Quantum Uncertain Particle

Attempts of Comedy

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

I truly and fully love humanity with my whole heart. Each and every person is such an amazing impossibility of chance, a bundle of joy and stardust held together by love. Sometimes I feel like Rose Quartz, watching and smiling whenever I see my species make another great leap. I'm like an anti-misanthrope I love us so much we're amazing

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

I love seeing people laugh and smile. People genuinely look so radiant when they smile. Like, yes please keep spreading your joy and compassion I would die for you

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

The eternal mental battle of reading an old book with two close male best friends and not being able to decide between "these two characters are gay but the author just couldn't say it due to the time in which it was written" vs "American culture has poisoned my mind and made platonic touch such a taboo that I can't even comprehend physical closeness between two people as being non-romantic"

[dragon-in-a-fez]

I think more media should narratively punish parents for not listening to their kids and specifically I think it should punish them in cruel and terrifying ways. I want real life parents to go through life with a healthy fear that if they ignore their children's boundaries a witch might cook and eat them

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

No Tumblr I don't want this fucking bullshit on my fyp WHERE THE HELL ARE MY MUTUALS

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

Sometimes I go to make a post, but then I remember. I already made that post. I had the same exact thought twice. I feel like the lady in the short story 17776 who arranged her furniture the exact same thousands of years apart. I'm just an endless parody of myself it would appear

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

I'm going to keep using þorn wheþer you want me to or not and there's noþing you bastards can do to stop me

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

Oh fuck I forgot I was in public and I acted out my hypothetical conversation

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

To this day, everything I know about Major Cloog comes from that one dub of the Wizard Beer parody commercial and I intend to keep it that way so that my experience may remain pure

[tongue-twists]

btw dating sucks as a concept.

[tongue-twists]

meeting up with someone with the explicit goal of figuring out whether or not you want a relationship with them spoils the dynamic. it sucks. it's terrible. fall in love with your friends like normal people.

[tongue-twists]

as expected this one is a hit with the autism website

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

I hate agreeing with a post very fervently and then seconds later learning it's an autism thing

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

Genuinely insane that Pearl's VA was MAGA for so long and no one knew. She just clocked in and out of the yuri factory for years without a hitch. You'd think that after working on a show like SUA she'd develop at least a little tolerance, but I guess not???

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

Socializing feels like shooting yourself in the head except it's supposed to be good for you somehow

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

Not having a crush nor a partner sucks because who am I supposed to be pretending to cuddle with at night now?

[pr0-panic]

I've had lapidot brainworms for like 2 weeks now, here's some art based on my human / college AU.

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

I heard a theory that Pink Diamond is so small because gems use starlight to survive, and Pink was always locked up in the dark tower by Blue and Yellow, so she just shrunk and shrunk and lost her strength and now I need to go cry

[kamilloid]

Favorite SU headcanons of yours?

This will be a long post, but it couldn't be any other way

I have a LOT of them. Especially about Jasper, because she's really silly (I love her) and there's little information about her

I'm constantly coming up with new ones, and honestly, I can always come up with a new random headcanon about almost any character I understand well enough

It's fun! Some of my headcanons conflict with each other—that's okay! Some are humorous, some aren't. I just like to mess around

Here's my modest list of what I like (probably incomplete). It only includes Jasper and Amethyst (LOOK UNDER THE CUT):

1. Jasper has TERRIBLE social skills; she CAN NOT speak normally. She was extremely uncomfortable sharing a room with a bunch of amethysts from the zoo, who were always making fun of her, so she moved out. Her interactions with Steven in the suf confirm this (screenshots from Danny's sketchbook below)

2. Jasper is left-handed and has very neat handwriting

3. I think Jasper has a lot of fans in Homeworld, like the rubies (from the "Back to the Moon"), and she gets a lot of gifts (she refuses as much as possible, but gems still send her). About half of them are strong acid (she has a lot of enemies)

4. Jasper always associates apple juice with Amethyst (my last post about this)

5. I'm sure there's illegal fiction somewhere in the Homeworld. I'm CONVINCED that Jasper has romance novels and/or porn stashed away somewhere

6. She has bad eyesight (okay, I KNOW Peridot said her hole is "perfect" and therefore Jasper shouldn't have any defects, but I recently came across a post with this theory, and it would actually explain why Jasper squints so often, including during combat). Maybe she relies much more on her hearing and reflexes

7. Everyone expects a jaspetyst fusion to be obsessed with battle and strength, and therefore always eager to fight with a weapon ready

In fact, their fusion combines not only a love of victory, but also a fear of defeat and shattering, self-doubt, and the fear of losing someone in battle. Therefore, at first, they tremble for a long time and run away from the enemy (additional bonuses for the Jasper's helmet on the Amethyst gem, not on the head)

8. Amethyst has freckles! This is a very old headcanon that I had back when the Smoky first appeared. I can't imagine Steven with freckles, so I decided Amethyst was the one responsible for that part of the design.

9. Amethyst is ugly on the outside (I LOVE HER. REALLY) by conventional beauty standards, but she makes friends easily, and everyone loves her for her openness and kindness. Honestly, I think this might be why Vidalia loves drawing her (and me too!) – Amethyst has an inner beauty that isn't immediately apparent

10. Reverse headcanon: Jasper is very beautiful, especially her eyes (I unironically believe she wears makeup). She can easily make a good impression, but she's much more reserved and rude, so many gems in Homeworld talk about her behind her back

11. Jasper gets along well with other jaspers and Carnelian from Beta Kindergarten. I'm confused about her relationships with the other amethysts, though

12. Amethyst is agender

I also promised to write my headcanons for all the zoo quartzes. Sorry!!! There are too many! Haha

As I was writing, I realized I didn't have as many ideas for them as I thought. I've come up with personalities for about five of them, but I don't know what to do with the rest. I don't really want to pick a random character from a picture and say, "This one likes winged insects!" — a headcanon generator would do just fine for that. So, I'll write below about the ones that caught my eye and for whom I already have ideas.

Headcanons for the quartzes from zoo:

1. Skinny is very calm and level-headed. She speaks excellent French. Others often turn to her for help because she gives excellent advice (including our Jasper). I think her weapon is long-range, perhaps a sniper rifle. She sucks at close combat, though. After the start of Era 3, she became interested in books on the psychology of gems. Sometimes she says interesting things like, "Hey, did you know that a gem's personality is determined, among other things, by the placement of their gem and the weapon they summon?"

2. Carnelian is somewhat similar to our Amethyst in personality, but a little angrier and rougher. She may be the only Earth Carnelian to survive the war. Perhaps this is because she fights terribly and was always protected. I think she must have a large, heavy weapon. Something she can swing at an enemy with. I wonder if our Jasper thinks of Carnelian when she looks at Amethyst because of their similar appearance

3. 8XJ. Very kind and sociable, she gets along well with everyone. One of the few amethysts with whom our Jasper has a good relationship. Perhaps, like our Jasper, she tried working in Homeworld for a while, but couldn't handle the harsh conditions (including mistreatment by other quartzes), so she returned to the zoo. Very close to the "perfect quartz." She's truly sweet

4. 8XG. She's very straightforward! And because of that, she can come across as rude. She's one of the few who actually cares about our Jasper. They argue and bicker a lot about it. Things like, "Stop being stubborn and isolating yourself from society. It's bad for you." "Shut up, I don't need your advice." "I'll get you out of your depression, even if you don't want it." I also believe she has a secret romantic relationship with another gem in Homeworld. Everyone at the zoo knows. They finally stopped being afraid after the start of Era 3. Jasper is a little jealous and always replies with something like, "I hope you die a long and painful death together someday." But she's actually really happy for her friend, really. G knows Jasper is only joking, so she doesn't take offense

5. 8XL. Before meeting Amethyst, she always complained that the gems beneath her never came out and hoped that one day she, too, would have a sweet little sister like Carnelian. A few hundred years younger

6-7. These two are twins (just look at them!). They get along well with the others, but mostly only communicate with each other

8. This one doesn't have a name, but she's very cute, so I like her. She's very smart and loves to read. She completes the trio of amethysts who are friends with our Jasper

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW. HOORAY. Thank you! I was really waiting for a question like this!!! haha

I adore all the quartzes in su. ALL OF THEM. AAAAAAAALL.

If you liked or disliked a particular hc, you can leave a comment! I love reading other people's thoughts on characters, even if they don't align with mine

Write about any characters

I'd really like to make more mini-comics about my hcs, but I'm afraid they're pretty hard to explain and not many people are interested. Maybe if there was demand

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

A few of mine (idk how to do colored text on mobile forgive me):

-Peridot wears her visor to protect against all the bright lights due to sensory issues

-Amethyst's favorite food is a Sumerian dish that she learned from a royal cook 5,000 years ago and all of the key ingredients are extinct

-Garnet believes in God, but intentionally chooses not to worship Him as a sign of defiance

-Pearl gave Mozart all his ideas for his songs

-The Crystal Gems have a civil rights organization that they run (they can't just fight for equality on the gemworlds. Plus in canon they did anti-racism PSAs)

-Amethyst has various lost artifacts in her room, both gem and human. If you dig deep enough you will find the Holy Grail

-Lapis has resting bitch face, and often is mistaken as being sarcastic or sad when she's being genuine

-The Crystal Gems have subtly nudged along human development over the millennium. Something like Pearl casually suggesting putting those seeds in the dirt or Garnet showing gunpowder to someone

-Bismuth invented nails (the human version at least)

-After Peridot got her Autism diagnosis she frequently makes jokes about it "Steven look at this doll of Percy from CPH I made last night! I was *high* on autism!"

-Jasper loveeees food, almost as much as Amethyst. After all the fighting with Steven is over it makes her feel safe and calm

[quantum-uncertain-particle]

I strongly believe that people don't like when toddlers keep asking "why?" because it forces them to question their base beliefs for the first time in their life