ㅤ/ᐠ - ˕ -マᝰ.ᐟ༉‧₊˚.-ˋˏ

welcome to the freak show system side blog!

[qjpsys]

*+:｡.hi there! we are a semi-recently discovered system, i am the host, teo!.｡:+*

╰┈➤ we are currently working with our mental health team to figure out what the correct diagnosis is for us, we think did or p-did (as i am frequently frontstuck)

we follow back from our main @tiny3racha

our main was originally created to talk about our ed, and though we dont talk about it much there anymore we would like to be full disclosure and make sure we dont make anyone uncomfortable :>

˗ˏˋ collective info ´ˎ˗

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ bodily 25

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ he/they prns pref

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ aussie (white+chinese)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ dx's: c-ptsd, ocd, autism, adhd

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ psychologist suspects did and bulimia w restrictive tendencies (attempting recovery) which we are working on actively

❛ ━━━━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━━━━❜

interests:

╰┈➤ danmei (svsss, qjj, tgcf + more), project sekai, kpop (skz, woodz & bibi ult + many more), drawing, milgram, kdramas + more

members:

we will only be including those who currently want to be known here, so far our headcount is about 12-16

┊🧃┊teo┊✧ he/they ⁺ 25 ⁺ host°

┊🪷┊nine┊✧ he/him ⁺ 34 ⁺ co-host/protector°

┊🌱┊morrow┊✧ they/all ⁺ 25 ⁺ worker°

┊🎍┊wanning┊✧ he/him ⁺ 32 ⁺

┊🎾┊whizzer┊✧ he/him ⁺ 26 ⁺

┊❇️┊fizzy┊✧ he/they/clown ⁺ 28 ⁺

[plagued-kin]

Amnesia doing its thing

You go girl

[littlest-bugz]

How it feels when your system is trying to make any important decision

[detached0l]

[qjpsys]

i have a feeling i'm close to remembering something that happened to us but idk who it is but each time i try to think about it and gain some clarity around these little flashes of info, someone keeps just saying 'stop' and 'don't' like, i know it's some repressed trauma memory that they're trying to keep out of my knowledge but having these flashes of things happening without being able to understand the context of what exactly was happening feels worse i hate this

[tiny3racha]

gay ass bookcase

need to organise the bottom two shelves but we'll get to that later i've done too much today ( ꒦ິ ཀ ꒦ິ )

[qjpsys]

let's not talk about the fact that some of these are sources for some of us, let us live in ignorance and homosexuality🫶

[my-random--thoughts-deactivated]

[delphientropy]

@funnier-for-systems

[miloage]

being a system is so funny like. oh something really shitty happened. well time to not know who i am for like a week lol!!!!!!

[qjpsys]

Going back to our last post, we did indeed split a new fictive. That fictive is me. I got triggered out just now it seems because our mother was in a bad mood, I suppose Teo was unable to handle it, although I am unsure what our brain thought I would be able to do about it. Either way I am here now, so I suppose everyone can stop stressing about whether or not I exist?

[qjpsys]

welcome back to: did we split a new fictive or do we just heavily relate to this character a bit more than we should, stay tuned, more details at 6

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.

[qjpsys]

made clown cat keychain, it is tofu approved

[qjpsys]

the way i became aware i was fronting this morning was because i got insanely frustrated and almost yelled at the junior staff members today, i never have to deal with them and don't have a particular love of children or teenagers, whereas teo or morrow can handle their bullshit, i simply cannot, i'm still mad over it like there's a reason i don't front at work

[qjpsys]

tw // csa

don't reblog

was researching alexithymia and the issues with sexual encounters triggered us into thinking about how fucking stupid the concept of viginity is, we always just say we're a virgin for the sake of keeping everyone comfortable and to not spiral ourselves, but thinking about it is setting off bad feelings bc like.. we never would but how would it go if we just straight up told people we 'lost our virginity at 2'? we would never do it but how would people react to that? i'm just bad feelings but also curious, very quick way to make people feel uncomfortable i guess? idk we need to stop thinking about it

[qjpsys]

i want us to run away into the woods and never return, no particular reason, life is just shit

[qjpsys]

clown cats <3

also stars bc the kasa influence stays true

[qjpsys]

one of our high school friends and i just had a massive talk about being diagnosed with adhd and autism as adults and how the education system fucking sucks for both diagnosed and undiagnosed individuals and it was really cathartic to just complain about how shitty so many things are, and just talking and relating over how hard it is to come to terms with being disabled

cw // suicide mention

we both also realised we're both stuck in the same sort of go to city we live in > try to fit in to a neurotypical society that doesn't accommodate for us > have massive meltdown and/or suicidal episode > go back to hometown for a month or two to recuperate > rinse and repeat

her and i originally grew close through things like talking about trauma and our dysfunctional families, also how being mized race makes us both feel, and it was just nice to sort of retrospectively look back and see how we both needed so much help that was never afforded to us when we were younger, i miss us having these big discussions with one another, it's sad we only get to see each other when we're both in our home towns or if we go to each other's cities, but all in all i'm glad that despite our distance and not being able to spend us much time together, we still are so close and can easily relate and get straight back into lengthy discussions without worrying about any awkwardness, it's just really nice, i love her sm