I think by now, everyone within the Boothill fandom is very familiar with just how close Boothill has come to dying but recently, I learned of a Taoist concept which I think provides a better insight on Boothill and his current state.
The concept comes from verse 76 of Tao Te Ching where Lao Tzu describes the following:
A man is born gentle and weak.
At his death he is hard and stiff.
Green plants are tender and filled with sap.
At their death they are withered and dry.
Therefore the stiff and unbending is the disciple of death.
The gentle and yielding is the disciple of life.
Thus an army without flexibility never wins a battle.
A tree that is unbending is easily broken.
The hard and strong will fall.
The soft and weak will overcome.
Essentially, this verse describes the concept that conservatism and rigidity is death. You cannot grow when you have become hard and stiff, when you have become static and stagnant in one place. To be weak, to have the ability to adapt, change and grow is a sign of life, that you are still living.
Now to connect this with Boothill, I'll start by listing off every moment that I can recall and know where Boothill has had a near-death experience (based off in-game info).
The first brush with death that Boothill very likely had is when he was a child, left in the snow. Granted, we don't know for how long he was out in the snow but the fact remains that he was young and vulnerable and left in the cold. Not to mention, while the english translation says Boothill was found as a child (a vague description), the Chinese version states that he was an infant, which then amplifies just how much danger Boothill really was in before he was found by Nick and Graey. We must also remember that Aeragan-Epharshel was a planet full of wild beasts and dangerous bandits. Anything could have happened and it was a stroke of luck that Boothill was found before anything could've happened.
The next moment is when Boothill wields a gun and fires a shot at someone for the very first time. In 2.6, we get to see and hear a child Boothill that is 10 years removed from the first time he shot someone. I'm honestly really bad at labeling an age for children but I'd say child Boothill was around 7-10, which then means Boothill would've been around 17-20 (or in his early 20's at most) when he first shoots someone. Now, we don't know whether the shot he fired was fatal but it's important to note that Boothill only ever actually uses his gun when he believes he's in imminent danger and believes with his whole heart that the opponent he's facing is evil. Yes, Boothill has pulled a gun on civilians but it has only ever been as an act of intimidation so he can get what he needs without wasting time or energy. Another thing is that the assistanana in 2.6 says itself that to fire a shot, the decision needs to have been made by his heart. Boothill has the innate talent to kill anyone and anything with a single shot but he needs to wholeheartedly have the conviction to do so. It's not an easy act, mentally, to kill or harm someone on purpose, at least for someone like Boothill who has been raised with countless principles and teachings revolving justice, purity and violence. Basically, my point is that Boothill at the age of a young adult, wouldn't have fired the shot at a bandit if he didn't believe he was in danger or that the bandit was an evil person, thus marking it as his second known brush with death.
Afterwards, when Boothill grows to become a cowboy (more specifically, a gunslinger), he either joins or forms his own gang and has multiple near death experiences as described in character story 1:
He had narrowly escaped death, tasted the flavor of taking revenge on a rival gang, seen friends lose their lives in the flight of a bullet and seen families fall apart in mere moments...
When the IPC lands on Aeragan-Epharshel and begin their colonization, Boothill has new brushes with death, that too ones that are unfamiliar. He gets tortured at some point by the IPC (stated in 2.6) and then when the bombs fall on his home, it's yet another brush with death. An incredibly close one at that, considering the fact that the bombs were implied to have been targeted towards the resistance specifically but were also generally uncaring regarding any collateral damage.
When Boothill undergoes the cyborg surgery in character story 3, I do believe that he dies for a brief moment. It is stated that Boothill's heart was rejecting the blue blood. His body (or what remained of it at least) was rejecting the very thing that would've allowed him to stay alive and I need everyone to really understand just how much weight such a phenomenon carries. When the body itself rejects the help it needs, it means the body is on the verge of giving up. When this line is followed by Boothill wishing to fall asleep and never wake up, it only further sells just how incredibly close Boothill came to well and truly dying during the surgery and that he welcomed it. Boothill has very non-traditional beliefs regarding death and it's something that he reveres and welcomes (maybe even fears? But that's only a HC of mine for now). Of course, Boothill has an incredible sense of willpower and ultimately, his willpower and his memories of home are what allows him to stay alive, or in cowboy slang "Above Snakes".
Afterwards, any brushes with death that Boothill has are unknown but undoubtedly exist, considering the reckless lifestyle he leads now as a bounty hunter and Galaxy Ranger. Boothill almost falling into the trap of Dr Primitive in 2.6 can also be considered a near-death experience, considering how Dr Primitive's actions involve forcing a person to regress (although Boothill age-regressed instead of undergoing a full regression like the NPCs).
So, as we can see, Boothill is VERY intimate with death. It wouldn't be unusual to say that he and death are old friends. But here's the thing. Each time Boothill has a near-death experience, he manages to overcome it. How? By having the ability to grow and to adapt. In each and every instance, Boothill is weak to the whims of nature and death, yet he just manages to overcome it through his own flexibility. Whether it is through crying as a baby, to solidifying his conviction to wield a weapon and so on and so forth, he manages to overcome and persevere. In my eyes, it's a beautiful example of the Indomitable Human Spirit.
This is where the Taoist concept comes into play. Boothill has placed himself in a purgatory/limbo of sorts, at the edge between life and death.
Theologically, a purgatory is a transitional realm for souls awaiting heaven, where souls are purified and cleansed and the realm serves as a symbol for hope. It suits Boothill in the sense that he has undergone a transition (woah trans Boothill mentioned!??!?) between his former self "Loaded Gun" and who he is now. And yet, that transition was not a complete and proper transition. Boothill still carries the fundamental and core aspects of what made Loaded Gun "Loaded Gun". He has not died in the physical sense, but in a metaphorical sense, but I digress.
A limbo on the other hand, theologically is an in-between state for souls who do not face eternal damnation but aren't pure enough for heaven. Yet again, this does fit Boothill quite well considering the gray area that Boothill exists on in the moral compass (yes you can argue that he's a good person which i believe as well but the fact remains that the act of killing someone is considered a morally black action). Boothill doesn't consider himself pure, yet obviously, he isn't evil either. Therefore, he exists both in a limbo and a purgatory. Befitting for a character like him, if you ask me
Boothill's body is now metal, something that cannot grow or change and adapt by itself, unlike a flesh body. His body is stagnant and therefore, has died.
However, his heart and his mind are still alive. Boothill can still think and feel for himself, in fact, his emotions are even amplified and perhaps even volatile to an extent. Boothill made his body hard and rigid and strong, invulnerable nearly, but he has made his mind incredibly vulnerable. By all means, considering how Boothill has thrice fallen into some mental mind game set by an enemy, his mind is weak. His mind is weak and soft and alive, therefore Boothill is currently alive but just barely.
As things currently stand, Boothill currently exists within a negative and self-destructive spiral. His mindset borders on the edge of stagnation as Boothill has to keep his trauma and grief barely-processed so he can remember what his goal is. Boothill's mind has to exist within the past and present simultaneously, to relive his trauma and grief just enough to remember his goal without causing a breakdown while also existing within the present so he can hunt down the IPC and eventually Oswaldo.
When we first enter Boothill's POV in 2.6, we hear the dialogue "Hatred is the frailty of the weak." It means hate is a disease that makes the weak vulnerable. And ultimately, the line describes Boothill himself. He is a man filled with hate and love. He loves to the point of shedding his body for his tribe and to enact his belief of a swift death and bestowing the grace of death, yet his love motivates his hatred for evil and the IPC. Boothill's hatred keeps him weak, vulnerable human and alive.
However, that which keeps him alive is also ultimately what threatens to shackle and kill him. Boothill's hatred, his mind on the edge of stagnation, has the ability to kill him. It hasn't because he hasn't allowed it to just yet. However, considering his passive suicidal tendencies and suicide ideation, one can argue that it's only a matter of time. If Boothill allows his mind to stagnate, to not allow himself to eventually process his grief and grow and overcome his current mindset (an action that will be long and VERY strenous), then he will die. He will stay in a negative spiral and stagnate and die.
Boothill's humanity is his greatest strength and ultimately, his greatest weakness.
In my eyes, this is a big part of what makes Boothill's story so compelling. We truly don't know what route Hoyoverse will take for him. He has countless death flags and implications and Saber says so herself that unless Boothill opens his eyes and finds a reason -- outside of his vengeance and anger motivated by the loss of his tribe -- to stay alive, his soul will shatter and his end will be imminent. Not to mention, Boothill's true goal is to reunite with his family and so far, enacting revenge on Oswaldo appears to be his means to the end (Boothill constantly dreaming of his family instead of killing Oswaldo implies this fact). Furthermore, in 4.2, Yaoguang states that without temperance, the consequences of the Hunt are no different than the Destruction. Boothill's E6 also transforms him from a standard Hunt DPS into a Destruction DPS. The implications are there, that if Boothill lets himself stagnate and detoriate, he will tip from the precarious edge he currently is on and will tread on Destruction, he will self-destruct wholly.
However, as long as Boothill is alive, there is hope. Quite frankly, I really don't have any particularly strong opinions on what kind of route I want Boothill's story to take. All i hope is that it'll be a narratively fulfilling route that is written with care and stays true to his character and motivations.
given the current climate this pride especially i feel i must mention that i love my trans friends, i stand with trans people in the fight against transphobic legislation and those who would enforce it, and this blog is not a good place for you to be if you do not vibe with that
i've also got gallagher, sunday, and jingyuan variants of the keychains available !! and i do plan on adding more of the hsr cast and other series once my time is freed up again hehe ŕ´Śŕľŕ´Śŕ´ż(･â˘Ě ,<)~âŠâ§â
Boothill's reckless behavior and belief that he will die in battle (fate collab dialogue) correlates to the fact that his name means a graveyard where men died with their boots on (in battle). The fact that his boots are a part of his actual body furthers this point, that he doesn't allow himself to really "rest" in the traditional sense and instead is constantly on duty.
Additionally, in-game, Boothill means a dead gunslinger. This in turn aligns with Boothill's survivors guilt and not seeing himself as a living man (partially because he is 90% machine now which begs the question: is a man living on machines really "alive"?). Boothill sees himself as a ghost, literally and figuratively, of the past and of who he once used to be (note that he has to remember enough of his past and trauma, keep his grief and anger intact and relatively unprocessed, so that he doesn't forget and lose sight of what his goal is). He sees himself as a man on borrowed time and if he couldnât die with his family and tribe, then he sees it as only a matter of time before he's fulfilled his duty of bringing vengeance and justice and the borrowed time runs out once he's earned his death and is allowed to join his family once more.
people saying boothill never cut his hair because he couldnt get over his grief and while the idea is good I fear he did cut his hair out of mourning...
indigenous people cut their hair to symbolize their mourning, show respect to the dead and to symbolize the end of a chapter of life when a loved one has died + a way to release pain. some tribes do see hair cutting as a way to let go of the energy and memories of the deceased as a way to heal but again, this isn't the case for every single tribe and considering Boothillâs character and lore of holding onto the memories of the deceased, this particular piece doesn't apply to him.
even if Boothill and his tribe did believe in hair cutting being a way to heal, its clear that it didnt work for him. acknowledging that he did in fact cut his hair then adds another layer to this
grief isn't a linear process either and its an emotion that never really goes away. Boothill has turned his life into one long mourning process, one that may never end. Him cutting his hair is the symbol for the start of his mourning process, his way of holding onto his culture when its on the brink of extinction, a way to show respect and was a symbol for his pain that he has held onto and turned into anger and a motivation for justice and vengeance
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