( shiva talks to ezekiel )
â while no one had ever bestowed it upon him as a mandated RESPONSIBILITY, ezekiel did feel one to protect shiva. the eternal zookeeper did feel that it should be HIS role to protect HER, and not because he internalized or acted according to any sort of unequal standards. between men and women, between human and tiger, or whatever extraneous dichotomies could be conjured up. NO. ezekiel felt that it was his responsibility to protect shiva because he LOVED HERâ because she was the first individual heâd ever wholesomely and irrevocably l o v e d, regardless of any potential companionâs species most particularly. and she remained the one whom he loved the most INTENSELY, right alongside HENRY, because they were both the truest FAMILY that heâd ever had. and SHIVA was his final, lasting connection to who he HAD BEENâ not that ezekiel particularly m o u r n e d the loss of his former self. after all, heâd been a struggling zookeeper who initially took the job so that he could support his sideâ and often UNPAIDâ gigs as a stage actor. to his parentsâ and siblingsâ eyes, the male appeared like a mighty FOOL. but it was SHIVA who did not judge him, and to whom he could profess his darkest fears, admissions, and insecurities. ezekiel must have spent HOURS, i n s i d e of her cage, against the regulations of the exhibit personnelâ and those who rose ABOVE him in their ranksâ confiding in his girl. heâd pet her while he told her about his on-stage blunders. heâd share with her how he FEARED that heâd never be good enough for his parents, and for any potential, FUTURE mate. he told shiva that there wasnât a single soul on this EARTH who understood him better than she did. and even THENâ even before his queen had shed her tiger skin for a human femaleâs, he could detect the twinkle in her eye. he felt every nod of her head, and every LICK of her big, thick tongue, running across the back of his hand, and lapping up the salt of his tears, whenever the man WEPT. and as a result of their close, equitable, and consistent bond, ezekiel did not REGRET running for shivaâs enclosure within the zoo FIRSTâ heâd been engaged in a performance when the sirens blared, and while othersâ performers and members of the staff alikeâ stuck around, moving around in CONFUSION, the future king did not skip a beat. he RAN straight for his girl, without making any detoursâ he chose HER, over his own HUMAN family. but by the time that heâd secured her, and by the time that the pair of them had been able to safely navigate their way OUTâ when they stumbled upon his modest home, there was not a flicker of a trace of ezekielâs parents, nor of his siblings. his next-door-neighbor, who had been the closest SEMBLANCE of what a friend should be, had also vanished. and to this day, ezekiel still did not know whether theyâd MADE IT, or whether theyâd succumbed to the declining state of the world that had inevitably worsened over time. the optimist trapped inside of his soul SCREAMED for him to continue to have faith, but as the numbers of their joined communities continued to DECLINE, being optimistic only got a person so far. CAROL had taught him thatâ sheâd taught him that he could be optimistic while also toning his exterior d o w n, and opening his EYES. that a combination of optimism that was tempered with r e a l i s m could provide the most effective, and stable leadership for the people of the KINGDOM. FLASH FORWARD TO THE PRESENTâ and ezekiel had happily received shivaâs embrace. he didnât have to SEE her nails to know that theyâd be l o n g e r than the typical humanâs, even if that human was FEMALE. he could FEEL her nails sinking into his skin, but the man didnât even f l i n c hâ mostly because he was overcome by the amount of pure JOY that he felt to be reunited with his girl, but also because heâd grown ACCUSTOMED to his tigerâs scratches and occasional, playfully-motivated b i t e s. he almost didnât FEEL IT anymore, then or now. âare you all right, my love?â ezekiel requested to know, pulling away only SLIGHTLY so that he was able to wipe at the tears that began to stream down shivaâs cheeks, but he soon detected the undeniable HAPPINESS that swam in the femaleâs eyes. heâd know that look ANYWHEREâ after all, it was all that existed thereâ in her deep orbsâ whenever sheâd sit out on his porch and swat at flies, and when daryl dixon would pay her the occasionalâ but increasing in frequencyâ VISIT. the man could not thwart his own deep and reverberating CHUCKLE, when shiva mirrored his motion, and wiped at his own tearsâ his prompted by a mixture of grief and elation ALIKE. âyou know me so well,â the man said, but his voice BROKEâ and soon, both of his lips were quivering. he was soon to be OVERCOME by the intensity and diversity of his emotions. âi do live, and i do smile, just like you, my love,â ezekiel managed to say, stroking the long braids that coated her hair, just like he would have pet her back with long, even, comforting STROKES back in their prime years together. âshiva, iâŠ. i can never apologize ENOUGH for notâŠâ ezekiel almost c h o k e d on his initiated assertion, needing to take a moment, lifting shaky fingers to cover his mouth as though the human male was attempting to s w a l l o w his SOBS. â⊠for not being able to PROTECT you. i should have had the foresight to be able to do that andâŠâ the most pain-staking claim of all was to come, and how could the man not FEEL IT, let alone vocalize it? but the pair of them had always had a glaringly TRANSPARENT relationship with one another. neither of them would ever even c o n s i d e r LYING to the other, even with shivaâs nonverbal VOCABULARY, she always managed. and she tended to be even more theatrical than even HE was, quite humorously, it was so! âi failed you, my girl. i dedicated the kingdom to youâ OUR KINGDOM. and iâŠ.â lifting watering BLACK eyes, ezekiel professed, âi am so sorry, shiva.âÂ
the bond the two of them had created was strong from the very beginning. shiva wasnât the only animal in the zoo that ezekiel was tasked to look after, but her cage was the first one he would get to at the start of his day and she was the last animal he would see before heading home after the work was done. sheâd wake with the first light of the sun and wait in anticipation, ready to pounce on him and nuzzle him, showering the man with as much affection as she could manage. he had already been her saviour then, but nothing could have compared their last day at the zoo, when he saved her. truly saved her.
she couldnât remember how long she was trapped in the enclosure before ezekiel had finally got to her. in the massive panic that had overtaken the zoo, shiva had tried climbing the fence and ended up stuck without being able to move out of place. hungry, hurt and tired, the tigress was ready to meet her doom before her saviour, her king given her a new life. youâre not dying today, she remembered him telling, neither of us are.
and true he was. not that day, not the day after or years in the future, they stood by each otherâs side, forbidding one another from dying. he was there for her as she was there for him; the two of them against the world that was only getting worse. or at least that was the case until shiva had found herself in this strange land that was familiar and foreign to her at the same time.
the tiger was about to respond to her kingâs question, before his further words caught her off guard. the tears she saw and the sobs she heard nearly broke her heart and she immediately insisted to lean her forehead against his, wanting him to feel grounded, safe and understood. âdonât talk such nonsense,â she scolded her king gently, rubbing his shoulder with one hand while the other stayed glued to his cheek, continuously wiping away the tears that had started flooding more and more as he confessed. âi would have been dead -- long before that -- if it wasnât for you, if you hadnât saved me. you were there for me when i was alone, when i had nothing and no one.â she paused, feeling her own voice breaking due to the tears that had began to well in her eyes again. yet, despite all that, she tried to stay strong. she had to stay strong. âdying to protect you has been the greatest honour i could have asked for. henry needed you. jerry and carol and the rest of the people needed their king.â she paused, gulping down thickly to soften her own sob that had burst out through her tightly pressed lips without her permission. âyou were the only one i had... but youâve had many. i would do it again, and again and a hundred times over.â
shiva wasnât entirely sure of the actions had followed -- only because the body she had taken was still very much new to her, even if she had already spent a whole month in it. the tigress still felt rather clumsy and awkward at times, not fully knowing how to cope with certain things the human way. if she still had her big cat form, sheâd let ezekiel cling onto her for his dear life, allowing the much larger animal to soak in all the pain and sadness he was feeling, allowing herself to be the anchor, the saviour in both ways -- literally and metaphorically. she was half her usual size now, maybe even three times as small as she was used to being -- it wasnât easy, but she had to try. her king needed her to be strong, just as sheâs always been, for the both of them.
with her trembling hand (more of nervousness of the unknown than anything else), shiva had wrapped her fingers around ezekielâs hand that he used to cover his mouth with, revealing his lips that still trembled from suppressed sobs. she couldnât tell how many times her heart had broken for him in the span of just few minutes just watching and listening to the man. there was an immense amount of love, raw and unconditional; so much, in fact, that the tigress wasnât sure how to let it all out. sheâd watched humans her whole life -- behind the fence of her enclosure for the majority of it, then on the road with ezekiel and later in the kingdom and other various camps they visited. she had seen it done a good number of times, but the action was still quite foreign to her as she leaned in and pressed her own quivering lips against to the corner of his.
it was a kiss that was lighter than a brush of a feather, a touch of a butterflyâs wing against oneâs cheek, the first ray of sunlight on your skin early in the morning... and yet, it was all that and so much more for the tiger turned human, who had only ever wanted to show the man in front of her how much he actually meant to her. giving him the world and saving his life a dozen times would not have been enough. âmy king and my love,â she reflected his words to her, keeping her eyes closed as if she was afraid to witness him scolding her for something she shouldnât have done. she wanted to and thatâs what mattered.
