but i'm not gonna wait for you forever this time

Greetings one and all! I can imagine that you, dear reader, have not found this page by coincidence and, instead, have either been directed here from my old social media accounts or some other form. First and foremost, I state that this is my personal tumblr. What I post here is from my own personal life. Fans are welcome to follow for the occasional BTS pic but don't be expectant. And don't forget to catch Funny Girl when it opens in the spring!

[thestjames]

Getting To Know Each Other // St. Starchild

[singerstarchild]

Elliott just chuckled quietly at Jesse, “What can I say? I’m not remotely above using sex to teach you manners and the finer points of flattery. I think my rewards are more than worth it, so…” But then, Jesse was speaking, going above and beyond everything that Elliott had expected of him and he felt himself flushing in response to the words, leaning in to press soft kisses to every bit of Jesse’s skin that he could reach, lips lingering against his neck and jaw line with a low, happy hum. “Mmm, and I did promise you everything, didn’t I?” He mused, licking his lips a little, “Because God knows…Talk like that and you deserve it, babe. Pretty sure you can talk your way into my pants whenever you want, if you keep that up…”

He smirked a little, laughing outright when Jesse admitted that he didn’t see a problem with the addiction to Elliott in bed. “Mmm, no, definitely not a problem,” He agreed softly, unzipping Jesse’s pants slowly. “And you’ve already got me.” Elliott promised quietly, gesturing for Jesse to lift his hips, and sliding down his pants and underwear, when he did so. “So how about we just skip to the part where I give you what you want, hmmm?” He mused, hands running down Jesse’s sides over his shirt, as he settled himself between his legs. “Cause I’ve got to say….I’ve missed this.” Elliott confessed,tongue teasing over the head of Jesse’s cock. “Love making you fall apart like this.”

[rachnthecity]

Originally, Rachel had planned to work a double at the diner. Her dads weren’t too happy to hear about her change in living arrangements and had, therefore, cut off that part of her New York funding, which made finding and keeping a job that much more important. Never one to be deterred, she had found a job at a local diner and became a singing waitress. It was cliché but people loved her work, she considered the routines to be extra practice and her tips were normally rather large. Really, there was no downside to it besides the long hours and constantly being on her feet (in platforms no less). So, tonight, when her boss told her she could go home and wasn’t needed, she didn’t think she could toss off her apron and sprint out of there fast enough. Jesse had told her he was busy earlier and Elliott mentioned a date in passing so she was really looking forward to going home to an empty apartment to watch movies and wear her favorite PJs. It sounded like heaven.

When she got to the apartment, she unlocked the door and removed her coat, heading straight to the bedroom. She had been digging in her bag to retrieve her phone and didn’t even notice the state of the apartment or immediately see the two men in the bedroom. It wasn’t until she heard a moan did she look up and gasp. Normally she wouldn’t be surprised to see Elliott with a hookup – well, she would have but she’d then excuse herself and go right back out of the apartment, apologizing for intruding. This time, an apology, or any other words, could come out because it was Jesse. Her roommate was on his knees about to pleasure her boyfriend. “Oh my God.” Her cheeks colored and she was quick to turn around. “I … I should go. I should … yeah.” She couldn’t even think about anything right now because the image of Elliott in front of him was too hot and had, surprisingly, turned her on. And she really needed to go somewhere to think about this before she did something foolish.

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

There was really promise for them working something good out this time around, but he didn’t want to jinx it by thinking too much about the future of what could happen. As far as he was concerned, the only thing that mattered was right now. “You’re making me really curious about these conditions, you know. But knowing you, it’ll likely come at me at the most unexpected time and then you’re going to tell me what it is I have to do for you, right?” he asked with an amused glance her way. He sighed a little dramatically at her comment about good things coming to those who wait. “You know… technically, I’ve been waiting for a really really long time already,” he said as he leaned over to bump his arm against hers. “So I guess I’ll be getting a lot of good things, right?” he asked coolly. He had a feeling that with her by his side, a lot of good things would happen and he couldn’t wait to see what they were. 

However it was that he would show her that he wasn’t going to hurt her, he would. If it took going slow, he was all for that. When she agreed to sleep over, he stood up from the couch and took her hands so he could pull her up with him. “Come on, let’s get something for you to change into for bed,” he said as he led her over to his bedroom. Inside, he went to one of his dressers and pulled out one of his old black shirts that he knew would fit her nicely so she was covered up enough. “I’ll go step out and you change. Come get me when you’re ready to get your cuddle on, okay?” he asked as he went in to kiss her cheek before heading out to the living room again to wait for her to come get him.

[rachnthecity]

"You still know me so well," she said with a proud grin. There was no way that Rachel would come up with her condition now; she had no idea what life had to offer and so that meant she had to be wise in her timing. It would be easy to dress up and indulge Jesse in whatever fantasy of her dressed up in her old high school gear. He didn't know it would be easy - and slightly enjoyable - which meant that she could get almost anything out of him that she wanted. Which, honestly, wasn't that hard to do anyway but that was besides the point. "You have," she agreed with a nod, "so I guess that means when it is your time, you'll be getting something amazing." And she wasn't kidding. While she wasn't ready now, that didn't mean she wouldn't be ever and she knew that now she wasn't as insecure and scared about sexual things as she had been three years ago, so she'd be able to match him. Once they got there, things would be great. She just didn't want to get too far ahead and fantasize too much (definitely wouldn't be the case when she got home, however).

It felt nice to have him respect her decision so much and it gave her even more faith in them. "Okay," she nodded, following him into his room. When he handed her the shirt, she held it close and nodded to what he was saying. Ever the perfect gentleman, he kissed her cheek and left, leaving him alone in his bedroom. It really would be so easy to snoop, but she didn't because that was rude. And she wasn't Santana. Just thinking the name caused her to roll her eyes and before she got in a sour mood, she went to his bathroom to change. She removed her clothes - carefully folding them on the toilet to put on his dresser - and also took down her hair. She couldn't brush her teeth, unfortunately, but did rinse her mouth out with some mouthwash she found. She figured she'd remove the makeup she on later and once she had on his shirt, she walked back into his bedroom. She put her clothes on the dresser then opened the door and walked back to him on the couch. "Since I know you're going to want to see the full picture." She did a little turn for him, mindful that she didn't let the shirt go up and give him an unwarranted sneak peak, before she sat back down. "I like this," she said softly, her face pressed into his shoulder. "I like being with you again. It's nice."

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

Jesse smirked at the thought of Rachel dressing up in her old clothes for him. He totally found her hot in her current fashion, but there was something extra fun about that kind of little game they could play by taking a trip down memory lane. But when she agreed to do it in return for something later on, he could only wonder what she was on about. “Alright. I guess that’s fair,” he said with a slight nod as he still tried to figure out what kind of thing Rachel Berry would want him to do. She had talked him into taking her out to a Wiggles Concert before, so he knew that the potential was endless. “Just don’t make me dress up in something humiliating and put it on the internet or something like that. Not that I think you’d be like that, though,” he said, crinkling his nose at the thought of himself in drag. “Oh excuse me,” he muttered when she insisted that she knew what a kink was. “You know I didn’t mean it that way. I don’t assume. You were engaged before and had a fling with a prostitute. I didn’t expect you to still be the virginal girl I fell for a long time ago,” he said softly. “But I can’t wait to find out what these kinks are. And I especially can’t wait to satisfy them.”

He didn’t really think they were moving too fast because they had a strong history, but he didn’t bring that up when she tried to slow him down. Pulling away, he leaned back against the couch on his hand as he listened to her explain. “A few things,” he started, wanting to explain. “Firstly, I’m not the same guy I was in high school. As you can tell, I look a lot better than before,” he said in a playful way to lighten the mood. “But seriously, I don’t want to hurt you, Rachel. And we don’t have to jump into anything that you don’t want to. I’m an adult now and I’m not going to push you. And lastly, I’m not a prostitute. While it could be profitable, it isn’t my thing.” Kissing her cheek, he nodded at her conditions. “You can wear one of my shirts. Then we can cuddle and sleep. Just like you want. I’m more than fine with that. I just want to get to wake up next to you and make you breakfast in the morning,” he said tenderly.

[rachnthecity]

“Never,” she told him genuinely. In high school she had been nothing short of ruthless when seeking out things she wanted – solos, spotlight, etc. – but she would never do anything cruel like what he just said. Not even if he hurt her. He had done it once before and Rachel had been the bigger person and moved on, wanting to best Jesse and the rest of Vocal Adrenaline in competition. It hadn’t happened but the point was they tried and she hadn’t gotten back at him doing something petty. “I promise what I end up deciding on won’t be cruel and unusual and it’ll only be for my eyes.” She hadn’t tried to sound so defensive but sometimes, especially in the past year, she felt like she had to prove that she was this or that to keep up in New York. She should have known better that she didn’t need to do that with him but it was almost natural reaction now. Luckily, he didn’t seem too bothered by it, even going as far as expressing interest in knowing what her kinks were. Typical. “Good things come to those who wait,” she told him with a smile. It pretty much went without saying that he’d definitely be the one to explore said things (as long as their relationship progress the way they both wanted).

His reassurances were nice to hear and it definitely eased any worries she had about tonight. It might have been silly for her to react like she did but at least she was doing something with him that she hadn’t with Brody – she was being honest and upfront. She was letting him know her position on things and he was respecting them. It was already a good start for a mature and adult relationship, something she didn’t think they had grasped when they were both sixteen and eighteen, respectively. “I want to jump into this with you,” she told him, motioning her hands between as a sign of a relationship. “I just don’t want it to move too fast, you know? All in good time.” She wanted to take things slow, get to know this new, mature and self-admitted more handsome Jesse St. James. And she thought having a sleepover would be the best way to start that off. “Wearing one of your shirts sounds nice and I love that you want to make me breakfast in the morning.” He was taller than her and anything he gave her would feel like a dress so she felt safe that she’d be mostly covered and not exposed. “I’ll stay,” she stated, just in case it needed to be said. “You can have me for the night without interruptions.”

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

"Then I guess I’m going to have to ask that you wear them for me one day. Sweater. Skirt. Socks. Loved those socks…" he said, biting his lip in thought. "Do you think you can do that for me?" he asked, unable to hold back from keeping his voice deep and seductive like it got when he was turned on and wanted a girl. He bit his lip when the subject of kinks came up. "Yeah. I’m sure you have a few. Things that turn you on about people, or in a person in particular. Certain sexual acts that get you off more than anything, even if it’s just by thinking about it and not actually doing it," he murmured, knowing that the conversation was getting in the dirty side, but they were adults no and were mature enough to be able to just talk about it. Smiling softly, he took her hand and brought it up to his lips when she admitted to wanting to make better memories with him. "Let’s do that, then."

When he finished up with the dishes and joined her on the couch, he felt immediately totally relaxed and like he didn’t need anything else. They were well fed and in good company of one another. “We can stay here, yeah. But I don’t like the thought of you leaving,” he said as he dropped a kiss to her jaw. “I’m sure you have to take a train or a taxi a long ways away and it’s dark outside… you should just stay here with me tonight,” he offered, cupping her keep and pulling her in so he could kiss her nose gently. 

[rachnthecity]

They had just gotten back together – or rather gotten close enough for such a thing since she didn’t think she was quite ready to change her Facebook status or anything – and already he was managing to convince her to do things she didn’t do on a normal basis. Not that she could really fault him (even if she knew she would). There was just something about Jesse that was always so different. Maybe it was because he was her first serious boyfriend and also first serious heartbreak. She had been head over heels in love with him and while what he did with his friends hurt, she had gotten over it, evidenced by how she had temporarily taken him back junior year. But now, she knew that it was going to be different. There was nothing that could, or would, stand in their way. So, agreeing to do the whole Rachel Berry circa 2009 wasn’t really that hard of a thing to agree with. “I’ll do it only if I get something in return. What that something is, I don’t quite know yet. But one day I will and you’ll have to do it.” Already her mind was thinking of ideas and each was better than the last. This was totally going to be worth it. “I know what a kink is,” she told him with a small laugh. “I was commenting more on the fact that you said ‘even you,’ which insinuated that oh gosh, even virginal Rachel Berry has kinks.” She knew he didn’t mean it in a condescending manner but she thought it would be best to be honest about her sexual past and how she was not the girl he had once tried to bed. “I’ll have you know that I do have kinks and I will divulge what they are in due time. Once you’ve earned them.” She nodded, pleased with her answer. She knew it was going to be fun showing Jesse how mature she had grown over the last few years.

“Jesse …” He was doing it again. Being that overly persuasive man that could get her to do just about anything if he asked her nice enough (and kissed her jaw that way). Staying over was innocent enough but they were two people with a very storied history. She trusted him but she didn’t quite trust herself. And she feared that they were moving too fast for two people who had just come back in contact with one another. “I don’t have any clothes,” she pointed out as she put enough distance between his mouth and any part of her upper body just long enough so she could think clearly. “And my roommate …” But she highly doubted that was something worth mentioning because Elliott was a big boy and didn’t need her there at night to hold his hand as he slept. Sighing, she turned her attention down to the kitten to think about it. “I want to,” she admitted, her eyes still trained on Sondheim versus him. “But I also want to make sure that I’m not putting myself out there to get hurt. Things with my last boyfriend went fast and while a good bit of that was my fault for wanting to prove that I could move on from Finn, it still hurt in the end.” She knew that Jesse wouldn’t hurt her like Brody had – unless his bartender job was just a cover-up for being a male escort – but still was very protective of her heart. Especially after what happened with Finn’s early demise. “If I stay over, can you promise we’ll just cuddle and sleep? The kissing is fine, I missed it but … not too fast, okay?”

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

"Mmm and what if I were to ask?" he asked softly, reaching over to grab her hand and play with her fingers a little. "Would I be the right person? I’d love to see a little blast from the past. Even if I love your look now, you have to admit that it would be fun. It felt so easy to talk to Rachel and he honestly missed getting to. Even when their conversation was silly about fetishes, he was having a great time. "No foot fetishes, no. But I do have quite a few nice ones that can make things fun, I guess. Everyone has their kinks, though. Even you." In all honesty, he was really curious about what hers were, but he wouldn’t press the question right now. "We can still have good memories," he said as he stroked her hand gently with his thumb. 

When she caught on to his almost innuendo, he chuckled and continued gathering the plates to take to the sink. “You’re all extra cute when you’re blushing,” he said before turning away to do the dishes. When he was done, he dried his hands off and went over into the living room to join Rachel on the couch.”How are you feeling so far?” he asked as he nudged himself closer and put his arm around her gently. “And we can do whatever you want for the rest of the night. Whatever you like.”

[rachnthecity]

“Maybe the ‘ask and you shall receive’ saying would be true around you. You wouldn’t really know until you do ask.” Hearing that he did like her current, updated fashion sense made her feel good. Not that she needed his approval, but she had to admit it was nice when a boy complimented her in such a way. “It would be fun,” she agreed. “Honestly, it’s been so long since I wore an animal sweater. My style had kind of changed senior year. I don’t think I’ve worn an animal sweater in at least two years.” Kurt might have been happy about that change but sometimes, she missed it. Maybe Jesse was on to something and dressing up for a day wouldn’t be so bad at all. “Even me?” she asked with a grin, knowing he was right but she wouldn’t say that right away. “Yeah? I like that. I want to make new – better – memories with you.” They had had their fair share of tough and difficult times that she figured now was their turn to be happy again.

In the living room, she was full and comfortable, completely content with sitting in the quiet, the only sounds being the purring kitten to her side and the sound of water running from the kitchen. It had been awhile since Rachel had felt as calm as she did now. And none of that changed when he joined her in the living room, tugging her close to him with an arm wrapped around her shoulder. “I’m good,” she answered with a nod as she turned to him. “Nothing to complain about when I have a full stomach and a pretty great guy sitting next to me.” She thought a moment about what she wanted to do – cuddling sounded pretty great but she had remembered something about singing in his room as well. Finally, she thought that they’d have other nights to duet again and that keeping things calm would be the best route. “I like this right here,” she replied as she snuggled closer to him. “Can we just … stay here like this? Cuddle a bit, talk? I’d really like to stay here until I leave.” Whenever that was.

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

Jesse was happy to hear that Rachel’s animal sweaters were not destroyed or donated to someone else because there was hope that maybe he’d get to see her in one again for old time’s sake. “So maybe you could wear one now and then, huh?” he asked as he reached out for her hand to play with her fingers. “It would be dangerously cute,” he murmured, biting his lip softly as he pictured her with one of those short skirts that went with them. “I have to admit that seeing you walk down the halls to me in those shirt skirts and knee highs would always get me going more than you can imagine. Maybe there’s some fetish in there,” he said, laughing softly. When he showed her the carebear, he was glad that she wasn’t weirded out by the fact that he still had it. “I don’t think I could ever throw this thing away. Means too much, if I’m gonna be honest. Reminds me of a really happy time in my life where I had it all,” he said tenderly. 

Finishing up the last bits of his dessert, he looked up at her and smiled. “I’m going to resist the urge to make a sexual innuendo after what you just said and be a gentleman,” he said after she expressed how glad she was that she came. Because he could really have her coming if she was up for it, but he didn’t want to mess this up by pushing boundaries. “And I’m just going to say that I’m really glad you’re here with me,” he said as he leaned in to give her a sweet kiss before getting up to clear the dishes. “Go get comfortable on the couch and I’ll be there in a second, okay?” he said as he carried their plates to the sink.

[rachnthecity]

"I guess I could if the right person were to ask." And if he was the person to ask, she didn't think it would take much persuading at all. "You know," she continued, smiling as began to toy and play with her fingers, "I still have the skirts too. Even the knee highs. The loafers though, I kept them at home. Couldn't take everything from back home." And maybe it was too early to start flirting like this again but she couldn't help it. Being around Jesse brought about a comfortability that she hadn't felt in a long time and she liked it. She wanted more of it. When he called it a fetish, she laughed. "Maybe. But at least it's not something weird like ... feet." She totally understood that people grew up different ways and liked and appreciated different forms of sexual pleasure but getting off to other people's feet ... that definitely wasn't something she could easily understand. Hearing how much he seemed to revere their first time together in high school made her smile. "We had some good memories before ... everything." She didn't feel like much else needed to be said on the subject and left it at that.

Her brows knitted together for a moment, wondering what exactly she had said that warranted such a response. But then it clicked and she went "Oooh," cheeks burning because, well, despite no longer being a virgin, she still wasn't quite used to being so forward around a guy. Or maybe this only happened around him. She welcomed the short but sweet kiss and pushed out her chair as she got up. Despite wanting to be an exemplary guest and offer that she could too also help out, she didn't. His food had simply been too fulfilling and she thought going to sit and wait for him would be the best choice. "Okay," she nodded, watching as he filled the sink with dishes and began to wash them. She had to admit that the domestic side of him that she was seeing this evening was something that she quite liked, a stark contrast from the guy who had seem pampered and waited on back in high school. When she finally turned her back on him, she went to the living room and sat down on the coach, the kitten resting like it had been earlier. Not wanting to disrupt, she merely reached a hand out and began to stroke its back, pleased when its purring reached her ears.

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

"Well of course I want you to perform at your best. However, I have performed with you in a music store without them, in an empty auditorium, and most importantly- in your bedroom. So I know your talent is kick ass on it’s own. But really, bring the mics. It’ll be cute to see. Maybe I’ll even use one with you. Maybe," he said playfully, giving her a little wink. "Other Rachel Berry things include gold stars, of course. Hmm… I would previously say animal sweaters, but you have pretty much gotten rid of them… sadly. Umm… in my mind carebears will always make me think of you, so I’m going to say that’s one. Even if it only applies to me. Speaking of which…" he said before bolting away to the closet to grab something from a box. "Look what I have," he said as he showed her the carebear she won him so long ago. 

Hearing her say that she missed him definitely warmed his heart in all the best ways. He didn’t realize it until she said it, but it turned out being something he really needed to hear.  And then her lips were on his again, of her own accord and he felt like he could do no wrong. “I’m down for some fierce cuddling,” he said, crinkling his nose a little.  Picking up his fork again, he finished up his plate and went to grab their dessert and serve it out for them. 

[rachnthecity]

"I did not get rid of my sweaters," she corrected. "I just don't wear them anymore." Her makeover last year had seen her pack away most in storage bins that she kept in her room mainly because she couldn't part with them. It was silly - and Kurt was willing to burn them all while she was at work - but she couldn't. They were such a part of her that she wanted to keep them, just in case. And it seemed that she was right in the first part because of him listing them as something that was a 'Rachel Berry thing'. Before she could say anything else, he jetted from the table and went into what she could only assume was his bedroom, bringing back an aged yet still colorful Care Bear. "Oh my God, I can't believe you still have this," she said as he handed it over to her. "I was so proud when I won this for you. I know it was supposed to be the other way around but I liked doing that for you." She looked up at him and smiled. "I'm glad you still kept it."

If Rachel had been taught anything in the past few months, it was that life was too short to dwell on things. If something felt right, she should go for it, take it for her own. And when Jesse kissed her and admitted feelings, she had to admit that that was one of those times. It was why she kissed him again and agreed to stay, wanting to spend more time with him. She had no idea what this was eventually lead to but she had to admit that it was more than nice to spend time with such a familiar and even comforting face. She finished eating and let him take away her now empty plate, completely full with such a good dish. He brought back dessert and she had just enough room for that, her eyes never leaving his. There was no admission of love or promise of a relationship but the hope was enough and she thought that this was just what they needed. "I'm really glad I came tonight," she said as she finally finished everything, polishing off her glass of wine as well. "Good food and even better company. Not much a girl could ask for after that."

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

Jesse leaned back in his chair and let out a small laugh when she explained that she had her own bedazzled microphones that she brought with her to New York. “Oh god, I’m not surprised at all. That’s the cutest, most Rachel Berry thing ever,” he said as he gave her hand another squeeze. “You should totally bring it to karaoke night. Not that your voice won’t make you stand out from the rest of the people who are going up there after having a drink or two too many, but it’ll definitely be necessary in the Rachel Berry experience. Don’t you think?” he asked as he pictured it in his mind. “We’re gonna have to come up with a set list of sorts and turn this into a concert. Jesse and Rachel, back and more talented than ever,” he said playfully, though he did believe that was true.

Maybe the kiss was a little fast, but it spoke of what he wanted without him having to say it. The tenderness of it all that came from how softly he kissed her to the way he stroked her cheeks with his thumbs said just how much he cared for her and wanted to be in her life. Yes, he was sort of sleeping with someone on the side, but he didn’t want to think about those complications right now when his Rachel was with him and kissing him back. When they pulled away, he knew that now brought on either disappointment or joy. And when she told him that there was still something there between them, he sighed happily. “I’d like that,” he whispered. as he bumped his nose against hers lovingly. “I missed you, Rach.”

[rachnthecity]

"There is no way that I'm not going to bring them out to karaoke," she said with a laugh. "If you want me at my best, I need to perform with my equipment, which includes my custom microphone." Besides, it wasn't like she was going to have many more chances to use them like she had in high school. "What other things are Rachel Berry things?" she asked curiously. Now that she knew the bedazzled microphones were one of them, she wanted to know what else fell in that list. While the aforementioned night had started out as fun and games, she couldn't help but think how amazing it could be to really perform with him, have a set list and planned songs and everything. Who cared if the only people in the bar would be drunks he probably couldn't even remember Jesse's name. They would remember and that was all that was important.

Slow would be a necessity for them with ... whatever this was going to be since she was still healing. But she trusted Jesse, had almost trusted him with her virginity once, so she thought she was leaving this in good hands. "I missed you too." And she wasn't just saying that. Her high school years had been preoccupied with Finn and she always felt like she and Jesse had never really gotten the chance they deserved. Now, in New York and away from all of Lima's influences, she thought it could finally be their turn. As long as things were handled right, she could really see her loving him fully again. But before she could get ahead of herself, she thought she'd just enjoy the moment. Deciding to be bold, she leaned forward and pecked his lips again before pulling back. "Why don't we finish dinner and then maybe cuddle?" With the way things had gone, she thought being in his arms sounded just a bit better than the promised duet. They could always save it for the concert.

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

Jesse shrugged playfully and touched her hand with his fingertips as he leaned in closer for their conversation at the table. “I think it’s safe to say that you can be good or bad, I might enjoy either one,” he said honestly. Good girl Rachel was hot on it’s own, but bad girl Rachel was something he had only imagined was there. “I’ll have everything ready for you to perform some Rachel Berry standards, but I don’t think there’s enough money in the karaoke budget for a bedazzled microphone,” he said playfully, biting down on his tongue to stifle the laughter. He remembered when she used to sing from those things and he always thought it was cute and uniquely her. After being away from her for so long, he found that he was missing all the little things like her addiction to her bedazzler and the cute way she used to dress. Not that he didn’t appreciate the way she dressed now, but that’s what she wore when they dated and when his memory was the strongest. “I can’t wait,” he whispered as he gave her hand a squeeze.

But then the conversation grew a little more serious as they started talking about potentially rekindling their relationship. It had been something he had wanted for a long time, but felt like he had missed his chance. “What do I plan to do about the feelings I have?” he asked with his brow raised. He didn’t even have to think twice about it. Cupping her cheek, he leaned in for a tender kiss to show her exactly what she had been missing all this time. When he broke the kiss, he licked his lips and smiled when he could still taste her. “If it were up to me, I’d say we do. But it isn’t just up to me. You’d have to think so, too,” he reminded her.

[rachnthecity]

This flirtatious banter was another thing that was easy for them. For the most part, he had always been her equal and she found herself so comfortable around him. It was nice to feel that that hadn’t changed. She nodded when he said that everything would be ready for her and laughed at his following teasing comment. “I’ll have you know that I came to New York fully prepared. My dads made me my own customized microphones years ago. I brought them with me when I moved because I was never sure if I would ever have the chance to use them.” Well, it now seemed like now was her chance. Most people thought it would be silly to have such a thing but considering her likes, it was wholly understandable. And now, she’d be able to use them. Or at least hers; she didn’t quite know if he’d want to perform with her with a matching microphone but she wouldn’t stop him if he did.

While she had been expecting for him to tell her what he planned to do, maybe go into a spiel why she should give him a chance, she was not expecting that. Their lips met for the first time in two years and it was almost like they had never parted. Her eyes closed and she enjoyed the moment because it was nice. So nice that she didn’t immediately open her eyes when he pulled away. When she did he was looking at her, waiting for her to say something and she nodded. “I … I know there’s still something there.” With the way that kiss had affected her and the things she had left unsaid, that was her being honest. No matter what, she’d always have feelings for Jesse because he was the first boy she loved. Maybe not the strongest, but he introduced those feelings to her and that was hard to forget. “Perhaps we can see where this goes. Explore what’s left for us.”

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

Jesse knew he wasn’t conning his customers of that much money, so he could go on doing it without his conscience telling him he shouldn’t. “Nothing like that, no. Just making what I need to be able to pay the bills and give lovely ladies such as yourself wonderful vegan dinners,” he said with a proud smile as he raised his glass of wine to his lips. When she asked him to invite her to his bar, he smiled and nodded. “I think that if you sang with me, it would only be fair that you got a cut of the tips because we would blow their minds so far that they wouldn’t know what hit them. If you’re free this weekend, you can feel free to stop by. Maybe if you’re nice, I’ll even throw in a free cocktail or two. Or will you behave and not drink?” he asked in a playfully teasing way as he leaned in across the table to look in her eyes a little closer. 

But the playful mood sort of fell a little when he revealed his true feelings about why he was so eager to see her tonight. He couldn’t help but still have lingering feelings for her that never went away and he didn’t know what to do about them. The way she said his name already told him that he had lost again and that she didn’t want him. “Cared for me,” he muttered with a small nod. Cared. Not loved. Never loved. “I don’t know,” he whispered as he set his fork down and took her hand. “I guess that was part of it. But I did miss you. And New York has been this rush of so many things and it’s been great. But it’s also been really nice to connect with someone so familiar. Someone who knows me. Someone special to me.” He sighed and licked his lips. “I’m going to be honest. I do still have feelings for you that never went away and I’m not going to lie about them. You’ll always be that one that I let get away.”

[rachnthecity]

Performing with Jesse had always been one of her favorite pastimes. Ever since their first duet in “Hello”, she knew that something was there. So, when he offered for her to come out during the weekend and do just that, there was no way she could say no. It was just rather opportune that her schedule was clear and she had no work nor school commitments barring her from meeting him. “Oh, if you’re nice?” she retorted teasingly. “I guess I’ll have to be a good girl then, huh?” Even though she wasn’t much of a drinker beyond wine at special meals, she figured she’d try out his concoctions, only because she was curious if he could bartend as well as he sang. “Consider me there,” she said with a nod as she sipped at her own wine. There was nothing that could stop her.

At least that’s what she thought until the conversation took a turn that she was unprepared for. It had been awhile since she had even considered romantic feelings for another person. But as he sat there, looking defeated before a real conversation had even took place, she knew that this wasn’t something that she could let pass by. “Care,” she corrected, both himself and her previous statement. “Jesse, I’ve always cared for you and I still do. I wouldn’t be here tonight if I didn’t.” With that being said, she weighed the rest of what he had to say carefully, knowing it would be easy to say the wrong thing. Honestly, she wasn’t quite sure if her feelings for him had ever gone away. It just always seemed there was another relationship to keep her occupied, keep her mind off of what they lost. But now that it was, quite literally, staring her in the face, she didn’t know if she could pass it up again. “What do you plan to do about those feelings?” she asked slowly. “Do you think … us? Do we still have a chance?”

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

Jesse believed that Rachel didn’t mean it that way, but he wouldn’t be surprised if some people did. She was friends with people who happened to think the worst in him, so his mind just went there. “And okay, maybe I do have some fun. When someone is really drunk, they forget how much the drink is and I charge them more and keep the difference,” he explained with a devious grin. “That’s not cruel or mean, is it?” he asked with a soft chuckle. He nodded when she asked about him singing at work. “All the time. We have this little karaoke stage set up that I take advantage of even when we aren’t doing a karaoke night. It’s the way I can get my inner miva out, so it’s all good,” he explained as he poked around a piece of broccoli on his plate. 

"Hey, for all you know, that guy could be right in front of you," he said with a playful smile. "Maybe you just need to open your eyes and see it." When she asked about his, he shrugged and didn’t know how to answer at first because he was kind of hooking up with Elliott, but she obviously didn’t know he was also into guys on some rare occasions. "No women who really left much of an impression," he said simply. Biting his lip, he looked over at her almost nervously when she said he was every woman’s dream. "Maybe I only want to be one woman’s dream," he confessed as he put his fork down. "You know I always held on to my feelings for you."

[rachnthecity]

"As long as it's not an extreme amount, like more than twenty dollars, I think that's okay." If anything his little trickery should teach his patrons that getting so drunk they didn't even know prices of things wasn't at all how to spend a night. She was glad that he didn't seem to be upset with her previous comments, knowing that Jesse was one of the few people who really did understand her. Hearing that he still sung, even if it was at work, made her happy and want to find this place so she can see him in the act. "You need to invite me one night," she told him. "We can show your paying customers what a real duet is like." Her musical chemistry with Jesse had always been explosive and even if it had been a couple years since the last time they had sung together, she didn't think that had diminished at all since.

His comments had her wondering if he was serious or joking. And, to be honest, she was afraid to ask because she really had no idea where her feelings for him stood. More important, she wasn't even sure if she was ready for something like that, with him or anyone. It felt like Finn hadn't been that long ago yet she know she couldn't grieve forever ... Hearing that he didn't much luck himself in the dating pool caused her to nod and she took another bite of food to think when he spoke again. "Jesse ..." If it weren't obvious before, he was very clearly making himself known now and she didn't know how to react. "You know I've always cared for you," she told him with a nod, "and I always will. Is that why you invited me over tonight? To ... to try something again?" She wouldn't be upset if he had but she did want to know the truth. Maybe if she knew his intentions it would be easier to figure out her own feelings.

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

If there was really anyone who would understand the intensity and ambition required for the kind of business that Jesse wanted to break into, he knew it would be Rachel. She always shared the similar qualities that made her a natural for performance. That’s part of what drew him to her in the first place. “I’m just glad that those times in Ohio are in the past. I can work towards my own career now without worrying about how the whole team could screw over my chances. I don’t have to do those 24 hour rehearsals and I’m even starting to ween myself off of the Red Bull after the addiction it put me through,” he said with a slight smile. When she went on about how she thought he was with drunks at the bar, he was a little offended. “Mean,” he said as he took his glass for a sip. “I don’t take advantage of people who are drunk. Maybe once in a while with the right person, I’ve had some fun. But never when they were drunk,” he said honestly. He might have the reputation of being a jerk, but he really wasn’t.

"You’re welcome," he smiled. "I’m really glad your life is going so well. You deserve it after all those vile slushies," he said, shivering at the very thought. Wanting to push any thoughts of this ex of hers away, he shifted his chair over to Rachel’s side and put his arm around her. "Definitely his loss," he said as he grabbed a piece of bread. "You’re a beautiful and incredibly talented woman who deserves someone special who will treat you like you are their world. Someone who can really love you and remind you of that every day," he said in a voice just above a whisper.

[rachnthecity]

"I didn't mean it like that," she said quickly, realizing how her comments had managed to offend him by his tone. She licked her lips as she took a moment to weigh her words, an attempt to revise what she had said. "I didn't mean you take advantage of them. I just meant that I picture you, you know, having fun with people who've had too much drink. Nice fun, not anything cruel or mean." She wasn't a bartender, she had no idea of any etiquette they had but she thought that most people would have fun every once in awhile if they had the chance. "I didn't mean to offend you," she told him after another moment. "You know sometimes my words get ahead of me." She went back to eating, not wanting to say anything else about his job that would further hurt his feelings. "Do you sing at work?" she asked after another moment. "Get on stage and put on performances like that one movie, Coyote Ugly? A one man show for the patrons of the night to enjoy."

Everything he said she deserved in terms of a partner had been all things she had been looking for in another person yet she hadn't found. Brody was obviously not the one for her and the one person who she thought was that person was no longer here. The only other person she had saw herself with was sitting across from her at the table. "Still waiting for that guy to do that," she said as she pushed around some of the food on her plate. "Enough about my sad love life. What about you? New York has its selection of suitable women who are as talented as you. Have you met one?" She didn't think he was seeing someone if he invited her over tonight but, then again, he could have just wanted to rekindle their friendship and have a girlfriend who was at her own place. "I bet ladies can't wait to date you. Talented, attractive, ambitious and with an adorable cat. You're every woman's dream."

[rachnthecity]

F2F || Starberry

[singerstarchild]

Elliott could feel Rachel’s leg brush against his own, well aware of her body next to his and just how close they were. But as he’d said before, the close presence wasn’t bad, or all that awkward yet, at least, so he just smiled a little, turning in place to reach up and shut off the light. Once the room was in darkness, he settled back into bed, offering Rachel a reassuring smile, even knowing that she couldn’t see it, and reached out to squeeze her arm lightly in the darkness. “I won’t mind at all, don’t worry.” He promised with a quiet chuckle, “Don’t even worry about it, Rach, really.” He released her then before he too settled comfortably on a pillow, eyes sliding shut. Despite the strangeness of Rachel so close, and the sound of her breathing, Elliott found the situation wasn’t all that strange at all. Not enough to keep him awake, at least, as he began dozing off slowly.

[rachnthecity]

☆

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

Jesse looked up with a soft, but appreciative smile when Rachel told him that she liked the way he was and didn’t want him to change. “I swear to god, you were the only one who liked me the way I was. Everyone else back in Ohio thought I was too intense or too ambition driven. Then there was the way I dressed and when your principal pulled me aside and questioned whether I was starting gangs and if sing offs were some sort of code for teenage orgies,” he said, shivering at the awkward thought. “Oh yeah?” he said as he leaned in closer in amusement at her comment to him. “What am I like at work, huh?” he asked, hoping she’d tell him her thoughts because it was probably all too amusing. 

His smile only grew as she gushed about NYADA. he might not have gotten in, but he was very proud to hear about how successful she was there. “I’m so happy for you,” he said a she reached out to touch her hand. “I’m really not surprised, though. You were always the most talented person I had ever met. You really deserve all this. Really,” he murmured. When she commented on a failed relationship at NYADA, he looked up with his lip curled in disapproval. “You were too good for him,” he said even if he didn’t know what happened. 

[rachnthecity]

"There is no such thing as too intense or too ambitious," she said with a shake of her head. "You know as well as I do how Lima liked to put down anyone that had an ounce of talent and determination to challenge the status quo." While she had made great (albeit seemingly temporary) friends at McKinley, she didn't forget how horrible things had been for her before glee club had blossomed. And they had been the same to Jesse, though she figured some of that wasn't all unwarranted considering how he jumped ships then jumped back. Hearing how Figgins had misinterpreted Jesse's penchant for starting sing offs versus throwing fists, she found herself unsurprised. "I still don't know how he became president," she said. He was inept and rude and it was a miracle he had been able to principle for as long as he had. When Jesse asked for her to elaborate on statement, she grinned. "Well," she started as she put down her wine glass. "I think that you're, of course, good at what you do but I think you also have too much fun with the people who get drunk too easy. And I imagine you're a flirt. A big one because the chances of the people remembering you the next day are low."

Hearing that he thought she was the most talented person he knew was a compliment because he was in Vocal Adrenaline and that group had some pretty talented people, himself included. "Thank you," she said with a nod as she took another bite of her food. "It just feels like everything is falling into place, you know? Like ... this is the life that I'm supposed to be living. This was how things were always supposed to be." And while that wasn't all true, she knew that for the most part this was how her story should be going so far. She couldn't help but wonder if her story had later chapters that included Jesse St. James. When he said that she was too good for her former flame, she couldn't help but laugh. "You could say that. Turns out the guy that I had been seeing followed other people's orders and stopped seeing me because of it. His loss," she said with a single shoulder shrug. Brody was someone she didn't even think about anymore and she wanted to keep it that way.

[thestjames]

Dinner With An Old Flame // St. Berry

[thestjames]

"Don’t sound so surprised. When Sarah and Molly met you, they were practically exchanging me in for the older sister they always wanted. I never got a second alone with you whenever we had dinner there," he said with a soft chuckle as he recalled back to how the little girls clung to Rachel and looked up to her. They never forgave him for letting Rachel go and still asked about her from time to time in hopes that he would bring her back. "You don’t have to worry about not having a duet partner anymore, though. You have me now," he said proudly. And when she asked if she could choose the song, he shrugged and smiled as he leaned in. "I trust your taste. It is pretty epic," he said as he put his arm around her a little more. 

When she agreed to move forward, he smiled and raised his glass to that. “Life in New York means we can start fresh and do whatever we want. Be whomever we want,” he said before he started to eat his own dish. It didn’t have anything on regular lasagna, but it was still pretty close for a vegan alternative. He chuckled when she asked if he was still performing. “I’m a bartender for now, but I’ve been going to auditions and doing what I can to get my voice out there. It’s tough, but I’m here. How’s NYADA, by the way? Meet any talented guys who tried to sweep you off your feet?” he asked, hoping she’d say no.

[rachnthecity]

“I like starting fresh,” she said with a nod, “but … lets not change too much. I mean … ‘be whomever we want’. I kind of liked you like you are, you know?” Jesse might have thought poorly on himself for his past bad behavior but she didn’t think he needed to change a thing. There were a few minor quirks that he could have done without but, for the most part, she liked him as is and hoped he didn’t change much with this newfound fresh start. The two continued to eat, their meal littered with small talk that made time to pass by much quicker than it should be. “A bartender?” she asked, a bit surprised at the news. “I can just imagine what you’re like at work.” She imagined he was just a hoot and probably had his fair share of fun with the patrons that had too much to drink.

When he asked about NYADA, she perked up. “NYADA is amazing,” she started. “It started off pretty bad because my dance teacher hated me, but it turns out that she was doing that weird ‘I’m torturing you because I’m mentoring you’ type of spiel and she’s actually really cool now. Still drinks too much but she doesn’t make my life hell anymore. And you’re not going to believe this – or maybe you will – but the school has this thing called a Winter Showcase and it’s mostly for upper classmen because freshmen never get invited but I did and not only that but I actually won too!” That last sentence was kind of rush, excitement about her major accomplishment just too much to contain. “And … yeah. There was a guy. But, um, it fizzled. We broke up after a few months.”

[rachnthecity]

F2F || Starberry

[singerstarchild]

Elliott hadn’t managed to quite doze off as he lay there, just enjoying the ability to relax in a bed for the first time in a long while, instead of on the couch as he’d gotten used to since Rachel had moved in. But he was very relaxed, and quite happy with the situation by the time Rachel entered the bedroom once more, freshly showered and looking pretty happy with herself as well. He rolled onto his side to face Rachel as she settled in bed next to him, and finally slipped beneath the covers, stretching out leisurely, “It really is, isn’t it?” He agreed with a low hum of agreement. “I mean, I think we both benefit because we’re both so awesome,” He commented, voice playful, though he knew it was true, in part. It certainly helped him, at least that he was so comfortable with Rachel. “And I know that I’m definitely going to sleep like a rock, too.”

[rachnthecity]

As long as the two were comfortable, honest and mature about this situation, Rachel imagined things to go very smoothly. At the end of the day, they were just two people sharing a bed. No big deal. “I already knew we were awesome,” she said with a grin as she got under the covers. She could feel her leg brush against his but didn’t say anything. There was going to be a lot of touching, body parts moving against others so she didn’t want to make the first instance awkward. “I bet you are after sleeping on that couch for so long.” She didn’t feel guilty for taking his bed but she did wish she had come up with this arrangement sooner. Sighing, she looked over at him. “Goodnight, Elliott. I’ll see you in the morning and remember, don’t be afraid if I get closer than normal.” Smiling she turned over and got comfortable on her pillow. Maybe this sharing a bed thing wouldn’t be so bad once they got used to one another.

[rachnthecity]

F2F || Starberry

[singerstarchild]

Elliott’s lips quirked up in a faint smile when Rachel mentioned seeing him in bed in a few minutes and he found himself shaking his head a little because it was just so strange to hear, still. But he knew they’d both get used to it soon enough, and honestly once they got over it it might be nice to just sleep with someone with neither of them expecting something from the other. Until then, though, he supposed they’d just have to work with it. “Mmm, you do that,” He chuckled, moving towards the door and resting his hand lightly on the frame as his gaze turned back to Rachel for just a moment, “I wouldn’t worry about the bed getting too lonely, though.” He teased quietly, unable to help himself. “But if I were you….Well I wouldn’t take too long because you might just lose your spot if you do.” He smirked a little, “I make no promises on that one, Rach. So shower fast,” His last words were playful, and Elliott couldn’t help but hum to himself as he exited the bathroom and headed back to the bedroom where he sprawled out on his back, taking care not to take up more than his fair share of the bed as he relaxed, and not bothering to get under the covers as he waited for Rachel.

[rachnthecity]

"Ugh, you better not," she replied dramatically, smiling despite her tone to show that she was merely playing along. She watched until he was back in the bedroom before she closed the door. Even if she knew his threat was empty, she decided to speed things up just a bit tonight. Her eyebrows were perfectly plucked and she felt like she didn't need an ice bath facial, so she skipped those steps, merely showering and shaving her legs. Her legs were already moisturized from her pre-shower routine so after she toweled off, she dressed, combed her hair, braided it into two simple plaits and called herself done. She picked up her dirty clothes and the caddy as she called out, "You better have a spot in there for me, Gilbert!" When she got into the room, she smiled at him, enough room on the bed for her. "Just like I thought." She set her caddy back where she kept her things, grabbed a pair of short socks and finally sat on the bed. "I'm so tired," she said with a sigh, her routine always serving as a reminder to her body that it was almost time for bed. "I think I'm going to like this," she said with a nod as she slipped on her socks then swung her legs over to lay down. "It's already nicer sharing the bed with someone."