All Night Knits

Being awake all night long gives you the upper hand come morning.

[rachelfolkster]

@amyschumer inspired me, so here we f**king go. • I feel beautiful today, #ms and #crohns be damned • 131lbs, haven’t puked in two days. Here’s my #stoma and my weird, skin laden body. Here’s the hair that falls out from malnutrition. The bra the sags. The shorts that are too loose on the morning and painfully tight after eating. • Here’s to my beautifully broken body. A body that can lose 7lbs in a day to dehydration. A body battling an immune system that hates it. A body who needs more help from doctors - but they can’t offer it right now. To my legs who falls when I forget my crutch. To my hands that randomly drop thing. To a back that needs a nap every day to stay erect. • Dear body, I still love you, I always will. • To my body’s bleak diagnosis? Fuck you, I am a beast. • #mswarrior #crohnswarrior #crohnsdisease #ostomy #ileostomy #nocolonstillrollin #multiplesclerosis #stoma #colectomy #autoimmunedisease #spoonie #invisibleillness #ineeenaps #freethestoma #endstomastigma https://www.instagram.com/p/Byxx_pzpy-1/?igshid=1f5726hybfdmn

[rachelfolkster]

Motivation or self torture? Either way I’m packing up the last 19 hats for #halosofhope. Seeing all the beautiful yarn and squeezable stitch patterns I can’t wait to knit again! • #mswarrior #crohnswarrior #knittersofinstagram #knit #knitting #nocolonstillrollin #charityknitting #knittoheal #knittingcommunity https://www.instagram.com/p/ByaqyP5J72v/?igshid=1m3o8rpp2hag7

[rachelfolkster]

Feeling pretty okay today so I thought I’d give a little health update to anyone who’s interested • The #bdd is still a thing but getting so much better. My mind continues to improve and I feel very supported on this very odd journey. I’m also pleased to say the only puking I’m doing these days in #Crohns related 💪 • My body had a good couple of days last week but we back slid a bit. I lost 9lbs this past week and eating continues to be a struggle. I’m also taking in over 100oz of fluid a day to keep up with dehydration. The concern is that the Crohn’s is active in my stomach as well as my anus and rectum. Typing that never gets old 🙄😂 • Surgery is being discussed again in July but unfortunately I’m just too malnourished and weak right now for surgery. The Barbie butt surgery is a given and a difficult surgery, now we’re facing a midline incision (cutting open my belly from ribs to bellybutton 😳) to tack my small intestines to my abdominal wall to keep them from twisting. These two together would be very, very hard to recover from. I know I can do it, I’m a beast, but what a drag 🤷🏻‍♀️ • The plus side to this cluster f**k is that there are a few drugs to try to see if it’ll help prevent the surgery. I’m not hopeful but I’ll sure as hell give it a try. • My MS is being treated again!! Hoping that once the chipmunk cheeks show up my hands will improve. Still using the wheelchair more thank I’d like but it gets me where I need to be. • I hope everyone who reads this has an amazing day. Hug people you love and find a little beauty - it’s what gets me through 🧡💜 • #colectomy #multiplesclerosis #autoimmunedisease #invisibleillness #ileostomy #crohns #crohnswarrior #ileostomy #stoma #mswarrior #nocolonstillrollin https://www.instagram.com/p/ByGXEdKJVxd/?igshid=xqkw678b4spi

[rachelfolkster]

My forearm crutches and wheelchair wish everyone a happy #worldmsday 🧡 May we see the end of this disease in our lifetime 🧡 • #mswarrior #multiplesclerosis #invisibleillness #crohns #crohnsdisease #ostomy #stoma #ileostomy #colectomy #autoimmunedisease #spoonie https://www.instagram.com/p/ByGMCzlJFlt/?igshid=54jxux3oztbd

[rachelfolkster]

First, Happy Mother’s Day!! 🌹💐🌸🌺🌼🌷 Secondly, let’s recognize the amazingness of women. Whether you’ve had a child or adopted. Whether your baby is pink and perfect or furry. Whether your babies are with you or waiting for you - I myself have four I’m waiting to meet. You. Are. A. Mother. ❤️ You are strong. You are amazing. You can conquer anything. You are an endless supply of love and support. 🌹🌸💐🌺🌷🌼 A Mom sent me this opaque #ostomybag yesterday. She wanted to share what she could so I could have a few days of peace. Women. Are. Amazing. She didn’t send her Instagram name but honey, if you see this? Please let me thank you. This is the first pic I’ve take without throwing up since February. 🌸🌹🙏🏻🌼🌺💐 Have a lovely and beautiful day Instagram! •••• #ostomy #ostomybag #crohns #crohnsdisease #bdd #colectomy #crohnswarrior #mswarrior #multiplesclerosis #nocolonstillrollin #knittersofinstagram #spoonie #autoimmunedisease #invisibleillness https://www.instagram.com/p/BxXvd1CpPvV/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ev0jig0gtlg4

[rachelfolkster]

Home and ready to get better. •••• We’re trying a few new things to combat the #bdd anxiety. I feel that with the help of my psychiatrist we are making some good progress. I have to take a photo of myself daily and I’m getting more adjusted to mirrors. F**king weird 🙄 •••• The hospital stay was a bit bleak; the Crohn’s is in what is left of (yes I giggle when I say...or type this😂) my rectum and anus. Sooo I’m facing a #barbiebutt surgery and I’m dreading it. We’ve also seen that my stomach is not emptying correctly which is causing most of my pain, more Nuclear Med tests are in my future and they always make me sick 🤢. Basically we are in a holding pattern until I’m stronger. •••• As for knitting I’m sadly reporting that the new MS drug has yet to give me my nimble fingers back. 🥺 We’re doing a course of steroids (🙄) next week to see if it’ll improve my .... everything I guess. My hands can’t knit but my legs are struggling to walk. Walkers, forearm crutches and my wheelchair are becoming common things - it’s killing me but I am confident that I can get my legs back. It’ll happen - just watch. •••• Thank you to everyone who has messaged me. I’m so damn sorry you have to wait for replies but I’m trying to get back to “me” and answer emails like s human being again. I love this community, I love my life and my beautiful broken body - no matter what the little bitch throws at me. •••• #multiplesclerosis #mswarrior #crohnsdisease #crohnswarrior #crohns #ileostomy #ostomy #nocolonstillrollin #ostomybag #colectomy #knittersofinstagram #knittoheal https://www.instagram.com/p/BxVPsZAJ_Fk/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=q9cg9oaj6mcl

[rachelfolkster]

*sigh* •••• #multiplesclerosis #mswarrior #crohnsdisease #crohnswarrior #crohns #ileostomy #ostomy #nocolonstillrollin #ostomybag #colectomy (at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxBUWdnpBlF/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=zro3md4jglro

[rachelfolkster]

Hello Instagram, it’s been awhile. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bwx5RNZpHCn/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=tz7spkhttjbx

[rachelfolkster]

Sock therapy 💙💚💜💙 ..—..—..—..—..—..—..—.. #operationsockdrawer #ravelry #flkheel #flk #sockswithsarah #wip #knit #knits #knitting #socks #sockyarn #yarnporn #yarn #magicloop #knittersofinstagram #handknitsocks #knitallthesocks #knitaddict #socktherapy #yarn #yarnporn #mswarrior #crohnswarrior #invisibleillness #crohnsdisease https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu1pN5AFOL3/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1tteyz49lw6w8

[rachelfolkster]

It’s been a weird week and a half. I thought I’d be home ages ago but then came The Drug. The Drug was something I had to take no matter the side effects, and the side effects included blurred vision so bad I couldn’t hardly make out shapes, let alone any specifics. Soooo today is the first time I am able to see my phone with the fonts all the way up., I haven’t been able to even make out my phone testing in the table. I’ve spent the past days talking and listening, enjoying podcasts, savoring audiobooks and having near constant help to get where I needed to go. Now that the drug is getting out od@my system I feel like I’m seeing better every hour. Hoping to head home tomorrow, Trevor informs me that there are packages and a pile of mail for me to go through which is very exciting. I haven’t wanted to open anything before I could send a proper thank you! 🤗 . . #thisisme #crohnsdisease #crohnswarrior #mswarrior #multiplesclerosis #ostomate #Completecolectomy #knittersofinstagram #itsokaytonotbeokay https://www.instagram.com/p/BujgdhyFzxL/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=3m3runs7j9it

[rachelfolkster]

When Mama is too scared to let you sleep alone and the hubby snaps a pic ❤️ ......................................... Thank goodness I’m home. .. .. .. .. #thisisme #crohnsdisease #crohnswarrior #mswarrior #multiplesclerosis #ostomate #Completecolectomy #knittersofinstagram #itsokaytonotbeokay https://www.instagram.com/p/BuMHi4nlGo8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=92ghp483ewt3

[rachelfolkster]

Thank you to all the amazing people out there who have been cheering us on. Besides the 40hrs home we’ve been in for 13 days today, but the news is finally shifting our way. . .. .. . My body survived the onslaught of this newest whoops and is (🤞🤞) trying to do its best to come around. Still not eating but he NG is gone, which is the hardest part for me. Surgery has been tabled for now due to good news and fear my heart couldn’t handle generalized anesthesia without a weakening or heart attack from my potassium levels. The best part is that I actually feel a bit better today and I can talk again! Four days without talking is surreal. . .. .. . It’s going to be a marathon coming back from this one, especially bc even more weight loss was not in our plans but for the first time in days I feel hopeful and my smile in genuine. I’m sorry I haven’t replied to all the comments but I’ve read each one and hold them close to my heart when things are difficult. Thank you all so so much for your kindness and support, I will never forget it as long as I live 😊 . .. .. . #thisisme #crohnsdisease #crohnswarrior #mswarrior #multiplesclerosis #ostomate #Completecolectomy #knittersofinstagram #itsokaytonotbeokay (at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuE58nYlsdt/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9ql9uxvtpp7y

[rachelfolkster]

Back in hospital and it’s bad. We are still asking for prayers. Please. . .. . #thisisme #crohnsdisease #crohnswarrior #mswarrior #multiplesclerosis #ostomate #Completecolectomy #knittersofinstagram #itsokaytonotbeokay (at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuAKdt0FeL1/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=fq6cky87kumw

[rachelfolkster]

Back in hospital and it’s bad. We are asking for prayers. Please. . .. . #thisisme #crohnsdisease #crohnswarrior #mswarrior #multiplesclerosis #ostomate #Completecolectomy #knittersofinstagram #itsokaytonotbeokay (at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt6t6WuFlsN/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=189ddbybqfdyn

[rachelfolkster]

View this post on Instagram

Is it playing the #crohnsdisease Card to get knitting advice wrong?!.... ....Yes! (Damn it) I don’t know what could be better! I want to make my Mom some beautiful pieces bc she is the greatest mom in the world and I want her to show her how I feel. .. Without her this past year would have been a living nightmare. With her it makes hanging out in a hospital bed covered in incisions, scar tissue and IV lines sound like fun. I’ve kept laughing through all this bc I know that over this hump things will be easier; she keeps bringing light into darkness. .. .. Alrighty, my point: 1. Patterns: fingerless mittens 2. Patterns: 3.@noknitsherlock toys 7. Patterns: Mittens 6. Patterns: Hats 7. Patterns: shawl . . Anything you can do to help me that would beadittting .. .. I want to make her at least one of each pair of these. I have found some patterns I love but my mom can only tolerate nylon, Bamboo, acrylic and cotton. .. .. I know there are challenges but I’m leaning into it, and why I’ve come asking for help. Any help, any advice any anything really would help. My life could’ve completely ruined by this if wasn’t for a mom that Never Say Die #gooniesneversaydie . . #crohns #crohnie #spoonie #mswarrior #multiplesclerosis #invisibleillness #colecomy https://www.instagram.com/p/BtvHNmXFJJL/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=p1s6hqse6l1d

[rachelfolkster]

Emergency surgery yesterday makes three total and two this year. 😢. I’m pretty exhausted but trying to keep my mood up. So, what helps lift your spirits #IGers ? Right now I’m enjoying living vicariously with @dunderknit (😘) since I cannot knit right now. . #crohnsdisease #crohnswarrior #mswarrior #multiplesclerosis #colectomy #ostomate #ostomy #knittersofinstagram #knittoheal (at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/Btl5vWtFbzM/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=f9mfwwbfz6e

[rachelfolkster]

First trip out of the house today went very well, even though it’s -1 degrees and I’m back in the wheelchair 🥶 Doc appt went well and now it’s back to bed, I’ve never felt so tired after doing so little. 😴 . . . . #hairtodaygonetomorrow #multiplesclerosis #crohnsdisease #crohnswarrior #invisibleillness #mswarrior #ostomy (at Martha Morehouse Medical Plaza) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtRyduJFeNp/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1k79wtol9vow1