Multiply Disabled, physical as well, part time wheelchair user, but focusing on autism here
I deleted my last blog because I got too overwhelmed with the amount of notes/comments/ etc i got so I'll probably try doing things differently this time. Meaning try & change what I talk about, turn off reblogs a lot, and probably soft block more etc
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About my life, so you know what context to put my posts in:
speech is weird, I call myself semiverbal for the most part because doctors can't agree what my speech is doing (probably seeing someone to be tested for situational mutism soon) I use my AAC (nova chat 8, dedicated device) with nearly everyone instead of speech - also my ability to put words together "right" fluctuates, also while writing, etc
Lower end of Medium support needs, mother gets paid by the government or something to take care of me, my older sibling & few friends & my partner fill in the rest as best as they can
I live in the same house as my mother but in a seperate part because I wanted more feelings of autonomy etc but i can't be that far away from my carer, so this was the solution & I'm pretty happy with it so far
I am in a "sheltered workshop" since last year & have no work experience outside of them (what do I mean with sheltered workshop? Heres the wikipedia link)
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About me, other stuff :
To pass time / stay calm / have fun I mostly like to make art (I go to an art group for disabled people for example), sew things, listen to music (I'm also learning to play the drums), look for items to add to my collection (at least in my dreams) & play (easy) Nintendo DS or switch games.
I collect things a lot & my collections make me very happy, I often spend a lot of time looking at them or sorting them, moving them around on my shelves etc
Wanting to hurt who's in front of you because you ran out of other ways to communicate your struggles featuring the struggles with language that get worse when overwhelmed etc. resulted in me telling someone "you are amazon" a few days ago.
Like I know objectively there's also probably like 100 worse things to experience / it's also Really Hard and not Productive to try and rank how shitty experiences are for people, Blabla. But putting that aside and just speaking from my heart I do think there's few things more soul crushing than not only being the outsider TM in "regular" settings that most people will be part of at some point at least (school, sports clubs, the sorts) - but to then go into a bunch of Other settings that are all different forms of "this is the spot for outsiders" and then BE THE OUTSIDER THERE. ALL THE TIME. like ok cool being me is apparently so off-putting that even the people everyone else also doesn't want around. Also usually do not care to have me around. Surely this will not torture me for all of my life when I think about it for more than 5 seconds
[img ID: a comic compromised of 8 panels. each panel has a pink background background with a light pink border.
panel 1: on the left is an orange-and-yellow furred anthropomorphic dog with curly brown hair waving to the viewer. to the right of them is the text: "hi! I have Severe Autism! I want to talk about masking!"
panel 2: the top of the panel contains the text: "Usually, people think of masking like this."
underneath is a happy stick figure person to the left saying: "haha wow what a totally normal person. i would never guess they're autistic!"
to the right of this stick figure is a cat wearing the mask of a person, saying: "i'm actually very burnt out by this."
panel 3: the top of the panel contains the text: "But when you're higher supports needs, it's not usually like that."
from left to right, top to bottom, the 5 drawings contained are:
a small white cat with yellow headphones with a tablet in their hands. below is the text: "communication differences".
next a gray cat watching a small brown cat run very far away. below is the text: "elopement".
next a brown dog sitting in a wheelchair with a catheter and catheter bag. below is the text: "comorbid physical disabilities".
next is a brown cat with sunglasses and a gray happy cat standing next to each other. below is the text: "24/7 aid".
next is an overstimulated appearing gray fuzzy dog with a red helmet flapping their arms.
below all drawings is the text: "Our Autism is often very visible no matter what!"
panel 4: the top of the panel contains the text: "So, can higher supports autistic people mask?"
to the left of the panel is the orange dog from panel 1 saying: "It depends! some can and some can't. and when we do mask, it probably looks different!"
panel 5: the top of the panel contains the text: "here's some examples!"
the first example shows a black dog first flapping their arms, and in the next drawing chewing on their hand.
this example says: "instead of preferred stims, I might do different, often harmful stims like biting myself, pulling my hair, or picking my skin. I might also get overwhelmed a lot faster if I can't do my preferred stims. I likely can't just stop stimming completely."
the second example below it contains an image of a tan dog happily holding a pink tablet, and in the next drawing having no tablet and holding their paws over their mouth.
this example says: "instead of using my regular communication method, I might just not communicate at all. I likely have speech difficulties or can't communicate at all and can't force myself to speak "normally" [in quotes] even to mask."
the third example contains a drawing of a dazed orange cat with swirly eyes and orange headphones.
this example says: "instead of letting others know my needs, I might dissociate or go quiet. I likely get overwhelmed very easily and/or need help with basic needs like toileting. when masking, I might not ask for help when I need to."
panel 6: the top of the panel contains the text: "But what's the point of masking if you can't hide your autism?"
below is a drawing of the orange furry laying down, saying: "we still get the pressure to "Act Normal" [in quotes]. A lot of us also went through ABA and we're taught to suppress symptoms".
panel 7: this panel contains the orange fursona close up saying: "A lot of us also don't realize when we are masking!"
text to the left of her says: "family and caregivers may need to help us in this situation!"
panel 8: this panel contains the large text: "I created this short comic because I often don't feel included or represented by how others usually talk about masking, and wanted to put a different perspective out there and show you how I experience it. I hope you enjoyed it!"
below is a tiny chibi drawing of the orange furry and the credit text: "postmanic".
Genuinely the amount of paperwork & general time and effort needed to put in when you are disabled is mind boggling. Sometimes my mother is doing like 10-20 hours a week of phone calls & filling in stuff etc. that is not yet counting the time that it takes for her to go to appointments with me for example. It's like a job on top of her regular job. And yes she gets a bit of money for this because she's recognized as my carer legally but it's absolutely not enough in my opinion Especially because it's assumed she has a regular job through all of this (which she does), but then also everyone is only truly reachable with a phone call & the more important the thing, the shorter their office hours (?) are. Like yeah you're a carer with a regular job, and we are literally the people deciding whether the person you care for gets money to live, you can reach us on Tuesdays through Thursdays 10:25-11:10 (where you will battle with 100 other people also trying to reach me), also I'm on holiday for the next 3 weeks in which timeframe none of my colleagues will be responsible for the people whose cases I handle, so don't expect anything during that time, and also days on which I have a poppyseed bagle for breakfast my office hours shift to 9:15-10:15, unless we had a full moon in the last 5 business days, in which case I'm only reachable via carrier pidgeon between 3:30-4:30pm. Also your child needs a dentists appointment & endocrinology & nephrology &you still haven't figured out the follow up on that rheumatologist. Call the GP for a refill of your child's daily meds. There's lab work that needs to be done again. Etcetc when Getting anyone on the phone for any of this will take up your lunch break every day. You will start being on the phone during work hours to try and get any of this done at all because it's not exactly optional and it's a lot and the lunch break does Not cut it anymore. Sure hope your boss does not notice. Can't exactly quit your job or reduse your hours because You need the money to live as well and obviously the care doesn't take *that much* work.
There's something to be said about people not thinking your jokes are funny 99% of the time (which is fair like ok you don't Have To think they're funny it's fine. Whatever. Bc there are usually also ppl out there who do think they're funny. It just wasn't the right fit of performer and audience).. but then people continuously think things you say that were not intended as a joke and just a genuine expression of a thought or opinion or something are super hilarious. Idk I'm struggling to really explain why it feels so uncomfortable sometimes but like yeah I think at some point you're just laughing at who I am. Again maybe my jokes aren't funny to you. Ok. It's a bit annoying when people often don't realize you're joking but whatever.
But it just becomes so frustrating when people only Ever really laugh at your replies to things that weren't meant to be funny. And if I ask why it's funny usually it's just like "yeah no one would phrase it like that" ??? Or the non existent (?) tone not matching the statement or sth. Maybe the entire position from which I'm speaking aka "how do you even think about things like that?".. But likeeeee can you focus on the meaning please . I know I've been diagnosed with "doesn't interact like others" diagnosis but can we move past that for a bit. That's just what my brain sounds like I'm tired of being told it's odd and weird and funny. Ngl.
And you can't really make people understand why it's so uncomfortable either because to them it's this once in a while thing because people take turns on it I guess so they specifically aren't laughing at you constantly. and everyone laughs at how others say things sometimes and they probably think I'm just too sensitive to a non-issue but the thing is its about the pattern. Where over and over the only laughs I get on the regular is when I'm being Myself or expressing an emotion wrongly tm. So I just don't bring it up anymore.
Sometimes when it happens a lot for a while I feel like people respond to me like a comic relief side character when I'm just trying to have a regular interaction. It feels like they view me as if they're scrolling through short form jokes content where the situation behind it doesn't matter etc the only thing that matters is that this persons inflection was odd and the word choice was weird and let's all laugh and keep scrolling.
I'm over here like "yeah the execution of the b plot wasnt optimal because of x y z" with a straight face (because it's not meant to be funnyyyy) and they cue the laugh track and??? Can we please just talk about the b plot or sth:/ I don't careee that all your other friends would've just said "that was kinda shit". You know what I meannnnnn that's just what my thoughts sound like
Or when you explain something that happened in your life. And they're like wow that's so odd ahahahah this is funny because you didnt act like a normal person. No one thinks like this it's so funny that you do. What do you mean you wanted to tell me about this because you cared for my opinion on what that other person said. Let's go back to how weird you act
Autistic trans people, have you ever been told you can't be trans because of your autism? (examples below) what level autism are you diagnosed with?
yes, I am diagnosed with level 1 autism/equivalent
Yes, I am diagnosed with level 2 autism/equivalent
Yes, I am diagnosed with level 3 autism/equivalent
Yes, I am self-dx/not dx with a level/locality doesn't have a level system
No, I am diagnosed with level 1 autism/equivalent
No, I am diagnosed with level 2 autism/equivalent
No, I am diagnosed with level 3 autism/equivalent
No, I am self-dx/not dx with a level/locality doesn't have a level system
I am in another situation not listed here (comment :3)
I am not autistic/trans
Voting ended onApr 6
examples include being told:
you're being manipulated/taken advantage of by the trans community
you don't have the mental capacity to know your gender
you're trying to find belonging because you're a social outcast for being autistic and that's why you think you're trans
autism makes you confused about your identity so you can't know you're trans
autism makes you misunderstand social norms so you're misinterpreting your gender expression as your gender identity
the trans community is a cult and they're love bombing you but you can't see it because you can't read social cues
autistic people go through lots of phases so we should wait to support you until we know it's "real"
autistic people often feel uncomfortable in their bodies so we can't allow you to transition
autistic people don't usually know what they want so we can't allow you to transition, you might regret it
hormones/surgeries will trigger your sensory issues so we won't allow you to get them
you already get bullied a lot so we can't let you be trans, you'll be bullied more
you're really sensitive so transphobia will be too upsetting for you
you don't have the mental capacity to know what being trans actually means
being autistic makes you out of touch with your emotions so how can you actually know you're experiencing dysphoria?
you don't have the social skills necessary to handle expressing your gender to people
every autistic person wants to be trans, they need to investigate if this is real before we support you
every autistic person wants to be trans, this is just a trend that autistic people are participating in because they feel alienated from regular trends
(not a statement) you've been denied AAC that allows you to express your gender or have had it taken away
(not a statement) a doctor or caregiver has denied you gender affirming care (including social transitioning care like clothes) on the basis of your autism
non-exhaustive, feel free to reply with more
(yes, all of those are real things I have been told personally or I've seen/heard other people been told)
I needed a diagnosis of being trans with gender dysphoria (I think that's roughly how id translate it) to have access to hrt where I live.
I went through multiple psychiatrists which took years until I finally found one who would eventually (far beyond the legal minimum wait period imposed on trans people in the psych system seeking this diagnosis) give me the diagnostic paperwork & I was finally able to start HRT. All of the ones prior would continuously bring up me being autistic / resulting traits or problems as reasons for them essentially not allowing me to transition (amongst one other: me being "too mentally ill", so like, according to them the dysphoria did need to make you suffer greatly emotionally, but you also couldn't actually appear to be "unstable" emotionally. Of fucking course...)
One told me it might take years of conversation with him until he felt he "might" be able to make a decision on whether I was "actually trans or just confused". I would get increasingly upset over these interactions because I started to feel like I would never be able to medically transition, my carer (my mother) ended up actually complaining to higher up staff & we even had a conversation with the head doctor of the hospitals trans healthcare ward (?) . Who spent like 30 minutes telling her & me how dedicated they are to accommodate trans people of all kind, making us hopeful he'd instruct the psychiatrist to actually meaningfully accommodate me like we had been asking (the biggest one being direct communication / questions, understanding my issues with verbal speech, etc. but also taking into account differences in expressing & processing emotions in general, and more). But he then finished that conversation by basically going "well, if someone can't express themselves normally, we can't do anything there, you're just gonna have to figure out how do give us what we want in these conversations or we won't let you access hrt."
The psych workers wouldnt go "autistic people Can't be trans" as a blanket statement. But they'd continuously paint me as someone who they can not "read", someone who can't be trusted to understand myself, gender etc because of how autism affects me personally. I was told I'm probably just confused because of my inability to fit in socially with peers of my agab. My issues with communication especially were constantly focused on, while refusing to make any efforts to communicate with me in ways that my family & autism therapist had found that helped further communication. I wasn't able to communicate my transness "normally", so it wasn't to be trusted.
It really really frustrates me when some people, disabled or not, say "well I can do [x thing] because I was forced to" in response to someone saying they can't do something.
"Well I had to eat whatever was for dinner or else I would have starved."
Me too! And I became severely malnourished because I could not eat what was put in front of me.
"My parents hit me if I didn't get good grades so I had to."
Mine too! Except I could not get good grades in a mainstream class no matter how hard I tried or what was at stake.
"I have to mask because I need to keep my job."
Me too! Except I can't even pass an interview because of my limited ability to mask.
"I can't have meltdowns around other people or else I'll be bullied/abused/mocked."
Same here! But I can't hold in my meltdowns.
You need to understand that some people will never be able to do the things you can, no matter how hard they're pushed or what the consequences are for not doing it. I'm really sorry that you were forced to talk, but someone else being unable to speak does not mean that they could if there was enough pressure. Stop assuming that everyone who doesn't mask/speak/etc. grew up in a safe and supportive environment. There are people who would (and do!) die because they're neglected and can't learn to just do things themselves.
I really don't want to be the "other people have it worse" guy or come across like I don't think people are allowed to complain about something just because it's less extreme than someone else's situation, but some of you need to have more compassion for people who are not like you. Just be kind. And if someone says they can't do something, don't assume that it's because they were coddled or whatever.
You can literally write an entire essay about how shit the position & experience of low support needs people in society is. Go into great detail & spend whole paragraphs validating their feelings & struggles. But then you tuck on a few sentences at the end about how that's still materially different from the experience of someone w higher support needs. You are not even saying one is harder / worse / etc etc. just pointing out actual differences. And you will still get a bunch of people who self report as low support needs but who want to simultaneously have the exact experience of higher support needs, & every time it comes down to "I'm just better at pushing through it" & that's it. That's the difference between the groups to them. The actual experiences do not matter as much as what they perceive to be discounting of their struggles (which you just spent so much time & energy validating). & 95% of the time it's also that they actually suffer more (the most) because of this experience. And any pushback on this has a 9/10 chance that they will then angrily call you ableist & divisive & act like you are personally at fault for their life sucking or sth.
Anyways this is half the reason I deleted my old blog & why I haven't posted much about support needs on here.
The thing about sensory sensitivity is like. Obviously this'll be different for everyone but like smell isn't "more intense" for me as in my brain reacts stronger to the same smells as others. It's actually that I'll pick up on smells, they're not even faint or subtle to me, well before anyone else smells anything at all. I literally perceive more of that sense.
My family loves to tell the story about how I fought and fought when visiting my aunt as a child because I didn't wanna sleep in this bed. Because "the mattress stinks" they did take me serious in a way like they were all smelling around. No one could smell a single thing. They washed the sheets they did everything. My aunt says she was so hurt because obviously she's a clean person right? But then she always follows that up with: you know. Maybe a month or two later? We started smelling it as well.
sorry it bothers meeee you cant even breathe in the direction of autism related tags on this website because every other post is a 50k note post saying extremely common autism experiences or outright diagnostic criteria dont happen and have nothing to do with autism and i hate it so much. some of us DO struggle with jokes and social cues and tone and hierarchies and relationships and cleaning and following rules and boundaries and reading comprehension and empathy and eye contact and things you think are gross some of us are fucking disabled okay.
bio-essentialism was bad when it said that autism is an inherently masculine condition and it's still bad when people act like male autism vs. female autism is a strict binary rooted in how women are naturally better at having cutesy autism or whatever
Yes, some autistics definitely have theory of mind, but don't exclude those of us who struggle with it, stop generalising everything.
"Oh shit, I forgot that people can't read my mind again!" -> example of struggling with theory of mind.
"Damn, I forgot that you don't know this, that I have to tell you in order for you to know!" -> example of struggling with theory of mind
"Oh right, I assumed you'd know I moved the keys from the table to the shelf. It just didn't occur to me that I'd have to tell you, somehow I thought you'd just magically know." -> example of struggling with theory of mind
I know these things on an intellectual level because I've been told these things repeatedly. But I need to constantly remind me of that. I need to remind myself to tell people what I think. What I want. That just because I known what happened, they don't automatically also know it. I struggle with theory of mind. The thing that children struggle with at first and then usually develop at a certain age.
I didn't normally develop this ability. Many autistics have developmental delays or developmental disabilities, and theory of mind is just one possible expression of them.
I'm working on making the homepages of different AAC apps for the Animal Crossing tablet item! You can edit the tablet with customization kits to have a custom design, so you can put your AAC device in your home or around the island.
So far I have LAMP, Proloquo2Go, TD Snap Core First, and TouchChat done. I'll be adding more soon.
I wonder how common this is, because I think there obviously must be some others who do it too- trigger warning for discussion of self harm / cutting, pretty in depth (?) aka not just brief mention
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But at maybe 12 or 13 years old I started cutting for the same self injury type behavior as I do with hitting my head, scratching, biting, etc, during meltdown or "close to" meltdown as I still do now.
I don't remember if I had much self injury during meltdowns as a young kid, aside from biting myself. I mostly just screamed a lot I think and sort of flung myself to the ground, kicking, ....
It's definitely sort of different conceptually to most of the self injury usually associated with meltdowns, because it uses tools, though I definitely also use objects to hit myself if I'm already holding them at the time (phone, lighter, whatever. Just hard object will likely be used on my head etc so I've made it a habit to put all of them out of reach if I feel the close to meltdown emotions coming on)
I just found it to be very "effective" at the time because it's very intense pain, so it gets similar enough of an input to me as biting or hitting does. and it's also less directly noticeable than many others, like scream, or hitting my head against the wall for example - that makes a loud noise, and alerts people who then come to the room. My family wasn't good in many ways, & especially my mother reacts with anger to many things. Anger would make me feel so much worse, which would escalate the meltdown even more until I fully exhausted myself hours later. So I tried avoiding attention that might bring anger. I ended up with cutting.
It became my primary self injury for a few years, if it was at all "available". If it wasn't, I'd still eventually hit myself, bite, scratch, scream. But the pressure for it to be "hidden" in life both at home & outside meant this is what I did. I don't think I'd say I do it "during" meltdowns 99% of the time? Because it requires a level of cognitive (?) planning & executing on that plan that becomes unavailable to me usually. But even right before you get to having a meltdown, things feel so so bad. Personally I also feel that if nothing is "done" about that bad feeling, I can feel the meltdown get closer and closer, and I'm terrified of it. Both of the meltdown itself, losing control like that is terrifying. But also the reaction from others obviously. So I would use it as self injury to regulate if I knew a meltdown was coming otherwise.
I just feel like when I see self harm like cutting discussed In autistic people (a newer conversation in itself, sort of , from my point of view) it's always in the context of like depression, social isolation, . . "Autistic ppl are often depressed, autistic people feel rejected, (etc) and they end up selfharming" (very shortened, but like that kind of). It's sort of viewed as self harm exactly the same way it's viewed for most "patients" who aren't autistic
(small caveat that I feel from personal experience, many ppl who work w BPD patients do view it closer to my experience where it's specifically framed as "trying to regulate down unbearable level of distress", and less like the many other ways it often gets framed for ppl w depression etc where it's many things like punishing self, countering dissociation, desire of making pain "visible" etc etc. but outside a BPD context it's not often described as primarily being that.)
And in the context of autism I've just never specifically seen it described like my experience, where it functionally serves the same purpose as me hitting my head, my legs, biting myself, .... It's regulating the overwhelming mix of intense feelings, sensory, demands, .... The same things causing meltdowns, and then same "tools" (aka pain) used to regulate during meltdowns.
But surely there's others like this right ? Surely this must not be so uncommon?
It's also why In psych treatment I struggled with their usual approach to selfharm at the time I think, because the intensity and controllability of the pain is directly linked to how much it helps me regulate. So giving me something way less painful, or painful in a way that lingers too long, etc, doesn't replace it at all.
Does any of this make sense? I never really talked about this before. Because self harm is such a thing people get mad at for talking about,... Idk.
CW: mentions of self injury and autistic meltdowns
self injury and meltdowns
i canāt speak for every autistic person, but for many of us, self-injurious behaviors during meltdowns are not about wanting to be hurt. they are about regulation. a meltdown is not a tantrum or a choice. it is a nervous system overload, during that state, the brain is desperately searching for something that is predictable, intense, and controllable. pain or strong physical input can sometimes serve that purpose.
self-injurious behaviors often:
provide strong a sensory input that cuts through overwhelming noise, light, emotions, or thoughts
create a sense of cause and effect when everything else feels chaotic
help narrow focus to one sensation when the world feels unmanageably large
act as an instinctive attempt to self-regulate, not a sign of defiance or attention-seeking
because of this, telling someone to āstop,ā ācalm down,ā or ācontrol yourselfā rarely works. it can increase distress, shame, and escalation. the behavior is already a coping attempt. taking it away without replacing it leaves the nervous system with nothing to grab onto. this is why redirection and protection are usually far more effective than prohibition.
how to help:
stay calm and predictable. your nervous system matters more than your words.
reduce demands. a meltdown is not a teachable moment.
ask for consent before touching, when possible.
redirect rather than forbid. replace the input instead of removing it entirely.
below are common self-injurious behaviors some autistic people experience during meltdowns, along with ways to help that focus on safety and regulation.
hitting self (arms, hips, head, legs, chest)
what may help:
offer something safe to hold, squeeze, or press into, like a comfort plush, stress ball, therapy putty, or folded blanket
weighted items or firm pressure objects can sometimes meet the same sensory need
keep your language simple and neutral, for example: āhere. hold this.ā
hitting head against surfaces
what may help:
first try redirection with a comfort object or familiar item
if the behavior continues, place a soft barrier such as a pillow, cushion, or folded blanket between the head and the surface
in more severe or frequent cases, some people benefit from protective equipment like soft helmets, as a preventative safety tool rather than a punishment
the goal here is injury prevention, not restraint.
hair pulling
what may help:
give a fidget that provides clear cause-and-effect feedback, such as clicking, snapping, resistance, or texture
items that require repetitive finger movement can sometimes substitute for the sensation and rhythm of hair pulling
biting self
what may help:
offer a safe alternative to bite, such as a chew necklace, chew tube, or teether
if those arenāt available, crunchy or cold items like ice chips can sometimes provide strong oral input
avoid reacting with alarm, which can unintentionally reinforce distress
scratching or picking at skin
what may help:
offer something soft or textured to touch, like a blanket or plush fabric
sometimes redirecting to a more pleasant tactile sensation can āoutcompeteā the urge to scratch
if the person is open to touch, gently guiding their hand to rub with the palm instead of nails can reduce harm while preserving the repetitive motion
in more extreme situations, protective coverings like mittens may help, if the person tolerates them
other self injurious behaviors that can occur during a physical meltdown:
these vary widely by person, but may include:
banging limbs on objects
pressing or digging into skin
clenching muscles intensely
throwing body weight into surfaces
the same guiding idea applies: look for ways to redirect the sensation, protect the body, and lower overall sensory load.
self-injurious behaviors during meltdowns are often a sign that regulation resources have been exceeded. they are not moral failures, manipulation, or something that can simply be āstopped.ā trying to block these behaviors without offering alternatives usually increases distress. redirection, sensory substitution, and environmental safety are far more effective and compassionate. helping an autistic person through a physical meltdown is less about control and more about becoming a calm predictable helper while the person attempts to regulate themselves.
autonomy, consent and respect always comes first, but temporary protective restraint can be necessary at times.
its purpose:
last-resort support to prevent serious injury when a person cannot regulate independently.
it is not: punishment, control, convenience, or behavior management.
when to intervene:Ā
-if safety isnāt possible without restraint
-if the person is dissociative or unresponsive (not verbally unresponsive, mentally unresponsive)
-if they are at risk for serious injury like, fractures, internal injury, breaks or concussions.
-are bleedingĀ or already injured
-all other possible options have been tried and were refused or didnāt help at all
Ā core rules
least force possible
shortest time necessary
side or behind only
no chest, neck, spine, or joint pressure
release as soon as intensity drops
support, donāt immobilize
allow breathing + movement
keep pressure steady, not tight
minimal contact
avoid crowding
contain, donāt pin
stay still and predictable
breath slow and stay calmĀ
specifically for kids:Ā
wrap upper arms/torso
stay at their level
calmly reassure the person, and always explain/narrate what you are doing even if they seem like they donāt understand.Ā
say things like:Ā
āiām keeping you safeāĀ
āyour not in troubleāĀ
āim putting my hand on your armā
release immediately when:
movements slow
tension drops
awareness returns
after:
give space
no demands or blame
donāt ask questions
offer a calm place or comfort item
remember that physical meltdowns are not intentional violence, and definitely do not have any criminal intent whatsoever.Ā
