts should exist today, on this day, April 28th. From the bottom of my heart, happy birthday to Nagito Komaeda, and to all those who love and revere him...

I don't remember when I drew this, but it's such a beautiful day today, so why not? Even in my untalented hands, it turned out cute =]

[puzlik]

Hehe, I remember I had a washcloth, and one side was white, and the other was a soft green. Whenever I think about it, it always reminds me of Nagito. It's really stupid, I know! =] But when I felt that washcloth, it was really soft, and when I soaped it, it was even softer, and I always thought, 'If only Nagito's hair were that soft and fluffy, or even better...

[puzlik]

Have you seen the 2.5 OVA? (Spoilers ahead if not. I recommend you watch it!) Nagito has a deep hidden desire for an ordinary life with ordinary happiness. Ultimate or otherwise, there's hope that he would see you and if circumstances aligned, a chance to bond. Your desire to understand him, even if you don't completely, would mean a lot to him. He definitely has said a lot about talent, haves and have nots, but he also grows to understand there's more to people, and more to himself. Not his luck or utility, but a healthier understanding of hope. Just wanted to say there's Hope. - 💞

Yes, I watched it, but it was a long time ago... I need to rewatch it sometime

And yes, there really is hope. But I'm taking into account all the factors of my personality, all the possible scenarios, and, most likely, because of my nature, Nagito would reject me....Even if I hadn't acted as pathetic as I am now, he still wouldn't have accepted me! But, on the other hand, given how much I care for him, he would most likely understand it and truly appreciate my attitude, and his beliefs (low self-esteem, bad luck, etc.) would have prevented him from getting closer

I could go on and on about this, but my limited vocabulary doesn't allow it, and overall, I think I misunderstand Nagito's character...God, I'm so useless..

It's so sweet of you to give me such hope... Thank you so much =]