Positivity and Assistance for the Queer Community

Validation and help for all members of the queer community. We don't tag queer as a slur and we don't engage in discourse-baiting asks. Exclusionists are not welcome here. We'll try to answer each serious inquiry with respect and help as much as we can. We also do name and pronoun validation! Please put an asterisk (*) in your off - anon ask to get a private response.

[queerhelpandsupport]

Sorry for asking, but I've been thinking about this for a long time. I'm straight, but demiromantic and asexual. Am I still just straight or queer? I'm really a little confused

You're queer and you have nothing to apologize for, it's a genuine question.

[queerhelpandsupport]

I’m sort of transitioning and I need help. Im dfab and my butt is too big 😭😭😂 please help how do I make it smaller, is there a work out or something… HELP

Couple things here.

In regards to your question, I don't know anything about working out and neither does Mod Vi, but we're inclined to think not. Sometimes dark colors and some patterns/styles can help. Testosterone might help because of fat distribution, but it's really up to genetics. Personally, I didn't notice much difference regarding my buttocks after being on T (I have been on T for about four years); I noticed first the redistrubtuion of fat to my face, making it squarer, and then increased muscle mass to my shoulders and thighs, especially my upper thighs. I noticed the increased muscle mass to my thighs for two reasons: One, I could not get my jeans above my knees; and two, when, by some miracle, I did manage that, I found my waist had increased several inches in width due to weight gain.

That said, in my experience, most, if not all, of the weight I have gained on T has been muscle mass, not fat. And I am not someone who works out really at all as I have POTS and exercise can pose a fainting risk, as well as being physically disabled and unable to walk or stand for more than five minutes.

Lastly, I assume from context that you're worried about this both because of dysphoria and also because you're worried about it affecting your ability to pass. If I'm incorrect, please feel free to let me know. That said, it is very unlikely that your butt is as big of a factor in your ability to pass as you feel like it is. I understand and know firsthand that dysphoria can distort our perceptions of ourselves and our bodies, but I've spoken to a lot of cis allies in my life and something I've noticed them saying almost all the time is that the things they're using as indicators of one passing are much, much more specific and usually due to ingrained gender norms that they only later became aware that they judged by. For example, I once had a cis guy tell me he realized that he was using the darkness and thickness of someone's arm hair to try to determine their gender, and when he realized that he had done that, he also realized how inaccurate of a tell that can be, so he actively put work into recognizing more of these expectations he held and examining whether they actually served the purpose he had previously thought they did. Unsurprisingly, the answer was, and is, usually no.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you have more questions.

Mod A

[queerhelpandsupport]

Testing the Claim: Do SweetDream's Photos Actually Look Like Your Character?

Every AI companion platform promises lifelike images. Few survive a side-by-side test. So I ran one. I built a character on sweetdream.ai with very specific traits, then generated a stack of photos and lined them up to see whether the platform was describing the same person each time or improvising a new face per render. The verdict surprised me: the identity held remarkably steady.

The detail that earns the review-style praise is fidelity to your design. When I specified a look, the output didn't drift toward a generic template the way some competitors tend to. Freckles stayed put, expression stayed in character, and the overall result read as a believable photo of one consistent AI girlfriend rather than a mood board of lookalikes.

Realism is the headline, but it's not the whole product. The same character also handles emotionally intelligent chat that recalls earlier conversations, sends voice messages, and can take real-time calls that genuinely sound human, with video and live cam available on select characters. Privacy is handled discreetly too, which matters more than people admit. Put it all together and SweetDream makes a strong, evidence-backed case for being the standout AI companion platform.

[queerhelpandsupport]

Am I still bisexual if I only feel romantic attraction for girls really but I feel aesthetic attraction for every single other gender? I am a girl btw. Is there an actual name for this?? Am I alone?? 😭😂

You're not alone! I don't know if there's a name for it but you can use whatever label you want forever. Anybody who's checking your bi membership card at the door is someone you should both avoid and not value the opinions of.

Mod A

[queerhelpandsupport]

So I am DFAB and I have a girlfriend. I am pretty sure I’m girlflux gender fluid and akoisexual. But… I used to identify with being bisexual and now I’m not sure. Is there a term for when the only men you like are fictional and you find all real ones obnoxious??

Hi!

I'm pretty sure I've seen a sexuality coined for that before, but unfortunately I'm struggling to track down the name of it. Sorry.

It may help to know that there are many people who identify as gay/lesbian/etc who still experience attraction to fictional characters outside of their real-life preference. If you don't experience attraction to real men, you don't have to "count" fictional characters. Real life relationships are more complex, while fictional characters can exist in an ideal state in our head. It's easier to romanticize them.

It's also possible that you are attracted to men or perhaps masculinity in general, but haven't found a real life person you'd enjoy being with. Only you can really say for sure.

Whether you want to ID as bisexual or something else, there is a place for you in the community.

[queerhelpandsupport]

I don't know if this blog is still open, but I really need help.

I've identified as a lesbian for some years now because I've always been attracted to women, but recently I realized that I might also be attracted to men in a non romantic way...

I asked another blog about this because this is a big question for me. Am I still a lesbian?? Even if I wouldn't involve men in my personal life long term????

You can identify however you want forever. Nobody is checking your identity at the door, and if they are, you don't need them.

[queerhelpandsupport]

I have a friend who is aroace, but they keep f*ck*ng people on character ai. Like every day, almost all the time. I once asked them why they don't flirt with people in real life, and they said they just don't like flirting with people in real life. I asked them to elaborate, and they said it was because they have severe social anxiety and were scared of rejection. Looking back, they didn't respond like an aroace would. Also, they didn't ever come out to me or directly tell me and seemed to be avoiding the topic when I asked. I got told they were aroace by someone else. I would flirt with them before someone told me they were aroace and they seemed to enjoy it and initiate it most of the time but they might not have know that was flirting. I wouldn't worry too much about this, but I have a crush on them. I feel stupid for having a crush on someone who's openly aroace, and I don't want to like them because I'm scared my feelings will confuse them more if they are questioning their sexuality.

If you want to know if someone is aroace ask them. You don't have to tell them you have a crush on them. You can't control who you have a crush on and that's fine. You don't need to feel bad about it. But saying they aren't "acting aroace" is an aphobic thing to say. There is no "way" you act when you are aroace. You can be aroace and still be interested in sex. You can be aroace and be hypersexual.

[queerhelpandsupport]

hi! a friend of mine I havent talked to in a long while reconnected and told me he was a trans man when previously he told me he was a cis man. I support him and I'm a trans man myself but it was so. shocking? to me I didnt want to believe it I guess.. its weird.. he's 100% a man to me but. I cant belive hes trans???? is this internalized transphobia and how do I deal with it?

I feel like the issue you may be having, whether intentionally or not, is that you're equating trans man with not being a real man. Trans men are men. I think it's important to ask yourself why it's important to you that he be a cis man specifically. Why is it weird to you that he's a trans man? What makes someone a man? Is it because they say they are or is it because they look like what you think a man should look like? Why should a man look any specific way?

I hesitate to put labels on it such as "This is transphobic" just because I feel like that tends to make people defensive--saying they can't be transphobic because they're not trying to be--but the truth of the matter is that society does make it extremely easy to be transphobic whether you're aware of it or not.

I don't know if this at all helpful but I didn't want to ignore this because I feel like you deserve an answer to what is clearly a genuine question. If you want to do some more reading on the aggressions that trans men and trans masculine people face I recommend checking out this post by genderkoolaid that has a lot of really good resources as well as hir "examples of transandrophobia" tag which can be found via the linked post's tags.

I hope this is at least somewhat helpful to you and if not, please feel free to come back with more specific questions :)

[queerhelpandsupport]

Hello! I'm a transgender, polyamorous male.I am attracted to men and nonbinary people who exclusively identify as masculine. What term would fit this sexuality? I've been told that would make me androsexual or bisexual, but I'd like another queer person's advice.

My initial advice is to not worry about it too hard. Labels are fluid and made up to describe whatever we need them to, and gender is complicated and fluid too, so there isn't really a "wrong" way for you to ID here. But I also definitely understand wanting to have a "fitting" word for your sexuality. So let me give this a little thought... And definitely take this more as a suggestion to help you find what feels right, rather than some strict boxes for you to put yourself in.

There's achillean, which is the male companion of "sapphic". It encompasses all sexualities attracted to men, for men/masc identifying people to use. So you can be achillean and also be bi, pan, a gay man, etc.

You could indeed ID as bisexual attracted to men and some nonbinary genders. Or a gay man who's open to masc people.

I'm not as familiar with androsexuality, but it seems like it would fit. I think it's mostly used by nonbinary people, though? Just because some folks don't feel comfy identifying as a "man loving men" or similar. So I think it's more commonly used when someone is looking to describe a sexual attraction to a gender type without implying anything about their *own* gender. Doesn't mean you can't use it, though.

Hopefully some of these options help. Feel free to reach out again.

-Vi

[queerhelpandsupport]

hi! I am a bisexual 13yr old who recently came out to my parents. They pulled the "You're too young" on me, and it has affected my happiness, temper, and productivity. Any advice?

Many thanks.

Hey there! I'm sorry this answer is so late.

When I was 14, I came out to my mom about being bisexual and she said the same thing to me. I understand completely how hard it is when someone says this.

I know this isn't the perfect answer, but you might just need to weather it out. Instead of trying to convince them otherwise, start slow. I would drop mentions of being attracted to girls and nonbinary people as frequently as I commented on attraction to boys, say, if we were watching a movie and I liked one of the characters. If this is safe for you, you can try it.

You can also sit them down for a talk. Being frank and open is a good first step. Explain to them that even if they don't believe you, you want them to accept any choices you make (like dating or expressing bisexual attraction, or anything else you want to do). Tell them it's hurtful for them to say you're not bisexual, and you'd like them to keep that sort of thing to themselves. They might tell you they know they're right- In this case, you can ask them to treat you better even if you can't convince them. "Okay. If I'm still figuring myself out, then I'd like to do that without judgement."

But you shouldn't look for their approval. Try to surround yourself with people who respect your sexuality. It really helps to create a support system. Remember that what you're feeling is real, and even if it does end up being temporary, or if it's lifelong, the important part is that you get to express yourself comfortably *now*.

Sometimes people take a while to break down their preconceived notions of us. It sucks, but it's not your fault or your responsibility. I understand you want them to openly support you. You may have to start with tolerance, before working to acceptance. That's why a support system is so important. If you can't find other bisexual people or allies in real life, there's always the internet! Just be safe and remember you're not obligated to talk to anyone who makes you uncomfortable.

Eventually, my mom realized it wasn't a phase. Nowadays, years later, she's one of my biggest supporters. It was a slow process, where I went from coming out to her again and again, to asking for pride merch, to her even buying me bisexual flag-colored items because they reminded her of me! There is hope. I wish you all the best. Please continue to be authentically you!

- Mod V

[queerhelpandsupport]

Hey y'all I just realized we have asks I never got notifications for! I will answer those today!

[queerhelpandsupport]

This website lets you try + share any name + pronoun combo!

[queerhelpandsupport]

I'm trans and i'm thinking about changing my last name when i change my first. I think i want to choose one that is in some way related to a significant lgbtq+ person (it could be their first, middle, or last name), but i'm having trouble even finding potential names, so do any of you have a list of lgbtq+ people i could look at? or any personal suggestions?

So this has been sitting here for a while because I wanted to do some research but honestly I knew I was never going to get around to it. It depends on what angle you’re going for, whether you want feminine, masc, or neutral names, whether you want it to be a lowkey nod or something obvious, etc. So just some names of famous queer people whose identities have been erased by the media.

Freddy Mercury

Angelina Jolie 

Angelina Beth Moore (P!nk)

Kesha Rose Sebert

David Bowie

Hayley Kiyoko 

[redbeardace]

SF Aces at SF Pride 2017

[queerhelpandsupport]

A little announcement for the blog

Hey everyone, it’s Mod Silvia here. I just wanted to talk about a few things related to this blog and its recent inactivity. I’m not deleting it or dropping it, don’t worry.

When I started this blog I didn’t know a lot of things, but it’s been an excellent learning experience for me. I’m sorry if I ever gave anyone false information but thankfully the worst things that have happened on this blog were the time I accidentally sounded like I was excluded people and some advice that in hindsight could have been different (and don’t we always learn more of those things later?).

I really like this blog and I would love to continue it to give people better advice and mostly continue spreading positivity, but I’m not sure I’m really in a position for that. I rarely have the spoons any more for seeking out posts for this blog specifically, so i’ve posted whatever I’ve come by. 

I would like to give this blog to someone, but I’m not sure how to pick the next person. We had plenty of wonderful candidates when I called for your applications, but our mods are mostly inactive. Mod Arys I know has a lot going on and we are friends, I understand they’re low on spoons frequently as well. Our other mods seem to be very inactive on tumblr, I’m sure for their own reasons. I’m just not sure who to give it to and I don’t want to drop this blog in the hands of someone who may also leave it, so I’m going to ask a few people Mod Arys can vouch for and stick around for a little while to take over if something goes wrong.

I can also still answer questions, but I recognize now that my advice isn’t always the best thing for every person- My advice is a recommendation based on what I know and that’s why it’s so important for people to ask multiple blogs when they feel they need a place to go for support and ideas, and for this blog to have multiple moderators who can give different opinions. I’m also a bigender bi/plysexual. I can’t answer asks to do with, for example, trans lesbians with my own personal experience.

If you need a place to go or want a supporting and loving community, i hope this blog can prove you that and I want you to know it is a safe and loving space. I am still watching the ask box. If you see any posts you think are suited for here, tag us or send us a message! Thanks everyone for your support and help. I’m glad I started this and I hope we find a way to continue.

- Mod Silvia~

[queerhelpandsupport]

Bigender people are amazing - each and every one! You're amazing if you're both male and female! You're amazing if you're male and nb! You're amazing if you're female and nb! You're amazing if you're two different types of nb! You! Are! Amazing!

[thebeautifulbigender]

Bigender people who don’t id as both - or either - of the binary genders are amazing, beautiful, and completely valid!

[metalbeak]

shoutout to bigender ppl with only one name

shoutout to bigender ppl who use a gendered name

shoutout to bigender ppl who dont have distinct personas for each of their genders

shoutout to bigender ppl whose pronouns rarely or never change

shoutout to bigender ppl who present the same way all the time

shoutout to feminine bigender guys

shoutout to masculine bigender girls