Rachawl

A content creator w/ chronic illness who runs a weird YouTube channel & games.

[rachawwl]

The last time I took a bath photo, was 3 years ago. Before my chronic illnesses took hold. The bath was a safe place before then. Now it raises my BP and heart rate to uncomfortable levels, and is extremely painful to get out of. My back pain has a tight grip on me now. My eyes want to close while I lay in bed at night, but the pain keeps them wide open. Thinking of times before pain brings me to tears. Times before thinking about how I am going to accomplish small tasks, or how to spend the day with my daughter at an event. My coworkers joke they should get me a wheelchair, but sitting for too long kills me. Standing too long kills me. Breathing for this long while in pain is killing me. I ran into my lawyer at a family party last week. The one who represented me against the people who hit me in my car accidents. He asked how my back was doing. I said “not good”. I could see the disappointment on his face. We settled before going to court because I was afraid no one would believe me. No one would believe I was in constant pain, and they would award me nothing. He thinks I could have gotten more $$$. I don’t agree. Money wouldn’t make my back pain better. If it would, I would have taken them for everything they had. I suffer silently, among those around me who are excited to move across country next month. I am dreading it. I will suffer and continue to do so. No one needs to know. So for now, I try to enjoy my lukewarm bath and reminisce with tears in my eyes. I won’t think about the pain of getting out just yet. I will fool myself into thinking everything will get better.

[rachawwl]

It’s so easy to say “put your mental health first” in terms of going to work. But let’s be real, having a job is a very real necessity for many. Whether our home country refuses to allow us on disability, or disability is non-existent, sometimes we must work through our pain and suffering. There are 90% of my days where my pain level never drops below a 6. But I must keep working. So here are some tips when it comes to finding a new job. Ask the person hiring you how they deal with accommodations. Interview THEM.

[owlet]

man like. i’d really like people to spread this information because i think there’s a lot of very well-meaning people out there who need to learn this:

pushing someone’s wheelchair without first getting their consent is a violation of that person’s autonomy.

sometimes when i’m going up ramps i’ll struggle a bit, and VERY frequently people will just take the handles and start to push, thinking they’re doing me a favor.

and maybe they would have been doing me a favor… if they had taken the time to get permission. please try to have some sympathy with us: think about how alarming it would be if a complete stranger took control of your body without asking. that is what is going on! when you do that to a person in a wheelchair that is quite literally what you’re doing! 

do not do this, and don’t be surprised if people get angry if you do. a simple “do you need help?” (AND ACTUALLY WAIT FOR THEM TO RESPOND AND LEAVE THEM BE IF THEY DECLINE) will suffice. 

[owlet]

non-wheelchair users keep reblogging this and being like “this is common sense but ok”

wheelchair users reblogging this are like “yeah i had to get a custom banner installed that reads ‘dont fucking touch me’ which people just ignore more often than not”

[baejax-the-great]

Me: I'm hungry. I should eat lunch

Me, after standing up to get food: I feel so sick I am no longer hungry

Me, 15 minutes later: I'm hungry. I should eat lunch.

[fibrofox]

Me: eats something

My GI tract:

[rachawwl]

I’m having a GERD flare (it’s been about 4 days since the last one). I didn’t miss this pain. And my legs hurt because I was sitting for too long this morning. The discs in my back squish my nerves and make my legs feel like they are being slowly crushed by something. Sometimes this life is too difficult to understand why things like this happen.

[rachawwl]

Yeah, I know……..

[rachawwl]

Remember this in your dark, undiagnosed times. Hang in there 💛

[wheremyspoonsat-deactivated2023]

Spoonies unite 😅🤣😂

[rachawwl]

Ok so it’s not cramping in my right leg it’s nerve pain again 😕😕😕 it’s been about 6 weeks since I felt this. It feels like a truck ran over my legs and they are healing. Constant pressure pain. Wow. Not a fan

[rachawwl]

Right thigh cramping and an increase in muscle twitches. Wonder what my brain is doing today. On top of this, been getting some occipital neuralgia which I’ve never had before. Sort of a stiff neck on the right side & I’m sick of it lol

[rachawwl]

I interviewed someone who has been undergoing ketamine treatments for treatment resistant depression! I thought it would be helpful to get a first-hand review on how it's going for her and if there are any benefits so far from this trial! I attached the video here.

[rachawwl]

sHi all! I am reaching out to anyone who has received a chronic illness diagnosis in their lifetime. I am trying to make a diagnosis rating chart, sort of like this one! I wanted to get your feedback on it, if there is something I should add or change. As I am looking at it now, I think I need Gradual + Unexpected needs to go where Gradual But Suspicious is. What do you think? Where do you fall? What would you change?

[rachawwl]

It’s so stressful, so I’ve been battling something for years now. I was in two car accidents and my whole life has never been the same since. Those accidents triggered something in me.

I have always been healthy. Never broke a bone, never suffered pain… until these damn car accidents.

They found lesions on my brain in the ER 3 years ago. I was having arm numbness and they rushed me in for an MRI to look for signs of a stroke. No active lesions or signs of stroke, but 20+ lesions that looked like they’ve been there a while. The ER neurologist was confused because I have never suffered from headaches or migraines, which was the likely explanation for these lesions. So I was a undiagnosed case.

Car accidents happen. Back pain strikes. MRIs reveal that I have Degenerative Disc Disease in nearly every part of my spine. It hurt, bad. I missed months of work. Being a new mom, I felt like a complete failure and nowhere to go. Just suffered alone, in silence.

As the back pain got under control, I began having neurological symptoms. Constant vertigo, leg weakness, vision deteriorating which as confirmed by my eye doctor, and severe fatigue. But these symptoms were on and off (except the vertigo). Months later I developed muscle twitches that affected every single muscle in my body, and never stopped (to this day they still happen every few seconds).

I began getting migraines. Awful pain that was unbearable. I wanted to die.

After multiple follow up MRIs and other types of nerve tests (painful ones), the lesions have not changed and there are no new ones. No MS diagnosis like my neuro was suspicious of. No answers. Just symptoms with no explanation.

Now I have been experiencing a pain that comes and goes in my upper stomach for over week now. It hurts, bad. It is random and unpredictable. Whether I eat or don’t eat, it happens. It scares me. New symptoms always scare me.

Now with a clear abdominal X-ray, we wait for the results of the ultrasound tomorrow. We wait to see if there are answers, but I know deep down…. There won’t be.

I have been disappointed time and time again. No answers. No diagnosis. Just empty symptoms with no reason.

I am in pain. I am scared. I want to know why this is happening. I want to know if there is a treatment for any of this.

[rachawwl]

Editing my chronic pain video, and I quickly made this graphic to make a point. I actually love it!

[rachawwl]

Hi guys, I made this for anyone who is struggling.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*takes my traumas out of my pocket one-by-one & sets them gently on my therapist's coffee table like I'm showing off my rock collection*

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]