the spirits..

[they/she] 🏳️‍⚧️

[quack-shrine-maiden]

the spirits sealed me away because i was a 'danger to society' or whatever that means

ok, hi. they/she, anyone who isn't a jackass is welcome here. sometimes I reblog stuff, sometimes i post. mostly without thinking.

i have no journal. this blog is that. i feel feelings (i think) and everyone will hear about it.

what's my name? you can pry that out of my cold dead hands.

if you want more, check Saynua or Saynua_actias on most other platforms.

if you wanna talk, then ask. i'll try to reply.

I can't contribute to fundraisers or anything of the sort. I'm already broke as is. if you think about messaging me and the first thing you'd ask for is money, please just go elsewhere.

if you have AI generated bs on your profile i'm blocking that immediately btw

i love vagueposting

nothing else

I am a licensed (lie) shrine maiden and my hobby is being stuck in this seal

breaking the seal isn't a bad idea i swear

I can be trusted with access to the mortal realm

[quack-shrine-maiden]

.

still frustrated over nothing like a fucking child

curiousity will kill this cat eventually i swear

i can't in good concience ask again because the answer was a plain and simple no

but having this amount of anger and dissapointment and other fun stuff in my body

this is actual

unbearable

torment

[quack-shrine-maiden]

feeling more neutral today if nothing else

guess that's good

[quack-shrine-maiden]

good news

the irrational feeling is gone for now

and the hollow feeling and/or The Fog™ aren't back

not so good news

it has been replaced by The Heaviness and a Deep Blue

not sure how to feel about this

[quack-shrine-maiden]

alas this will be slept on too

[quack-shrine-maiden]

for everyone's info if i didn't have class tomorrow i'd be drinking like a data center rn

[quack-shrine-maiden]

alas this will be slept on too

[quack-shrine-maiden]

.

i'm a grown ass adult

with a grown ass mind and morals and logical thoughts and that stuff

by all logic i should be able to handle total rejection of my curiosity like a normal fucking human being aka "ok cool" and move on

but noooooo apparently i still get irrationally (textbook definition) angry or shut down like i did as a fucking kid

that's nobody's fault but mine but it's

frustrating

it's over something so minor too

i need to learn to be human one of these days istg

if not for myself then the people i care about

and why now of all times

best part, knowing myself this is going nowhere anytime soon

i guess i really am bottom of the barrel fucking scum

might as well try out ageplay if i'm going to be this much of a goddamn toddler about everything that doesn't go my way

[quack-shrine-maiden]

as weird as it probably is to say

i've been having so many mental breaks lately

and that's a good thing

usually i can't feel much so feeling things is nice

even if it's about whatever unpleasantness

well

i just wish i didn't have to have them alone

but beggars can't be choosers i'd suppose

[quack-shrine-maiden]

if i have the patience

and the willingness

and the energy

to wait

why is is still not any easier to do

[quack-shrine-maiden]

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[quack-shrine-maiden]

reminders to myself and i

not everything is going to last forever or even a 'little bit longer'

yes wanting that is selfish and sometimes plain wrong

don't hope for more out of people who already give their all

give it some goddamn time

[quack-shrine-maiden]

realising what you're spiraling about mid spiral should honestly stop the spiral and its after effects

i do not like this

[miraclemaya]

it's crazy how headpats actually do feel good

[kittenkillsadults]

and dont get me started on forehead kisses you dont see coming...

[quack-shrine-maiden]

no sleep tonight it seems....

[quack-shrine-maiden]

two fucking hours can't feel this long

[quack-shrine-maiden]

classic case of does everything as well as one could and still feels like they fucked up here again

[quack-shrine-maiden]

every now and then i get the sudden urge to be put down like a rabid dog

i'm sure that's normal