Brain: Youâre a horrible, worthless, garbage person, and your life is going nowhere but to hell.
Me: I donât know what the fuck you expect me to do about that at 11PM, my dude.
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Brain: Youâre a horrible, worthless, garbage person, and your life is going nowhere but to hell.
Me: I donât know what the fuck you expect me to do about that at 11PM, my dude.
The most beautiful thing I have  heard all day and you have the opportunity to hear it too.
One of my faves that was lost to the internet is back
does anyone know the name of this instrument and possibly the source of this video?
itâs a hang drum :)
Everytime I see this I reblog.
When youâre watching TV and your sibling gets out of the good chair to get a drink
craving you
Itâs ironic.
When I worked in fast food for minimum wage, they would yell at us and lecture us about âstealingâ fries and burgers (while we had to throw out TONS of food every day) as though the giant billion-dollar corporations of McDonaldâs and Sonic couldnât afford to give their employees something to eat (while not even paying us a living wage).
Now I work at an upscale restaurant (itâs fancy, like celebrities eat there fairly often) and not only do I make WAY better money but they give us 2 free meals a day (eaten on the clock) and theyâre GOOD. Today I got baked cod, spring rolls, rice pilaf, stir fry, and mashed potatoes and eggplant. Oh, and free espresso and juice. From this restaurant owned by a local man who is in no way a billionaire.
Obviously money is not the issue, valuing your employees as people is.
This needs all of the reblogs. Â All of them.
do girls really mature faster? or do we just excuse boysâ immaturity longer?
i wonder if magic is real, but only in a really mundane way.
when i was little i could almost inerringly switch back to disney channel right as the ads ended when i was channel surfing.
maybe youve never accidentally crushed a ladybug underfoot. maybe your microwave popcorn never burns. maybe you can spin around lots and lots of times before you get dizzy.
is that magic??
honestly im not sure if these are magic or just small, invisible skills. im not sure which i like better.
My ankles never twist. Â Iâve always been rather active, I did track for five years (all the running events), and one time while running I stepped in a hole, lost my shoe, and landed sprawling about five feet away. Â I pulled my shoe on and kept running.
I have a coworker who somehow makes better coffee than everyone else even though the grounds come pre-measured and all you have to do is load them up and push a button. Â I have a friend who has inch long nails that never break. Â My brother can copy origami just by looking at the finished product and my mother can do the same with knots. Â I knew a guy who never made an error when typing.
Maybe we all have little magics, the kind that you donât realize you have. Â Just tiny things that make your life slightly better but are completely unnoticed on the outside.
this is the cutest post i have ever readâŠ
Nooo Iâve actually shared this theory before. Like my Dad is really lucky finding parking spaces. And Iâve never cracked my phone even though I drop it on the time and have an average case. Like what if everybody gets one trivial part of their life that theyâre illogically lucky at?
âLittle magicsâ
This kind of news makes my day!
you: hey, are you ok?
me: okay?đ€ i'm neverđ okayđ€ always worriedđȘđ„ bout gettin abandonedđŠ i stay cravin that attention and validationđŻ
I FORGOT BRITISH PPL CALL GIRLS BIRDS AND I WAS SUPREMELY DISTURBED
JESUS
Tesla shows that a future with self-renewing power grids is closer than we thought (x) | follow @the-future-now
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, âMy car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?â The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, âWe canât tell you. Youâre not a monk.â The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, âWe canât tell you. Youâre not a monk.â The man says, âAll right, all right. Iâm *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?â The monks reply, âYou must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.â The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, âI have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.â The monks reply, âCongratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.â The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, âThe sound is right behind that door.â The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, âReal funny. May I have the key?â The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, âThis is the last key to the last door.â The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I canât tell you what it is because youâre not a monk
Originally posted by disneyasastrology
BWAHAHAHAHAH.Â
the way i learned this, it was always told through spoken word. And youâd do the door thing for ages. AGES. literally just making up any old material. âbehind the foam door is a door made of spinachâ that kind of shit. Go on until whoever is listening has already begged you to stop and has now gone on to pleading, clutching your shirt on their knees pleading. And when you finally said the last line? People went fucking nuts Like there was a good chance of just getting the teeth knocked out of you after telling that joke.
A friend of mine did that shit for 30 minutes on a camp once. The entire fucking bus just exploded in anger when she finished. It was a fucking massacre.Â