Python

∆ Hey I'm Python, this is more of a personal blog dedicated to my random rants and general struggles ∆

[pythonstrid3r]

Existing rn.

[pythonstrid3r]

Hate that a lot of anxiety resources and tips are only really focused on the 'less scary' anxiety (not to say that isn't important) but its a bit exhausting just looking around and seeing so much on mild social anxiety as though it's the only form of anxiety.

Not even the more severe social anxiety which leads to people being unable to leave their own homes or handle any interaction with people, that kind of anxiety is ignored completely- it's too scary for people to deal with I think.

God forbid you have any sort of anxiety that isn't social or social focused, anxiety around death and your own existence in the world? Health anxiety? Anxiety about your own thoughts? Completely random and intense anxiety for no clear reason? Good luck.

I think to a certain extent people are afraid to acknowledge the scarier kinds of anxiety and ways it manifests, they're a lot more comfortable dealing with the 'scared to talk to the cashier' kind of anxiety than the 'scared to walk along the road because you might die' anxiety. Especially since one of the main things they use is the idea of 'whats the worst that can happen?' or other thought processes like that, which don't exactly work when applied to over situations.

Idk. This is more of a vent than anything else because I feel like shit and I'm afraid and the NHS is a shit service. Idk what to do. I'm just so tired.

[justaminnow]

I think I misunderstood the song because my leg bone is NOT connected to my hip bone.

[pythonstrid3r]

I hate myself, so deeply and relentlessly. I cannot place a reason as to why, it is everything, there is not one part of me which I do not despise.

I wish I could reshape myself, remould flesh and soul into something desired. I want to rip and tear into myself and become something better, I don't know what that 'something better' is.

[pythonstrid3r]

Chronic illness makes me feel worthless.

It shouldn't, I know that and I am trying to accept myself and my issues but ultimately if I'm being honest chronic illness and society has made me feel like I am half a person.

I can't do as much as other people, what I can do I can't do it as well. I'm hyper aware of my failure, especially when in comparison to my friends and people around me. I know I shouldn't compare myself to people who are completely physically fit but it fucking sucks so much to have to be like "hey I can't actually physically do that" and ruin things.

They're nice about it, they understand but at the same time I hate it. I hate that I have to do these things and that I have a limit that they can't fully understand, idk.

I'm scared they look at me in pity and see me as lesser or something yk? I'm worried that they're going to end up angry having to deal with my shit or even worse look at me like I'm something broken yk.

[pythonstrid3r]

I push myself too far in an effort to seem 'normal'

I know I shouldn't but I do

I dont use mobility aids that I should probably at least try because I'm worried about what people think and if I'm being honest I hate that I need to use them. I hate that it singles me out and I'm worried that people will see me as lesser or just yk. Not value me as much.

I don't use the lifts at college because I do desperately want to be like everyone else, I want to just be okay and be fixed but this isn't going away and I look at other people who aren't in pain from some basic task and I want to cry.

I just want to be okay for once yk?

[pythonstrid3r]

[pythonstrid3r]

MY FUCKIN HIPPPP

[pythonstrid3r]

HOLY SHIT MY FUCKING LEGS HELP ME

[pythonstrid3r]

Genuinely did not realise how hostile school and work environments are towards disabled people, it's insane.

[pythonstrid3r]

I'll go one single day where my pain isn't that bad and convince myself that I'm faking or over exaggerating.

Then I get a flair up.

[w3apon0fchoice-deactivated20250]

why do i gotta have joints? why can’t i be a raggedy an. i can’t even take showers without the pain

[pythonstrid3r]

I'm built like those shitty plastic skeletons found in science classrooms

[lilliaespi-deactivated20250818]

Fuck your " trans ehlers danlos syndrome hypermobility type"

As someone with ehlers danlos syndrome myself, they can fuck right off. It's not just "holy shit you're so flexible."

It's having a slow emptying stomach, so we barely eat and it's very easy for us to get constipated and chronic acid reflux.

It's sneezing and throwing your neck out.

It's sleeping wrong and being in agony the next day.

It's being in pain. Constantly. You know how it hurts to get hit with a sports ball? Imagine that happening. Everyday. No chance for the soreness to recover.

It's our hips, shoulders, elbows, knees, and/or ankles painfully dislocating on a daily basis.

It's our hands painfully over extending just to drive.

It's us needing to use God damn mobility devices as young as 12 years old.

It's us standing up the wrong way, causing our ankle to roll under us AND BREAKING BONES AND/OR SNAPPING THE LIGAMENTS IN OUR FUCKING FOOT

[pythonstrid3r]

I'm sorry but what the actual fuck?

What??? People are 'transitioning' to have heds?? Wtf? It's a medical condition not just something you decide to have- also why? Why the fuck would anyone want to deal with this bullshit it fucking sucks so much.

Genuinely tho, I have spent the past 3 days struggling to eat and throwing up regularly because I dislocated my shoulder badly and have fucked the nerves. Why would you want this life??

[mindpracticespoonbending]

Ughhhh it’s hot out again, which means my body will want to put me out of commission

[pythonstrid3r]

Slight bit of heat and my body just nopes the fuck out 💀

[pythonstrid3r]

My fucking KNEESSSS

[pythonstrid3r]

Seriously regretting not bringing my kt tape with me when I went away.

Anyone have any suggestions on what to do for shoulder support after a bad dislocation? Got a sling but that hurts the back of my neck a fair bit to wear.

[pythonstrid3r]

About to embark on a quest (get through the airport) to save the kingdom (relax on holiday) I pray the gods have mercy on my journey (my chronic illness doesn't flare up)

[pythonstrid3r]

THE GODS DID NOT HAVE MERCY ON ME HOLY SHIT I HAVE NOT SLEPT IN OVER 24HS AND HAVE LAPSED INTO A STATE OF JUST. CHILL.

[pythonstrid3r]

THE GODS ARE ACTIVELY BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF ME, I DISLOCATED MY SHOULDER YESTERDAY AND AM NOW EXPECTING HELL IN THE FORM OF A FLARE UP WITH MY BACK TODAY. END ME.