Jules of Nature
$LAYYYTER
KIROKAZE
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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JVL
Three Goblin Art
tumblr dot com
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
todays bird
DEAR READER
ojovivo
art blog(derogatory)
Kiana Khansmith
Not today Justin
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Keni
⁂
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@perplexingluciddreams
I finished the boat race painting today!
ID: a digital painting of a boat race in bright colours. Three dinghies are sailing close together from right to left creating some spray at the bows. The first boat is bright pink, the second a bright cyan, and the third a bright yellow. Each boat has highlights in the colours of the other two boats. In the background is a hillside covered in green trees, accented in yellow and blue. The sky is blue with deep purple clouds /end ID
some life update stuff and rambles
my head is too loud. it always is. that seems to be always the place i start when i try to write. because it's always true.
i feel very confused and conflicted and doubting. it's not nice i don't like it. too many things in there at once getting tangled. some related to each other but some totally unrelated just adding to the noise and mess and tangles.
and i can't write any of it i can't seem to get anything out anymore barely. except for these rare occasions of random blurts of words that rush to me and i rush to get it out as fast as possible, and still don't feel satisfied like i emptied my brain, there's always more that's stuck in there. even the things that i can get out feel only partially captured by the words i manage to wrangle to my will. i can never express enough. i do more things in real life especially physical but then stuff that takes mental energy and effort and focus i just can't seem to do at all barely.
physically i like doing more and moving more. it makes me feel better and happier and stronger. dad is helping me do exercises for my arms and chest and back muscles for before my top surgery (it will help me with recovery and also give the surgeon a better guide line for my incisions if he can see where my pec muscles are). i like that a lot, i want to get stronger.
my sitter seat is gradually getting more upright angle - previously dad took off the back wheels to make the angle more tilted back but i am building up more strength and trying to improve my sitting, so he puts gradually more notebooks under the back legs to raise the angle and now i am nearly at the height of the wheels! i hope we can put them back on eventually and i can cope with sitting more upright. it's hard work and tiring but i'm doing really well. i'm trying hard to be positive about this because i really want my body to be able to do more things and i feel more hopeful than i ever have before that i might actually achieve some improvement.
i am still growing my hair! it's getting quite long now. i still have to clip back the front bits to stop it being in my eyes all the time. i don't really like how it looks clipped back. i like my curls and waves of my hair and when i twist it and clip it at the front it makes it look quite flat and straight. maybe once it gets longer i might consider a fringe of some kind... to show off the waves in the front and to avoid the front strands falling into my face so much. i'm not sure though. it's also hard to get the right balance between feminine and masculine for me with my hair - i imagine it will continue to take time to figure out. for now it's just focus on letting it grow. mum jokes that my hair just keeps getting "bigger" rather than longer cause of my curls/waves and how thick my hair is. especially when i brush it on bath days before we wash it, the brushing makes it get HUGE and like a big fluffball around my head. it looks really funny.
in the process of doing the gender clinic appointments and doing all the work for communication for that, i did a lot of searching and processing my thoughts and feelings. and realised some things that have changed since i first started attempting to express my queerness. i have decided to go back to she/her pronouns. when i first started going by he/him, the choice was mostly because i needed it to be different than it had been before. and several years of he/him gave me the space and time to process a lot of things with some space between me and some of the complicated difficult feelings i had around my name and pronouns etc. etc. i feel like now that i have had the time to work through it, it started feeling mostly strange to be called he. not bad, just a bit odd. and i realised i think i am okay with she/her again now. it still doesn't feel "perfect", but it is the best option for me now i think. it's easier all round, it fits better than he/him and for me they/them always felt strange and not right. i am still Ezra though. i still love my name (even though i also have very complicated feelings towards my birth name... but i don't have words for that yet).
i feel guilty and sad and upset and frustrated that i can't write much anymore. i feel guilty and ashamed that i spend almost all my time playing repetitive mindless games on my ipad with either music or random youtube videos in the background, instead of doing anything that i actually WANT to do or ENJOY doing. i feel shame that i can't seem to make myself stop doing what i DON'T want and start doing what i DO want. i feel guilty that i haven't written a letter back to my friend in so long even though they continue writing letters and postcards. i feel frustrated and upset and so BORED that all i do is waste time until the next section of my routine in the day - the next snack/meal, the next swing time, the next bedtime.
now that i am no longer quite as trapped and stuck as i used to be, and i am living a bit more of an actual life (or something close to resembling a life), i have realised just how much i was repressing and distracting myself from constantly. my perspective has changed on many things now that i am a bit older and having more actual experiences rather than just constant non-stop escapism and distraction and avoidance of anything real because my real life was too painful and awful and horrifying to be able to truly live in it.
i feel that it was impossible to know myself or my own mind at all during that period of time (at the old house when i spent all day every day in my bed in my dark gloomy bedroom, never even going downstairs or anywhere except the odd medical appointment). i feel like it stopped me from growing up in many ways. i think you have to be participating in life to some degree and having some kinds of experiences to be able to grow and change and develop and learn. i was really quite young when my health first got bad, and even before that i was significantly behind others in terms of social experience and many other areas of life experience. i simply didn't have the option of participating in life for so long and during such a pivotal period for development and growing up in so many ways, and i now deal with the consequences of that.
it is occuring to me now just how much those things compounded have affected me and my ability to develop, grow, change, and learn about the world and myself as a person. i don't really know what else to say about this but i have lots of feelings about it i guess. and i'm feeling many of those feelings more intensely for the first time because i'm not repressing and distracting and avoiding quite as much anymore. and it's really really overwhelming. i think i feel grief for my younger self and all what could have been. i find myself doing the "what if" and "if only" spirals of thinking a lot lately. "what if this one small thing had happened differently when i was a kid, then what would my life be like now?". "if only someone had done something back then, i wouldn't have so much damage now". there are SO many what ifs and if onlys.
there's more in my head i can't get out. there's always more. it's always loud. and messy. and tangled. i don't know what to do about all these feelings. i'm struggling. my very rigid structured routine is often the only thing that keeps me moving through each day. i wish i could be more positive and say more good nice happy things cause there are good nice happy things in my life. i have more happiness and joy and freedom now than i have ever had before. but it's hard to focus on that or even give the brain capacity towards writing those things with words when the difficult loud messy stuff is so much more urgent and pressing and demands more time and effort and energy and capacity to getting it out.
i don't know if i already said about AAC stuff but i'm going to get a new keyguard for a different page set with less buttons on the screen. i think it might be better than the current one in some ways but i'm not so sure in others. i barely use my AAC device anyway. so i'm not too hopeful OR despairing about the difference it might make. because i probably will still barely touch it at all. i have many frustrations about that which i have ranted about before but it's not my biggest concern at the moment and i don't have the energy to be upset about it just now.
this seems to be all my brain will allow me to exorcise for now.
there is an IMAGE in my HEAD and i cannot DRAW IT. hatred and rage.
there is a CONVERSATION in my HEAD and I cannot WRITE IT. rage and hatred
there is a VIDEO in my HEAD And i cannot ANIMATE IT. hage and ratred
There is a GAME in my HEAD and I cannot CODE IT. Ratred and hage.
there is a SONG in my HEAD and I cannot COMPOSE IT. haged and rate.
there is a MOVIE in my HEAD and i cannot FILM IT. raged and hate
there is a CRAFT in my HEAD and i cannot BUILD IT. snage and snatred
there is a CRAFT in
my HEAD and i cannot BUILD
IT. snage and snatred
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
she has been pickled for her crimes
The spirit of Mouse compelled me:
‘The biggest rollback of disability rights in a generation’ – Charities respond to Supreme Court ruling
The uk Supreme Court has just done a major rollback on disability rights and is putting more disabled people in danger
Under this new ruling, multiple vulnerable groups will be impacted across social care and healthcare sectors. If an autistic person with high support needs, someone with a serious mental illness, or a person with a severe learning disability is locked in a care setting and sedated, but does not actively protest, they will no longer be considered "confined" by the state. They will lose their automatic right to independent reviews, a legal advocate, and protection from closed care cultures.
This ruling states if someone is sedated and does not instigate a complaint regarding their circumstances while ACTIVELY SEDATED, then they have no right to legal checks and balances to preserve their wellbeing??? Is this correct??? The UK is falling apart.
As far as I can tell from reading the statement by Mind and the BBC article, this ruling states that people who don’t have the legal capacity to understand why they’re being physically or chemically restrained/ kept in a locked care home or ward etc. are still able to give “consent” to that treatment in a way that it doesn’t count as a deprivation of liberty.
So if someone is chemically sedated, doesn’t understand that’s what’s happening, but doesn’t complain then they could be seen to be “consenting” to that treatment. That’s true even if they don’t know what the medication is, what the effects are, how long they last or that there might be other options.
Because the presence of “consent” means that a restriction wouldn’t be considered “Deprivation of Liberty” it means these people aren’t entitled to deprivation of liberty safeguards, which including having independent checks to make sure that any restrictions to their freedom is proportionate and that they’re not being abused in that setting.
One of the reasons the ruling was made is that it placed an “undue burden” on local authorities. Basically local governments were like “hey we’re massively failing our legal duties to protect incredibly vulnerable people from abuse, any chance you could let us off so we don’t have to do it?” And the UK Supreme Court agreed with them.
The other hugely chilling “reasoning” behind this ruling (other than finances) is the idea that disabled people cannot be deprived of their liberty if they can’t understand that’s what’s happening. It’s absolutely disgusting.
being a teenager is basically just half a decade of "ugh I hate myself I hate my life I hate my parents nothing is fair everyone is mean the world is cruel I'm tired of it!! but idk i guess every teenager has this phase and I'll probably grow out of it and understand when I'm older" and getting older and realizing you should have been even angrier and more violent. And then people forget this as soon as they have kids
"Capitalism is temporary. Dykes are forever" graffitti spotted in NYC.
happy pride to aspec ( acespec arospec & aplspec) autistics
happy pride to loveless autistics
happy pride to autistics who don't understand or struggle to identify attraction / love
happy pride to autistics who don't understand sex and sexuality
happy pride to autistics only attracted to fictional characters
happy pride to kinky autistics
happy pride to intersex autistics especially those with intersex conditions that "cause" autism
happy pride to queer autistics infantilized & treated like cannot choose own gender / sexuality labels
happy pride to trans & nonbinary autistics treated as "confused little girls" instead of their chosen gender / sexuality
happy pride to queer autistics treated as scary or sexual predators because of their autism + gender / sexuality
happy pride to trans & nonbinary autistics who are denied gender affirming care because of their autism
happy pride to autistics who don't understand or have concept of gender (either their own or other people's)
happy pride to autigender/autisexual autistics (gender / sexual identity can't separate from autism )
happy pride to xenogender autistics
happy pride to autistics who can't participate in pride parade / pride events due to sensory / accessibility needs
happy pride to autistics who can't come out because their caregivers are not supportive
happy pride to autistics who don't have words in their aac to explain their queerness
happy pride to autistics who struggle with pronouns or labels
happy pride to autistics who can't define their queerness
happy pride to all queer autistics !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bringing this back for 2026! happy pride month!
mimir
Boats!
ID: a digital painting of three dinghies in a race in a bright colour scheme. The first boat is pink, the second is blue, the third is yellow. Each boat has highlights that match the colours of the other two boats. There is a hillside covered in trees in the background and a blue and purple sky / end ID.
Merlin and Gwen edit.
Instagram This is where I acquired the Scenepack lavenderguinevere on Instagram.
Instagram This is where I acquired the Scene Pack dragonlcrd_ga on Instagram.
Song: Super Trouper by ABBA
You need to respect the intellectually disabled and delayed I'm not fucking asking
when i was a tiny baby queer (aka a 24-year-old), i went to my first pride festival probably three months after i kicked ex-gay therapy to the curb and came out to my parents. being the people they are, my parents came with me. they weren’t really sure about this whole gay thing, but they loved me and wanted me to be safe and happy and wanted to be involved in what was important to me, so they came along. (i also think my mother still might have thought i might get drugged or murdered or beaten by a protester of which there were plenty.)
anyway i wanted a memento of my first pride, you know, and this one vendor was selling keyrings, and i liked it, so i bought one. do you remember those italian charm bracelets that were all the rage like 10-15 years ago? it was a keychain like that, and it had a rainbow rooster, a rainbow cat, and then just a rainbow, and so I bought it.
i run into my mom a couple of vendors over and she goes oh you bought something? what’d you get? so i showed her, and i was like, “I’m not sure why it’s a rooster and a cat. Seems kind of random. But I liked the rainbows.”
and my mom, who was some form of minister’s wife for most of my childhood and teenagerhood, stares at me like she thinks i’m joking.
“What?” i say.
“…it’s a cock and a pussy, Jules,” she says flatly, and that is the story of how i died at the age of 24 while attending my first pride festival.
I love how every June this one gets dug up and passed around again, lmao.
oh no is this what we’re doing now
…relic…
*crumbles and blows away on the wind*
[Image IDs: Image #1: Tumblr tag from rogue-thirteen reading: happy it’s a cock and a pussy jules month
Image #2: Tumblr tag from laggingBehindReality reading: a relic, iconic post /End IDs]
My therapist asked me to create something “motivating” so I made these.
lol.
I really love these, and I reblog them every single time. Some of you don’t realize how easy it’s to forget to do some of those stuff or how hard they can be some days.
the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be apart of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.
HUH?
Most cop thing I've ever read. what the fuck are you talking about. The posts you're looking for might be on this website but we won't show them to you???
I'm sure all my settings are set to "yes show me mature content no don't filter anything" what are you TALKING ABOUT
the posts are ON THE WEBSITE. I can't search dirty words?? am I five??? is this club penguin??? when I get you
