Nameless, Faceless, Homeless

Ansem the Wise | Independent Kingdom Hearts RP sideblog | Selective

[radiancelost]

@howsketchy // KH3 spoilers abound

There was much to be careful about in securing the means necessary to place Namine in a vessel. Ienzo had already progressed in transferring his accumulated data from Twilight Town to the Garden, but the data still had to be parsed and verified before being transferred to Even’s vessel. It was extremely fortunate Ienzo had formulated a backup plan in case they could not extract the hearts directly from Sora; that backup plan was what they had to rely on after learning that Namine had been … knocked out of Kairi’s heart.

But they had done it. At long last, her vitals had stabilized and she was cleared to leave the confines of the lab -- not as a Nobody, but as a human being.

It was a relief, truth be told. While he was ready to spend the rest of his days trying to atone for the hurt he had brought upon Roxas, Namine, and the people of Radiant Garden, he had hoped it would not take that long to see results.

[radiancelost]

Okay, let’s do this...

Post-KH3 Starter Call!

[radiancelost]

//Rewatching a fragmentary passage, it's all the more surreal to think about how Ansem survived the realm of darkness for as long as he did. He may have come out of it completely overtaken by his feelings of anger and betrayal, but he still made it out with his heart. Aqua's time in the realm of darkness is plagued by fights with Heartless when she isn't walking for ages. It's very interesting to think about.

[celebrimbot]

so much can change

[radiancelost]

retribuxion:

     Their anger did nothing. Every word that left their mouth bounced off the man, his armor thick. However, as Ienzo let their glare subside, they had to wonder: just what was the armor made of? Had years spent in the Realm of Darkness hardened Ansem to this extent? Ienzo did not doubt that possibility; Ansem surviving the darkness initially surprised them. At first, they believed the man’s anger kept him alive–it made sense. That hypothesis fell flat.

     Something else perturbed Ienzo. Listening to Ansem’s words, and repeating them in their mind, led to a small realization. His words came off detached–whether or not it was purposeful remained to be seen. He did not say their name, speaking as if he had some inkling as to who Ienzo was, but could not quite remember. Ienzo chose their words with care to garner a response from a man who no longer existed, no longer remembered. The words he chose to start their conversation–Ienzo ignored them out of anger, but now…

     He did not remember who they were. Fitting, of course–why remember the orphan he took in only to further his goals?

     “… You do not remember me, do you?” they asked, their tone softening as they bowed their head. “Do you know who I am, Ansem? Who I was to you?”

The questions, asked in such short order, gave Ansem pause. His stance remained half-turned towards Ienzo, his eyes not straying from their target across the room. Despite the softening in vocal tone, there was little to the encounter that he responded to visibly; his frown remained in place, stoic and unchanged.

Inwardly, however, something tugged at his heart.

“I do not,” he acknowledged at last, dipping his head in a slight nod. “Nothing of which you speak sparks familiarity. Perhaps I am to blame for your hurt and anger, but the name of Ansem means nothing to me. As such, those emotional connections you exude with your darkness... I know nothing of them.”

As he fell into contemplative silence, he concluded that his regret and sorrow much be for many, many affected lives. The darkness he could feel coming off this child in waves did not penetrate in the way he would expect.

“I suppose I should apologize for that. Clearly this interaction means something to you, to garner such a reaction. You direct your darkness at a symbol of hate, and the reality does not match what the mind conjured.”

That meant something to him, though the feeling was indistinct at best.

[radiancelost]

retribuxion:

     The darkness that ensnared Ienzo, what Ansem undoubtedly saw, existed for as long as they could remember. Much like the shadows they manipulated, it wrapped around their heart as their anger, their hatred, grew. It was no surprise they lost their heart so quickly all those years ago–they nearly begged the darkness to take it away. Now? They longed for that lack of feeling, that numbness that came with being a Nobody.

     An atrocity Ansem once wished revenge on. Did he now?

     No, it seemed he still saw Ienzo as the child who walked by his side, eager to please the ruler of Radiant Garden. Their frown deepened as they did not dare to glance away from Ansem. The anger within them stirred.

     “I am quite aware of my darkness,” they answered, keeping their tone cold, “You helped ensure its presence, after all.” With practiced ease, they rolled their eyes. “Do you plan to kill me for it as you once sought to? Do you tell me out of the nonexistent goodness in your heart? I cannot understand why you would care, much less bother telling me.”

“Did I now?” He hummed loftily at the accusation, turning the idea over in his head as he continued meeting that focused stare. While he remembered a deep level of regret and sorrow that refused to leave him even as other memories slipped away, nothing about what he was being told stirred further emotion in him.

So he watched with an almost clinical distance, any empathy shuttered from his expression. It seemed like the best way to approach what could be a volatile situation. “I have no plans or desire to kill you, as you have so plainly inquired. As I said, I mentioned it because not everyone is aware of their darkness. Seeing as you are aware, there is little reason to say more on the matter.”

He took a step back to pivot one his heel, turning halfway in preparation to leave. His eyes shut in thought as he contemplated the other accusations. Nonexistent goodness. Perhaps that was true at some level, but he must have cared a great deal about something to feel the amount of regret he felt now. Was this child part of that something?

If that was the case, should he regret the fact that he did not feel the emotional weight of those bitter words?

“To spare you a presence you need not tolerate further, I will see myself out. Good day.”

[retribuxion]

@radiancelost​ - continued from here

      Ansem kept his voice steady, a calm Ienzo knew how to emulate time and time again. Their words did not pierce the man’s armor, his words parrying Ienzo’s with ease. Unconsciously, they folded their arms over their chest, their glare into the wall unrelenting. Eye contact went to those who deserved it. To them, Ansem could never merit more than a glance.

      His words almost earned a look over their shoulder. Ienzo considered turning around. Yet, the words earned something else: the feeling that, yet again, they were the child in the room. Should they display any signs of anger, it would be seen as childish, foolish, a tantrum. They needed to exude the same calm he did.

      Too bad for that last sentence Ansem spoke, though. Instead of parrying Ienzo’s words, it cut into them. They stung like an old wound earned in combat.

      “That is how I came to you,” they spat, fingernails digging into their arms. “I did not know how else to survive, and you…. you–” Ienzo turned to face Ansem, their glare steady. “You threw me into the experiments, letting me lose my heart. I was a child who had just lost everything. Yet, of course, you found something else I could lose.” They threw their hands into the air before pinching the bridge of their nose.

      “You are correct in your belief that you have done things that cannot be forgiven. There is nothing you can do to earn it. Why are you even here?”

[radiancelost]

Why are you even here?

It was a fair question, from what he could put together from his fragments of memories and feelings. Fair, and yet still unexpected. It was the distance between them that bred that surprise. Who was this child--yes, even now, a child--to ask such things? The hurtled accusations did little in comparison to the question, even as personal as they were.

“I saw hate and darkness emanating from you,” he replied plainly, a dryness to his words as he met that glare with a simple tilt of his chin. “I mention it only because not everyone knows of their own darkness.”

Meanwhile, he had every opportunity to become acquainted with his darkness, the majority of his memories now of that dark shore on the edge of the world. He contemplated allowing the continued tantrum, to see where the anger ended--or if it could be entirely drained at all. That would mean putting up a facade of knowing, which could be its own problem.

“Should you wish to continue your tirade, do tell me now. Otherwise I will take my leave.”

[retribuxion]

"I do not need to remember you to know all of the evil you have done." {radiancelost}

      Ienzo could not forget Ansem’s voice. Despite many years of trying, the man haunted their memories. Occasionally, his voice replaced their father’s, a fact they despised. Their glare into the wall in front of them, eyes narrowed, showed their anger never left. It took root, spreading to their clenched fists at their sides. 

      They did not dare turn around. Ansem did not deserve eye contact, much less a conversation. However, his words needed a reply, one equally callous. 

     “You speak as if you do not know where the evil spread from,” they said, allowing their hands to relax. “If I recall correctly, it came from this castle, and the man who presided over it. Or, do you aim to absolve yourself from those particular crimes?”

[radiancelost]

Casting blame upon others before oneself. It was familiar, in the most tragic of ways. Though his memory was fragmented at best, he could feel the flaws in the accusation. That was why the biting words did not penetrate the calm aura he exuded, his expression only pulled taut by age lines.

“You carry your hatred and bitterness as I once did, as a weapon to be aimed at anyone and everyone.” He folded his hands behind him, his composure going rigid as a matter of course. “Do not mistake my words for some form of absolution; I know within my heart that I have done reprehensible things--things that cannot be forgiven, things that must be paid for.“

A hum of consideration. “...Yes, I can see the similarities. The ill-directed emotion. The heart surviving on pain alone.”

[skypillar-deactivated20231125]

[radiancelost]

//That trailer. I had to pull up comparison pictures because of course Nomura’s only going to show a part of the face that could be mistaken for either of the blond-bearded gents around. My poor heart.

[radiancelost]

☼

meme

Ienzo wasn’t in his bedroom.

That in itself wasn’t unusual; Ienzo seemed capable of slipping away to wherever he wanted to be at any time of the day, regardless of rules or caretakers. But it was just past curfew now, and there were few signs that Ienzo had been to his room all day.

Ansem told Dilan of the situation when he passed him in the hall; Even was still working in the labs and Aeleus had taken time off to visit family, so he had to make do with those more readily available. While Dilan left to check with the guards if they had seen Ienzo around the castle’s perimeter, Ansem headed to the boy’s usual haunts.

When Ienzo was not in either the library or kitchens, Ansem began to worry. Would he truly slip out of the castle at this hour? He was so distracted that he almost missed the ajar double doors leading out to one of the castle’s balconies, doing a double-take to stare at the door pensively.

Checking the balcony proved to be the right decision; sleeping on the outdoor bench, somewhat awkwardly positioned, was Ienzo. Ansem’s relief was palpable as he reached to touch the child’s hair, stress released with a steady exhale.

[roleplayermemes]

Send me a ☼ for my character's reaction to having found yours, fast asleep and half hanging off of the bed/couch.

[radiancelost]

rosemarydiz

If there was some tragedy going on at the moment, Rose was oblivious to it. She was finally getting some time with her father. They had missed out  on years of bonding, after all. This had her beaming. Especially because she was right.

“Do you think any of them will crash here?” Their lack of bonding time meant that Rose was not scientifically inclined. But meteors meant star shards, and star shards were hard to come by.

Ansem wasn’t really alarmed by the question, even if the situation itself could be troublesome. With the stars so far away, he could more easily fall into the role of a detached observer--a scientist through and through.

But his daughter had never shown a deep interest in the sciences, and from little he could glean from her as an adult, it seemed that had not changed with time. “It is unlikely, but there is always the chance. One cannot deny probability.”

He allowed a wry smile as he imagined why that question popped in her head. “No doubt you would want to rush over the moment you saw a falling star.”

[radiancelost]

rosemarydiz

Rose eagerly led him outside, smiling more as they saw the meteors together. They never really spent as much time together as they used to. She did miss those times. Had everything really changed so much that she couldn’t have it anymore?

Well, Rose was never good at listening. Thanks to the castle being built up so high, they had a better view than the locals did. “See? The big ones are still flying over!” Rushing had been a good thing after all.

“Yes, yes. You were right.” He made the concession with that same patient tone he frequently used, craning his neck to watch the stars. Wasn’t there something to these meteor showers that he was forgetting? Didn’t they represent some kind of disaster?

He dismissed the train of thought, though it was difficult to do so. Such heavy thoughts were on his mind almost constantly, especially with the gaps in his memory. Could he not even have a moment like this, free of concerns for places so far away?

With a sigh, he rested a hand on his daughter’s shoulder--at first tentatively, and then allowing its weight to settle there.

[radiancelost]

rosemarydiz

After some thought, he finally was going to follow her lead. Rose had no idea what the big deal was to just go outside and watch the shower. She happily led the way. She had found a good spot to watch it, after all.

“There’s no need to not rush.” She countered with a grin. Without that bitterness and misery, she was now prone to smart comments. Rose had a much more energetic pace than her father did. She tried not to go too fast for him.

A breathless chuckle escaped Ansem at the good-natured reply, and he followed after Rose quietly. There were still questions on his mind, and he really should be more wary of such sudden changes, but a certain level of resignation to his life allowed him to accept the little miracle for what it was.

Even with a much slower pace than his daughter, Ansem made good time in exiting the castle and stepping out of its shadow to better see the stars. Meteors still streaked across the sky at a steady pace, easy to see with such limited light from the town below.

[radiancelost]

rosemarydiz

Giving a nod, Rose didn’t understand his hesitance. He was very different than she remembered. She had thought that he was always fine with going out among people. The apprentices’ anti-social behavior had rubbed off on him. Even and Ienzo never liked going outside.

“I thought you didn’t know.” It didn’t make much sense, but she would give him the benefit of the doubt. “Let’s go before it ends!”

It was suspicious, but Ansem tried to keep such negativity from his thoughts, knowing they would only breed more darkness within him. Shouldn’t he be glad to see his daughter with such an open expression, finding pleasure in such a simple joy?

With another second’s hesitance, he drifted away from the window, walking towards Rose with muted gladness. “They will be around most of the night. No need to rush.”

Frankly, what he wanted most in that moment was to see that happiness last.

[radiancelost]

rosemarydiz

She was hardly aware that her mood was scaring people. She was just happy to not be angry, and didn’t understand why she had been in the first place. It was like she was a kid again, and her habit of intruding had also returned.

“It looks better outside, you know.” Rose had no excuse as to why she knew he was here. Usually, she would be hiding somewhere as well. Everyone else seemed to be at the moment. But the meteor shower should be a social thing.

After witnessing Rose’s tumultuous mood, receiving such a ... pleasant interaction was more than a little jarring. He remained by the windowsill, trying to find an answer for his daughter’s behavior without further voicing his confusion.

No answer came. Just another reference to the shower outside.

“You came to report that to me?” he inquired cautiously, raising a brow. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting--something volatile, perhaps?