Super Sterile @queenbutthole - Tumblr Blog

WHO tf keeping pads with no wings in production?? Put it in your draws and by the time you walk out the bathroom it’s down the street buying scratch offs at the corner store. Like girl

depsidase

catchymemes

collected-sports-bra

Pro Tip: Reply with “I was about to head out but what do you need?”

If you want to BE home, just say that you were about to get some groceries, but you can do that later or another day, no worries, so of course you have time.

If you DON’T want to be home, you just say that you’re super sorry but, like you said, you were about to head out to an important appointment (doctor’s appointment usually works well, and also can take quite long), so you don’t have time so sorry.

gallusrostromegalus

Alternatives for when you want to have fun:

"That's classified."

"The precise location of any object is changed if observed. Why, are you watching? ;) "

"Oh, the hell if I know. That guy does whatever, whenever."

"All earth, everyone who has ever lived, every thought, every work of art, all of it has happened on a blue mote of dust, floating in a sunbeam. There is no place in this world that is not home."

"No I just work here."

"Why, do I need an Alibi?"

thedankmemes

just-shower-thoughts

“ngl” implies that there are times when you’re gl.

just-shower-responses

gl!!! im gonna be fucking false with you bestie!

moon1341

Michael when he gives you hatch:

😌😂🍂✨

adhdalistair:

penisennui:

(via Justin Jorgensen) “In 2007 I worked with photographers Williams + Hirakawa to create a concept piece of me sleeping on a sheet cake. I though these cakes looked like pillows, and there’s the obvious play on ‘sweet dreams.’

I wondered if I could fall asleep on a cake and have sweet dreams. I didn’t. It was pretty gross really and wasn’t easy to wash off.

A few years later, outtakes from the shoot were sold to Getty Images as stock photos. I didn’t know this until 2011 when one of those photos made #13 on the wildly popular Buzzffed.com list of “60 Completely Unusable Stock Photos.”

Into 2014, the Getty Image photo continues to make the rounds on Facebook and Tumblr.”

skylorde

i can’t believe i leveled up enough to unlock cake pillow guy’s backstory

coelasquid

I can’t believe the “sweet dreams” joke didn’t occur to me

slapsacks

me: *one headphone doesn’t work properly*

me: *twists headphone cord around arm, folds it in half, pinches cord jack, drapes cord carefully on lap, hunches over, and holds it against ear*

headphone: *works*

me: ah perfect

toastbutteregg

limegreensockfeet

New fanfiction!

There’s pretty much less than zero Barty Crouch Sr./Mrs. Crouch fics out there, so if you’ve been looking for one, look no further! It also features some fun fan-favorite characters, so look out for them, too!

Join the Crouch family here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23082325/chapters/55216495