Quality Control

Discussing Transgender issues and Venting about them. About

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Any further discussion pertaining to my old post I won’t be responding to, at least publicly. I feel I have said enough on the situation and unless someone raises something new on the matter, I’m not going to keep redirecting them to re-read my post and other posts on the matter. I’m sure I have repeated myself enough, though I apologize if it remains unclear.

As for kindness: If I seem disrespectful in any of my posts I apologize in advance because that is the last thing I would ever want, is to be disrespectful or rude. Please tell me if that seems to be the case. 

All I ask for when people bring up counter-arguments is to remain patient and kind and respectful the entire time. Otherwise, it is very hard to listen, or even want to listen, to a view of someone shouting angrily or using names or putting another down. Because that isn’t an open minded or willing discussion; the other is just here to not listen, but to be rude, and that is counter productive to anything I am trying to accomplish on this blog.

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I’m only asking for respect and understanding from those discussing things with me. While I can understand people getting frustrated, nothing can be accomplished if another is being rude. Who will listen to the viewpoints of those acting out?

And no. You’re not obliged to be nice to people. But I’m sure we can all agree being kind gets us further and listened to.

I will not be partaking in discussions if the other person is going to act out and instead will result in a block. People just here to be mean don’t get a voice in the discussion. I apologize if I have incited emotions of anger or stress due to ignorance but thats why I’m here to listen and talk about it. I want to learn too.

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Butch isn’t a slur, guessing that ppl are lgbt from their appearance isn’t offensive... it’s called flagging. Ur a dude so shut up about lesbians?? lmao

If you had read my other posts you would see I learned a few posts ago it isn’t a slur and it was a misunderstanding on my behalf. 

Lots of people are uncomfortable with being told that they’re gay because of this or that. It isn’t a good practice to uphold. And we shouldn’t be guessing or assuming things about strangers either. The idea that people are lgbt for specific reasons rather than just the fact that they ARE lgbt is harmful. It is like setting standards that can invalidate people. Flagging doesn’t look like a very good practice.

And again, if you had read my other posts I have stated that none of this was ever about lesbians but lgbt people in general. It just so happened my example was about lesbian headcannoning when the issue lies withing lgbt headcannons as a whole. 

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(These are taken from seperate posts)

@creambalm Yes I realize this now as stated in my past 2 or 3 posts on the matter, and I apologize for the confusion. I stated that my confusion was from the word being used towards me in a derogatory way, or used negatively. But I have been informed otherwise that this is not the case and it is not in fact a slur. I do not know where you get the idea that I am blaming lesbians for anything, but I apologize for ever giving off that idea in any way shape or form, because that is a terrible disgusting thing and I most certaintly do not.

None of my posts have been me discussing lesbian issues. They have been on me discussing isses to the lgbt+ community as a whole. It is just so that in one case I had used as an example, the character in question was to be presumed lesbian. But my issue wasn’t pertaining to that but to sexual identity headcannons. I have said this already. But I do apologize that that was not and has never been the case.

@luvtxt i appreciate the wiki article you had sent me on the matter on top of informing me. That’s all i ask for if i make a mistake, is to be informed. As for “speaking over lesbians” Yes that doesn’t sound good. But that was me trying to say I am not trying to do that and I was just apologizing if that had seemed to be the case. Again, I was never speaking of lesbian issues (besides my misinformation on the meaning of the word butch) but to issues pertaining to the lgbt+ community as a whole.

 I’m sorry if me being misinformed and my miscommunications were irritating to deal with but I would appreciate if we could be a bit more kind to eachother when discussing different point of views. I’m willing to listen and learn, I just want to be a better person, and I apologize in advance for ever hurting anyone’s feelings or saying something wrong. 

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It literally doesn't help to spread misinformation. "Top surgery doesn't leave scars!" If you'd done any research at all, you'd know that's only true for certain procedures such as keyhole or periareolar, and that most top surgery is double incision which DOES leave big, permanent scars. Also, for people like me with big breasts, double incision is literally the only option. Why don't we focus on accepting that scars aren't ugly, rather than just pretending they don't happen.

I’m sorry. Though not entirely misinformation as some still do not show signs as you say, you are right that we should accept scarring if it is to occur. They definitely are not ugly, and all I want is for fellow transgender people to be comfortable in their bodies. Especially if they are putting in the time and money to transition. 

The issue I’v had though is that its actually as if people don’t share information on the fact that there are options that don’t leave scarring. I never see art where a transgender person has scarless surgery. that side is never portrayed.

I do apologize, because we should let people know that they will look fine and masculine or feminine, whichever they prefer, with whatever surgery they may wish to take, despite scarring.

But I absolutely never see posts where people are told that there are other options. And personally for me this has been hard. I had struggled with thinking that surgery won’t be satisfying, even after all that money and resources. Being as dysphoric as I am, it made added to my reasons I was suicidal. In fact I got a message on another blog where I finally came out but I’m being told as if bottom surgery is not functional and un ideal and doesn’t look normal. When in fact, it does function and does look normal and even the smallest size is perfectly fine. So I have been getting misinformation on the other side too when it isn’t like that at all. 

Sorry if getting off topic but I think both sides need to be portrayed so people can feel comfortable whether they may end up with scars, but also be enlightened that it may not be that way, especially in a couple more years as technology is rapidly advancing. I don’t want people to feel stuck as if these are their only options, but you are right, that we should make sure if it is an option someone will be taking or has taken, that they look perfectly fine. Nothing about it is ugly, and it looks just fine.

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This is why im saying I realize now it was a misunderstanding. Those reasons are why I had misunderstood the meaning of the word. But I am relieved to know that it isn’t widely used or known as such. 

But again I am not trying to talk about these as lesbian issues but issues pertaining to lgbt+ as a whole. slurs as a whole. 

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@luvtxt (idk if this @ is working or not?)

I’m sorry, i wasn’t aware that the word had gained a better use. I had only been hearing it recently used negatively and in fact as an insult towards me. So, I’m sure you can see where the misunderstanding comes from.

And I can understand being upset but I just want to be good and learn. I’m sorry if my misunderstanding was irritating. I just hope its clear my intentions were to look out for others, but if it is true this word is widely accepted now and a term for subculture, then that is a relief to hear.

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ah.. its hard to explain issues i have with things when i have difficulty explaining things in general. on top of how easy it is to misread intentions on tumblr. i do not want to upset anyone and i want to remind anyone who may be reading right now that i am open to discussion and other viewpoints. like please do tell me if something is ok and why! a lot of things disturb me but if i could feel better about them, id love that. 

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@calmstim i apologize, i definitely do not want to over-step my bounds when discussing issues, and definitely do not want to sound as if i have any authority in groups i do not belong to.

the reason i mentioned such case in my recent post though was because it is an issue with transgender people of any gender. same thing happens with men with trans men headcannons. Only mentioning lesbian or trans women because my recent distaste is with example of Moira from Overwatch, though the same thing happens with lucio or reaper or genji. But also people calling her a trans man or just a man too because of wearing suits etc. very problematic behavior.

also want to state though: i dont care what sexuality they happen to be or what people headcannon them with; its just that they give reasons theyre lgbt rather than letting people just BE. hard to explain, but didnt want to sound as if im upset with mlm or wlw ships or anything.

but yes uh tl;dr its an issue on sexuality and gender identity rather than solely a lesbian or trans woman issue exclusively. if you would prefer me to reword the post though i can to make sure it doesnt sound like i am trying to claim to know whats right and wrong for lesbians or trans woman. i dont want to sound like that is the case!!

@allosbian and @luvtxt i have heard butch used quite often towards trans men and women alike along with lesbians in general. along with d**e interchangably. it seems the former is reclaimed by more people; but those, included with queer and the f word, are not fully reclaimed! a lot of people are still upset or triggered by the use of these words and i just want people to be careful where they use them, or use a content warning and make sure they aren’t using them towards people they aren’t close to. again, i did not mean to seem as if i am taking authority over lesbian issues, but i meant that as with all lgbt “reclaimed” slurs. as well as the fact these are still used as derogatory statements towards trans men.

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can someone tell me how assuming a girl with short hair and wearing ties is a trans woman or a lesbian ISN’T phobic???? or harmful? at all??

like ur sorta also setting these types of standards with some lgbt headcannons that may make people feel invalid cuz these arent something they wanna conform to, though the bigger problem lying in the fact that its bad to encourage the nature of assuming things about strangers based on how they dress, and also is a bit of a callout and a danger to those who are closeted and just trying to be comfortable in their appearance but they just keep getting called this or that.

also, these headcannons are essentially saying “oh they dress like this so theyre trans. nope, no cis person could dress or look like that at all. nice job passing buddy!”

this mindset some people have is actually very harmful and invalidating by giving reasons for people to be lgbt, rather than just letting them happen to be lgbt.

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Transphobia Among Transgender People

I think the main issue with how transgender people treat eachother here on tumblr is that people dont acknowledge that there are all sorts of transgender people. And that people take differently to being transgender.

You got transgender people with dysphoria, and people without.

You got people who are asserting femininity/masculinity, and you got people who don’t try to conform to anything.

You got transgender people who want to be cis, and you got transgender people who stick with the belief they’ll be transgender forever.

That last one tends to be the one that divides us the most.

I’m the type of person that just wishes he was a cis guy. I want to go through with all the surgeries. I prefer in art that scars aren’t drawn because surgery is a lot better now. Top surgery doesn’t leave scarring. Bottom surgery is ok and its getting better and better every year and by the time I get it, It’ll be perfect.

And I also understand there are some people who would take pride in having scars, as a sign of pride and whatnot. 

But please.. please. I had people shoving it in my face that “You will have scars!!! You’ll always be transgender! You can’t be cis!!! Have you even seen what a transgender penis looks like!?!” And... that. Was one of the worst things ever. Not only do I hear awful things of that sort from transphobic people... But now I’m hearing it from my transgender peers online. It made me feel incredibly hopeless. Luckily I had some people who felt the same stand up for me... So I regained some hope. But also, that’s one of the reasons I have this side blog. So I can be out here and keep that sort of thing out of my mind on my main. So I can live as myself online.

The first time I finally came out on one of my blogs that is even still mostly anonymous, I was met with that response. 

I really want people to reach an understanding that there are all sorts of different ways people take to being transgender. So please think before you speak. Think before you act. Please realize how it may hurt one another. There isn’t one way to be transgender, and It’d be better if we all knew this. It’ll be a lot better if we have eachother’s back, instead of attacking others for ‘not being transgender right’.

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Just aahhh... I’v been getting really upset by this again lately. Like thanks... I’d never be a cis guy cuz a cis guy can never have nice eyelashes or wear makeup or have stretch marks or have thick thighs.

Of course they can have all that... but a lot of the time here on tumblr I’m reminded that theres people who dont think that way. And instead of expressing myself a little bit more as I’d prefer to, I’m out here asserting my masculinity so much.

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“uwu love my trans bbies!!1!”

I’m very glad to see this isnt the case so much but I’m still extremely uncomfortable when there are still people who act this way about transgender people. I have some more I want to get off my chest about transgender headcannons.

a good example of why trans headcannons are oftentimes very poorly portrayed; why do you think out of overwatch soldier 76 really never sees this but lucio, genji, reyes, or zarya do.

The answer is because “theres no way someone as manly as soldier could have ever NOT been a “man” and theres no way zarya could be a cis girl, or lucio and genji are so dainty and sweet~ how could they ever have been dmab???”

Of course thats a HORRIBLE reason. But people tend to think this way when giving out their headcannons. but I ask that you please, think about how that view is bad and how it effects transgender people with dysphoria.

You’re always making it seem that way when being so STRONG about those headcannons on these characters for those reasons. It makes a lot of transgender people feel even worse about themselves because instead of looking at their wider hips or chest or certain features and thinking “see its ok cis people look like this too!” you constantly peg down on them that no! thats because theyre transgender!!! 

People tend to not realize that all transgender people live with being transgender differently. Theyre not all proud. they’re not all comfortable with their bodies. And they have had different experiences with being objectified by people. So a lot of the time, what you do when you play around with the concept of being transgender with characters who aren’t already, it is very easy to slip up and make a mistake.

I know that there are people who WOULD feel better about themselves seeing a character they look up to and have certain features be transgender. But not all people feel this way. especially when as mentioned above, they see these characters portrayed in such a way due to having longer pretty eyelashes or wearing makeup or having a certain body type. 

A cis male character having a larger chest or wider hips and stretch marks can make a trans man feel so much better about himself. but when he sees someone take that as a reason to make the character trans in your headcannon you’re taking that thing away from him. You’re taking away one of the things that makes him feel good.

Trans headcannons are one of those things where I don’t think we are at that time and place in society where it can be done healthily. Transgender people face a lot of hardships and when they come online to a lot of mis-portrayals of themselves they can feel really bad about themselves.

At the least, please recognize that there is another side to this where your transgender peers feel objectified by your little fun. Ask yourself if you are taking care of the matter the best you can. Make sure you’re being respectful to both sides whenever you make such a post. 

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Also that is to say, if anyone per chance wants this username I wouldn’t mind finding something new considering my blog is hardly active at all.

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Clearing out blog for now. I’v been worried my posts come out the wrong way, or hurt some people. I don’t want my words or views to make people upset, but to learn, and perhaps see other viewpoints. But it’ll clear my conscience to clear out my old posts and start fresh with new language. Sorry if anyone has been rubbed the wrong way by my posts. I’ll still probably be very inactive here but we’ll see.